What would u do if u were in a no-win situation and ‘needed a good job’?

Might move 2 LA and work at the American Apparel factory.

Pros:

• They will teach me English
• They will give me stock in the company
• They will teach me how to make t-shirts
• Can probably get a lot of free kewl merchandise

Cons:

• My family probs won’t realize that I am wearing Am Appy, and will just think I am a ‘fggt’ wearing ‘bright shit’ that I got for free at work from my employer

Might also work at the Envelope Stuffing Centre at Netflix Inc.

Pros:

• Access to ‘bad ass’ movies: action films for black people, romantic comedies, movies about step teams, and movies about minorities who learn to excel in the classroom
• Won’t have to wait for a day or two for the movies I want
• Probably could take my computer into work and rip movies on to my compy
• Probably get to ‘watch movies’ while I work in Windows Media Player
• Employee Snack Rooms

Cons:

• Could probably just get all of the same movies on youtube/hulu/pirate bay without having 2 stuff envelopes with DVDs

Might also be Chili’s Waiter

Pros:

• People will think that I am a bro working on his Associate’s Degree at a local community college for up to 8 years
• Will get to learn how to cook some bad ass party foods
• Get to interact with ‘hot, mildly thick’ desperate broads

Cons:

• 40 lb weight gain and getting into a relationship with a fellow employee who is as sad as u, then living in a local apartment with him/her, then building ur whole social life around ur Chili’s franchise co-workers.  Also getting tempted 2 work for TGIFriday’s/Applebee’s.

Might just settle for McDonalds bro.

Pros:

• Free meals
• Free McGriddles
• Free Hot Cakes
• Free Sundaes
• Free bluetooth headset
• Get to ‘poop in the ball pit’
• Getting 2 interact with children 4 birthday parties

Cons:

• Having 2 work in the mornings 2 eat McDonalds breakfast.

I feel lucky 2 b me. Glad that I got to go to design school and live out my dreams working for an advertising firm behind some of the world’s most recognized viral marketing campaigns and strategically created memes.  

However, not every1 has it as lucky as me.

Previous post about authentic careers.
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/what-is-the-most-authentic-alt-job.html

Where would u work if u were ‘poor’ and ‘trapped in ur life’?  What would ur ‘career goals be’ besides ‘putting food on the dinner table’?

Or these Daft Punk Dolls?

Or the Busy P + SoMe sneaker?

Don’t u h8 FRENCH PEOPLE BANTER in English?

Should I buy the Ed Banger ED PHONES?

Should I buy this FEADZ Mighty Kids Meal // Happy Meal?

Or should I get the Uffie McFlurry maker?

Or should I just ‘cum’ with an an androgynous McDonalds character? <3 Grimace <3

[Photo by GVB at Grimace's DJ Set @ Pitchfork Music Festival (2015)]

Or should I be Justice in a Palestinian scarf for Halloween?

[Shoes via Sean Ahern Tumblr]
[FGGT Dolls by Daily Swarm]

Or should I just buy a pack of Sharpies and huff them until my brain starts leaking out of my nose?

What are yall gonna buy?

When you are building a personal brand, you want a brand so strong that people want to emulate it. Kinda like Michael Jackson when he was in the process of turning white. You want other people to want your life.

Picking your authentic alt career is difficult. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes it means ’standing up 2 ur parentz bullshit expectations’ and/or ’societal norms.’ It means taking risks, going to college, not going to college, changing your major, taking a year off, and transferring to a school where u r socially comfortable+’academically stimulated.’ It means being yourself and being some one else. While ‘wanting 2 make ur parents proud’ is an innate within all humans, authentic alts are willing to rage against this desire. Your pride is the most important thing in the world. Your pride, your terms.

This is ur life.
WHO DO U WANT 2 B?

//////
HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS
//////
THE MOST AUTHENTIC ALTERNATIVE CAREERS
/////

The Guy who works the soundboard at concerts. He knows a lot about sound quality, systems, and bands.

DJ at a shitty radio station/college radio station/guy who is affiliated with a university 5+ years after graduating & not getting a real job.

“Door guy” who multitasks as a bouncer/ticket tearer/janitor.

Buffalo Exchange employee

Am Appy employee

postpostironic McDonalds employee

Start an indie band that is better at ‘looking like an indie band’ than it is at making music

Start a web 2.0 company

Start the first myspace profile

Work for a web marketing company who tries to get products/services/memes to go viral for companies who don’t ‘get’ how the internet works. h8 when ‘big businesses’ don’t understand the importance of the meme economy.

Work at Costco

Be a Zany Doctor

Work at a free spirited, local coffee shop

Work at Starbucks (great benefits, yall)

Go 2 beauty school.

Learn photoshop/become a designer. Carles is certified in Photoshop CS1.

Transition your name into a fashion label / be a judge on a Bravo show / make clothes for keut women.

Buy a video camera and make a lil meaningful film.

Start a blog!

Go on a Bravo Show/pretend u r ‘into the design sciences.’

Become an altCEO // start a ‘plain tee shirt company’ that is ‘fueled by legal Mexis’

Spend ur whole life ‘becoming good at the internet’ for no real reason.

[via Designnotes]

Tattoo artist

Apple Store Employee

Blipster Apple Store Employee

Make a viral vid


Note: Working in a record store is no longer an authentic alternative career in the postMP3 blog era.

************
Yall have a lot of options to express your personal brands. I’m sure I left out tons of options. Feel free to add some more to the comments.

In conclusion, it is just important to always remember the power of your alternative self, and the power of alternative free will. You are not functioning within the implied expectations of society. You will justify your life at any cost. You want people to understand that you are at your job for a reason. Even if you are just ‘working at a coffee shop before you move to NYC to get a job at a design firm after you get your portfolio of doodles+MSPaint files together.’

Never give up on you. You are special. Eventually, you will find a way to get paid for just being yourself. You have a unique perspective on the world, and eventually, you will find a way to let people know ‘who u really are’, establishing a platform where people will listen 2 u, and most importantly, want 2 b u. (kinda like God/Michael Jordan/theGirlTalk/Macauly Culkin circa Home Alone).

[Photo by Just Glitter Lust]

I sort of wish McDonalds would add the realm of music production to their lifestyle brand. (Kind of like Heartsrevolushy). They do a good job of relating to mainstream alts with this commercial.

“I’m lovin’ it.”
-an HRO reader after seeing an alt-bro with a mangina with good nipple placement

What do you think of the Crystal Castles logo? Do you think they ripped off the Chanel logo? Are you more disappointed with Crystal Castles for being unoriginal, or do you think Justice ripped off the Bible/Jesus/God?

Maybe Cut Copy should use the CC logo, too.

Do u know any bands that could use this logo?