Alt #1: The Bro Who Bleached His Hair


Alt #2: Free spirited facepaint eye mask swoop bang multi-coloured hair alt

Alt #3: Alt with Natural Highlights Who Hangs out with Possible Alt Celebs (the era of Excessive Hair Dying regrets)

Alt #4: post-PeteWentz simple raw alt in grey t-shirt which represents ‘being comfy in my clothes/with myself’ circa brainwashed smile // an IHaveFoundHappinessBro

Which of these bros is the most authentic version of ALT?
The purpose of this post is to question what ‘authenticity’ truly means.
Were you more authentic when u were ’searching for your optimal personal brand’?
Or are you always the most authentic in the present?
Do you have to be ’skinnie’ to be ‘in touch with humanity’, or is there a certain level of ‘vulnerability’ that you can experience while you are a chunker [via insecurities]?

Is it important to ‘feel good about yourself’ to have a bloggable personal brand?

[Photos by Mario Lavandeira]

When you are building a personal brand, you want a brand so strong that people want to emulate it. Kinda like Michael Jackson when he was in the process of turning white. You want other people to want your life.

Picking your authentic alt career is difficult. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes it means ’standing up 2 ur parentz bullshit expectations’ and/or ’societal norms.’ It means taking risks, going to college, not going to college, changing your major, taking a year off, and transferring to a school where u r socially comfortable+’academically stimulated.’ It means being yourself and being some one else. While ‘wanting 2 make ur parents proud’ is an innate within all humans, authentic alts are willing to rage against this desire. Your pride is the most important thing in the world. Your pride, your terms.

This is ur life.
WHO DO U WANT 2 B?

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HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS
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THE MOST AUTHENTIC ALTERNATIVE CAREERS
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The Guy who works the soundboard at concerts. He knows a lot about sound quality, systems, and bands.

DJ at a shitty radio station/college radio station/guy who is affiliated with a university 5+ years after graduating & not getting a real job.

“Door guy” who multitasks as a bouncer/ticket tearer/janitor.

Buffalo Exchange employee

Am Appy employee

postpostironic McDonalds employee

Start an indie band that is better at ‘looking like an indie band’ than it is at making music

Start a web 2.0 company

Start the first myspace profile

Work for a web marketing company who tries to get products/services/memes to go viral for companies who don’t ‘get’ how the internet works. h8 when ‘big businesses’ don’t understand the importance of the meme economy.

Work at Costco

Be a Zany Doctor

Work at a free spirited, local coffee shop

Work at Starbucks (great benefits, yall)

Go 2 beauty school.

Learn photoshop/become a designer. Carles is certified in Photoshop CS1.

Transition your name into a fashion label / be a judge on a Bravo show / make clothes for keut women.

Buy a video camera and make a lil meaningful film.

Start a blog!

Go on a Bravo Show/pretend u r ‘into the design sciences.’

Become an altCEO // start a ‘plain tee shirt company’ that is ‘fueled by legal Mexis’

Spend ur whole life ‘becoming good at the internet’ for no real reason.

[via Designnotes]

Tattoo artist

Apple Store Employee

Blipster Apple Store Employee

Make a viral vid


Note: Working in a record store is no longer an authentic alternative career in the postMP3 blog era.

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Yall have a lot of options to express your personal brands. I’m sure I left out tons of options. Feel free to add some more to the comments.

In conclusion, it is just important to always remember the power of your alternative self, and the power of alternative free will. You are not functioning within the implied expectations of society. You will justify your life at any cost. You want people to understand that you are at your job for a reason. Even if you are just ‘working at a coffee shop before you move to NYC to get a job at a design firm after you get your portfolio of doodles+MSPaint files together.’

Never give up on you. You are special. Eventually, you will find a way to get paid for just being yourself. You have a unique perspective on the world, and eventually, you will find a way to let people know ‘who u really are’, establishing a platform where people will listen 2 u, and most importantly, want 2 b u. (kinda like God/Michael Jordan/theGirlTalk/Macauly Culkin circa Home Alone).

Pit Stain Bro sayz:

Okay so, a couple weekends ago I went out to my favorite dance night to celebrate my friend’s birthday.

Prior to leaving I asked the crew what kind of shirt I should wear? Knowing I have a sweating problem I usually wear black to mask it.

Well…I wore brown. Clearly…a BIG, I emphasize big, mistake.

Well, I whored it up in front of the camera…not noticing I had giant pit stain…

A few days later I get a myspace message from a random person who was at the dance night saying: “Just so you know…www.hipsterrunoff.com”

Being a curious fellow, I clicked and scrolled and found this:
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/02/pit-tain-lert.html

Funniest shit ever. Fucking irony man, It’s crazy. We are a feeling world…you present a thought enough times, such as, “shit i’m going to have bad pit stains tonight,” the world WILL respond in kind.

What we can learn from PitStainBro is that if you know you are going to sweat, you should stick to your core dark colours.

The internet is a win-win-win situation for every one.

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Does n e 1 know where Perez Hilton got this tshirt?

More importantly, does any one know where I can get creatures screen printed on all of my t-shirts?