HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by thecobrasnake

I was never the best kid growing up. My parents had big hopes for me, and I tended to excel during my formative years. But then something happened. I became less motivated by mainstream success, and instead wanted to carve out my own niche in the world. I didn't want to go to medical school, become an engineer, or get a job as a stable Certified Public Accountant. Any one can do those jobs. Whether you'd like to accept it or not, you are what you do, and I wasn't going to do any thing that wasn't 'me.'

Needless to say, my parents really didn't understand what I was doing. They didn't understand my worthless degree in communications/art/graphic design/cultural anthropology. They didn't know what I was going to do with my life. The truth is, they really just wanted me to be happy, but they could only project their own happiness on to my life. They worked hard, and they gave us a great childhood, but they didn't realize that there was a whole scene out there--a network of artists creating beautiful visuals, sounds and content that had the opportunity to be monetized in the eCommerce marketplace.

When I graduated from college, and I told them I wasn't going to move home, instead I was going to 'look for a job' but keep waiting tables and bartending to pay rent and maintain some semblance of independence. They bought into the idea at first, but 3 years later, they wanted to know I had a plan. Law school, Grad School, Teach for America. No way was I going to get into more debt. I would rather live out my life 'being free' to do whatever I wanted at night instead of becoming a slave.

I started a music project with a few of my bros. At first we had some mp3s uploaded to a myspace profile, then the blogs came to blog about us. We booked a mini-tour, and before you know it, we were playing a relevant music festival, easily the biggest of our career. It just so happens that my parents live less than 40 minutes away from the festival grounds, and I took this opportunity to invite them so they could see who I was as a person. I lived in a world that they didn't understand, but this would be their one chance to see a real life interpretation of my scene, my life, my constructed self-image.

They were certainly reluctant to come to the festival, and had it mixed up as a regional pie eating contest that happens at the same park. They were skeptical of the event, but I pleaded with them to come. My mom was a pushover, but my dad was a 'whole nother beast.' There was a big game on that day, and I had to promise him that there would be televisions in the VIP section. I had sent them a copy of our CD, but they just used it as a coaster in their living room. My mom told me it sounded good, but she is always pretty positive. The only comment my dad has made about my music was a hurtful joke about our album title to embarrass me at Thanksgiving Dinner.

They made the drive in from suburbia, and I had to haggle with them on the phone for 30 minutes so they could find parking and enter thru the correct gate. Eventually they made it, and they were shocked to see so many young people chilling out in festival attire. They were out of their element, but I could tell that they were nervous about the experience. I took them to VIP, got my mom a White Zinfandel and my father a premium imported beer. I had to be sure not to get too hammered so that I could interact with my parents, and multi-task, since I was an instrumentalist in our band, similar to the ginger bro in the Arcade Fire who 'bangs a huge drum' during "Wake Up."

We went on stage, and the crowd roared. Seems like blog coverage paid off, and we had a lot of fans in the crowd who had heard about us through miscellaneous social networks and chat clients. Even though our album leaked, u could tell that fans were familiar with the material, so it was all worth it. Throughout the set, I would look over at my parents. They watched my every move. Their faces were a mix between 'wtf is he doing' and 'that's my son up there.' I finally saw my dad look proud of me--I hadn't seen that since I quit tee-ball because I pulled out my weiner while I was running the bases.

After the show, my mom came over and hugged me, even though I was covered in sweat from jamming so fucking hard. My dad shook my hand. He said, "You did it son. It looks like you know what you're doing, and you're happy. That's what's important. There's something I never told you. I used to play guitar in a shoegaze band, but I had to get a job at the factory so that we could put down a down payment on our first house. If you had seen the look on your mother's face when she first saw that house, you'd understand that it was worth it to see her smile at any cost. That's what love is, son. And I love you. I'm sorry about my distant feelings towards you and my inability to express complex emotions. I didn't want you to pursue music because I didn't want you to feel the pain I felt when I had to hang it up. I'm sorry for making you play youth sports. I'm sorry for wanting you to get a high paying job that offered you the opportunity to have a comfortable life. This is what it means to be a father. I am so proud of you."

We all group hugged. Even if we were flat on a few songs, and the visuals behind us weren't synced up perfectly during the set, I had a reason to be happy.

All those years, it all paid off. I thought they did't understand me, but they wanted to protect me. Protect me from failure. Protect me from chasing the unattainable. They were mad at me when I was just floating around my mid-20s. But it worked out. I'm not saying it's gonna work out for you, but if you give it your best shot, there's a chance. And that's what life's all about--putting yourself in positions where good things can happen. Don't quit before you even started.

I don't care about blog buzz, mainstream record deal dollars, pitchfork scores, or banging hot alt bitches. Even though being in a buzzband is perceived as a cool lifestyle with infinite perks, giving you the chance to 'stay young forever', at the end of the day, it's all about family. I love my family.

Thanks for coming out to see our band, mom and dad. What did you think of the show?

Is family more important than buzz?
Is family more important than your alt identity?
Do u dream that one day your parents will have a reason to be proud of you for succeeding at your alternative pursuits?
Have your parents given up on you?
Do ur parents think that ur 'gay' / 'a hippie' /a failure because ur alt?

Photo by Yvan Rodic

I was reading relevant fashion blogs, and I couldn't help but notice an exciting new trend all around the world. So many people around the world are starting 2 wear shin guards, protective devices over their shins. Maybe it means we r at war, and we need 2 be protected, but maybe it is a tribute 2 the past.

Maybe we are trying to reconnect with our youth. I have read that soccer is the #1 youth sport in America. So many kids on so many fields all across the world, playing the 'beautiful game.' Youth sports are important in facilitating a 'normalized' American childhood.

Guess maybe we just want to get back to our 'field of dreams', running around in our bright uniform, eating oranges at halftime, running under a tunnel of arms created by our parents, getting to eat a snack after the game. All of these meaningful moments culminate with 'going out for a pizza party at the end of the season.'

Felt relieved that my parents weren't poor, and could always bring a 'sweet ass snack' for the team after the soccer game. Felt bad for poor kids whose parents didn't 'man up' and drop some dollars on a premium snack.

The quality of snack ur parents brought on your assigned day was generally indicative of their parenting philosophy, and how far u would get in life.

Not sure if I would be down with gogurt as a snack. Seems sorta gimmicky and 'half assed.'

Just want to go back in time, b4 my parents were divorced. Back when my dad still thought it was 'worth it' 2 stay with our family since we were young. Back we he was an 'assistant coach' 4 my soccer team.

Want to jam an orange wedge in my mouth, pretend it is a mouth guard, hope it protects me as I grow up and encounter new challenges in our world.

Shin guards, here 2 protect me. Here 2 take my brand to the next level.

So many different styles. just want to find some that match my personal brand. Hope Am Appy starts to manufacture them soon.

Maybe I will make my own conceptual shin guards, made from the bark of a sacred tree. WWACD (what would AnCo do?) // WWFFD (what would fleet foxes do?)

Sorta worried that the shin guard trend might be manufactured viral marketing for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa, sorta like Die Antwoord.

I miss the green grass
I miss the competition
I miss bonding with other kids, b4 I felt 'different' than all of them
I miss the bond between coach and player, father and son
I miss my 'soccer mom.'

Soccer Mom. She could do anything. Raise 2-4 kids with minimal emotional or physical support from our father. Get us to school, keep our grades up, and keep us 'enriched' with youth sports and miscellaneous community educational activities. I will not become you, mom. Not only because I sorta h8 what u represent, but also bc I am not strong enough 2 do what u did.

This trend is 4 u, mom and dad. I know u think I have grown up, and I just wear things arbitrarily in order to 'look cool.' Not this time. This means something to me. These shin guards r 4 u.

Will u start wearing shin guards?
Will shin guards be the next authentic alt trend?
Did u play youth sports?
Did ur parents prevent u from playing youth sports when they didn't have enough time?
Who will win the World Cup?
Is 'going out 4 a pizza party' as a kid one of the formative 'bro chill session experiences' in ur life?

Were the Ninja Turtles a marketing tool for the pizza industry?

I recently watched this Public Service Announcement filmed by some Latina High School Reject. Apparently, 'bullying' is a huge problem in public and private high schools these days. I am not sure if this is a 'new problem', or possibly a problem that has 'been around for a long time.' According to the government 'bullying' is a bad thing, but in this blog post, Carles will controversially suggest that bullying is natural selection.

I feel like bullying 'might be natural' and we should let it run its course whenever it happens. I have read in science textbooks that all living organisms are 'naturally selecting' the strongest to survive. For some reason, humans believe that every human has the right to 'live life peacefully'/thrive/success/make money without 'going through tough times.' I feel like animals in the wild are 'bullies' too. They find a way to intimidate the weak, kill them off early and eat them 2 stay alive.

It seems like we might need to keep the bullied alive so that they can perform 'menial jobs' when they grow up. They learn how to 'take shit' so that they can prepare for being at the bottom of society when they are older/are trapped in their lives'.

According to this youtube video, 160,000 kids stay home from school every day to avoid being bullied. It seems like it is reasonable to conclude that all of these kids are 'fucking pussies' or possibly 'fucking fggts.' It seems like there has to be some sort of 'root cause' explaining why they are not willing to change, or perhaps they do not have parents who are wealthy/educated enough to 'make sure that their son/daughter has the tools to fit in.' Would be 'devastated' if I knew why my son/daughter didn't fit in, and there was nothing I could do about it. Like what if I also thought my son/daughter was a 'dork', and I sorta thought the school bully 'knew what was up.' Would I be a bully, too?

There's really a difference between 'simple bullying' (stealing lunches, typical actions+words that bring out the bully's insecurities) and 'socially acceptable bullying.' In a way, rich school districts 'bully' to ensure the 'wrong kind of kids' end up at their schools [via poors / coloureds / less fortunate]. You and your bff bully the entire world by not letting any1 else have a friendship like yallsz. Sometimes u need to embrace exclusivity to make sure relationships/social status 'means something.' If every1 had money/the same colour skin, the world would not be a better place--there would be way 2 many issues 2 deal with.

I saw this kewl graphic on the internet about 'bullying', and I feel like my internet website might be some sort of bully. Perhaps a 'cyber bully.' Maybe I should 'trademark' that term since the internet is about to get really popular so that I can 'make mad money' in case it becomes a catchy buzzword.

Seems like most of these words+phrases are 'natural defense mechanisms.' U need to protect ur tribe. U can't just accept 'any loser' into your tribe. Seems like sometimes u need to 'step on other people' to make sure ur brand is strong + authentic. Not every1 was meant to fit in.

Overall I feel confused about 'Public Service Announcements.' Who pays for these productions, and how can I build a career where I am consulted to 'make these ads seem raw and authentic.' I want to be on some sort of strategic team that ensures The PSA Brand has a sweet typeface that tweens can relate to. I want to be in charge of 'convincing a tween celeb that our cause is important.' I am not necessarily interested in 'making the world a better place', but I would like to work with a team of people who are in some sort of project where they get caught up in the spirit of 'thinking that they are making the world better' (I would only want this career for only 3-6 months.)

Seems like a 'loaded' graphic

R u a bully?
Is bullying 'natural'?
When u rate an indie band, are you bullying the band by not 'accepting them in2 ur iTunes library'?
When u steal an mp3, r u bullying a record company?
Do you have any sweet bullying stories where u know that you 'acted appropriately'?
Did u ever get bullied, and did it make u stronger?
Did u cry to ur mom about getting bullied, then she had to go 'scare the shit out of a pussy-type of bully'?
Did ur classmates ever make fun of you for 'not being as rich as them'?
Is it really cost/time effective to 'worry about EVERY1's feelings'?
Can we have an 'us' without a 'them'?
Do we live in a progressive society where it socially acceptable for making fun of home-schooled kids?

As yall know, I recently became a father. I have some great personal news to celebrate--my son was on the cover of Newsweek Magazine'!' While the topic of the cover story is somewhat controversial, I believe that my son is the perfect representation of the theme of the story. He is not a racist--but he is accepting of natural discriminatory practices which all humans acquire as we 'live life in our modern society.'

I don't teach my son any racist ideas. I have honestly set him free in the world, and he adapts accordingly. Most of his feelings of 'superiority' above minorities are somewhat natural. He is developing like any other human being would. He naturally 'senses danger' when we are on a poorer side of town. He has accepted the fact that he will never play in the NBA. He guards his wallet/personal belongings when walking past a seedy looking man in an urban area (it doesn't matter if the man is white, black, or brown).

I honestly believe that my son would have voted for Obama if he wasn't 'chillin in da womb.' There is no way that he is a racist. Some of his best bros are African Americans. If he is 'a lil bit racist', it is only to protect himself from evil/danger.

I am a proud father. Not proud for simply 'being a father', but I also take extreme pride in my progressive parenting techniques. I honestly believe that I have found the proper procedures to constructing an authentic child. I am more than just a cool dad. I am a perfect dad.

On a personal note, it was really amazing to go 2 my local news stand and see my son on the cover of Newsweek Magazine. Feels like he has really 'made it' as a human being/hate monger.

Not sure if Newsweek is still a real/respected magazine. Still seems like most magazines are just some sort of contest to create a controversial cover that will 'get blogged about.'

I just want my son to be blggd about 4 the rest of his life.
Is ur baby a racist?
R u a racist?
Will u teach ur son how to make 'racial assumptions' or will u give him freedom to grow into his racial preferences?

XX BONUS PERSONAL QUESTION ABOUT UR RACIAL H8/<3 XX

Honestly, though... what would u do if ur white daughter 'showed up to dinner with her two blipster fiances'?

Photo via pedestrian.tv

a) tell them 'You take off your zany clothes, son. Take your hat off. Take your sunglasses off when you talk to me. Didn't any one ever teach you any manners?'
b) disown ur daughter
c) have them take a family portrait with their zany cameras
d) put together a team-building arts+crafts activity so yall could bond
e) greet them a 'tasteless racial slur' but then say 'jk' even though you did/didn't mean it
f) Accept them in2 ur lives'
g) teach the bro on the left how 2 tie his shoes so he didn't have to wear velcro strapped shoes n e more.
h) I don't see colour, except if two bros are wearing a ton of neon shit
i) Plead with ur daughter 2 understand how difficult it is to raise a child who is a 'halfie'
j) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Photo by thecobrasnake

My daughter begged and begged for the opportunity to see one of her favourite indie bands. Of course, with a name like that, I certainly had never heard of them, nor had I heard their music...except for when she hijacks the car stereo... Colour me unimpressed with all of this modern rock and roll music. Hmph.... While I can clearly see through the consumerist aspects of the music and marketing machines, sometimes you need to just turn your head and let your kid be a kid.

Well, she's a good kid--one of the brightest in her class, and she made an A on her recent pre-Algebra test. I'm a big believer in giving your kids freedom--something my parents never did. Who knows what I could have been if some one had believed in me and gave me some room to grow and make a few mistakes. Let's be honest... I don't want to be the bad guy in my kids' lives'. I want them to feel love, and I want them to experience life and love and art and beauty. I want them to live rich, meaningful lives', which is why it is important to let them cherish music.

The truth is, I am very protective of my 2 sons and particularly my daughter. It's been so hard to watch them grow up. I live in constant fear--a dark fear that they will make the wrong decisions, spiraling into a less than mediocre life filled with drugs, unprotected sex, and jobs in the service industry.

Photo via our driveway

Anyways... we drove to the venue. Lemme tell ya... Don't forget to bring cash for parking... They'll think of any way to make money off you these days. Before the show, I took my daughter to the merchandise stand so that she could pick out a t-shirt. She had a really hard time, since the designs were so intricate. I think she picked a good one, though...nothing too loud.

The band started playing, and it was actually invigorating. It reminded me of when I was young, but as you know, trends are much, much different these days. Everything was going great, but then I looked to my left and my daughter wasn't there. I looked to my right, and I just saw some greasy tween boy with deep acne scars. I looked behind me. I saw my daughter floating over a crowd of hands, being groped and manhandled in every which way by hundreds of sweaty palms.

This was truly the darkest moment I had ever experienced as a father. The only thing darker would probably be 'getting a lap dance' from my daughter at a 'titty bar.' Perhaps I should not have let her attend this concert. Perhaps I should have just dropped her off. It hurt to see my angel fade away, looking both uncomfortable and pleasured as men and boys touched her in her 'nether-regions.'

My daughter had vanished into the sea of tweenage hands. I let her go. I accepted that she was no longer my little baby girl. She had grown up, and it was time to let her spread her wings to become a beautiful alternative butterfly. She would find happiness in life, and my metaphorical teet would no longer quench her thirst for a fulfilling life.

She was gone, but in the distance I saw another teen girl moving towards me, as if the Lord's hands were bringing her to me. I realized I was at a rock indie concert. I realized I needed to have fun and be myself. The girl floated closer and closer to me. Eventually, she was held up by nothing but my arms.

I moved my and groped her, feeling her all around, exploiting the situation even though I was 20 years above the average crowd age. The truth is, I never experienced 17 year old sex when I was 16-19.

For the first time in years, I felt young again. People looked at me like I was a predator, or a sicko--but if only they knew what it was like to grow old. If only they knew these were the best days of their young lives'. If only they knew...

I am glad I let my daughter have her freedom, but more importantly, I got my own freedom back. I never saw my daughter again, but I know that somewhere, she is happy because she chose her own life. Enabling your children to make their own decisions relieves the pressure on you. Let them make their own mistakes. Let them live.

Has ur mom/dad ever escorted u to a concert/show that u wanted 2 attend?

Did the experience bring u closer together, or was it 'hella ghey' since u couldn't be urself?

Do ur parents think that ur just a 'trendhopping fggt'?

What kind of car do ur parents drive? [link2funnie_post]


Previous Crowd Surfing Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/crowd-surf-gang-bang.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

Photo via advancedstyle

I love my grandfather. He is seriously the coolest bro I know. I call him 'pappy'. Every holiday and birthday he gives me several hundred dollars. It really helps out, since I had to start paying my own rent last year after I graduated from design school. When my mom is 'a bitch' to me, he is a dick to her since he birthed her. He's on my side.

I made a mix CD for my grandfather full of popular bloghaus mp3s. Ever since then he has been 'mesmerized' by modern youth culture. It's like he feels like he missed out on a lot of cool shit. Ever since then, he started a blogspot, bought an iPhone, bought a macbook, started a twittr, bought some neon wayfarers, purchased $700 worth of Am Appy, and started going to a weekly electro night. He started reading my favourite blog, the hipSt*rRun0ff. I feel kinda proud, but I also feel 'sort of embarrassed.'

Sometimes u do something to make ur parents/family 'feel connected 2 u'/ur 'culture', and they 'get way too into it'? HAs this ever happened 2 u? How do u handle it? Do ur parents like some kewl band more than u do after you made them a mix CD? Did ur parents recently go to an indie rock show? Do ur parents ask u 'how do u find kewl music on the modern world?'

Who is the 'best indie band' 2 put on a mix CD for ur parents?
do u have chill parents who r ur 'bros'?

Do u think u will ever be 'uncool' and 'connected to an irrelevant culture'?
Worried.

via wtfdyhak

I want to be a teen again
and make love
to a girl in my Speech class
accidentally 'get her pregnant.'

Her belly will swell with life
that came from my teenage semen
too late to pull up
but experiencing xtreme pleasure

She will eventually have to go to a high school for pregnant teens
and make friend with other people who are in her situation
we will say that 'this was a gift from God'
and name our child something Biblical

Before the baby comes out of her vagina,
we shall use my digital camera to film a few videos
that people can relate 2
and they can know that 'we are human'
even though we did something unconventional
by having a babie so earlie.

We have a story to share
We can still laugh
We can still dance like no1 is watching
We can birth like we've never been hurt.

This is what it means to be young and beautiful.
It is a state of mind.
We will become youtube famous and get 100,000 subscribers
and make 'mad ad revenue' by 'going viral'

My water breaks
rush to the hospital with my 19 year old boyfriend
and my mom
holding my hand as the baby pops out
She looks at me, pretty ashamed
She looks at my boyfriend, pretty resentful
Worried about the financial burden
that she didn't really 'sign up for'

There is no such thing as a mistake.
We are all gifts from God.

I read in a book that babies come out 'intelligent'
if they listen 2 music while in the womb.
not sure if u can still 'partie'
when ur preggos

It's hard than ever to be the (proud) parent of a teen these days. iPhones, Myspace, facebook, text messages, and lolspeak are some of the things a modern parent might be exposed to on any given night. However, there's plenty that you can do to make sure you don't lose sign of your teen.

• TALK to you teen/tweenage son or daughter about their life. They want to tell you. Be a 'chill parent' and be accepting. You know--you used to experiment too!
• SPEND VALUABLE TIME with your teen. Plan weekend vacations, or even a special night of the week where they get to pick which restaurant to have a family pow-wow at.
• BUILD arts and crafts with your kids. Learn what they are doing. Spend time with them and create a myspace profile. You can be like them too. It's okay to be your child's best friend. Building arts and crafts means building a relationship with them.

Most importantly....

• NOURISH them. Feed them. Feed your tweens. Give them life.

Don't be afraid to let your teenagers have a little bit of fun. Your teen will make mistakes. You made mistakes, too.

If you are the owner of an AZN teen, understand that you only have to feed him once a week.

Your teen will experiment. They will wear zany clothes. They might even hit rock bottom. But U have 2 support them. Don't be afraid. They will fail. The test of your love will be when their 'friends' drop off his/her body in your front lawn. Your teen child will be unconscious. This is where you must love them.

[Photos by The cobrasnake]
Don't turn ur back on your teen/tween when they start experimenting.
Love them.
Try to understand them.
Don't push them away. Hug them. Be affectionate.
Even when they say 'ur a stupid bitch cunt. U don't GET me. My friends are the only people who understand me', you have to realize that their friends will abandon them, and u can be there for them 2 get vulnerable with.

This has been a post about teen & tween parenting.
(This was actually a post about popular night life DJs pouring vodka into the moufs of teens.)

[Photo by Last Night's Party]
When I have a child
I will raise him 'right'
and make sure he/she
gets only the best

Organic foods
Progressive Private Education
Summer art courses
Team sports
Necessary technology
No television
Plenty of 'books'/printed out pages of wikipedia
Drug prevention education
Lots of physical affection
and verbal reinforcement

My wife will put the baby
upon her teet
and tell her about her life
and her mistakes
and the history of the modern world

The baby will grow old
and go away to design school
And find himself/herself
Fall in love
Accidentally make a new child too soon
and the circle of life will continue

The baby
must be nourished
from a teet
which spouts
top shelf vodka
(This is a metaphor)

Sometimes I wonder if I should marry a man or a woman. I think it would be great to provide a traditional heterosexual environment for my impending spawn so that they would feel like they 'fit in' at school. But then there is also the option of settling down with a GHEY bro. I think that 2 cool dads could provide a positive environment without the shortcomings & insecurities of a female.

100 Simple Rules For Raising my Alternative Child

• When I am a father, I will not let my kid watch television.
• I will only let my son/daughter watch vimeo.
• My kids will only listen to podcasts.
• My kids will only eat Kashi brand products and no red meat.
• When they are fully grown into tweens, I will remove meat from their diet.
• My kids will not learn how to write in print or cursive. I will give them a Macbook Air with only a single font available for use--Helvetica.
• My kids will not learn how to play the guitar or piano, but I will hire some one to teach them Ableton.
• I will not let my kids vlog until they are 19.
• I will monitor my kids' personal brand, not letting them commit to any trends that will be eliminated within 1.5 years.
• My kids will be homeschooled. They will not read textbooks--only wikipedia entries and blog posts.
• 80% of my children's curriculum will be for the sake of self-expression.
• Other kids will not 'get' my children, but I will teach my kids that this means that they are better than mainstreamer children who eat refined sugar.
• My kids will go to the top design/art schools in the world. I will let them take a year off, but make sure they are 'doing something free spirited and constructive.'
• My kids will be tolerant. They will create pro-Ghey signs.
• My kids will live in a world without Comic Sans.

I want to be the most effective alternative father in the history of the world.
How will u raise ur kids?

SRSLY tho... is love ever wrong? (gonna miss the gheys after George Bush eliminates them the day b4 he leaves office.)

Should I blog about social change/parenting tips more often?

Great news, yall!
Uffie is having a baby! Not sure who the dad is, but maybe it's FEADZ, ANDRE, or the Ed Banger Record Label. Who ever it is would have 2 b krazie not 2 want to spend the rest of their life with her. Ryte?

[Photo by IcantTeachUHOw2Doit]
Is she ready 2 'become a mom'?
Will Ed Banger Records give her 'maternity leave'?
Will Justice take her vocals off their hit song "The Party"?
Will she bring her baby to parties?
Will she crave sillie snacks like Butterfingers, CrunchNMunch, goldfish crackers, and Skinny Cow Ice Cream desserts?

What do u think she should name the kid?
a) LilBangy
b) Uff Jr.
c) AltAccident
d) Steve Aoki
e) something that rhymes with Joustice
f) Johnathan Brandis Uffie, Jr.
g) license the baby's name out to Scion/Sparks/Nike/other altCompanies
h) Uffington Chaz Spencer Prince William IV
i) Andre Edward Banger Feadz III
j) Alice Agyness Lovefoxxx Feist
k) Choose.Your.Own.Name

I think I'm about to go to American Appy to buy some babie or dog clothes for the kid. Which 1 of these would fit an altInfant better?
or

BREAKING NEWS....

[via Pedestrian.tv]

I was looking forward to hear Uffie's new album that's less about partying & being ready to Uff, and more about 'parenting tips', feeding kids organic smart snacks, and when is the right time to stop breastfeeding. :-(
I feel like as alts grow up into coolParents, we're gonna need some more alt Celebs who have kidz to be positive role models.

:-( Life is beautiful. It's always sad 2 find out that the media lied about some1 being preggers. I miss babies that were never even conceived more than babies that were 'eliminated after conception.'

:-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-( :-(

BUT SRSLY...have u ever dated some1 who 'changed' a lot after u? Whether it's 'going mainstream', 'becoming a slut', or just a general overhaul of their personal brand...does it hurt when they change from the person u used 2 know?

Uffie

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Uffie is a French bloghouse rapper who is known for hanging out with her titties out.

Lists: it girls, slutwave, QTs, indie songstresses

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