So there I was, standing in a massive Adidas shoebox that was located inside the festival grounds of a relevant alternative event, and I had 2 ask myself, "Where the eff am I?" After attending so many relevant alternative events, experiencing life as a VIP and sometimes stepping outside of the VIP area in order to experience life as a 'common alt' with the herds of non-VIP alt consumers, I find myself wondering if the 'sponsored' experience has helped or hurt the State of Alt.
The Sponsored Experience////////
If an experience isn't sponsored, did it ever even happen?
Festivals, VIP areas, sporting events, mainstream events, stadiums, amphitheatres, holiday parades, and even youth sports teams' entire seasons. A brand It seems chill that relevant alt festivals are 'monetizing', 'going mainstream', and getting top tier brands. It seems chill that top tier brands have embraced alt events as a place to expose their brand to 'high-end early adoping tastemaking consumers.'
But while entities who are grandfathered into the highly lucrative buzz machine get richer and more powerful, who are the economic victims of The_sponsored_experience? Or is it chill 2 be hella sponsored as long as u invite local vegan, grass-fed, organic venders to make some $$$ by selling relevant food-truck-wave food at ur alternative event?
Pictured: Sponsored Ice Cream Experience
I feel scared and sad. Scared for our children, and future generations of alt who will never get to experience chill indie vibes and websites without being overwhelmed by the sponsored experience. Scared for the future of buzzbands, who will be forced to cultivate sponsored buzz in order to be looped into the sponsored indie buzz machine.
Pictured: Sponsored MP3 farming experience
But maybe I <3 the sponsored experience. Getting free iPhone cases, alcohol, cards to redeem free MP3s from a startup music service, and chillwave koozies. Sometimes I even get XL t-shirts. Maybe the sponsored experience is a good thing 4 evry1. Maybe the sponsored experience is where art and commerce intersect, creating a portal of synergistic vibes that allow us all to chill and vibe like never before.
Can a band 'go mainstream' without embracing the sponsored experience?
Have u ever had any chill times within a sponsored experience?
Have u ever exploited a sponsored experience to get free _________?
Are brands wasting money by sponsoring experiences [via marketing]?
Sponsored experience in a sponsored experience experience sponsorship?
Is a blog only as valuable as the sponsored content is blogs?
Do u ever wish that ur own life was a sponsored experience?
Will the sponsored experience enable all great art, music, and architecture for the rest of time?
Can a 'new authenticity' emerge now that 'authenticity' is a sponsored experience?
Is 'government' a sponsored experience [via taxes]?
Is 'life' a sponsored experience?
Is society a sponsored experience?
Can u sponsor a sponsored experience?
Pictured: I got this coupon at a relevant music festival, exposing me 2 the Pepsi Max brand
///Can we ever get away from the Sponsored Experience?
Photo via HoustonFreePress
a relevant music festival
I don't usually venture outside of my 1 bedroom apartment
Usually just listen to buzzbands home alone in my undies
TV on mute in the background
Just vlogged as I documented the popular phenomenon of 'fence jumping', a new authentic way to enter a music festival to see some of today's most relevant buzzbands (without purchasing an official ticket/wristband/7 day pass). Wanted to give yall an 'organic feel', utilizing modern 'guerrilla journalism' techniques to bring yall along as I jumped the fence at a relevant music festival. Feeling kinda like an 'embedded reporter' during Desert Storm: The Quest for Osama Hussein [via Geraldo Rivera].
As you can see, I was kinda a 'coward' since I waited til the fence fell + the security guards were busy chasing other bros when I 'rushed that shit', seeking the soft rock crowds watching Chromeo as my 'Underground Railroad' 2 freedom. For once in my life, it felt good to 'disappear into a crowd of people who all looked the same as me.'
Music Festivals are so expensive these days that hardcore authentic alts can't see their favourite buzzbands while chilling with a social_network of likeminded bros. Festivals seem to be catering more towards 'rich kids' who get 3 day passes as their high school graduation gift + young adults who still want to feel like they are 'young.' Really prices me out, since I am an authentic buzzband fan without a real job (mainly because I spend all day researching buzzbands for the sake of my own iTunes collection and I am waiting to one day have my own job in 'the industry').
Fence jumping is really my only option for experiencing a music festival. Here is footage of me 'fence jumping' in some sort of basketball arena during a California electro rave event/Lakers game.
Honestly feel like I've always hated 'fences' ever since I was a maisntreamer living in suburbia, and my parents had one around our backyard. It seemed like it was meant to 'guard' our house, making sure bad ppl didn't come in during the middle of the night and kill us. After living in an mixed media art residency & organic farming commune for the past 2 months, I feel like I realize that people are inherently 'chill' and aren't looking to steal ur flat screen TVs. Thing fences hold back society.
Is fence jumping a 'common occurrence?' Has it been around 'since Woodstock'/Woodstock 99?
Should music festivals just be 'free'?
Are authentic fans 'being priced out' or are there plenty of great ways to get into a music festival for free, like 'calling into a radio station to try to win tickets'?
Feel like maybe music fans feel like they are entitled to see bands for free since they steal mp3s for free 'on the reg.' Maybe artists should start some sort of model where mp3s + merch + admission are 'free' if they pay an annual subscription rate.
Seems like fence jumping is probably a 'huge safety hazard.' Always go back to this video of Californian tweens trampling one another as they try to 'hop the fence' at the Electric Daisy Carnival Music Festival at the Rose Bowl. U can see a few lil electro fans 'honestly convinced that they are about to die.'
Not sure if this type of chaos happens everywhere, or just in the rave-centric environment of California. Feel like traditional fence jumping is a series of isolated incidences by strategic bros who have circumnavigated the festival grounds multiple times looking for 'weak points' in the security line, kinda like modern, alt version of 'Normandy: Saving Private Alt.'
What elements do you have to evaluate when you consider fence jumping ur way in2 a festival?
- How high is the fence + your athletic ability
- If you really have the right 'gear' to jump fences. Tennis shoes / utility boots / no loose clothes + purses that could get caught in the fence
- Always safe to not take any form of identification, so u can claim ur an insane homeless person if ur caught
- If you run in a 'pack' do you have a better chance of getting thru? Usually there are only 2 to 4 security guards in a certain area
- Level of security (you don't want to end up being tackled by a huge black dude with a taser)
- Is there only one line of fences between your jump point and the crowd space?
- How quickly can u make it into the safety of the crowd?
- Does the security guard look like he'll 'put a boot in ur ass' if he catches you?
Might just watch some youtube tutorials to make sure I have good 'fence jumping technique.'
What can music festivals do to combat fence jumpers?
- Barbwire fences
- Electric fences
- Pit bulls / guard dogs
- laser fences
- Building moats around music festivals
- Increasing police force + pay-as-you-go security guards
- Working with local government officials to press serious charges against captured fence jumpers, making sure they see jail time so u can 'set an example'
- Paying police force 'by commission' for the number of fence jumpers they catch. This will be fueled by 'reverse racism' if the security guards are black, and they have the opportunity to tackle + beat
- Also white middle aged security guards are effective because they will take out their dissatisfaction with their lives' on a fence jumper bc they represent 'wasted youth'.
- Hiring some sort of army/militia from a 3rd World country, paying them 'above market wages' based on their country's GDP
Whose side are yall on?
Do you think every1 should be able to see/steal art for free, or do u think music festivals deserve to make money?
Can music festivals make enough money off exclusive sponsorship that the 'price of admission' isn't even necessary any more?
Are John C. Coachella (founder of Coachella) and Jeffrey Lollapalooza 'rolling around' in piles of money?
Should fence jumpers be 'thrown in jail?
Are 'fences' just societal constructs that oppress us / create an illusion of 'property' which doesn't really even exist?
Are fences 'unchill bottlenecks' that harsh community vibes?
Worried that 1 day festival security guards will have the 'go-ahead' to 'shoot-to-kill' all fence jumpers.
Do u have any good advice for people who run music festivals + fence jumpers to broker some sort of peace?
Should I start some sort of 'crowd control consulting service' since there are so many music festivals these days?
Do people rlly need to jump fences since bands play so much/there are so many goddamn music festivals these days?
photo via some twitter
There's nothing more demeaning
than going to a music festival
and standing with 'the common folk'
General Admission status confirms ur status as the 'cattle' of the music industry.
Herded around some field like u have no brain
It's sorta like a modern version of 'poor people'
It is a collection of people who are 'poor' in terms of cultural relevancy
People paying $200+ to 'be a part of the festival'
Watching buzzbands play their instruments
in the same way that Middle Americans watch 'the goddamned TV'
turning into 'couch potatoes'
They loaf on their blankets
paying for $10 beers
eating metaphorical sausage on a stick [via consumerism]
I never want to sit with those people
College bros, festival bros, cool dads with money having a chill weekend
Girls who just want to get half naked and have bros stare at their tits
Parents who brought their babies to the festival (some without earplugs)
I am a part of the VIP section
We live behind a fence
a buffer zone
from negative/mainstreamer vibes
Whether ur a buzzband
a newspaper man
the 'manager' of a buzzband
or some1 who just has 'connections
Every1 who is 'some1' is in VIP
(and also a few unchill bros who ruin the vibes)
Free alcohol, free food, free 'gear' [via festival sponsors]
They take care of us, because they need us
VIP is about 'feeding the buzzcycle of life'
Very Important Persons don't need to be a part of 'the mainstream crowd'
We are tastemakers for those 'fucking trendstreamers'
Many people will ask 'Do u think ur better than me because ur VIP?'
My answer will be, "yes.
I earned the right to be VIP
Do u know how many memes I've dropped?
How many eyes have seen my tweets?
How many buzzbands I've both broken and euthanized?
How many genres I've created?
For you to question my place in the VIP
Is to question my purpose on this Earth
Let me be with my people
This is not just about social status
This is about the future of Indie
Please, please, please
Just let the VIPs 'have their day in the sun'
Getting off the internet for once
to converge and mingle
Internet bloggers off the internet
to watch the bands they blog about
in the raw.
Buzzbands getting a day to chill
and have a therapy session
about 'how insane the demands of being a buzzband are'
Talking about themes of displacement, label pressure, fan scrutiny, and 'selling out'
Music Festivals aren't just for fans
they are legitimate 'safe havens'
for some of the important members of the buzzosphere
Let us have our chill sesh
Nestled behind the tall fences of the VIP section
This is our time.
I am a culturally relevant human.
I earned this pass.
WHAT HAPPENS IN VIP
STAYS IN VIP
ANYTHING MOTHERFUCKING GOES
BUZZBANDS FUCKING BUZZBANDS
BUZZBANDS FIGHTING BUZZBANDS
BLOGGERS HANDJOBBING BLOGGERS
NSFW XXX CUM SHOTS EVERY 15 MINUTES
Have u ever been to a music festival?
Were u VIP? Or did u 'stand with the masses'?
When u go to a music festival and stand with thousands of people, does it make u feel 'less unique' because all of those other people like the same buzzband that u do?
Do u feel 'closer to the music' when u are granted 'elite status' at a show/festival?
Is there a 'social hierarchy' in the live concert experience, and do u ever see urself escaping from your social class?
Are buzzbands 'the most important' part of the live show, or do the promoters/venue have a higher status?
Photos by the cobrasnake http://thecobrasnake.com/partyphotos.html
Sometimes I wonder what the future of the music festival is. It seems like most music festivals are 'so corporate' now that they are sort of losing their identity, and don't fully take advantage of middle America. I feel like raves are sorta like the NASCAR of live music events. It sorta caters to the massive market of 'low-end' consumers who just need an excuse to drink/do drugs/assimilate with their weird interpretation of alt culture.
feel like 'low-end alts' might be the future of mass alternative markets. The high-end indiesphere 'isn't where all the money is. Apparently this 'rave' called Electric Daisy Carnival drew 185,000 people.
Music festivals really are getting out of hand. This rave seems chill because there are 'free refills' on water [via water fountains].
not every1 can afford fiji/smart/vitamins/coconut water.
Fans want to 'create their own merch' instead of buying overpriced tshirts and tote bags.
Got this for free with my Sega Saturn when I was 10 and turned it into a rave necklace.
Definitely give this bro props for his Super Ninendo controller built in to his rave flair.
Zany Spongebob Bro. Wonder if it is still 'quirky' 2 'like Spongebob' of if that phase died in the 1990s.
Maybe lil Muppet Backpacks are a chill rave prop
Got really effed up. Had 2 throw up behind a dumpster
Also had to poop and pee thru my leggings
Luckily raves hire custodial staff to make sure everything is clean.
But still, gotta wear an electro gas mask to 'keep out' negative vibes / port o potty fumes / vomit fumes out of my nose
Wonder if there is a new genre of bros who work out just so their bodies look good at raves.
sup bro pt 2
sup bro pt 3
Who is more authentic 2 ravers, Deadmaus or Mickey Mou5e?
Worried about this lost clown bro
Wonder if she tore this shirt after putting it on, or if it was some premeditated slashing
Just want to go to a place with progressive thongs.
Do u want ur parents to drop u off at the rave after telling them it is a 'Late Night Soccer Tournament'?
Or do you want to use a rave as an opportunity to reconnect with ur mom after 'dropping E' together?
Not sure if this is a juggalo or a raver
Sometimes music festivals aren't about watching live bands play mp3s in a live setting. It is about going outside, being around other human beings congregating with a group of like-minded people who live the same era / society / scene as u /// These are the People of Coachelly as photographed by the cobrasnakes. //////
All photos by thecobrasnake
Coachella seems like it was a really fun family event that you could bring ur kids to Pissed at my daughter for falling asleep, but I couldn't find a 3 day baby sitter for less than $300 Had to spend $100 on protective ear buds / head phones. Sad I couldn't borrow them from my bro who loads luggage into planes for Southwest Airlines H8 my dad + mom for tagging along and making sure I stayed alive the whole time. I guess they were right, because I got scared of alt terrorists backpack bombing the venue Wonder if Coachella was a safe place to bring your unborn child? Good place to bring ur family dog, just as long as u clean up the poop 'I thought this was the Regional Hot Dog Convention.' My bro got really hyper from eating too many french fries Will next year's Coachella be in 3d? A lot of films this year went 3d to make more money, so I think music festivals will have to go 3d in order 2 compete Were there more blipsters at Coachella or more Golden ppl? Feel like a lot of people showed up from a forest where they had just killed a bunch of animals to turn into post-ironic clothing Bear hat bro These people killed a few animals I think these people are from Montana, or some sort of conceptual state of existence/America. < Might just wear conceptually matching outfits with my bro. He will wear an ironic Eagle Shirt, and I will wear an ironic Dolphin shirt. Wonder where this girl got her XX shirt Wonder if XX bras were the big trend at Coachella
I was just looking at the Coachella festival jpg lineup announcement, and I felt sort of underwhelmed. So many bands that appeal to a lot of different people. It seems like they are going for a sort of 'nostalgic'/'ironic' type of experience this year. Like our chance to re-live the past without leaving behind all of the pleasures of today.
I sorta wonder if 'music festivals' are still going to be authentic/fun/organic/exciting experiences. In the latter stages of the 2k0 decade, we saw music festivals morph into huge corporate events. So many mainstreamers showed up at formerly alternative festivals that by the end of the decade, festival curators were catering to maltstream audiences by booking headliners such as Coldplay, the Kings of Leon, and Jack Johnson Bro.
It seems like music festivals aren't even 'about the music' any more. Bottles of water cost $5. Plastic bottles of beer cost $15. Buying band merch costs 500% more than the unit cost of a blank tshirt. Feels like if I wanted to pay to 'gawk at famous people from afar', I would get tickets to a professional sports team. Really hope that microfestivals begin to pop up. Secret gatherings of young professional alts + 'trustafarians' who are willing to pay top dollar for a unique experience, limiting the amount of entry levs at the music fest.
Wonder if by the end of the decade, we will be dropping off our kids at Hanny Montanny music festivals.
Mind is truly 'blown' by the coachella lineup. Part of me wants to say it 'sucks' and 'all of those bands are old', but another part of me just wants to 'go have fun and listen to some awesome music.'
Which band r u looking forward 2 seeing the most at Coachella 2k10?
Which music festival will u attend in 2k10?
Will u stop going to music festivals this decade because seeing kidz/inauthentic ppl watching the same bands u like can put a bottleneck ur ability to enjoy a band/concert/mp3?
Previous Concert/Show/Festival Coverage
The Festival Bro
Guess it is music festy season again.
Hey yall. I had a ton of fun at the Lollapalooza Music Festivals. It seems like it is meaningful, since the Chicago 'cityscape' is in the background. Not sure if this is a more authentic experience than Pitchfork Music Festival, or if p4k 'ripped off' this music festival since they 'copied them' by being in Chicago.
From what I understand, Lollypally is thrown by the bro from Jane's Addiction. He seems to be 'very young looking' even though he is probably 40-60 years old. I wonder why the Aerosmith bro looks like a 'saggy pirate' but these two old bros look like 'healthy 32 year olds'.
Photos via Stereogums
Seems like a lot of people were there 2 see 'bro bands', such as the Leon Kings Of.
Think these shirts mean that they are 'down 2 fuck.' (d2f)
Not sure if Passion Pit is a 'bro band.' Seems like this bro is 'a bro', so they have possibly 'crossed over.'
Photograph of the guy who invented 'Cherry Garcia' ice cream.
Was standing in the VIP photo pit, and turned around. Saw some sweet ass underboob, and said a prayer to the Am Appy Gods 4 inventing that tube top. Has helped me see a lot of alt tit + nip slips.
'Just chillin. Bein a fleet flox. Playing festival tunes.'
Is it still alt 2 listen 2 the song 'A-Punk' or is in mainstream since it is now utilized in movie trailers?
Hangin out, playin a music festival, holding 'wacky instruments' up 2 the microphone 2 achieve wacky effects.
Do u think that ur first festival experience is always ur most meaningful festival experience?
Matt and Kim.
Photograph of the Insane Clown Posse Slipknotting.
Feels like Woodstock when bros 'get naked' and 'put mud on their cocks.' Heard that if u use mud, u won't get an STD, and the chance of 'pregnancy' is reduced by 67%.
Seems like the look of a bro who felt guilty, yet proud that he couldn't wait in line to use a port-a-potty, so he just 'crapped behind a bush.'
Overall had a lot of fun. I find out about a lot of new bands at music festivals. Don't really use the internet for 'sampling/stealing' tunes like most people. I just like to wander around public spaces, and see how people react to music in a live setting. Usually the most crowded stages are the best bands.
Is Lollypally mnstrm?
Would u rather go 2 Pitchfork Music Festival, Lolly, or a Chicago Bulls game?
Previous Music Festival Theory
All music festivals I have 'covered'
foto by every1 is famous via ih8urfshn
I can't believe summer is winding down, and most of the music festivals with the most powerful brands are already over. I feel like festivals are soo consumerfied now that it's hard to really let the world know that you are 'a true alternative spirit.' It seems like the only way left to let the world know that you are alternative would be by 'being from another planet/galaxy/universe.' Whenever I go to a music festival, I feel like I am in a 'house of mirrors', and all I can see are poorly executed reflections of myself whenever I look around.
I seriously wish I could be an alien from another galaxy. I feel like I would come to Earth, and utilize revolutionary technology to challenge the way that people think (become an artist). If I had seen so much of 'the universe', I feel like it would make my art more meaningful, since I had a very different life experience than most humans. Feel like I would really 'get' how 'small' we all are, and try to create memes+art that makes us realize that we are 'insignificant within the context of the universe.'
I really wonder if there is life on other planets, and if they have visited our Earth. I am not sure if aliens seem 'very peaceful' or 'violent.' Hopefully they are 'chill' and just like to listen to live music at music festivals.
I wonder what aliens look like. I wonder if they would have 'personal brands' or 'universal brands' (where every1 would look the same). Maybe they could teach us all more about life. Maybe they could teach us how 2 be happy.
I think it is critical that we establish positive relations with aliens. The ultimate goal of the human race is to build a space ship that enables us to leave Earth before Earth gets too hot/the sun blows up. We must acquire technology from the aliens in order to expedite this process. I don't know if aliens have already made contact with the government and/or the illuminati, but we must begin thinking about our evacuation plan. We must realize that science is more important than the arts, and encourage students to learn about science and engineering.
There is no way that the human race will survive, unless we establish positive relations with the aliens, and some how convince them to 'show us how 2 build rocket ships.' I feel worried and sad that I won't live forever. I feel like the aliens are the key to everything. It is important that we 'show them a good time' when we run into them at music festivals, instead of 'being snarky' and 'analyzing their personal brands.'
Do yall believe that there is life somewhere out there?
Are yall worried about the human race?
How will we be able 2 live 4ever?
WTF is a 'black hole'?
Does 'space' make yall feel insignificant/deep? [via Carl Sagan]
In 2k10, HIPSTERRUNOFF.com will be a blog about 'The Mission: How can we transport 6 billion people outside of our solar system before the sun blows up.'
It's kinda hard for music festivals to 'compete' these days. All of them are basically the same, and most of them book the same acts. Music festivals must find effective gimmicks to make consumers feel like they are experiencing an inimitable event, available nowhere else in the universe. Also must make the festival 'look sweet' in pictures so that people who look at pictures think 'wish i could be there... looks totes fun.'
Do u have any solid ideas for what makes a festival 'appear 2 be' hella 'fun'?
Which of these gimmicks 'makes' a music festival better?
Should music festivals go to Home Depot to buy leaf blowers in order to make more 'toilet paper' shooters?
Photos via cobrasnatch
Releasing 'beach balls' to simulate a coastal environment?
Booking a college-themed partie DJ?
Releasing an 'inflatable heart' to represent 'the human spirit'?
Having a 'cityscape' as 'the backdrop' ur music festival [via meaningful setting]?
Would 'free weed' make music fests better?
Have moms of kids who are at the festival host a 'bake sale' to make people feel younger & let moms feel like they are a part of their alternative child's life?
Building a rollercoaster that goes over the mainstage?
Constructing a huge slip n slide for people to 'fuck' and 'grind' on?
Really just want to attend 'the perfect music festival.'
Please share your creative ideas, and other stuff that would make a music festival seem 'hella cool.' Every business is struggling to survive, and business entities must get back in touch with consumers if they want to stay around forever [via govt bailout].
What makes a music festival 'meaningful' 2 u?
If u had millions of dollars to throw a music festival, how would yall 'throw it down'?
Was looking at pix of Glastonbury Music festival. Seems like an 'overwhelming experience.' Can't believe 'this many people' want to see 'live music.'
Photos via bigpicture
Damn. This picture 'seriously seems like a Where's Waldo' 2-page spread. Can't believe it is actually 'temporary shelter' for people attending some 'huge ass' music festival in England. Feel 'overwhelmed' to imagine a 'live music experience' with s000 many ppl. Wonder if I really want to 'rally around music' and 'bask in the human spirit' in that type of environment.
'Jesus christ'. Seems like an event that would 'raise enough money' to 'end hunger' or something/make a 'GDP comparison to a shitty country.'
Think the world will look like this 'when the world ends' and a portal to the center of the Earth opens up.
I wonder if they built an 'Outdoor World'/'Bass Pro Shop'/'Cabela's'/miscellaneous outdoor store nearby just to handle people who 'needed outdoor gear' for this sweet festival.
Can't believe Glastonbury lets you 'volunteer' to get into the music festival for free. Think that u have to sort through trash/recyclable materials. Seems 'green', possibly like a marketing campaign.
I wonder if a company could offer their workforce non-monetary 'compensation' for an entire fiscal year. Like a company that 'pays workers' with 'kewl bands performing'/meaningful experiences, instead of 'having a payroll.' Feel like there is a 'genre of people' who would do that, as long as you gave them a tent and a community shower, or something.
I feel inspired by seeing so many ppl 'uniting around music', willing to 'chill in a tent for days'/'set up some sort of monetized shanty town.' Feel like possibly building some sort of music festival that incorporates 'actual slums.'
Most festivals are held in a 'meaningful public space' where you can also see 'the city's skyline in the background.' This helps u feel 'connected to the music' while also 'being reminded of the power of man/engineering/archyteckchy.'
Sorta just want to 'feel' the city behind me.
Being in a crowd + seeing 'corporate America' makes me feel like I am a part of humanity.
This is a picture of 'slums' in Brazil. What if we had some sort of 'super authentic' music festival in 'slums', and 'rented' the homes from the people who 'actually lived there.' Feel like 'every1 would win' since rich people would get 'an organic experience' and 'the poors' would get $$$$.
Really just searching for the most authentic music experience possible, and I think that the modern music festival is 'isolating a demographic of authentic thrillseekers.' Sorta just mainstream + corporate now.
What ideas do yall have for the modern music festival?
Do u believe in the concept of the microfestival--charging 10 to 100 fans ~$10K per ticket to see their fave bands in an intimate, exclusive setting?
Should we 'buy out' a bunch of slum dwellers and turn the area into a music festival space?
Worried that I am 'losing touch with humanity' even though I am 'actively seeking' the opportunity to 'connect' with 'all humans.'
Photos by Chris Graham via BrooklynVegan
It's kinda weird what the whole 'indie scene' has come to. I remember back in the glory days when we didn't have to worry about corporate bullshit, but now it's like every1 is 'mad selling out.' It's like the own beautiful art that u create can eventually 'fuck society in the ass' or even 'fuck the artist in the ass.' Feel like I might start a band with a zany/intense/sillie/post-_____ brand, and try to do more to challenge the modern independent rock landscape + make generic ppl feel 'uncomfortable.' Might start 'ramming my ass' with a microphone on stage just to get people 2 think.
Feel sad that this bro didn't go to jail like that time Jim Morrison went to jail for 'showing his cock' to the audience. Feel sad for the band that came on after this bro and had to sing into a 'shit-smeared microphone.'
I feel like no matter what I/we do, we won't be able to be authentic in the modern artistic landscape. I think that the best songs of today will not win Grammy's, but instead be utilized in commercials for widely consumed products. It's s0 weird. Never thought the day where 'indie music' became 'pop music' would come while I was still on this Earth, but after attending 6 music festivals in the past month, I can't help but positively assert that mainstream = alt.
XX BONUS TITTIE SIGHTING XX
Searching for meaning
In a sea of altbros
Attending a music festival
73% male population
see a pair of titties
stick my face in
with white wayfarers on
Yall. I <3 music festivals. As I always say, they are the only place where I feel like I am 'home.' I get to chill with people who like like me and have similar interests, and I get to see my fave alt celebs performing/spy on them through the security gate.
Feel like I missed out on a lot of meaningful experiences.
Photos by Chris Graham via Brooklyn Vegan
Could have seen some zany bro.
Could have made zany faces while singing meaningful Passion Pit songs
Could have made zany faces while singing meaningful AnCo songs [via Avey Tare]
Could have made scary faces while singing with King Of Leon alphabro
Are alt music festivals all going 2 have comedy now? Might watch ADULT SWIM LIVE starring Tim and Eric. I read in a blog that they direct music videos or something.
Could have sang Karaoke with my political science professor/T.A.
Could have made angry faces about TV on the Radio's Dave Sitek about having to play to a crowd of bros even though ur a production genius
Could have talked about music industry issues & channeling ur hurt/anger into transcendent rock anthems with Trent Reznor.
Could have chilled with Kevin 'Bisexual JokerAlt' Barnes during a zany OfMonty set
Could have had 'my junk' eaten out by a tiger
Just coulda chilled with bros, sat in the sun on a blanket, listening to some sweet, sweet alternative tunes.
Might have also met a tuggle of entry-level girls who were just under-18 who u get drunk & 'take advantage' of.
Whenever I miss a music festival within 3000 miles of my own home, am I missing out on one of the most potentially meaningful experiences of my life?
Went to coachella. Wrote down all the bands that I saw play, then came home and made this image in photoshop. The bands that are more 'relevant' are in big text.
Feeling sad that the festival is over. I really feel like I can 'be myself' at places that seem like an AltUtopia.
Had a lot of fun at coachelly. Met some new bros, heard some new buzzbands (The Killers, Peter Bjorn and John, The My Bleeding Valentines, etc.). Twittered a lot about how I was feeling (hot, cold, dehydrated, headaches, hungry, happy) and what just happened (heard a song I liked, tall person in front of me, band being 'late' to the stage, band 'sucking', some1 'doing something stupid', etc.).
Glad that my bros and I can all twitter and experience life 2 gether.
N e ways, watched a few 'vimeos' Aka 'the alt youtube.' Saw some videos of coachella, and I'm not sure which 1 was more representative of 'THE COACHELLA EXPERIENCE.'
Video 1: A chill ass party with bloghouse DJs, alt celebs, altbros finding themselves, and that 1 song about '1 day we're gonna live in Paris' in the background.
This video makes coachella seem like a chill ass time. Doesn't even seem like u need to go to the festival, u just need 2 be 1 of many bros who 'goes to a party' at a local upscale hotel/resort, and just stands there 'looking relevant.' There are also a lot of 'bad ass product placement shots.' Think that brands are supposed to have 'strong presences' at alternative events, and then 'get blogged about.' Hotties in bikinis. Keut Am Appy swim suits. Palm Trees. Ppl in sunglasses. Seems like this video might be what 'being young, free, and chilling in the general vicinity of a music festival' might be all about.
Video 2: Some bro with a lil peen getting tazed by Cops
This video probably represents 'rebelling' against the modern music festival. It sux how every aspect of festivals have a sponsor. I'm tired of seeing my favourite band play on AT&T Wireless Stage/Chili's Stage [ via stage sponsorships ]. Tired of pissing in port-o-potties that are sponsored. Feel sad for the bro with a lil peen. Think he just wants to chill, do some salvia/acid, and watch M.I.A. and Paul McCartney perform live. I think that people got to walk around with their peens out at Woodstock. I think that festivals are supposed to be 'a safe place for tweens' since they are the people who 'purchase a $200 ticket for their birthday'/'getting good grades on their report card' [via parental reward].
Guess there's no place in the world for old men with lil peens. But it also might be viral marketing. Just can't be too sure these days. Honestly, I really posted this post just 2 ask 'how big do u think that bro's peen is when it is 100% ERECT?'
Wonder if Woodstock was even 'that chill.'
Wish there was a way to find out what the most authentic music festival experience of all time was, then start a business where we created a 'time machine', and sold tickets to attend this music festival for $300-500.
Are yall going 2 any music fests this summer? Looking forward 2 anything?
Sad that this is my last year in high school... nervous.
COACHELLA OR BUST!!!
Photo via EatSkeet
[via my mom's mini van]
I want to be an altCeleb
with the worlds most beautiful
people [via 'v.i.p.' at a music festival]
Sometimes I wonder if music festivals are a 'viable business model.' It seems like every part of the world has a series of memorable music festival which attempt to mix a lineup of Today's Stars with The Buzzworthy Bands of Tomorrow. It seems like it would be a lil bit tough to coordinate a music festival. Most bands probably don't deserve 2 get paid at a music festival, unless ur Coldplay or Jack Johnson or something. Not sure what the most expensive part of organizing a music festival is.
But yea, in 2k8, we saw a lot of new music festivals popup & a few smaller scale ones 'try to put themselves on the map.' I don't think 2k9 will be a good year for festivals because of 'the economy.' Yall should know that when 'the economy' is 'in' the 'shitter', there is less money to pay for 'luxury products.' Luxury products include:
- bands that think they 'deserve more money to play ur festival' because they have an inaccurate perception of 'how big they are'
- gas money for altbros to go on a roadtrip 'to the city'
- meaningful band t-shirts
- 3 day festival passes
- V.I.P. festival passes
- a zany wardrobe 2 wear 2 a music festival
- other items that alts use to 'stay hydrated/entertained' at a music festival
- Starbucks Coffee
I'm just sayin, yall. There's less money than ever, and it's so hard 2 'find sponsors.' I was trying to plan a music festival in Chicago for this week, but I couldn't get any sponsors because of 'the economy.' Sux 4 me, but maybe after Obama 'saves us', he will save the modern music festival. Not sure if 'electro' is gonna be as big of a draw as it was for the past 2 years. AnCo will probs be 'the most electro' band on most festival lineups in 2k10.
Until our economy is saved, most music festivals will occur in Australia or Asia. Coachella might be in Singapore this year, and Pitchfork Festival might be in Sydney. They just have a better market 4 'entertainment' right now since Americans have 2 spend money on bread and milk.
Get used 2 it yall. Things r changing.
miss u woodstock99 [via fred durst and the korns]
What do u know about organizing music festivals?
What can we do 2 save music festivals?
Do u have any innovative business ideas besides 'legalized altProstitution'?
Yall. I was watching my favourite television channel, pitchfork.tv, and I saw a gimmick called 'Faces in the Crowd' which was sponsored by an alcohol company called Southern Comfort. The video was intended to be an authentic portrayal of the 'hype' and 'anticipation' which alternative concert-goers experience when they attend a music festival 2 see their favourite band. The video features the opinions of meaningless/random Alts who are attending a music festival, and the climax of the video comes when 3 meaningful post-entrylevel alts get to interview their favourite band, Justice.
I am still kinda convinced that this is a 'think piece'/'metaphor.'
It is the intent of marketers to let younger generations know that the brand 'gets' them and 'welcomes them.' Southern Comfort is into things like headbands, sunglasses, going to festivals, reading blogs, and downloading super hip remixes.
[video may not be viewable in ur rss reader]
Fatal flaws of 'sponsoring' the production of media which ties a brand to an alternative lifestyle
- Giving altbros who majored in film/communications the opportunity to 'roam around a music festival', looking for the opinion of 'people who look/sound interesting+outgoing.' Is this really ur brand?
- Interviewing people who 'look+sound interesting and/or outgoing' usually leads to douchey commentary which alienates the 'common man'/'common alt.' Are alts RLLY ur brand?
- Product placement shots which fail to 'look natural' to self-aware audiences.
- Outsourcing your brand's image to 'some unoriginal altBro/altBroad' who have 'an inflated sense of ___________.' This fails to appeal to the self-proclaimed+self-aware authentic alt audience.
- moments that are kinda zany that make u feel empty/like u never want to leave the internet again bc real life is a 'let down' of people who don't understand the meme economy.
- Altbros who drew a Justice Cross on their chest with a permanent marker, then got to meet Jousteece.
- Getting to hear about what inauthentic alts value, making u feel kind ashamed about how u saw the world when indie+meaningfulcore were 'in', and now u r seeing the same trends/sentiments towards music with trivial electro. This makes u feel empty + meaningless.
Overall, Southern Comfort made us realize that it is important to keep the fans away from the product. If fans interact with the product, they make it seem a lil bit less special. Justice is a band from France. Kids are from America/suburbia. Sometimes when u let these two incredibly different elements interact, it makes u realize how little u have in common with n e thing that u thought u enjoyed. Life is kinda absurd. It's just better 2 not remind ppl abt how 'hollow' everything is, and how ______ people who 'actually like something' seem.
//What are we searching 4? (think I'm just gonna start going 2 more music festivals).
n e ways... are yall gonna start drinking Southern Comfort bc they understand ur alternative lifestyle, and enjoy Justice, just like u do?
Is Southern Comfort the new Sparks?
I wonder who got paid more? P4k, Jousteece, or the videograbros? (Plz let me know if u need me 2 do n e progressive media for yall if u own a mainstream company who wants to attract the attention of GenY).
Yall, I was at a music festival last weekend to see The Justices, and I watched this band from Brazil on an indie stage, and instead of a lead singer, they had a ball of recycled materials performing.
[Photo by GVB]
<3 sustainability <3
Srsly tho...it's a good thing that Lovefoxxx is teaching people that recycling is good for our planet. For the longest time, I didn't believe in recycling. I thought it was just an initiative by politicians in the late 90s to 'get re-elected by giving people an extra trashcan that is a bright colour.' Part of me still thinks that it all goes to a landfill, but it's just to make people feel 'better about themselves/the direction of our planet' and/or add more labor jobs to 'the simple men' in our economy.
Do yall believe in recycling? Or is it the same as 'believing in God' to true alts? Do yall throw empty Sparks cans/PBR cans/Bottles of Grey Goose in the trash or in a recycling bin?
Sup with the Earth, yall? They say it's gettin bad, but it feels the same 2 me. :-( :-) :-P h8 Hurricanes.
<3 Landfill Wookie Yetis <3
[Photo by Julio Enriquez]
Been to n e good music festivals lately?
Did I miss n e 1?
Is n e demographic over/under represented?
Do u like live music, or is it better on ur iPod?
Every festival lineup ever TOTALLY EFFING SUCKS.
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
AND EVERY LINEUP THAT WAS EVER RELEASED
MUSIC FESTIVALS HAVE NEVER 'NAILED IT'
NOR DO THEY EVER HAVE A CHANCE 2.
ARE MUSIC FESTIVAL LINEUPS 'EFFING DOOMED'?
The lineup just isn't as good as it was (n +/- ∞) years ago.
Those are the headliners? Not the festival for me.
My dog ate my festival bracelet.
There's like barely any good bands playing.
Did we really need for them 2 reunite? I'm glad they were dead.
I mean, it would have been a good one _ years ago.
I wouldn't take my dog to that festival, not even to shit on the grounds.
They totally just poached their bands from Pitchfork. (but like from the shitty era)
It's just too corporate now. There are sponsors all over the flyer. I can't tell the difference between bands and brands. It's all probably just a commercial jingle scouting opportunity.
I mean, we've all already seen those bands too many times in the past year.
It's a ripoff. I'd rather take my dog to a dog park and let him listen to mp3s on his DogPod.
Like, I would see it if it was in my living room, but I'm not gonna take the effort to drive all the way out there to see all those bands.
If promoters want to get it together, they should hire some one like me who can predict who will be big the time the festival rolls around, instead of booking all these lame, outdated acts.
The only reason they reunited is because they needed a payday.
The festival was built to attract more tweens/minorities/whites/30somethings/40somethings.
There's too much EDM.
They don't care enough about emerging genres like EDM.
They don't realize that EDM is dead.
They're ruining their festival brand.
The headliners are all well over 50 years old.
There are only a few good bands and they are playing at the same time. That's what happened to me last year. They don't know how to schedule.
The type on the flyer is too small.
My dog couldn't even recognize those bands.
No one deserves to headline. It's fucking amateur hour.
They are just giving a lot of bands that don't deserve it a chance to play. It used to be a sacred event, now they are inviting buskers off the street to play.
Most of the bands don't even have new albums.
I'd probably go if I won a free ticket from a radio station or blogspot or something.
It's just not worth it. I went last year and the lineup was good and I was so hot and thirsty then some one with a lawnchair stole my spot.
I miss the good ol' days.
My dog ate my festival bracelet.
Every festival lineup ever TOTALLY EFFING SUCKS.
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD
AND EVERY1 THAT WAS EVER RELEASED
MUSIC FESTIVALS HAVE NEVER 'NAILED IT'
NOR DO THEY EVER HAVE A CHANCE 2.
What is ur analysis of every music festival lineup ever?
Does it 'effing suck'?
Will any festival ever 'meet ur expectations'?
Would u rather be a person who h8s lineups, or is like 'OMG WE HAVE 2 GO, BITCHES! #carpoolchella"
The worst part about music festivals are the people
I used to think I was the only person who really enjoyed music
who really 'gets' it
But every time I go to a festival
I am reminded that I am not alone
And most of the people who like the same music as me are huge D-Bags
Makes me feel like I will never connect with any1
No1 will ever understand me
This fuels my intimacy issues.
Which is why I brought a BLOW UP SEX FUCK DOLL
to a music festival
She never talked
She danced with me
She laid down on a blanky with me and took a nap
She let me fuck her mouth
her bum hole
She is the ultimate music festival buddy
What else do I want?
I rode the train back to my uncle's house, who lives outside the city
She rode with me all the way back
She even held my hand
I am in love with her
[via that RyGos movie where he fucks a doll]
She is perfect
but then every1 else started vibing 2 her
They started fucking her mouth
her butt hole
her vagine passage
She was literally the town fuck doll
I looked into her eyes and could no longer see the doll I fell in love with
I could no longer perform with her
despite the soothing sounds of my favorite buzzbands in the distance
I brought her to a music festival in order to connect with her and ONLY her
but at the end of the day
they always say
"Once a fuck doll, always a fuck doll."
"U can take ur cock out of the fuck doll,
but u can't keep every1 else's cock out of the fuck doll
because one man's fuck doll
is another man's glory hole."
I went home alone
Didn't even stay for buzzbands.
I thought I loved her.
I really thought we had something special.
In a way, perhaps they were my holes that were violated
Maybe it was my heart that was violated
It was all a lie
This is my last music festival.
By the way,
her name was Lauren.
I loved Lauren.
Goodnite, cruel world.
This is why we can't have nice things [via inanimate objects 2 put ur peen in]
Have u evr brought a FUCK DOLL 2 a music festival, or just the person u were dating at the time?
I thought this was going to be the most meaningful weekend of my life
Riding the train in from the city/road tripping from a fringe Midwestern state
listening to Sufjan Stevens' hit song "Chicago"
Things we going well
Got a new tank top to sport
rockin hard as a tank top bro
Even pulled out a retro ass NBA jersey
Spent the better part of the last 8 days plotting how to get to the front for the AVICII set
But then a dark storm came upon us
Threatening to ruin Lollapalooza
WTF. I paid like $250 for this
and I'm sleeping at my Aunt's house
that's technically not even in Chicago
This effing sucks
R u getting service?
Let's go to a nearby Potbelly
Try to wait this storm out
Gotta eat a sammy
R u getting any service?
I can't load Twitter
How am I supposed to get info?
I feel like I have an un-smart phone
I need SMS updates
I need a reason 2 live
I need a home
I need shelter
I need the comfort and security of a Hampton Inn
free continental breakfast
I need my mom
She told me I shouldn't come here
She checked the weather 2 weeks in advance and warned me against it
I should've listened
This is easily the worst day of my life.
Everything has been lost
I have nothing
This is our generation's trail of tears
We fought so hard to be closer 2 culture
paying 4 unique experiences
Now we have nothing
'This is our Katrina'
'This is our 9-11'
'This is our Haiti'
'This is our Japan Earthquake'
This is our #KONY2012'
'This is our [tasteless comparison to legitimately tragic event]'
Where are me and my bros supposed to go now?
Where are we supposed 2 see live music?
Where am I supposed to wear festival gear 2?
Will I ever get a better opportunity to wear my tank top?
Forced to leave the festival
Killing time as loitering, smelly tweens in nearby establishments
We went back to the fest
but it was never the same
It could never be the same again
We will never forget our tragedy
When the storm struck
and cleared us out
Forcing us from our metaphorical home/utopia
I truly hit rock bottom
#FOMO: Fear of Missing Out
At least I was interviewed by a fringe web content producer
Able to share my style, taste, feelings, and emotions with Youtubers everywhere
Lollapalooza 2k12: A weekend that never was
I wanted to escape from my life in the Midwest
dreams of one day moving to Chicago in an alt pilgrimage
but this city has destroyed me
my soul, my hope, my spirit, my being
I cannot escape from the brutal, volatile Midwestern weather
I might as well live on the Gulf Coast.
Can't even enjoy a music festival in peace.
I looked down at the ground
and saw thousands of footprints in the mud
I asked Jesus, "Why were there millions of footprints in the mud?"
He said: That was me on tons of molly swagging out, losing my shit,
but also sorta carrying u [via crowdsurfing]
I'm gonna go get a Bud Litey
Lollapalooza 2k12: It was the worst of times
It was the worst of times
It was the worst of times
I had nowhere to go
Ended up cuddling with a homeless man in an alley
forced into prostitution for food
lost, aimless, directionless for 2 hours
I killed another stranded festivalBro over a half-eaten Wendy's Double Cheeseburger
Both mother effing weekends.
Staying on the grounds.
All Coachella, all the time.
On the festival grounds right when that shit opens, bro.
Mom, do we still have that air mattress in the garage?
Yes, I utilize all the cargo slots in my cargo shorts/painter's jean shorts.
My shoes are comfortable.
Mom, what did you do with my hoodie?
Change socks every 12 hours.
No, that's cool. I'll go to Target because I have to pick up some more gear, any ways.
Yeah, I waterproofed it.
Hell yeah, man! I'm bringing my guitar!
Capri Suns in the cooler. Check.
Yeah, I'll drink some brewskies, but I'm mainly interested in hydrating.
Mom, thanks for letting my borrow your SUV crossover this weekend.
I have weatherbug on my phone.
No, I printed out the set times in a custom Excel document.
Good think I have this hood.
Fun times in the camp grounds strumming my guitar.
I need to get a good night's rest so I can be at the festival for 12 hours.
This feels just like sleepaway camp, except with GREAT bands!
I bought a lot of nutritional bars.
Mom, find the cooler with the wheels on it.
I can assemble my tent in under 3 minutes, without instructions.
This is going to be the greatest weekend of my life.
I have to change socks again.
Mom, can you put some more Sunny D's in the cooler?
There is no after party. The party is at the festival.
Mom, can you put some more string cheeses in the cooler?
Mom, the car will be fine this weekend.
I wish Coachella was forever.
Is the Festival Camper Bro the ultimate Festival Bro?
Is the camper bro even 'alt', or is he a member of the lamestream masses who 'doesn't even know VIP exists'?
Do alts 'naturally' expect VIP while mainstreamers are 'content' with lamestream camping access?
Is camping 4 honkies?
Have you ever camped at a music festival? Was it bleak or fulfilling?
Music festivals aren't actually a showcase of bands and culture [via music], they are really just places where people are allowed to get 'effed up' beyond imaginable limits. While this might be a health and safety hazard to local communities, it is a WIN-WIN situation for the internet because we are blessed with sweet, beautiful internet content, like this broad trying to have sex with a tree. It seems like it isn't just a sexual relationship with the tree, where she is passionately making out with it. Instead, it is a deep love affair that has its ups and downs.
UNOFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT OF CONVO BETWEEN THE TREE AND THE BROAD:
Girl: I love you.
Tree: I am a tree.
Girl: I am on lots of drugs. I feel everything.
Tree: Just being a tree, u rollin' ass bitch
Girl: I want to feel ur branch cock inside of me
Tree: That'd be chill.
Girl: I want to have an orgasm on #molly
Tree: I'm just vibin
Girl: Plz cum inside of me so I can have ur tree baby
Tree: We'll give it a shot, bb!
This BONUS ANGLE features sweet as BRO commentary. At around the halfway point of this video, she seems to 'get in a fight with the tree', slapping it in anger. Then she decides she loves the tree 2 much 2 let it go.
Do u <3 trees?
Have u ever done tons of drugs, then wanted to make out with a tree?
HAve u ever had sex with a tree?
Do u <3 'effed up' people?
Did u enjoy the circle of onlookers filming this broad?
Do u feel bad 4 her?
Was she 'molly-shamed'?
Is ULTRA / WMC a safety hazard?
Do u <3 viral memes at music festivals?
Remember the drunk guy vs. flip flop bro?
Do u wish more hot broads would have sex with trees?
Gorilla Vs. Bear is a relevant mp3 blog. Apparently they organized some sort of 'music festival.' I know that 'SXSW showcases' and 'promoting concerts' is something that blogspots do, but I haven't really heard of a 'music fest' curated by a blog, unless u count Pitchfork as a 'music blog' and not a 'lifestyle content farm.'
Feeling a lot of pressure, like I need to plan a 'music festival' and then get a sponsored livestream and try to make some $$$.
We’re beyond psyched to announce that we’re teaming up with our good friends at Dallas’ historic Granada Theater this summer to throw the first ever Gorilla vs. Bear Festival, on the evening of Saturday, July 23. The inaugural lineup couldn’t be much more representative of the inspiration and history behind this blog, as it features our current favorite band (White Denim), the newest endeavor of one of my favorite rappers of all-time, and the creator of the best album of 2011 to date (Shabazz Palaces), the debut of the new project from a Dallas icon and founder of one of the most beloved bands in the history of our hometown, and much more. The bill is rounded out by a few of our favorite — and most posted about — artists that are currently making music: Julianna Barwick, Grimes (who’ll be coming off a stint opening for Lykke Li’s current North American tour), Sleep ∞ Over, Pure X, Sunset, and Dreamed, with DJ sets coming between bands from Dallas’ own Sober.
Do music festivals 'make more $$' than blogs?
Will every blog start a 'music festival'?
Does every city deserve to have a music festival with 10+ relevant buzzbands?
Do u still read GVB, or has it 'gone down the shitter'?
Has GVB 'lost itz authentic buzz cred' because of their record label and music festival?
Remember when ppl used to make a big deal about 'losing trust' with mp3 blogs that 'had an agenda'?
Have music blogs 'finally made it'?
I'm the lil clown bro
even though I'm a clown
I'm not happy
Know this is making u laugh
U think I'm funny
not just because of my clown costume
my small 'little person' stature
Maybe in a way, we're all clowns
We're all fools
we all make some1 laugh
4 all the wrong reasons
U think I'm funnie?
Like my life is a joke?
Everything I believe in is stupid?
I am just selling out 4 money
Making an ass out of myself every goddamned day?
Life is tough
and u think ur better than me
go ahead and effing laugh
I'm just gonna drink this Ice Cold Tecate Tall Boy
Stop laughing @me
Life's not a joke
I'm a real person
I'm not just an effing lil clown
I'm just trying to make a living
making ppl laugh
sorrie if I accidentally bummed u out
Wish I could make u laugh for all the right reasons..
I'm the lil sad clown bro
Maybe there's a lil bit of sad clown inside of all of us.
Maybe life will nvr get better.
Maybe it won't.
I don't effing know.
Just trying to make a living
make my parents proud
make ~$40k/year and have a highly relevant job
just like u, me, and every1 we know
I did my best.
Sad on the inside
dead on the inside
I'm David Effing Blaine
Do u know who I am?
I have done some of the most amazing magic tricks in the history of the world
and now I am taking on the easy ass world of being a musician
Do u think I can't handle this shit?
I froze myself in ice for a week
That shit was as magical as it gets
Ur saying I can't start a buzzband?
I'm David effing Blaine
David Copperfield = trick ass bitch
One time I hung upside down for like 2 months
Didn't eat, didn't piss, didn't shit
U don't think I can write a Top 40 pop hit?
I transcend humanity.
I'm a mindfreak, bitches
I'm a dentist, yall
I drowned 1 time, but then brought myself back 2 life
I bang models
I'm ready 2 be a buzzband
I turn coffee in2 cash
My name is David Blaine
and I am ready 2 be a buzzband musician
I'm David Blaine
Gonna levitate 2 the top of the charts
levitate to a 10.0 on pitchfork
levitate in2 one of the most buzzworthy bands of all time
Will David Blaine start the #1 buzzband of all time?
Is the band Broken Bells 'effing boring' unless u pretend David Blaine is in them?
Is David Blaine an authentic musician?
Does David Blaine have a relationship with Satan / Jesus Christ / God?
Should David Blaine join _________ (pre-existing indie buzzband) ?
Ariel Pink is a relevant indie lofi musician who is 'trying to go more indie mainstream' in 2k10. Basically he used to be some dude who made bloggable lofi MP3s while sitting alone in his room, but now he is trying to 'monetize' / 'tour' / sell mad albums. Many authentic lofiwave/Ariel fans say that he has gone 'too mainstream', and think he is sacrificing his aesthetic, but it seems like based on this picture, he is still the same old Ariel. Just chillin out in a zany shirt, wearing some sort of 'man purse', trying to ride the metrosexual wave, maybe.
Does n e 1 know what the difference between a 'bowling ball bag', a man purse, a satchel, a messenger bag, a recyclable grocery bag, and a 'laptop carrier' is? Just s
What do u think Ariel bro has in his bag?
c) lo-fi recording equipment
d) an iPad
e) a collection of zany, vintage shirts
f) Wheat Thins
g) Cheez-Nip-Itz Goldfish
i) stolen stereo equipment
j) something important that he doesn't want n e 1 to steal backstage
k) Choose ur own response/conspiracy theory
Have u ever seen a musician 'guard their possessions' during 'their set'?
What is Ariel up 2? Is he hiding something from us?
Wish he'd just chill and know that we are chill, and just learn 2 trust.
Does Ariel look cute?
Do u think Ariel Pink has a cell phone/iPad?
Does Ariel bro look 'better than ever'?
Will "Before Today" be considered 1 of the best albums of 2k10, or are u tired of it?
Should Ariel Pink go 'hi-fi' on his next album?
Should more indie musicians start wearing over-the-shoulder bags on stage?
Should I get a kewl messenger bag and put a bunch of buttons + patches on it to let know I am 'fucking serious' abt 'carrying shit' in a meaningful way that integrates perfectly with my personal brand?
Just read about this story about Russian skinheads 'crashing' a music festival, attacking the concertgoers, and killing a 14 year old girl. It's the sort of thing that ur not sure if it is real, since u assume all foreign news services are just 'nationalist propaganda' that are meant to 'control the masses.' Not sure if this is real, but seems to combine 'violence' + 'music festival coverage' which is basically like an 'alt blog's dream.' Could probably use some sort of suicide in the headline as well.
Anyways, seems like a chill music festival that 'got out of hand' 'very quickly.'
According to local news reports, a group of about 100 bare-chested skinheads wielding "batons, sticks and iron rods" rushed past festival security and just sort of... started beating people up, I guess.
Seems like thsi bro just wanted to vibe out to buzzbands, but ended up getting a 'knuckle sandwich', American History X style.
News portal Chelnovosti.ru—the source of the report of the teenage girl's death, which it attributes to an anonymous police source—says that police and security just stood by and allowed the attack to happen, and in some cases had their nightsticks taken away by the skinheads, for the purpose of beating on people. The site has a bunch of photos that, yeah, seem to show police just sort of chilling, though it's pretty hard to tell what's going on, given that the photographer, for some reason, doesn't seem to have wanted to get too close to the large crowd of shirtless neo-nazis.
Here is a photo of the cops 'milling around with their thumbs up their asses'. Seem to vibing out, sending texts, eating free turkey legs, being Paul Blart Mall Cops.
Here is some video footage of the skinheads planning their attack, then crashing the music festival, humiliating minorities + committing mad acts of violence.
In addition, they eventually challenged the organizers of the festival to a game of basketball in order to claim the rights to the festival territory. It seems like the skin heads won after a 'highly dramatic game.'
Seems so unchill. Bros just wanted to check out buzzbands, then a bunch of skinheads ruined festival chill vibes.
Do yall h8 skinheads?
What do skinheads even stand 4?
Is 'white supremacy' totally auth alt, or 'bullshit'?
Are all white people racist?
Are black people more racist than white people?
Do too many minorities attend music festivals, ruining festival bloodlines?
Are you more worried about getting murdered/trampled by tweens at a music festival, or by skinheads?
Will skinheads 'crash' Coachella / Lolla / ACL?
Do skinheads care about buzzbands and relevant consumer + technology trends?
Do they need to ride chillwaves?
Should festivals be required to hire SWAT Team + riot police instead of just 'rentacops'?
Are music festivals getting out of control?
Not sure what is going on with Coachella and their design team. For some reason, they released this poster today, answering the question "When Is Coachella 2011?" but not really answering the question, "Who is playing Coachella 2011?" Feeling confused. Not sure why this poster exists. Seems like those are dates on the poster, but not a huge list of buzzbands.
Super disappointed by the lack of information in this .jpg.
Maybe this is just some sort of 'private jpg' for industry insiders so they can put the dates on their Outlook calendars, or they have to 'secure this date' so no other music festivals try 2 compete with them.
It seems like a kinda lonely field depicted in the image, maybe trying to represent a lack of buzzbands in Indio, California. Probably a metaphor for the buzz drought of 2k10, and how we are just 'praying' for 2k11 to restore positive indie vibes with new, relevant albums and buzzbands. Really hope Coachella isn't in some sort of 'booking crisis', unable to book buzzbands cuz they are all demanding 2 much money. Hope Coachella will work out. Things aren't looking too good.
R u gonna go to Coachella?
Are buzz mp3s and buzzbands hard 2 find in 2k10?
Will the indiesphere 'recover' by 2k11?
Should the 'designer' who created this meme .jpg be 'fired' for leaving out tons of information?
Will Jay-Z and Beyonce 'curate' an indie stage at Coachella?
Should I make a copy of this .jpg at Kinko's and put it up as a poster on my wall?
They say the most chill part about going to a music festival is that u get to do tons of drugs in a public park, and no1 really cares. U can just sorta vibe out with some relevant buzz music and no1 cares, no1 will bother u. This is apparently why so many people go to music festivals.
It seems like this bro decided to do 'a shitload of LSD', then take a nap right in front of a food stand. Then some cops come over, and are like, "Bro. U okay? U on drugs or what?" Then the bro gets aggressive, and they have to taze + hog tie his ass, then carry him out like a pig that is about to get his ass roasted.
Maybe he thought this was a California rave, and ur allowed to do drugs until u die, but then the cops were like, "Nah bro. This is Chi town. That's not how we get down here."
Do u think those cops used excessive force on that chill festival bro?
Do yall prefer 'real music festivals' or 'rave music festivals'?
What song can u hear in the background? Is that Phoenix, The Strokes, or the Arcade Fire?
Do u think this bro got 'grounded' when he got back home, and had to explain to his mom his 'possession' + 'resisting arrest' charges?
Did the cops harsh his chill vibe?
Do u think he was just 'high' on buzzband mp3s [via iDosing]?
Do u wish u could be a cop so u could 'police brutality' the shit out of young people?
Is 'police brutality at music festivals' the ultimate hipster bashing?