Photo by thecobrasnake
Sometimes I get excited and I don't really know what do with myself. I will end up somewhere that I never thought I would end up in my alt-est dreams [via back when I was a 14 year old indie music fan], and I will just think, "Damn. Guess I made it. This is the life I have always dreamed I'd live." I will be overwhelmed. I will piss my pants, not because I have a weak bladder, but because I have a great life.
It's so weird how 1 day ur on the internet reading about a buzzband, and the next day you're at a relevant Coachella pool party getting ur chill on with an alt celeb in-person. U end up in line for a free beverage behind one of them, and it is like, 'damn. I am chilling hard with this bro. Even though he/she is usually in blog headlines, I am part of this culture, moreso than all of the other lonely losers on the internet.'
These moments where 'the internet' are overridden by a real life experience make me piss my pants. Maybe I have a weak bladder, but then again, maybe I have a super interesting life that inspires me to 'wet myself' with excitement. Peeing your pants is a mix of being speechless, nervous, excited, apprehensive, and overwhelmed. There is something more complex about peeing in ur pants than jizzing in ur pants [via bro humor]. Cumming in ur pants means that you are overcome by pleasure, leading to an orgasm.
Peeing in ur pants is a mix of emotions, sorta like a moment where u feel like "This is It..." [via the Strokes] in an accomplished/letdown kind of way. Moments where 'real life' seems surreal, because u never thought something so beautiful / relevant could happen to you.
What types of alternative events / milestones in ur life have inspired you to piss ur pants?
- Sneaking into a music festival, and hearing the drone of music in the distance
- Touching Uffie's breast while she crowd surfs
- Drinking from Steve Aoki's Grey Goose bottle
- running into Justice at a leather shop
- Going on a spiritual retreat to the wilderness, running into Panda Bear, and making smores with him
- Drinking the sweat of an XX sleeveless turtle neck from after their show
- Buying a pet dog or cat, and having the animal tell u they are part of the Animal Collective
- Experience an iPad DJ breakdown live
- Running into a member of the Arcade Fire in a niche Canadian Coffee Shop
- Being in charge of driving a relevant alt celeb to the venue for a concert
- Hearing a buzzband's live debut in New York City
- Reading a mad crazy blog post with wicked good news about an album release
- flying into an airport in New York City, looking at the skyline, and saying 'this is my effing town, bitches.'
- being photographed by a relevant party photographer
- Reading a blog that drops sick ass mp3s / music news memes
- Being in 'the crowd' on Jimmy Fallon behind a blog band
- Being at the same Chili's as James Murphy
- Running into a cool dad alt celeb with his family at Disney World
- Getting 'piss drunk' at SXSW
- going to an indie concert, bumping into Jay-Z and Beyonce, then talking with them about buzzbands
I feel like a lot of people who 'h8 alternative lifestyles' don't really understand how fulfilling this lifestyle can be. So many people call it some sort of 'hollow form of consumerism', but they don't realize that we are real people, living real moments. We love bands, brands, gossip, and life, and sometimes all of these entities come together, there are truly beautiful 'piss ur pants' moments that u can't really put into words.
I piss my pants when my life feels more meaningful than any1 else's life
I get happy (to have the opportunity to live my life)
I get scared (that the moment will end)
I feel overwhelmed (that a similar moment will never happen again)
I feel nervous (that I won't know how to capture the moment [via digital camera / twitter /fb status update])
I feel __________
I piss my pants
because it is the only natural / complex expression of my true feelings
Will anything in 2k10 make u piss ur pants?
Or will 2k10 be a buzz + urine drought?
I just want a bro
who pisses his pants with me
and we will metaphorically drink one another's urine
sipping the stream from my bro's loins
This is my Stream
Photo via thecobrasnake
I saw this picture portraying a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he had a pee pee accident as his dark yellow urine streamed down towards the star of a celebrity. I felt tons of emotions as my brain processed this digital image. Shame. Guilt. LOLability. Snarkfactor. Sadness. AmericanBeauty. Happiness. Loneliness. Fucksocietivity. Bloggy. Alive. Dead on the inside. Alone. Without a home. Metaphorical. This is the power of photography. A simple man who peed his pants in his sleep [via no home] can say so much about humanity, society, and the struggle 2 create a better life for urself.
The sad/beautiful image of the homeless man made me think of a recent post on the globally acclaimed streetfashion blog 'the Sartorialist' in which the photoblogger posted a picture of a coloured homeless man, then wrote an 'inspiring blurb'.
Photo and blurb by the Sartorialist:
I don't usually shoot homeless people. I don't find it romantic or appealing like a lot of street photographers, and if you asked homeless people they are probably not to happy about their situation either. That's why I was surprised to be so drawn to taking a picture of this gentleman.
I was being interviewed for an article in British Vogue; and while we walked down Bowery back in April I barely stopped walking when I took the shot. Fiona Golfar, the writer, asked why I took the photo. At that moment I couldn't really explain - but I just had a feeling about the power and grace of how he was sitting there. It wasn't until later that night when I was working on the image that I realized why I had noticed this man.
Usually people in this man's position have given up hope. Maybe this gentleman has too, I don't know, but he hasn't given up his sense of self or his sense of expressing something about himself to the world. In my quick shot I had noticed his pale blue boots, what I hadn't noticed at first were the matching blue socks, blue trimmed gloves, and blue framed glasses. This shot isn't about fashion - but about someone who, while down on his luck, hasn't lost his need to communicate and express himself through style.
Looking at him dressed like this makes me feel that in some way he hasn't given in or given up.
Damn. The bloggerbro's inspirational blurb is actually kinda true... It's like even though you might be the poorest, most worthless, homeless guy in the world, it doesn't mean that u can't have a little bit of pride 2 make sure that your clothes match. Never give up. Every day, u have the opportunity to brand yourself--you have the opportunity to let the world know that you are a person, and within this person is a brand which the whole world can consume.
Homelessness is not a disease--homelessness is the product of a group of people who have no pride. A group of people who don't play by society's rules. A group of people living in some demented reality, no longer in touch with the availability of legitimate intrinsic rewards through the power of 'creating.your.own.image.' We must inspire the homeless so that they can inspire us to do more than to take artsy pix of them. It is easy for photographers to take pictures of homeless people because they usually look 'insane', 'urban', and as if society has shat upon them.
A lot of people say that homeless people should 'get a fucking job'--now I firmly believe that they would get a job if they dressed nicely, and treated people with respect. It seems like they could some how get a job at an investment bank, or perhaps a McDonalds, similar to the plotline of the popular Will Smith joint 'The Pursuit of Happyness.'
After reading that inspired blurb, it sort of makes me want to tell this guy to 'get his shit together', and 'have a little bit of pride.' U can't go around pissing on urself and wearing lame ass clothes if you really want to turn ur life around.
It doesn't matter if you can't control your bladder, or if you are mentally challenged, or if you are having 'terrible flashback dreams.' Every day, you need to take pride in yourself. You need to realize that your personal brand is being interpreted by every1 who sees you. Do you want to depress your viewers? Or do you want to inspire them? Be a valuable person--not just to yourself, but also to society as a whole.
This is a blog post about hope.
Photo by the StyleShark
Yesterday, I used my Palestinian scarf for something functional. I was attending a large outdoor concert, and I had to urinate. I had to walk to the edge of the property in order to use the portable restrooms that were provided by the festival promoters. As I approached 'the facilities,' I could smell something 'sterile' but also something 'incredibly disgusting.' As if I was standing on the sidelines of a battle between the pungent smell of poo and the cleaning agents that people poo and pee into within portapotties. I covered my nose and mouth with my alternative scarf, as if I was 'actually in the Middle East', and there was a 'massive sandstorm'/fire fight with American troops.
I walked into the portable restroom, and I saw a urinal to the left which had a pipe connecting to the large pool of waste below the toilet seat. I peered down the toilet seat and saw a mountain of feces with a blue tint, matching the royal, synthetic colour of the simulated toilet water. I attempted to hold my breath, but my body's natural desire for air caused me to take in an intense 'whiff' of the excrement of several hundred people. For a moment, I felt like I wanted to vomit, but then I realized that there was beauty in this metabolic breakdown of your body's essential needs. Found beauty in the fact that while I usually 'see people eating' and bond with humanity while sharing feasts...for once I was able to share with 'what comes out of humans.' As if I realized that eating was just a means to this end--pooping.
I looked down at the huge pile of shit stewed with urine, and admired it. For the first time in my life, I felt 'not alone.' I feel like I truly understood that maybe we're all the same. We all eat, we all feel like children, and we all have to poop. A warm smile came over me, as I decided to 'drop a few pieces of love' on top of this pile of humanity. The logs creamed out of my ass hole, as if God had opened up a trendy frozen yogurt shop--no wiping necessary--a clean breakoff executed by my contracting anus. I got up, and saw my two distinct logs piled on top of the blueish brown mound of feces. I paused for a moment, then watched the blue water creep up and tint my defecation. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.
I had a little bit more to urinate, so I decided to move around a used-tampon utilizing the force of my urine stream. It floated around somewhat aimlessly until it settled within the mound of feces. It was as if it found its home. It was as if I found my home. I zipped up my pants, took one last look at 'authentic beauty' and exited the portapotty, most likely never to come back again. It made me happy and sad at the same time--much like 90% of life's most meaningful experiences.
On the way home, I saw some portable toilets being transported to what I could only assume was a large music or cultural festival.
It made me feel a little bit better about life. I hoped that some1 else was able to find the beauty that I found when I shared a unique experience with hundreds of people inside of a portable restroom unit.
Sometimes, it seems like ur looking for beauty in all of the wrong places.
Pitchfork Magazine is one of the leading online American websites for indie rock, and they basically have the skype phone number of every relevant artist across the world. After MGMT got piss thrown at them when they were playing in the UK, Pitchfork was like, "No way did they actually get piss thrown at them. That was just blog fodder. We're going to get the real story instead of just posting a zany blog headline about peeing on humans." They basically email chatted MGMT and were like, 'Did ppl rlly throw piss at u?' The Andrew VanWyngardens was like "No. That was just the British media getting to make up a bunch of shit because they are butt holes.
Based on his email, he seems like a zany, far out bro. He seems to be 'self-aware' abt his band's identity, but at the same time, 'insecure' about the critical perception of Congratulations.
Message from Andrew VanWyngarden:
What's up dude!?
All accounts of this alleged piss-throwing/shirt-piss-catching incident as well as the "label not giving them as much freedom" are false and maliciously embellished, as an indirect result of the Malicious British Journalistic Freedom Act (1666) which entitles gobshot writers for shitty British tabloids to make up whatever the fuck they want about whomever they choose (citation needed).
Although we're sure everyone's life could go on just fine without an "official clarification" of something that happened to that band MGMT somewhere in England, things have gotten to a point where we feel obligated to defend our selves and tell people the real story: witches, this: At the start of "Kids", MGMT's most popular song to date and the second-to-last song in the set, a celebratory cup of hearty Manchester ale, NOT URINE, was hurled into the air in the direction of the stage, thereupon landing in the lap of William Berman, the current world's best drummer. As we understand, thrown cups of beer are a sign of affection over here, whereas thrown bottles of urine mean the opposite. So, thank you Manchester for your affection.
Will Berman then left the stage to dry off and the band **finished the set without him, a nice non-percussive version of MGMT's current smash single "Congratulations." EVERYONE then returned for a steamy full band encore of "Future Reflections" and "Brian Eno", the latter of which induced a moist circular moshing type pit in the center of the floor. Johnny Marr was in attendance, the Dum Dum Girls sounded great, plenty of clotted cream and fresh berries in catering, Liverpudlian youths with dandy style, and no one got hurt. All in all it was a great show, and, on a scale of one to ten counting by tenths, I would give it a strong 7.1.
As for the whole label-not-giving-them-artistic-freedom thing, we aren't even close to starting the process of making a new album, label-relations are currently quite friendly, we are very proud of "Congratulations" and the new videos, looking forward to making more music on Columbia, and the (mostly sold out) world tour has been going splendidly THANKS FOR ASKING. Don't believe everything that you read (even on Pitchfork.com).
taking the piss=bad idea in interviews,
**MGMT realizes its slow wit in not playing "Someone's Missing" when Will left the stage. IT APOLOGIZES.
Really confused. They seem chill, shouting out other buzzbands, saying that the UK is a 'shit hole', letting people know that they are making 'mad bank' as they tour around the world playing (mostly) sold out venues. Just wanna chill out with Andrew VanWynBrodener, smoke a spliff, and write some concept rock.
Should more buzzbands write direct letters 2 blog websites so we can see what they are all abt?
Is MGMT chill?
Do u believe them?
Do u think their tour is sold out?
Do u thin it is chill that they 'shouted out' buzzbands in their email?
Is MGMT rolling around in mad buzz dollars?
Should MGMT be proud of "Congratulations"?
If they can lie 2 our faces abt Congratulations being a good product, would they lie 2 us abt being peed on?
Is this just the tipping point of a huge USA vs UK buzzband + alt media outlet war?
Do yall prefer unfounded rumors on the internet because they provide better content/sharable memes than bands can actually produce themselves?
Were u at the show and do u take responsibility for peeing on them?
MGMT storms off stage after being pelted with urine bombs, losing creative freedom from label on next albumBy Carles on 28 Sep 2010
MGMT has has 'a terrible 2k10' after their hit album Congratulations 'flopped' both critically and commercially. They basically 'effed up royally' and now no1 likes them and their record label is gonna put them on a tight leash to try to make up some of their investment. Doesn't help when ur playing a gig, and people are so bored that they pee in bottles
MGMT's drummer Will Berman walked off stage during a gig in Manchester after he was hit with a glass full of urine.
The musician refused to come back even when his bandmates Andrew VanWyngarden and Benjamin Goldwasser pleaded with him to come back.
Berman was soaked when the glass, hurled on stage by a fan, hit him in the chest, reports Ace Showbiz.
I remember one time a bunch of birds shat on the Kings of Leon and the newsbit meme went viral, allowing blogs to write to snarky headlines that said "poopy musicians got poop in their moufs." [link] Wonder if 'human excrement memes' will still go viral, or if it is unchill when pooping and peeing are done by humans and flung at buzzbands.
The group, who play as a five-piece live, were halfway through an extended jam of the track The Handshake when Berman stormed off.
The band only noticed as they started playing their hit Kids and were forced to ask the crowd: 'Where's Will gone?'
They were forced to play the last song of their set, Congratulations, without percussion.
Cmon bro. Be a professional. This is show biz. People are gonna throw batteries, rotten fruit, and human excrement at you. U gotta play thru it, bro.
Anyways, seems like MGMT's career is falling apart and their record label is gonna be like, "Nope. Not gonna let u release that consumer-unfriendly shit again. We're going to put u in the studio, and ur gonna write 10 "KIDS.mp3s." Your band + ur art is our property and we will get what we want out of u.
The album -- released in April this year -- omitted the type of big hits that could be found on their previous album, 'Oracular Spectacular,' and as such hasn't sold quite so well.
And now the band have revealed their label bosses are likely to have more control over the making of their next album.
Frontman Andrew VanWyngarden said: "I definitely think our music will change in the future because 'Congratulations' is almost two years old now. We have some ideas and have been talking about possible directions of where to go next. We are just in much more positive mental states than when we wrote 'Congratulations.'
"We're less anxious. We've been looking at relationships with the label during the recording process and it's quite different this time. They'll be more involved and not give us as much freedom."
Will MGMT 'recover' and win over indie hearts again?
Will MGMT go 'mainstream'?
Will MGMT's label 'save' their career?
Do u ever pee in bottles/water balloons and throw them at subpar buzzbands?
Did MGMT deserve to be peed on?
Does urine help ur skin?
Will u ever forgive MGMT?
Are buzzbands 'humans' who deserve to be treated with respect, or are they products we can violently discard when we are done with them?
Been having a lot of trouble lately
Keep pooping myself
and peeing myself
for a while I told myself that I was 'transcending society'
'transcending the modern plumbing aesthetic'
by avoiding all toilets
It is sorta like dudes who don't bathe for months
just to 'smell bad' and seem all alt
But I 'took it to the next level'
a walking health hazard [via the stench of feces]
I thought I was the alt-est dude on the planet
Didn't need to poop and pee in toilets and urinals
Super convenient life, shitting my pants OnDemand
Falling asleep in my own body juices every night, smearing them on my comforter
Do u wear boxers, briefs, or diapers?
Or are u a 'free balling' bro?
but then I realized it was a more serious problem
and ruined many real world relationships I had
due to my inability to control my body's bathroom functions
Recently I purchased some diapers to make the situation more chill
I am open with my friends about my condition
but many outsides think that I am being 'zany and ironic'
Perhaps providing commentary on 'everlasting youth'
and possibly commentary on how we grow old and lose control of our bladders
Runny poop dripping down my leg
a pool of pee and poop sloshing against my taint
This is more than just a personal branding tool
This diaper helps me live my day 2 day life.
Have a job at a coffee shop
and attend relevant art rock shows in modern art spaces.