HIPSTER RUNOFF

LeBron James celebrates his new life with Kanye West, creating a controversial meme / think piece for the internet 2 analyze.

2 ass holes
trying 2 hard
2 be 'global brands'
2 be 'universally loved'

Working out their insecurities in public forums
In surreal contexts
One bro 'makes kewl sounds and raps over them
The other bro puts bouncey balls into hoops

As a society
we have told them that they are valuable because of their gifts
and they are both trying to 'make us happy'
Since they believe the fruits of their labors will help them to
inspire us to buy shit with their names on it.

Both mix art, sport, and commerce
trying to build a brand to 'sell shit'
Jerseys, albums, shoes, art
Trying to transcend demographics
Black, white, Chinese, Indian
Poor, Rich, Russian Billionaires, kids who can't afford shoes
tons of middle class white kids

Feel like we've been 'betrayed'
These bros are just so unchill
They are all about 'me'
But they are sort of like 'Me 1.0'
Me 2.0 exists on the internet
in the twitter/facebook status update era

Me 1.0 bros are just baffling
because they lack 'the self-awareness'
/are 'too insecure' to just chill out
Not make everything s000 contrived

Me 2.0 bros react fast on the twitter
It's not even that difficult to be Me 2.0
Me 2.0 bros 'get it' in a mainstream way
and are quick to share their snarky observations with the world

Me 2.0 bros really 'get off' to exposing Me 1.0 bros.

R u Me 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, 5.0 or ____.0?

Feel like Kanye West and LeBron James don't really want people to h8 them
The bros are motivated to 'be loved'
to 'get their dicks sucked'
both physically and metaphorically

Think they might just need 'friends'
a solid network of bros who aren't lost in their inane talents
A network of bros who won't bang their moms [via Delonte West]
Some1 to help them understand who they are
sort of like a life coach

Might just vibe out,
listen to some vintage ironic non-ironic positive vibe rap
Brought to us by the ultimate African American personal brand
Will Smith

Will Smith was truly the first African American
that young white people 'let into their homes'
(Most were too young to really bro down with Bill Cosby, except 2 eat Pudding Pops)
(And Steve Urkel wasn't really kewl enough/was just a gimmick)

So we have learned to love Will Smith
He has become an even more likable black version of Tom Cruise
So positive that it is difficult 2 believe
He even created a mini version of himself [via the Black Karate Kid]

N e ways
just wanted to say
LeBron and Kanye are ass holes
Don't really wanna get too insightful
or even 'give them advice'
because I think I enjoy watching them 'do dumb shit'
and create bloggable internet memes

But I feel like they have emerged as a 'new version of a black stereotype'
Maybe a Super-Sized Racial Stereotype that is only achievable in the modern world / internet era.
More than just an 'Uncle Tom' who wants to bro down with white people
or the 'sambo' who loves to perform for white people
or even the 'gorilla' who is commonly associated as some sort of 'beast' / 'bad guy' / 'violent, uncontrollable black man'

A new stereotype seems to have emerged,
and LeBron + Kanye are the 'poster boys'
of this African American Human Meme Stereotype

Feel 'racist' for suggesting this
But here is the criteria
a) Considered 'great' at their profession in a superficial kind of way
b) High level of fame across races
c) Trying super hard to 'expand their personal brands'/make every1 love them
d) Clearly never going to be as 'great' as others in their profession
e) Does shit that 'makes them h8ed' on the reg
f) They have evolved past the 'thug' stereotype and are more interested in appealing to white people with $$$ to buy stuff
g) Get tons of blog coverage
h) Ultimately symbolize some sort of 'tragic figure' still searching for an identity in an absurd, post-racial world.

Feel confused and scared for them
Like 'they can't win'
But they are trying really hard 2 'win'
Not even sure what they do

Heads up their own asses
Becomes 'fun to h8 them'
Cuz every day I browse the internet
for people/memes to <3
and people/memes 2 h8

Seems chill to be able to 'hate' these bros so hard
I feel 'more interesting' when I can react to negative vibes
instead of just trying to spread positive vibes all the time.
As chill as chillwaves can be
sometimes u gotta get harsh on some bros to have a 'dynamic personality'

Welcome 2 Miami
Bienvenidos a Miami.

Who is a bigger ass hole: LeBron James or Kanye West?
Which bro is more self-aware?
Do they represent a complex new stereotype / genre of 'famous African American bro' that the world has never seen before?
Who got 'fucked over' more: Taylor Swift or Cleveland?
Is LeBron James an ass hole 4 taking this picture?

Last nite, I watched the Super Bowl, because I am currently working in a mainstream office environment, and I secretly feel insecure when every1 else is talking abt a mainstream event, yet I don't have a progressive opinion to 'share' that goes over every1' heads. The Super Bowl seems like a more fulfilling viewing event than awards shows like the Oscars or Grammys or the BCS championship because you have 2 forces/teams 'battling' to be the champion, instead of just voter opinions and computer algorithms.

Did u have a 'Super Bowl party' with chips, dips, meats, brewskies, and 'bros'?

I feel like the Super Bowl is the 1 event all year that really unites the country. Thanksgiving + Christmas are so forced, but I feel like every1 really 'comes together for the Super Bowl. If the two teams are 'compelling', 'exciting' or just 'from a big market', the Super Bowl usually goes well. Every1 in America was 'some what aware' that a football game was occurring, because their lives' were made more meaningful/inconvenienced by it. Just want to be able to have 'meaningful discussions' about 'the big game', then feel a little bit disenfranchised with life because I don't 'care' about it the same way other ppl do.

Did alt stuff happen during the super bowl?

I feel 'most interested' in the alternative landmark events that happened during the Super Bowl. To most alts/ternatives, the 2k10 Super Bowl will be known as 'the year the Arcade Fire scored the soundtrack 2 the Super Bowl.' Every several minutes, the meaningful chorus of their hit song "Wake Up" played over and over again, as it was cobranded with the NFL.  I wonder if their song was better utilized in the marketing campaign of Where The Wild Things Are.

In terms of 'selling out', this might be the biggest case of 'sell out' in the history of indie music.  Theoretically, there was no larger stage viewed by a wider audience than the Super Bowl.  I feel like the Super Bowl will begin to showcase former indie bands during half time in the second half of the decade.  For all we know, Arcade Fire negotiated a Super Bowl halftime 'guarantee' into their contract for this licensing.

To combat 'selling out', it was important for the Arcade Fire to send out an email blast to relevant sites+bloggers, letting consumers know that they were 'going to give the licensing money to Haiti.' It seems like this was a 'good gesture', but as the Arcade Fire transforms into a mindie (mainstream indie) band, you can't help but wonder if that was a 'calculated' move.

I feel like they did this both 'for a good cause', and to have another positive story/brand bit in their wikipedia entry.

Also saw the Grizzly Bear song "Two Weeks" in a Volkswagen commercial. It seems like that 'jingle' was created for mass markets, and it was only a matter of time before it was utilized in a commercial.  Volkswagen may or may not be an alt brand. Possibly is a B-rate 'trustafarian' brand. It makes me feel better knowing that Grizz Bear is being compensated instead of 'giving their money away to Haitians' after so many people texted 'HAITI' to 90999.  It seems like a lot of tweens probably already gave enough money 2 save Haiti, or am I 'being naive/Americentric'?

'Just sort of relieved the New Orleans Saints won, reminding us that 'we had our own disaster' on American soil, and we need 2 fix what is wrong IN America before we invade Iraq/Iran + help with foreign crises. Fire Obama.'
-progressive conservative/liberal

Also saw some Google commercial. I guess they have to 'advertise because they are a lifestyle brand, and fear Bing + Yahoo searches. The concept of their commercial idealizes/romanticizes the idea of studying abroad in France, meeting a cute French Broad, then importing her to the states and putting an exotic blooded child in her.

Is Google 'misleading' consumers by promising them happiness/success if they continue to solve their problems by googling them?
Does this commercial make u want 2 study abroad?

Was sorta surprised to see Alt Famous Photographer Noah Kalina in a Dodge Charger Super Bowl Commercial. Noah Kalina went 'mad viral' because he took a picture of himself every day for 6 years, then made a viral youtube video abt it.

The commercial seems to be an admission that 'life as a man sucks', but there are simple pleasures that you can enjoy during ur lifetime.  One of them is 'driving an awesome car.'  Another one might be 'cheating on your wife.'  Another one is probably 'eating 5000 calorie meals and dying from heart failure.'  Just want 2 make commercials that appeal the middle American Man.

Not sure how much 'alt stuff' happened during the actual game. Think that the Super Bowl is just a 'consumer expo' sort of like some sort of global convention [via web conferencing].

Does n e 1 know if Hurricane Katrina is 'officially over' now that the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl?

Drew Brees' son also seemed pretty alt after his dad won the Super Bowl. He put on some 'huge headphones' and acted like he 'didn't give a damn' about the Super Bowl.

Do u think he was listening to Animal Collective in order to make the experience more meaningful?

Also, some 'cool grandpa' band called The Who played halftime. It seemed like they were some sort of parody of a classic rock band, but I am not really familiar with music from before the year 2000.

Peyton Manning was apparently going to be 'the Greatest Quarterback of All Time' if he won this game, but he 'choked bigtime.' It seems like this loss will cost him millions of dollars. He had a great opportunity to become 'the most marketable athlete to old white people' because of Tiger Woods' fall from grace, but he won't be able to command the millions of dollars that a true champion could have.

Worried about his body language. Like he is a 'sore loser'/not a 'genuine leader.'

Not sure how Americans would feel knowing that the UEFA Champions League Final gets more global viewers than the Super Bowl. As an American, I thought that the Modern 'National Past Time' (the NFL) had a global reach, but I think more global ppl are into soccer + NBA basketball [via Yao Ming China effect].

Can't believe soccer/real 'football' is still the global game. Worried that American Football might be as 'retarded' as the American Metric System.

Commercial Analysis

Here is some in-depth consumer analysis some of the most relevant commercials of the Super Bowl.

Saw this McDonalds commercial where two black athlete NBA players play a game of 'HORSE.' Dwight Howard and LeBron James are two of the most marketable NBA players because they are young, and don't have a bad reputation yet. They continue to attempt 'out of this world' dunks which are created with visual effects. This commercial seems like it is supposed to appeal to 'stupid people' who think dunks are 'effing sweet' and are not aware of the societal impact of the fast food industry. Professional athletes enjoy fast food because of their limited income upbringings and their rigorous practice schedule which enables them to burn 3,000-10,000 calories per day.

(Please Note: McDonalds placed Larry Bird in this commercial so that the commercial wasn't 'too black', and didn't only appeal to new, young NBA fans.)

Another former African American basketball player, Charles Barkley starred in a Taco Bell commercial. He is known for being an 'outspoken black talking head who we have all learned to love.' Despite a gambling addiction and drunken sexual indiscretions, Taco Bell thought his silly brand would help them sell Taco Combo meals, served in a branded box.

Do u want to buy a taco box from a 400 lb rhyming man in a huge suit?

Do u 'forgive him' for past alleged 'criminal' activities?

He seems to have evolved into a jolly, fat, radically opinionated man, as opposed to an 'angry black man.'

Also saw that Bud Light attempted to 'tap into' the mainstream infatuation with the autotune phenomenon from 2k9.

Photo via BallDon'tLie

It's kinda weird how we're all 'witnesses' 2 marketing, and we are impacted by the stuff that is around us. I noticed this bro from Cleveland Ohio who had actually 'converted his garage' into some sort of tribute to his favourite African American athlete in the world, an NBA basketball player named LeBron James who plays in the same city. It seemed weird 2 me, mainly because sports don't really mean anything, and I thought every1 realized that sports is just some sort of intense marketing + branding experiment for males.

Sorta wonder 'why' this bro felt moved to convince his parents to let him turn their garage + old ppl convertible into a LeBron James Tribute Zone. I understand 'being a fan' since I am theoretically a 'fan' of a bunch of indie bands, but I feel like this would be the equivalent of painting ur car to match the Merriweather Post Pavvy cover. It seems 'extreme', like instead of living ur life, you are getting too emotionally attached to the characters + brands that 'sports' create.

I am not sure why LeBron James would 'inspire him' to architecturally alter his property. From what I understand, LeBron James thinks that he is a 'chosen one' when it comes to life. Maybe he 'convinced every1 in Cleveland' that he is some sort of God. (seems like a tattoo that only 'an ass hole' would get/only 1-4 people in the world are 'actually qualified to receive').

I am not sure if this tattoo means that he thinks he is 'better than every1 else at everything' or just at basketball. From what I understand, LBron has not won an NBA Championship and Michael Jordan won 6 of them. Kinda feel like that makes Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong's brands 'legit', since they 'won stuff.' Seems like Nike possibly 'jumped the gun' on branding LeBron James, or perhaps he is the only athlete 'simple enough' to go along with an 'over-the-top' campaign in our modern world where people feel 'shitty' after seeing some1 rub their greatness in ur face.

I feel like the entity 'LeBron James' is some sort of propaganda to save the psyche of people who live in Ohio. From what I understand, living in Ohio is 'a very depressing experience', since u are 'trapped in ur life. I feel like Nike probably recognized the opportunity to 'trick the people of Ohio' into thinking that their life would be improved if LeBron James won more basketball games.

This billboard seems 'insane.' I feel like I would understand why some1 had a 'warped sense of self/the world' if they 'green lit' this sort of billboard.

Nike understood that it was important to reach the white t(w)een bros, and lure them with the 'opportunity to co-brand with 'greatness.'

I am an advocate of children participating in sports/following a favourite team for a 'sense of belonging.' It seems way more healthy than letting your tween 'get into the Disney brand'/Jonas Brothers/Twilight books/etc. The spirit of 'sports' seems positive 'on the field', but I am scared of 'how warped shit can get' when it comes to uppermiddle class male teen bros who 'think that they are the shit.'

Worried that these types of bros are the ones who 'actually fall for sports marketing campaigns.'

Nike even paid Warren Buffet to be a 'witness' to this marketing scheme.

Seems like important African American artists who white ppl think are 'kewl' even participated in this whole 'witness' marketing gimmick. [via Kanye Meme]

Damn. Worried about athletes/rappers/African Americans/Nike and how they brand 'greatness.' I feel like the 'zeitgeist of greatness' is something that white males are pretty into, but I am not sure if it is a healthy concept to explore before a male is truly mature enough to understand his place in the world.

TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' pride themselves' in having the latest expensive shoes.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' are never 'team players.'
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often have bad fathers who are not grounded in reality.
TeenBros who believe that they are 'great' often reach their physical peak during their sophomore year in high school, then go to a subpar university in order to 'continue playing their fave sport' and major in some field that they honestly believe will 'enable them to stay close to the game that they love', including 'sports medicine', 'sports business' and 'sports marketing.'
If my son is a sports bro, I will monitor the influence of marketing on his psyche. Mainstream Teens are impressionable too.

I don't want my son to evolve into a TeenBro who thinks he is 'great.' I just want him to be happy 4 the right reasons, even if that means he 'plays in the High School Jazz Band'/a local ska band (maybe not).

Should I convince my parents to convert my garage into a tribute 2 ______________?

This post is intended to appeal to the sportsbro and post-teensportsbro demographic.