HIPSTER RUNOFF

It's so difficult to be a band these days. Close to impossible to get a decent amount of buzz from an authentic tribe of followers on the internet. U have to something special 2 get some1's attention on the internet, fighting against so many other memes that exist.

There's more 2 being in a band than just writing songs, recording MP3s, building myspace layouts, and guilting your immediate network of friends into coming to ur crappy shows. U have be be a master online strategist who knows how to generate content that truly 'gets ppl tlkng.' Gets ppl tweeting. Gets ppl buzzing. Gets ppl excited abt ur brand.

My buzzband and I decided 2 'take matters into our own hands', and do something that would get the attention of not only 'in-real-life' consumers, but also generate bloggable content that would force people on the internet to listen 2 our band. We decided to block a busy expressway in our local city during rush hour traffic. We knew there was a high chance of us getting arrested, but we didn't care because we were probably never going to get real jobs anyways.

This was our moment. Our time to shine. We weren't just playing for the cars in the front row of our traffic jam. We were playing for all of the ppl who were gonna watch this shit on youtube, and share it with their friends. They would see how chill we were, how 'effing sick' our music was, and what we were all about. We would be on every television channel and blog, and soon we would get a 'sweet ass record contract.' Maybe we would even make some money on iTunes sales 2 mainstreamers.

Here's what we look up close up. We're the Imperial Stars. Do we seem chill? Do yall wanna listen 2 our mp3s? If we 'guestlist' u, can u come backstage and give us Beejes?

Just trying 2 get home 2 suburbia
But there was a buzzband blocking my way
so trapped in my life
so trapped in my car
so trapped on society's roads (physically + metaphorically)
now trapped listening to this crappy buzzband :-(

This is 'brilliant marketing' because we are also releasing a track called "Traffic Jam." Here is the official music video. U can see we're sorta like 3 Oh! 3 meets Linkin Park, except way more bad ass and u can't even really describe us.

We truly embody the spirit of rock n roll.

Unfortunately, the plan didn't really work. We were arrested and our converted ice cream truck was impounded. We only got about 5 minutes of footage, and it was kinda crappy. We really shoulda hired a production team, and thought more about 'sound' issues. Maybe we invested too much in our 'official video' and we shoulda spent more on the 'guerilla' product. Worried we can't try again or else we will see 1-5 years of jail time. Guess we missed our 1 shot, our 1 opportunity to truly create a 'viral meme.'

Feeling sad. Keep refreshing youtube to check our view count, expecting to see it in the millions. Still in the low thousands. Feeling like a failure. Like now we are 'effed' every time we get a background check and we didn't even go viral. Honestly feel like committing internet suicide.

At least we got some sweet 'chopper' footage via the local news station's 'eye in the sky' helicopter.

Feeling alive.
Knowing that 'at least we tried'
Some bands never get blggd abt
But I proved today that I will do anything it takes to get 'mad coverage'
Maybe we'll get a few more fans, maybe we won't
But we were able 2 prove that we care abt our music reaching new fans
We didn't just make an anonymous myspace and upload a lofi mp3
We brought the music 2 the ppl.

Are these bros hella unchill?
Does their buzzband suck, so it doesn't matter how viral they go bc no1 is going 2 listen 2 them?
Were u in traffic when they started playing and did it make u late 4 dinner/soccer practice/a real buzzband's show?
Which buzzband do u wish played in traffic?
Do u hope these bros were put in jail 4evr?
Is this a huge safety hazard, and should the judge 'come down on them' hard 2 set an example, letting buzzbands know that it isn't chill 2 put other ppl's lives' in danger just because u want 2 go viral?
Are bands required 2 become 'master internet marketing strategists' in the modern world?

Photos by Ryan Muir via BrookVeegs

I was recently at a Crystal Castles concert, and I noticed the lead singer Alice Glass in an 'Alice in Wonderland' costume. It was a strategic move, since her name is 'Alice' and the kidz movie's main character is also named 'Alice.' It seems like a live show can be limiting. Ur only going to be performing for about 50-350 'fans.' It seems like u should do something that 'gets u attention on the internet from a blogsite that has thousands of daily visitors.' This way u can enhance ur macrobrand instead of just portraying with a meaningful microbrand with a 1and done show.

'Making a meme' out of a concert seems like something all indie bands must do to 'get covered.' Whether it is 'costumes', 'confetti', or 'inviting a member of another relevant indie band out on to stage to pretend to play guitar with your band', it is important to 'get the internet buzzing' abt ur live show. This will make them want to attend ur show when you go to their local scene because they will be 'afraid of missing something.' This seems like a good strategy for bands that are not worthy of 'being relevant.'

For example, Of Montreal has never really been a 'good band', but since their live shows are 's000 zany', ppl really like 2 see them. Here is a picture of an Of Montreal show where they execute women while they are wearing sillie costumes. The photo makes u wanna be there so you can see some1 'take her last breath of life.'

Photo via YvanRodic

Crystal Castles is kinda in the same boat as Of Montreal. I am not sure if they will ever release more music, but I think their brand is 'so established' it won't matter 'how good/bad' their music is. They will realistically never release an album that is 'critically acclaimed' or 'says something meaningful that tons of ppl can relate to', so all they will do for the rest of their lifespan is 'chill & try 2 keep their brand alive.'

Scarie. Seems like a chill meme, though. 'Worth blogging about', potentially.

Do yall know if 'Alice in WoNdErLaNd' is an authentic cartoon film? Seems like it was never that interesting, except ppl who 'do drugs' like to pretend that it is 'fucking awesome.' I prefer the Pixar films cuz they appeal 2 me as an adult, but still entertain my kidz.

Worried that Chrystie Castles are going to start appealing to stoner/druggie bros who now listen to Jam Bands.

Worried that she is trying to look like she is a 'drug dependent person.'

I hope that even if Chrystine Castles is going through an 'experimental phase', it makes their music better. I am worried that it might sound like distorted electro garbage if they 'drop 2 much acid.'

Sad that everything is about drug culture. Wish music and drugs had nothing to do with eachother so that Incubus never would have acquired a fan base.

what's ur fave band with a fan base of ppl who 'do a shitload of drugs'?
do u think they do drugs bc the music would be shitty without drugs?
Or do drugs open up ur mind and enable u to think in ways that straight edge ppl could never dream of?

Alice Glass

Alternative Celebrity

Alice Glass is the lead singer of Crystal Castles. She is known for her KrAzY onStAgE aNtiCs.

Lists: QTs, indie songstresses, Members of Crystal Castles

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Crystal Castles

Buzzband

Crystal Castles are an 8 bit bleep bloop band from Canada.

Lists: electro, Members of Crystal Castles, Canadian, boy & girl duos

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Saw this picture of Bjork, and I feel worried about her (not just because she looks like a RLLY free-spirited mom). I think her whole gimmick is 'h8ing paparazzi' and 'wanting to be judged only on her art.' However, I don't think she realizes that whenever she wears something free-spirited, and individual-ish, she is just inviting people to 'blog about her.'

Think she is inviting gimmicks like 'fashion police' and 'OMG WHAT IS SHE WEARING' columns to 'make fun of her.' Feel like she is starting to come across like 'a zany bag lady.' I understand that I think she is being 'true to herself', but I think in our modern world, sometimes even the most free-spirited people need to tone it down in order to 'maintain a little bit of privacy/pride.'

She has achieved master-meme status, becoming one of those artists who 'mainstreamers know about, and associate her with high-end alternative status, regardless of whether or not her music is good/identifiable.' She has to be careful, because that means 'the mainstream world is watching her', looking to convert her into a blurbabble/bloggable meme, no matter how small one of her actions might be.

Sad that Bjork is 'getting older.' Want every1 who is/was 'relevant' to stay young forever. When famous people 'get older', it reminds me that I am 'getting older.' When I look in the mirror, I will probably always see some1 who 'looks attractive', even if I am completely wrong. We don't need celebrities to 'make us feel our age.' This is why Madonna is so successful--she realizes that she must maintain a youthful image in order to keep her fans from 'getting sad about being all old.'

Still can't believe Bjork executed the greatest award show dress meme of all time

(might be this for Halloween as a 'throwback alt costume')

Wonder if Ellen will beat Oprah

@lesbians_who_got_famous_by_lying_and_kinda_pretending_they_ were_straight_but_are_now_universally_loved_lezbiez

Previous Bjork Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/03/bjork-shes-pretty-weird-hro-exclusive.html

Bjork

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Bjork is a crazy Icelandic lady who is an 'artist.'

Lists: annoying ppl, indie songstresses, Icelandic

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