For the longest time, we have been trying to find out ‘what’s next’ after skinny jeans. Will it be Oops I crapped My Pants pants? Or stepdad/standup comedian jeans? Or leggings? Or ginger peens?

There are just s000 many trends. Kinda wish I had multiple versions of ‘me’ to experiment a little bit more. Just want 2 stay modern, yall. So many gimmicks have emerged that I don’t even know ‘what’s real’ any more. Sort of just wish our government would create an international uniform. It could be colour coded, and we could bail out American Apparel/utilize them as the sole maker of global uniforms. America would be white, China would be red, Asia would be ‘yellow’, Africa would be black, South of America would be brown, and other generalizations like that.

h8 life. h8 our world. wish I didn’t care abt material things.

XX BONUS BLIPPEST BLIPSTER ALIVE XX

I wonder if in the future, all ‘black people’ will look like this bro. Not sure if I should ‘get my eyes removed’ yet, or what type of optical lens replacement to look into.

Worried that he’s turning into a contorted alt, yall! Is it authentic to ‘take iron supplements’ or should u just let ur body rot away [via lack of protein {via vegan diet}]?

Since most men can’t wear clothes like these/they don’t sell clothes like these in the Old Navy Men’s section, alternative society has turned to the glorification of ‘wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes.’

Also, we are in an era where men receive a gold star for wearing an accessory that lets people know that they are trying to differentiate from the standard bro. Whether it is a pair of sunglasses, an alternative Livestrong bracelet, or some clunky hat, men can achieve fashion recognition by wearing something that is only 10% differentiated from a mainstream un-cool Dad on vacation.

For example, being a male who is recognized for ‘having good fashion sense’ is only about 5-10% differentiated from this old man. All he would need is a MembsOnly Jacket swap, some bigger print/a more obnoxious graphic on his t-shirt, jeans that cost $20 more, and a Yankees cap with the logo upside down or some gimmick like that.

Anyways, all of this is inspired because I saw this TERRIBLE video that glorifies these generic ‘urban wear’ bros. The thing I don’t understand about all of this urban wear is that they really take the whole ‘LIFESTYLE BRAND’ too seriously. Theoretically, life style brands are good for culture. Realistically, they are just a way for marginally creative people to change the colours of products that already exist and sell them to a niche market.

When I watch this video, I just imagine all of these bros saying in their urban-y dialect ‘fashion is like, art, that people wear around to places.’
[HIGHLY RECCD VIDEO]
[SRSLY THIS VIDEO MADE ME WANT TO LIVE NAKED IN THE WOODS WITH MGMT, Nell, and Henry David Thoreau 4 THE REST OF MY LIFE]

Which 1 of these featured men is ur fave?

1. Bailey Roberts (the deep fashionista wearing blind people glasses) did yall hear about ‘the colorful shit dying down’/that people need to start having beach parties to save fashion?
2. Maestro – he makes videos. I hope that provides him with enuff $$$ to buy colourful shoes.
3. Aaron Williams – he is wearing old lady Golden Girl Glasses
4. Joey Calderon – Mexi or AZN?
5. BJ the Chicago Kid – he thinks ur ’swag’ is really important.
6. Kyle Awtry – I feel like this white guy is what Panda Bear would be if he listened to too much rap/rap-rock during his formative years and didn’t attend a school for the Arts.
7. Geoff Nishimoto – There is always an AZN who gets mixed up in perceived-as-alt-&-authentic black hiphop culture. O well. he listens 2 Crystal Castles and makes AZN Honda Civic gang signals.
8. Dom Kennedy – He is dressed like a ‘janitor who is trying to be cool and is a little bit ashamed to mop elementary school floors even though he drives a Mercedes. Also, he talks to his girlfriend who is also at a low-paying night job on his blue tooth for the duration of the night on the job.’
9. Cecil Bernardy – forgettable lil Andre 3000 bro.
10. Jay – He looks like a guy who walks into a Chili’s with a Blue Tooth headset and a mistress, and treats her like she is

“Flashing Lights” by Kanye West: A “deep” song for black people/people who are trying to be black people?

[VIDEO FROM GVB Tumblr]

I am a huge fan of letting your consumer decisions represent your inner-soul/personal brand or whatever, but I just find it hard to take some of these bros who are involved in the ‘urban wear’ scene seriously. While we are all looking for our ideal profession or even just some sort of reason that we are alive/what we can contribute to humanity, all of these bros must look themselves in the mirror and understand that no one was put on this earth to doodle on t-shirts or change the color of Nikes.

Also…Is it fair to assume that women have an easier time simulating their adoption of ‘high-end’ fashion trends? Do they have more opportunities to accessories, or are there better stores for women where they can buy stuff that’s ‘in’?

Bros will be bros. Bros will always wear jeans, tennis shoes, and shirts with or without collars. Not rlly a big deal, yall.

Choosing to look like a societal deviant might not get you as many girls, but you will look like an individual. The look allows you to be a fun loving dude, but have a little bit more edginess than the traditional alt bro.

Jeffrey Dahmer’s Mugshot

[Picture by Last Night's Partie]