It’s kinda weird how we’re all ‘witnesses’ 2 marketing, and we are impacted by the stuff that is around us. I noticed this bro from Cleveland Ohio who had actually ‘converted his garage’ into some sort of tribute to his favourite African American athlete in the world, an NBA basketball player named LeBron James who plays in the same city. It seemed weird 2 me, mainly because sports don’t really mean anything, and I thought every1 realized that sports is just some sort of intense marketing + branding experiment for males.

Sorta wonder ‘why’ this bro felt moved to convince his parents to let him turn their garage + old ppl convertible into a LeBron James Tribute Zone. I understand ‘being a fan’ since I am theoretically a ‘fan’ of a bunch of indie bands, but I feel like this would be the equivalent of painting ur car to match the Merriweather Post Pavvy cover. It seems ‘extreme’, like instead of living ur life, you are getting too emotionally attached to the characters + brands that ’sports’ create.

I am not sure why LeBron James would ‘inspire him’ to architecturally alter his property. From what I understand, LeBron James thinks that he is a ‘chosen one’ when it comes to life. Maybe he ‘convinced every1 in Cleveland’ that he is some sort of God. (seems like a tattoo that only ‘an ass hole’ would get/only 1-4 people in the world are ‘actually qualified to receive’).

I am not sure if this tattoo means that he thinks he is ‘better than every1 else at everything’ or just at basketball. From what I understand, LBron has not won an NBA Championship and Michael Jordan won 6 of them. Kinda feel like that makes Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong’s brands ‘legit’, since they ‘won stuff.’ Seems like Nike possibly ‘jumped the gun’ on branding LeBron James, or perhaps he is the only athlete ’simple enough’ to go along with an ‘over-the-top’ campaign in our modern world where people feel ’shitty’ after seeing some1 rub their greatness in ur face.

I feel like the entity ‘LeBron James’ is some sort of propaganda to save the psyche of people who live in Ohio. From what I understand, living in Ohio is ‘a very depressing experience’, since u are ‘trapped in ur life. I feel like Nike probably recognized the opportunity to ‘trick the people of Ohio’ into thinking that their life would be improved if LeBron James won more basketball games.

This billboard seems ‘insane.’ I feel like I would understand why some1 had a ‘warped sense of self/the world’ if they ‘green lit’ this sort of billboard.

Nike understood that it was important to reach the white t(w)een bros, and lure them with the ‘opportunity to co-brand with ‘greatness.’

I am an advocate of children participating in sports/following a favourite team for a ’sense of belonging.’ It seems way more healthy than letting your tween ‘get into the Disney brand’/Jonas Brothers/Twilight books/etc. The spirit of ’sports’ seems positive ‘on the field’, but I am scared of ‘how warped shit can get’ when it comes to uppermiddle class male teen bros who ‘think that they are the shit.’

Worried that these types of bros are the ones who ‘actually fall for sports marketing campaigns.’

Nike even paid Warren Buffet to be a ‘witness’ to this marketing scheme.

Seems like important African American artists who white ppl think are ‘kewl’ even participated in this whole ‘witness’ marketing gimmick. [via Kanye Meme]

Damn. Worried about athletes/rappers/African Americans/Nike and how they brand ‘greatness.’ I feel like the ‘zeitgeist of greatness’ is something that white males are pretty into, but I am not sure if it is a healthy concept to explore before a male is truly mature enough to understand his place in the world.

TeenBros who believe that they are ‘great’ pride themselves’ in having the latest expensive shoes.
TeenBros who believe that they are ‘great’ are never ‘team players.’
TeenBros who believe that they are ‘great’ often have bad fathers who are not grounded in reality.
TeenBros who believe that they are ‘great’ often reach their physical peak during their sophomore year in high school, then go to a subpar university in order to ‘continue playing their fave sport’ and major in some field that they honestly believe will ‘enable them to stay close to the game that they love’, including ’sports medicine’, ’sports business’ and ’sports marketing.’
If my son is a sports bro, I will monitor the influence of marketing on his psyche. Mainstream Teens are impressionable too.

I don’t want my son to evolve into a TeenBro who thinks he is ‘great.’ I just want him to be happy 4 the right reasons, even if that means he ‘plays in the High School Jazz Band’/a local ska band (maybe not).

Should I convince my parents to convert my garage into a tribute 2 ______________?

This post is intended to appeal to the sportsbro and post-teensportsbro demographic.

Here is a picture of me and my friends after we got free tracksuits. Totally ‘rockin it Tennanbuam style.’ (that’s me in the shuttershades.)

Photos via ampradio

‘Score! Free adidas tracksuits + Bud Light… i gotta feeling that 2nites gonna be a good nite…’ -my fb status sent via iPhone

I think that the party was meant to ‘get artistic’ since they handed out free ‘glow in the dark’ paint. I think that the ppl attending the concert were supposed to create some sort of SPOOGEFEST that could be captured on camera. This is a member of the Ting Tings.

From what I understand, the amount of paint on u is directly related to the amount of fun u had at the event.

It was really a blast…can hardly remember that nite! Here’s a picture of me ‘n’ the gang. We have all just recently moved to LA trying to find our place in the entertainment industry, and I feel like the first time, we all felt like we were a part of a micro-social network like the ones we see on TV [via Friends/Seinfeld/Sex and the Citys].

It seems like this was the perfect alt experience. It’s sad that bands can’t create memorable experiences like this on their own bc they don’t have enough money. I feel sad that Adidas had to fund the most meaningful live experience of my life.

Here is a slideshow that I made abt my nite. Posted that shit on my facebook.

Overall, it was a kewl ass nite. I wish more of my fave bands would collab with mnstrm brands on marketing gimmicks, but I am not sure if the bands that I like are ‘mainstream enough’ to be worthy of name brand mrktng synergies. Seems like this is ‘the future of marketing.’ U can’t rlly get much ROI when it comes to banner ads, but u can ‘create memorable, blggble experience’ if you do something that seems artsy and meaningful (and photographs well).

I am scared that some of the best moments of my life (music festivals, the Super Bowl, serving in Desert Storm, graduating from high school) were just marketing gimmicks created by Corporate America.
Do u think this kind of marketing is ‘authentic’ or ‘dangerous’?

Have u ever participated in a ’spoogefest’?

‘peace out, bitches. My life is so WIN! Best…Concert…Ever….’ -the spirit of this pic

I have always wanted to be involved in ‘grassroots marketing campaigns’ that reach real people. It seems like the best way to do this would be to become ‘a bro holding up a sign on the side of the street.’ I feel like this strategy might have been stolen from homeless people, usually using their lil sign to let people know that they are ‘hungry’ or that they would ‘welcome any sort of cash donation’ towards their survival fund.

The truth is, online advertising might not even work–mainly because not every one uses the internet. Did you know that only 10% of the world uses the internet (uncited). Did you know that only 1% of the world has a ’smartphone’ (uncited)? Did you know that only 10K units of iPhones have been sold (uncited)? Did you know that only 34% of the world has an email address, while 100% of the world has a physical street address (uncited)? So while you may think that the whole world is a savvy consumer just like you, the way the world works is completely different. While ‘banner ads on websites’ might reach ’stuck up Gen Y a-holes from all of the world’, a more effective marketing campaign on a microscale might involve ‘holding up a sign on the streets telling consumers about your product.’

For example, these bros have a lemonade stand in their suburban neighborhood. They are letting drivers know that they have Lemonade and Bottled Water for sale, and that proceeds will help to clean water in Liberia. They utilized graphic design, computers, markers, and laserjet printers to break through society’s ‘noise’ and enable potential customers to ‘get their message.’

This pizza parlor is letting consumers know that they have ‘cheap ass pizzas’, possibly between the hours of 4-6 pm, when moms are driving their kids home from school and need a ‘cheap dinner option.’ Sometimes, u have to have a cheap product to tap into the ‘impulse buy’ economy.

If you do the math, you basically have to hire some ‘poor person with minimal pride/awareness of the world’ to stand outside with the sign, possibly for $10 per hour. I would avoid hiring young people, since they tend to ‘look ashamed’/'disinterested’ in holding up the sign, since they unintentionally outsourced their brand. It seems better to have a ’serious old person’ who thinks they have a real job, or possibly a ‘crazy old man’ who will wave to people and be a jovial extension of your brand. It is important not to hire a krazy homeless man, since he might scare customers away, even if he has tons of experience in professional sign holding.

It also seems like the seasonal tax services industry also utilize the gimmick ‘having some person stand outside in a Statue of Liberty costume.’ It reminds poor people driving by that they are ‘too dumb’ to do taxes, and need to get them done for a small fee at their local tax office.

Always remember that you have to ‘go to the streets’ to reach real people. While internet advertising ‘looks kewl’, sometimes u have to reach low-end consumers with your low-end product. I believe in the power of holding up signs on the side of the road.

‘Know your customer.’
-Warren Buffet, CEO of Chili’s Fun Foods Corp

Previous ’shitty marketing jobs’ coverage: Guy sitting at a table representing a brand
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/08/hello-i-am-a-guy-sitting-at-a-table-i-represent-a-brand-i-want-to-sell-you-something-that-you-are-not-interested-in-buying.html

I saw you walk by me. You pretended not to see me so that you didn’t have to talk to me. I understand. I hate having to deal with you, as well. Sometimes I half-heartedly make a pitch, attempting to sell you phone service/Direct TV/TimeWarnerCable/any other sort of service that you are not interested in. It fails 99% of the time. People run away from me. I am trying to sell you something. This is my job.

You are not interested in listening to me. I am just a bro, sitting at a table, wearing a polo shirt that is branded with my company. My job does not pay well. I am paid [via commission]. I have made 2 sales in 6 months.

Do u want to sign up? It’s really a great service. I could tell you all about it. Are you interested in listening to me? You are not interested in me, nor are you interested in the product I represent. You are already satisfied with your service.

Maybe if I look ‘pathetic’ enough, you will sign up, after feeling bad for me. I am not sure if members of the opposite sex find me to ‘not be very attractive’ since I look like a ‘tool.’ Just want you to feel guilty. You did not come to this location to sign up for my company’s service–you came for an entirely different reason. There is no way you will purchase this service from me.

I am a bro. I lurk around a table for my company, trying to increase sales + brand awareness. My regional manager sends me to the worst locations. She is always pressuring me to ‘talk to more people.’ She doesn’t understand. I will never make a sale at the places she sends me to. I am embarrassed. I hope that no1 I know sees me. Wearing this stupid polo shirt. I will pretend to ‘text’ the entire time I am here. I will look disinterested and unapproachable. Some1 will come up to me who already has our cable service, and ask us why their ESPN channel is ‘blurry.’ I will tell them to contact technical support. This is my only contribution to the company today.

I am an adult. It seems like I always thought I would have a better job than this when I grew up. I will convince myself that I am ’starting at ground 0′, and ‘moving up the corporate ladder.’

I am a bro.
Sitting at a table
making a difference
Representing a brand.

Do u want 2 sign up for Comcast/Time Warner/tMobile/Sprint/a credit card with a ‘generous’ ‘rewards program’?

I am sitting at a table.
This is my job.
I am going to send another text message.

This is me 2 hours later.

In 2 minutes I will close. I am about to close up for the day and go home. I will stop at Quizno’s and get a sandwich.

This is me tomorrow. I am sitting at a table. I carry around the branded table cloth in my car.

I am employed. This bro is me. Do you want to sign up? You will receive a seat cushion if you sign up.

How about if I just give you this informational handout and my business card, and you can call me if you’re interested.

Do you want to sign up?

Please do me a favor and just don’t make eye contact if you’re not interested in signing up.

I am a vessel of brand awareness. My personal brand has been outsourced.

Sometimes I don’t ‘get’ why ppl care about ‘the environment’ so much… It’s like they think that we’re ‘going to be around 4ever’ and ‘we should care about ppl who live after we die.’ I think we should do everything we can 2 find pleasure in our lives’ while we can. We don’t have much time, and if we start worrying about 1 person can’t make a difference, so don’t make a ’sacrifice’ if not every1 else will.

N e ways… might start a company where we bottle the tap water from our local aquifer and market it to people not from our region bc it is s000 g0000d.

Photo via Tap’d NY

I don’t rlly ‘get’ the Bottled Water Industry. It seems like every1 has ‘the same product’, but for different reasons, ppl tend to ‘like’ one type over the other. I feel confused. I feel like I am being manipulated to align my personal brand with a lifestyle brand. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be one of those people who carries around the ‘cheap kind’ of bottled water for poor people who buy in the bulk.

but srsly… do yall know if some1 has scientifically proven that ‘recycling is bullshit’? If I were mayor of a city, I would give ppl recycling bins, but just take all of that trash 2 the landfill.

ughh… h8 all of these mrktng initiatives to try to ‘make me feel guilty’ about how fortunate I am. Went shopping the other day at Target, and this lil black kid was chilling in my cart asking 4 handouts.

Photo via WebUrbanist via Tumbledore

I feel guilty for being so privileged and having a world of opportunities at my finger tips. h8 when ad gurus create these design/advertising/marketing memes that challenge my reality just bc they are trying to ’sell something.’

Leave me alone /
Let me ‘be wasteful’ /
Stop reminding me abt /
the 3rd world /
And other sad shit /
like mortality /
and global sustainability /

N e ways… their cover is pretty poopy. It sort of sounds like 8 year olds who just got a 3 octave keyboard ‘learning that they love music and want to make it for the rest of their livez bc they did a cover of a popular song.’ Makes me kinda sad. Just wish there wasn’t this space on the internet where products could be showcased in what appears to be ‘an organic cauldron of buzz’, but it’s really just people looking 2 sell u something.

Is “Kids” by MGMT going to be used for the next 200 years in the background of commercials that need 2 be ‘upbeat’?

Previous MGMT mainstreamer moment
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/02/great-moments-in-mainstreamers-embracing-alternative-songs-from-2-years-ago.html

h8 our modern world.
I can’t tell if videos like this are ‘real moments of beauty’ or just gimmick marketing.

Do yall know if this act of puberty is authentic, or just something designed by marketing firms?

///confused

I’m sure we’re all familiar with the blog/record label named RCRD LBL. Then there’s even Ocelot’s answer for his OCELOT myspace-backslash-unique URL being taken, http://www.myspace.com/ocelotmthrfckrs.

While browsing myspace, I was pleased to find that myspace shifted their ‘Brooklyn Style pizza’ to the BRKLYN pizza.

It’s an important day for MRKTNG teams across the world.

What are some other good VOWEL-less products/bands out there?

——BONUS——–
Please feel free to take this test to prove your vowel-less word recognition skills.

(Identify the following bands)
1. TH TNGRS
2. FST
3. JSTC
4. DJ M
5. DJ STV K
6. MSTRKRFT
7. BYS NZE
8. NRK
9. NML CLLCTV
10. R
11. THVS LK S
12. JHN MYR
13. GRL TLK
14. KNGS F CNVNNC
15. CRYSTL CSTLS
16. LCD SNDSYSTM
17. SYMBLN

(Identify the following music blogs)
18. GRLL VS BR
19. HPSTR RNFF
20. PND TS
21. LTRRSH
22. DSCDST
23. HRT CMX
24. PDSTRN.TV
25. ASN DN
26. HYPRBL
27. KNCKN
28. SPR LSR

(Identify the following Web Service)
29. MYSPC
30. FCBK
31. LST.FM
32. TMBLR
33. HYPMCHN
34. ELB.WS
35. BLGGR

The person who passes this test will receive a McDonalds Arch Card worth $20.

I wonder if their decision to let the customer name their own price for a subscription comes after getting data about how IN RAINBOWS performed with customers in their target audience.

Or maybe this poll on their site showing 16% approval of Radio head was the only market research that they thought was necessary:

They already have a great business model where you get a sampler CD per magazine, so this is pretty interesting/hilarious. I’d like to see a copy of their financial statements to see how much revenue they get from each part of their business (magazine subscriptions/ advertising/online music store).

Go to their website just to experience their initial AJAX popup encouraging you to name your own price.
PASTE MAGAZINE

I wonder if their decision to let the customer name their own price for a subscription comes after getting data about how IN RAINBOWS performed with customers in their target audience.

Or maybe this poll on their site showing 16% approval of Radio head was the only market research that they thought was necessary:

They already have a great business model where you get a sampler CD per magazine, so this is pretty interesting/hilarious. I’d like to see a copy of their financial statements to see how much revenue they get from each part of their business (magazine subscriptions/ advertising/online music store).

Go to their website just to experience their initial AJAX popup encouraging you to name your own price.
PASTE MAGAZINE