Yesterday, I used my Palestinian scarf for something functional. I was attending a large outdoor concert, and I had to urinate. I had to walk to the edge of the property in order to use the portable restrooms that were provided by the festival promoters. As I approached ‘the facilities,’ I could smell something ’sterile’ but also something ‘incredibly disgusting.’ As if I was standing on the sidelines of a battle between the pungent smell of poo and the cleaning agents that people poo and pee into within portapotties. I covered my nose and mouth with my alternative scarf, as if I was ‘actually in the Middle East’, and there was a ‘massive sandstorm’/fire fight with American troops.

I walked into the portable restroom, and I saw a urinal to the left which had a pipe connecting to the large pool of waste below the toilet seat. I peered down the toilet seat and saw a mountain of feces with a blue tint, matching the royal, synthetic colour of the simulated toilet water. I attempted to hold my breath, but my body’s natural desire for air caused me to take in an intense ‘whiff’ of the excrement of several hundred people. For a moment, I felt like I wanted to vomit, but then I realized that there was beauty in this metabolic breakdown of your body’s essential needs. Found beauty in the fact that while I usually ’see people eating’ and bond with humanity while sharing feasts…for once I was able to share with ‘what comes out of humans.’ As if I realized that eating was just a means to this end–pooping.

I looked down at the huge pile of shit stewed with urine, and admired it. For the first time in my life, I felt ‘not alone.’ I feel like I truly understood that maybe we’re all the same. We all eat, we all feel like children, and we all have to poop. A warm smile came over me, as I decided to ‘drop a few pieces of love’ on top of this pile of humanity. The logs creamed out of my ass hole, as if God had opened up a trendy frozen yogurt shop–no wiping necessary–a clean breakoff executed by my contracting anus. I got up, and saw my two distinct logs piled on top of the blueish brown mound of feces. I paused for a moment, then watched the blue water creep up and tint my defecation. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.

I had a little bit more to urinate, so I decided to move around a used-tampon utilizing the force of my urine stream. It floated around somewhat aimlessly until it settled within the mound of feces. It was as if it found its home. It was as if I found my home. I zipped up my pants, took one last look at ‘authentic beauty’ and exited the portapotty, most likely never to come back again. It made me happy and sad at the same time–much like 90% of life’s most meaningful experiences.

On the way home, I saw some portable toilets being transported to what I could only assume was a large music or cultural festival.

It made me feel a little bit better about life. I hoped that some1 else was able to find the beauty that I found when I shared a unique experience with hundreds of people inside of a portable restroom unit.

Sometimes, it seems like ur looking for beauty in all of the wrong places.

I think in recent months, it has become ‘cool’ to support Israel and altJews, so I’m not sure if it is still a ‘kewl thing’ 2 wear, even though rappers started 2 wear them so I’m not sure if I can say that black people h8 the jews.

I remember when shuttershades died, and we thought the world was gonna end. Kinda sux that all products have a ‘useful life.’ Wish we could all be ‘useful’ forever, but I guess that’s probs not realistic, especially in terms of ‘women.’

Kinda h8 when trends go from being ‘buzzworthy’ to ‘being worn by inauthentic entry levelers.’ Just feel like my personal brand is getting stale, and I need a NEW AESTHETIC to implement asap that has nvr been done b4.

Miss u Scarf Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/kute-girls-have-the-right-to-show-skintheir-facesnips.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/06/the-future-of-the-t-shirt-industry.html

Kinda wish I could invent the next ‘t-shirt’ — something that would stay around 4ever just cuz it’s so functional and EZ… As a design school student, I can’t help but ask the question–is there something better out there than a t-shirt that would meet our wardrobe needs?

Am I less authentic and too mainstream if I find a whimsical product like the ’snuggie’ to be ‘funnie’ and try to construct an ‘inside joke’ about it with a group of my friends even though lots of groups of friends have an identical inside joke?

Just want a new product where design+meme+branding+viral marketing+progressivefunctionality meet to create a super product. Kinda like ‘the iPod Shuffler.’

Men with scarves = kinda like entry level altbags, or maybe like ‘people who shopped at the GAP for too long.’ Girls with scarves seem like they are ‘trying 2 hard 2 be kutesy’, but that might be bc of the limited range of scarves. Wearing a scarf does not give u an Instant-Brand like a lot of other possibly-useless accessories. S0 many types of scarves.

h8 u Palestinian scarves. trying 2 forget abt 2k8, yall.

[via lookbook]

h8 plain bitches/mainstreamers in scarves

h8 ‘zany scarves’

Don’t mind altbaguettes in progressive scarves that challenge existing design concepts

Do yall know if scarves that look like the blanket/quilt that ur mom has on the couch for people whose legs get cold is going 2 be big in 2k9?

[photo by GlamCanyon]
What’s next after the scarf? Trying 2 identify the core competencies of a scarf, and how we can make scarf technology a lil bit more obsolete? Are scarves essential+necessary, or are they kinda like the drinking straw?

Hopefuly American Apparel puts rain ponchos into production soon. Probs would wear one even when it’s not raining to make sure that my personal brand was differentiated from every1.

So this is the new year // and I (do/don’t) feel n e different, yall!

Has n e 1 ever knitted a meaningful scarf 4 u as a gift? Do u think they made it as a labor of love, or are scarves just ‘the easiest thing 4 entry levelers to knit’?

Please justify your answer in order to be mailed your $5 Chili’s gift card.

For example: “He is an altBro because he has a gymbag full of miscellaneous alternative g00dies and his palestinian scarf.  And also his sunglassies.”
or “He is an altBag because of his progressive bowlcut + postAltBro humble loafers.”

[Photo by Plastic Choko]

What do yall think he is?  Kinda leaning towards _____. h8 being ‘undecided.’

Would u move to Dubai? I hear they give you a lot of money to buy nice stuff (like Sharper Image closeout items and leather goods) if u move there. They also build a lot of stuff that isn’t rlly very practical. That place is going to look like a Pixar movie in like 2 yearz.

What’s the deal with HIJAB fashion?
From wikipedia:

Hijab or ħijāb (حجاب, pronounced: [ħi.ˈdʒæːb]) is the Arabic term for “cover” (noun), based on the root حجب meaning “to veil, to cover (verb), to screen, to shelter”.

It’s srsly taking over. I wish every1 could live in a world where women could be objectified. More importantly, I wish every little girl could live in a world where she constructed her self-concept based upon her objectification levels from ages 3 to 35. I’m a dreamer, though. :-( Call me crazie…

[Hijab meme stolen from Tumbledore]

Remember the simple days when life was all about chillin in Palestinian Scarves that didn’t ‘cover up too much’?

N e ways… I’m just saying that I am least likely to study abroad on the following continents:

• Africa
• Asia (except Japan and maybe the Euro part of Russia)
• Antarctica
• Iceland
• Guantanamo Bay
• Brazil
• South America/ n e where below the USA on a map

I am most likely to study abroad in

• A country where they speak English like the UK/Australia
• A country where they speak English like Germany
• A country where they speak French like France
• A country where they speak Mexican like Spain
• A country where they speak electro like France/Australia
• Toronto
• Honolulu (I hear it’s really alt over there now)

What’s up with the world? When did it all get s0 ‘random’ (in a bad kind of way, not a funny kind of way)?
I will blog for social change more often. I feel like a better person now.

[Photo by Facehunter]

But seriously, yall. America is the best country in the world. I don’t rlly care if I alienate my alt readers from England, Australia, France, or Mexico. America is responsible for a lot of important alt culture. Without America, foreign bands wouldn’t have a place to sell out & get truly commodified. In addition, most blogs and magazines are written in American language. American is the international language of the internet, so all of yall need to be thankful that your countries let you speak it.

America also has more impressionable tweens than any 1 else. I know there’s a lot of weirdo European kids, and Japanese kids, but American kids are the best. They will grow up and make society a better place after they get their degree in Photoshop with a minor in iMovie HD.

America is kind of like the Girl Talk of countries. It is s0 mainstream and alt at the same time. It’s beautiful. From the suburbs to the metropolitan areas, we are united as alts. When the world ends in 2012, every country will look back and wish they were a little bit more American.

MSSN F*CKNG @CCMPLSHD

Who should America go to War with next?
a) Iran
b) China (during the Olympics)
c) the southern part of America (remix)
d) ally with Australia and nuke France
e) Japanese teenagers in shuttershades
f) Bombay, India (stop stealing our jobs, yall!)
g) Scandinavia
h) Africa
i) any where that has brown-ish poeple
j) emo Mexican kids
k) rich Brazilians like CSS
l) CANADA
m) Iceland (we will start the war by kidnapping Sigur Ros and Bjork)
n) Choose.Your.Own.Country+Alt reference

If u were to start an alternative t-shirt designing company, what would u put on your shirts? (besides electro lightning bolts)

[Coolhunted at Fash Rash]