I just saw this local news story about a chill bro who just wanted to get some energy [via a sugary drink loaded with caffeine and branded for young, xtreme bros], but he got more than he bargained for. He ended up finding a dead mouse in his can of Monster Energy Drink. Naturally he is 'suing the fuck out of monster', because finding a mouse in a beverage can is sort of the equivalent of 'buying a winning lotto ticket.'
Do u feel bad for this traumatized bro who just wanted some N.R.G.?
"But that wasn't the only monster... He found inside..." -local news prize winning journalism scare pieces
"Anytime anyone talks about monster, I just get that sick feeling in my stomach," says Vitaliy Sulzhik.
It happened March 20, 2010. Sulzhik remembers it like it was yesterday. He went into the Fred Meyer in Des Moines, and bought himself a Monster Energy Drink. When he finished drinking it, he didn't realize another monster would be at the bottom.
"I put it down and I felt it was still heavy. So I backwashed it and all this debris went into my mouth," says the 19 year old. "Then I looked in the can and I saw the tip of the tail and I vomited everywhere."
Would u vomit if u found a mouse in ur can of soda/beer/etc?
Seems like it is a chill mouse, who just wanted some energy, too. Maybe we're all similar, and the human experience is the same as the animal experience.
Do u think this local news piece 'scared' old people about the dangers of energy drinks?
R u afraid to drink sodas out of cans now?
Do u think Monster sales are going to drop dramatically due to this story 'going viral', sorta like that time that 1 dude died from eating Jack N the Box?
X-rays and autopsies showed the mouse didn't suffer any trauma, like from a mouse trap, nor was it killed using poison. In other words, there were no signs the mouse was killed and then forced through the opening.
"You hear these wild stories out there. Sure, you're a little skeptical at first," says Reed Yurchak, Sulzhik's attorney. "But everything here has checked out."
Do u feel bad for this 'chill bro'? Is he traumatized both physically and mentally?
Or does he just want 'mad lawsuit dollars'?
Whenever u drink a can of soda, are you taking a risk that some creature will be hidden inside [via prizes]?
Did Monster ruin this bro's vibes?
Do yall know how to stuff a chinchilla in a can of Four Loko?
Are energy drinks for 'lamestreamers'?
Do u drink 5 Hour Energy because rats can't fit into those bottles?
Does this bro seem 'chill' or is he just trying to 'get rich quick' in our depressed economy?
An Austin local news station just did this report on tons of trouble at SXSW. Fights, riots, uncontrolled crowds, drunken ppl hitting women, unruly buzzbands, total chaos in the tame city of Austin. I understand that the local news is for old people who double check that their suburban doors are locked every night so that the colored drug addicts don't wander into their homes at night, but it is kinda funnie to see this old white haired newscaster bro say the names of buzzbands like 'The Strokes' and 'Death from Above 1979.'
Anyways, it seems like the local news probably needed a little bit more scary footage of people dying/being trampled 2 death in order to make this a really juicy local news piece. It seems like the city of Austin has generally done a decent job making sure that drunk ppl don't kill eachother at free events, but it is only a matter of time b4 the first SXSW death happens, sorta like all those raves in California. Then SXSW will be changed/ruined/banned 4evr.
Is SXSW 'safe'?
Should the city of Austin 'pull the plug' on this event even though it makes mad $$$ for the city?
R u afraid that 1 day u will die at SXSW?
Do u <3 the local news?
Do u feel bad whenever u watch the local news because it represents 'the world' that __% of the country is living in bc they don't read relevant blogs?
SXSW (South By Southwest) is a relevant music, technology and film conference/festival that takes place in Austin, TX.
I just watched this local news coverage of Serene Branson, some local news reporter giving 'the scoop' on the Grammys. It seems like the local news anchormans were like 'Take it away Serene Branson' then she totally got lost and was unable 2 speak.
If I had 2 guess, she is probably all like "Arcade fire Who? The won what? Huh? Ble blah bloo blaarg. Stage fright. Boom goes the dynamite. Nvr heard of them. 2 indie. Lady Gaga shoulda won. Or maybe Sheryl Crow. Can't even talk. The club can't even handle me rite now."
Do u think she really 'had a stroke' or was she just 'going viral' 2 help her career?
Were tons of mainstreamers 'speechless' abt the Arcade Fire victory?
Or did the majority of lamestreamers 'speak out against' the Arcade Fire?
R u worried abt Serene Branson?
R u glad that she didn't have a stroke and was just 'speechless' bc of the Arcade Fire victory?
A statement posted on her station's Web site Monday reads, "Serene Branson was examined by paramedics on scene immediately after her broadcast. Her vital signs were normal. She was not hospitalized. As a precautionary measure, a colleague gave her a ride home and she says that she is feeling fine this morning."
If u listen 2 her closely, can u make out the words "Regine", "Win", "Ginger Bro" and "AnCo 2k12"?
Sorta wish I could work at my local news station instead of being a blogger. I would make about $22k per year, and have the opportunity to 'express myself' using telejournalistic techniques. Would have 'huge dreams' of either being 'called up to the big leagues' [via network/fox news/cnn], or maybe if I made post-ironic enough pieces, I would be recruited by the Daily Show.
This is the story of P-nut, a Memphis rapper who is 'tearing up the game.' He seems mad alt, like some sort of blipster. His swag is unbeatable, and the pain he has been thru in life is so complex that his rhymes really have multi-layered emotional depth. U really feel like he has already achieved 'greatness' even though he has only existed for 7 years. Depressed that I wasn't on the local news giving heavy interviews at age 7.
Do yall like P-nut?
Does he seem like a 'legit star'? Is he a good rapper?
Do u think his dad should end his rapping dreams and just sign him up for youth soccer?
Do u think his dad has a 3rd grade reading level, so they get to 'collab' on writing lyrics?
Do u feel bad for the adult 'journalist' who put this piece together/did a 'serious interview' with a 7-year old?
Do yall ever have to 'blow off steam'? What do u do? Rap?
Does P-Nut have mad skills?
Will u be happy when the local news 'dies', or will u be sad that they can't produce 'heeelarious internet meme videos' any more?
Might adopt a child and make sure he does mad viral shit.
Would "David After Dentist" have been as successful if David was white? Would we have laughed at him for being a 'dumb and drugged up' if his skin was black? Would we see his father as an 'irresponsible black man' who cared more abt drugging his son than 'driving him 2 safety'?
Do u prefer white memes or black memes?
Are memes abt black people 'inherently racist'?
Will P-nut become the next Jay-Z/Kanye West?
Does racism still exist, or does the memesphere make every1 equal?
Will Antoine Dodson enter rehab in the next 2 years, kinda like Tay Zonday?
Is the internet a Ameri/Euro-centric world where we can laugh at every1 who is a minority/from a different part of the world?
Will 'The Bedroom Intruder Song' be remembered as 'the only bloggable mp3 of 2k10'?
What is the frontrunner for mp3 of the year: P-Nut or Bedrom Intruder song?
Wish more ppl in 'the projects' vlogged. Guess maybe the local news is a liason between the white world and the "poors" + minorities.
Do ur parents/grandparents still watch + value the local news?
Apparently, high schooler teens and tweens in Kansas are using some form of technology to get high. The local news did an investigative telejournalistic puff piece to scare old people, and fuel their sentiment that "Kids are up to no good on the information super highway." Basically, some company has been producing MP3s that make people feel like they are on all different types of drugs. You put on your headphones, close ur eyes, then ur brain gets 'fucked with' [via soundwaves].
Kansas News 9 is reporting about a phenomenon called “i-dosing,” which involves finding an online dealer who can hook you up with “digital drugs” that get you high through your headphones.
Kinda wanna start iDosing with my bros. I feel like it has the opportunity to mix three of my fave things in life: mp3s, buzzbands, and drugs.
Those who want to get addicted to the “drugs” can purchase tracks that will purportedly bring about the same effects of marijuana, cocaine, opium and peyote. While street drugs rarely come with instruction manuals, potential digital drug users are advised to buy a 40-page guide so that they learn how to properly get high on MP3s.
I did some research, and it seems like iDosing has been 'relevant' for a few years, but maybe it is just getting to Kansas since it is in the middle of the country.
I am just happy we are getting to a phase in our society where you can do everything on the internet. You can fill out an eHarmony profile to get in2 a relationship. You can watch a girl put objects into her vagina via webcam instead of having sex. You can iDose to get high. You can read blogs instead of newspapers. Just hope they build some sort of 'internet replacement' for food, but might just munch on some computer paper with pictures of hamburgers printed on it.
If 'local news coverage' isn't shitty enough for you, here is an 'off the charts hilarious' news piece about iDosing, done by what looks like an independent teen journalist with an orange tan. Maybe this was her 'audition tape' that she sent to the 'real local news' to try 2 get hired.
Feel very troubled by many artistic/journalistic decisions in this video. Still feel like this might get you an "A" in your community college journalism class.
Might offer that news reporter girl a job just making local news report memes that are designed to 'go viral'
Worried about the school nurse. Not sure if she is an 'expert' or just a 3rd rate health professional.
Are you gonna get into iDosing?
Have u tried it?
Does it feel like the real thing?
Is iDosing a cheap alternative to real drugs?
If I want to get high at a concert, will I be able to 'iDose'?
Might just lay in bed all day and vibe out to this audio drug called "Gates of Hades" until i get permafried and no longer know who I am.
Honestly feel like "Gates of Hades" sounds like relevant indie buzzband Panda Bear's new hit song "Drone." Is iDoseCore going to be the next big trend?
This might be the beginning of a new indie genre where the goal of the music is to 'get listeners high.' The song initially seems 'very shitty' and 'way unapproachable', but I feel more willing to listen to it since it might be intended to make me feel like I am on crystal meth.
Might put an iDoser MP3 on my little sister's Zune
Might chill with this bro and throw down some doses
Really hope that iDosing 'catches on' with mainstream tweens, helps them to get over the Bieber era, and serves as a gateway drug to 'the hard shit'.
Sad I can't bring my iPod to school n e more:
The educators have gone so far as to ban iPods at school, in hopes of preventing honor students from becoming cyber-drug fiends, News 9 reports.
Worried that buzzbands are going to start producing 'digital drugs', and instead of making 'good music' they will just make 'music that gets people high.' Worried about the music industry. Hope the iDosesCore sound stays chill and doesn't get too hard / hallucinogenic.
Which .mp3 / .wav would u vibe out to?
Are iDosing MP3s the future of the music industry?
Do u want to metaphorically shut the door on all of society's problems/evils?
Is the local news 'authentic'?
Is iDosing as 'bad ass' as real drugs?
Can u overdose on an iDose?
Should society ban iDosing?
Should Steve Jobs be put in jail unless he prohibits iDose storage on iPods and iPhone devices?
If your life goes down the shitter, will u become an iDose junky, begging for money and plugging in your non-iPod mp3 player at a local McDonalds when it needs 2 be re-charged?
