HIPSTER RUNOFF

7:00 PM greetings yall! chillin at the Apple Store on Mars. Soo futuristic. Huge announcements coming today....

Photos by Engadget

7:01 PM The guy in front of me just sharted in his pants... ewwww...

7:03 PM Alright, Steve Jobs just came out. He looks super cute today <3 him.

7:04 PM SteveBro says 'huge announcements' coming up 2day... mad pumped... but worried I will have to replace all of my Apple products.

7:06 The guy from Coldplay just showed up. Every1 is pissed. Booed his ass off stage. Haha. See u in Hell Chris Marty.

7:08 Just watched Steve Jobs kick some1 out for using a Dell laptop. Gotta love him.

7:10 First big announcement--new iPod shuffles. They look sleek as hell. Gonna get me 1 of those. Has a new touch screen interface, camera, and wifi.

7:12 Apple announces old iPod shuffles will be sold in vending machines for 25 cents - $1. Many will be donated to Africa [via Product RED]

7:12:30 Feist does a 'flash mob' to try to get her old job back at the Toronto Apple Store

7:13 Steve Jobs announces that Apple built a 'facebook for music' where people can connect

7:15 Outlines 'what makes it unique' + seems 'destined for success'

7:16 Apple announces it will acquire winamp, the hypemachine, and last.fm, just 4 shits

7:19 Apple announces new HD TV monitor that comes bundled with Time Warner / Comcast cable

7:24 Says that every ABC and FOX series from 1999-2010 will come 'pre-loaded' on ur TV's hard drive

7:26 Announces that Apple will be purchasing youtube, netflix, flickr and many other social networks

7:27 Steve admits that he 'loves getting blazed' and utilizing Netflix 'watch instantly'

7:30 keeps utilizing annoying powerpoint effects, wasting every1's time. ppl keep groaning.

7:45 Bums every1 out, announces that the TVs will only last for 40 hours, then u have to buy a new 1

7:50 INTERMISSION
FREE SUNCHIPS
FREE BOLOGNA SANDWICHES
FREE APPLE SODA (private beta product) sample

7:55 Steve shows off his new tween GF on his iPhone.  Soo hot. loves it! Says he uses 'facetime' to make love 2 her on the reg.

In an effort to be mainstream, Carles decided 2 watch the popular television show 'The American Idols', and then blog about it.

8:00- Opening credits... fucking pumped.
8:02- omg. love this show. head gonna explode. wonder who will win this season.
8:05- yay. love Ryan Seacret. Think he might be 'ghey' though

8:06 - wonder if Ry Seacry had plastic surgery. Miss 'metrosexuals.' :::GAYDAR ALERT:::!!!
8:10- OMG! love this season's cast! I can relate to a few of them s00 much! 1 is from my hometown and went to a high school close to mine!

8:11 - Commercial.... i mean cmon America... do we really need Tacos for 99 cents? LOL!!

8:14 - ugh. finally. New guy is singing. Think his name is Justin Guarini. He is singing a jazzy version of Maroon 5. He might be 'ghey', but also might just be 'pumped to be famous for a month.'
8:16 - Simon is s0 mean!

8:17 - Love Paula!

8:18 - Some tween came up and sang Vanessa Carlton's "1000 Miles." Song always reminds me of the summer we went away 2 college, and I stayed in a long distance relaish.

8:19 - Commercial. OMG. Saw the scariest Volkswagen commercial. Need 2 get 1.
8:22 - Neil Diamond is the best! Great singer and great teacher! inspired.

8:23 - haha. Simon and Ryan goin at it. Those guys have great chemistry. Love their fashion.
8:25 - Just showed some rejects! some faggot dumb asian was such a fucking idiot! hahahaha! this guy sucks.... but he has a good heart... loves him

8:27 - OMG. Black woman got all mad! She seems like a real cunt! But I agree with the judges... all black people think that they are gifted at either music or sports... wish some1 would give them a reality check...

8:30 - Commercial. Yawn. Dorito break!
8:31 - Havin a craving... time to mash some peanut M&M's into some Ben And Jerry's... ugh... snacking will be the death of me... and my waistline! but 1 'junkfood day' per week won't be too bad.
8:34 - Finally...show back on...
8:34 - is it just me, or has Paula had some work done?

8:35 - Fat black guy singing. Think America gets behind fat ppl because they feel bad that they are gonna die so soon of Diabetes (aka The Sugar).
8:37 - Some twink is singing. Don't think America will vote for his 'fggt ass.' especially cuz only 'dumb people' watch tv, and they are conservativez.

8:38 - some other gay guy is singing.... yawn... wish they could sexually screen these people. Need 2 write it into Prop 8....

8:41 - so gaytastic!!! transitioning into some bro who is trying to sound like Nickelback, I think.

8:43 - some old dad is singing. Time to get a 100 calorie pack! hehe
8:44 - taking the dog out to poop and pee
8:45 - have to take a shit
8:46 - Commercial. Ugh!!!!!! tired of seeing the same insurance commercial over and over!
8:50 - Hefty black girl singing. Think she might win so they can market her as 'the next Aretha Franklin.' Not sure if Beyonce will be willing 2 put on enough pounds to 'fill that niche.'

8:51 - Random thought... Would Jessica Simpson/Ashlee Simpson's career be better if they 'won' Ammy Idol?

8:53 - Kelly Clarkson singing 'Since U Been Gone.' she has 'star' written all over her....
8:55 - Commercial. UGH!!! laptop running out of battery. Gonna make some popcorn for the announcement of the winner.... simon's so mean! will dump Whoppers and Milk Duds into the popcorn to get some salty sweetness goin' on...
8:56 - Nervous for all of the contestants.
8:57- OMG...just eliminated my favourite contestant.... feel sad 4 them. Sad that they go back home to their small town and will become alcoholics/ substance abusers.
8:58 - Time for the winner.........after this commercial... UGH
8:59 - Calling in 1 last time to make sure my fave contestant wins. Gonna call from both my home phone and cell phone. hehe.
8:59 - OMG... here it comes...
8:59 - Ryan has envelope... opens it.
9:00 - THEY DID IT! They won... Think he/she is gonna be around this music industry or a long, long time.

9:00 - A Star Was Born
9:02 - Put in Freschetta pizza. Takes 25 minutes until crust golden brown. hungry

9:24 - Take out pizza from oven with oven mitt
9:25 - Burned the roof of my mouth with hot cheese...Shoulda let it cool off.
9:26 - Open up a 3 liter of root beer and pour it into a big cup
9:30 - put it on some soft porn while eating. Feel my penis get 36% erect
9:34 - finish entire pizza by myself 960 calories... ugh...
9:35 - penis fully erect, rubbing erect shaft with greasy palms. Lubricated. precum
9:39 - rubbing, waiting for a good sex scene to come up
9:43 - get restless, use my laptop to surf for a good porn scene
9:44 - rub butter on to my penis head and rub until is is 'incredibly sensitive.'
9:58 - after waiting for a good scene, finally settle on one that is 'kinda fucked up' but also 'very real.' has a good cum shot
10:03 - about to cum
10:05 - make myself ejaculate at the same time that the porno guy cums on her face
10:06 - take dish to the sink. pile with rest of dishes.
10:08 - have really bad gas. Keep farting.
10:10 - farted and a runny log of shit accidentally came out. go to restroom to take off shit-stained underwear and drop log into the toilet
10:14 - spend 5 minutes looking at myself in the body. Holding my rolls of fat

10:45 - feeling worthless and disgusting
10:50 - write down a workout regiment for the next week...seriously cutting out bad foods.
10:52 - jerk myself off. cum, but it is clear and trickles out.
10:54 - examine myself for cancer
10:55 - worried i have cancer
11:04 - google 'cancer symptoms' and convince myself I have cancer
11:06 - eat a Hot Pocket

11:10 - get angry at myself. cut myself. long gash down my abdomen.
11:11 - bleeding into sink. getting light headed
11:14 - throw up hot pocket. Feel better
11:15 - call 3 friends. no one picks up
11:16 - call my dad to freak him out. Needing attention. haven't talked to him in 5 years.
11:20 - tell him that I am going to 'fucking kill myself.'
11:30 - crying on the bathroom floor. puddle of blood. Drinking a beer mixed with Nyquil and other downers
11:31 - get rifle out from underneath my bed
11:33 - sobbing uncontrollably. shit. Put rifle into my mouth
11:34 - think to myself 'seriously? Is this what I fucking want to do? Do you fucking know what you are doing? You can't fucking do anything right. Fuck. You are too pussy. You can't do anything right.'
11:36 - Check email one last time. Search twitter for something that would inspire me
11:38 - write a series of cryptic emails, facebook wall posts, myspace comments and tweets to people who I know well, and also to people who I don't know.
11:39 - make an iTunes playlist with a mix of Linkin Park, Needle in the Hay, and "adam's song" for people to find playing when they discover me. Also carve 'please tell mom this is not her fault' on my tummy with a steak knife.
11:40 - Check Perez Hilton for his reaction 2 2nite's AI... feel the same way as him.
11:40 - Blow my brains out. Last words were 'Goodnight moon.'


This has been a liveblog by Carles of the popular weblog HIPSTERRUNOFF.com. For more American Idol coverage, please visit hipsterrunoff.com/AmmyIdol.

Please comment with who u think will win next season.
What else should I liveblog, yall? Think it is 'fun' and makes me feel knnected 2 the rst of America. Do yall like 2 sit on ur lappy and watch TV, and talk about what is happening on the TV while ur connected 2 ppl on the internet?