perfect alternative breasts | Hipster Runoff

perfect alternative breasts

The Search 4 the Perfect Alternative Lower Torso

Photo by the cobrasnake

I have been on a neverending search 4 the perfect alternative breasts. I also discovered the perfect alternative backbone. It seems like as bros, we are all searching 4 a woman with the perfect 'bangin bod.' The 'complete package.'

Just trying to find answers to questions. What is an alternative bro/broad supposed 2 value in a female bod? Are 'huge tits' and 'huge asses' too mainstream? Are there more alternative parts of the body that a woman can showcase to woo a mate?

I feel like the 'lower torso' is a super hot part of the body this summer/festival season. QT gurls are doing everything they can to make sure their lower torsos are looking Good, bb! Even if u don't have perfect alternative breasts, having a firm core & beautiful lower torso.

Maybe the torso is so sexie, because we imagine it 'filled with a baby.'

Do u <3 or h8 when girls wear high-waisted jeans? do u feel like they are 'hiding something' [via shameful pooch]?

Do mom jeans showcase or hide the perfect alternative torso?
What do u look 4 in a lower torso?

Do u have a rock hard lower torso?
Is it important to not be 'too ripped' [via 6 pack]?
Is it important 4 ur lower torso to 'look like ur dying'?
Do u <3 or h8 ab definition on an alternative female?
Do u think the lower torso is sexier than breasts or a$$?
what is the sexiest part of the alternative female?

See more Perfect Alt Breasts

NSFW: Should I invent a secret handshake with my BFF where we press our nipples 2gether?

Photo by LastNightsParty

Sometimes I wish I could be young forever, having the energy to 'stay out doing blow every night', seeking out meaningful life experiences until the sun rises. Honestly my newly adopted 'chillwave' lifestyle is kinda a result of my body 'breaking down' since I recently got a job that sorta sucks a lot of time and energy out of me. Really can't do anything but chill after work because my body can't do much else.

Chillwave lifestyle has its positives and negatives. I chill super hard, but chills aren't as frequent. The chills that I do throw down are mad meaningful. I feel like I have 'a few core bros', but my SOCIAL NETWORK [via Zuckerberg] is diminishing rapidly. Wish I could go back in time, be young again, learn how 2 <3 again. Do fun things again. Be quirky, zany, let nights last forever. I wish I could invent a new 'secret handshake' with my BFFs where we exposed our supple nipples, then touched them together. This would represent the 'passing of milk' from one teet to another. We would be 'nursing' 1 another, sharing information, lifestreaming in the most authentic way.

Just want life to stream from 1 human to another
in an authentic social network
Just want some 'perfect alternative breasts'
in my face
helping me to 4get about my chillwave escapist lifestyle

Miss the days of 'perfect alternative breasts.' Wonder if I will ever find 'the perfect pair', or if I'll just end up settling for some 'cartoon-like mainstream breasts' on a mainstreamer.

Might go to my local drug store, purchase a disposable camera, and label it the 'boob cam'. I will rent a van, drive around trying to 'pick up chicks' and eventually 'bang them + photograph it' in the back of the van, starting a successful online pornography subscription service called "Bros Bangin Chicks in the back of a van."

I feel like the HIPSTER RUNOFF blog is 'really suffering' from the great buzz drought of 2k10. Since there aren't that many bloggable bands, blogs that blog bloggable content can't really blog. Really hurting us all right now. I feel like 2k9 was sort of 'the Olympics of Indie Music', and now we have amazing stadiums + infrastructure meant to spread memes, but now there aren't many memes to spread + share. Sorta like converting a professional speed skating arena into a place where 12 year olds have rollerskating parties.

h8 2k10 so bad right now. 2k10 artists didn't really 'open up a new artistic space' where we could debate + discuss + analyze their art. Seems like the criticism-sphere in 2k10 has sorta been a 'slow pitch softball game.'
Really 'losing it.'

What came first: the buzz or the band?

Just hope the nip slip economy can 'come back' and save the mp3 economy. Feel like nip slips represent 'promise', the opportunity of 'seeing something great' in the future.

Feeling depressed, like the only thing keeping the blogosphere alive is 'ravers killing eachother' and birds pooping on buzzbands.
R u sad abt the state of the blogosphere?
Is 2k10 really 'tanking'?
Does n e 1 care about the Arcade Fire leak?
Will Panda Bear let us down?
Can anything save 2k10?

What will we find first: the next bloggable buzzband or the perfect alternative breasts?

Free-spirited Mom Breastfeeds at a relevant alt party. Have we discovered the perf alt breasts?

Who seems more chill: the baby bro, or the background bro trying to 'have a peep' at some mom boob?

Photo by lastnightsparty

I have always thought that the perfect alternative breasts would be some nicely sized, perky knockers. A pair of breasts that weren't 'trying to be big' like fake implant whores, but something more reasonable and structurally sound, like a Frank Lloyd Wright joint. Maybe I was wrong all together. Maybe I was holding on to 'breasts' as the ultimate sexual object.

Now I realize that breasts don't exist to have in your face while you're making love, or as a 'target' to cum on when ur 'finished with a woman.' When ur a young boy who has never been intimate with a woman, the breasts are the ultimate symbol of sex & nudity. One day, you will undress a woman, and the bulgy, hidden breasts will be the ultimate symbol of 'becoming a man.' Maybe men like to 'suck on boobies' because they are recreating the act of 'being a lil baby', trying to reconnect with their mothers' by simulating breastfeeding.

Do u realize...
that breasts...
are actually 4 nourishing ur child
with life + love + knowledge?

Wonder what it would be like to have alternative parents. Mom and Dad taking me to buzzband concerts, relevant art openings, and meaningful events in public space before I was even able to walk/eat solid foods. I feel like even though I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate my upbringing, I would eventually evolve into a post-authentic alt, since my infancy would be filled with tons

Would u ever breastfeed your child in public?
Just watched this lady breastfeeding at a Starbucks. Do u think she is 'too free spirited'? Do some moms just want to 'stand out' since having a child sort of made u conform with ur biological purpose, so they just try to 'be all zany' and breastfeed while they drink a frappacino?


R u gonna breastfeed ur child?
Were u breastfed and did it make u a better alt?
Will the perfect alternative breasts be lactating?
Does milk from a bosom represent 'life'?
Should Steve Aoki start pouring breast milk into people's mouths instead of vodka?
Is breast milk 'more alt' than soy milk?
R u glad ur mom was mainstream and didn't use u as a personal branding tool, or do u wish she had stepped up her game?

Just want
4 walls and adobe slabs
4 my girls
so they can get they breastfeed on

-Breastimal Breastlective

What is the functional use of the perfect alternative breasts?

Photo by Domestic Fine Arts

I have been searching for the perfect alternative breasts for the past several years. Wondering what size would be perfect in an alternative kind of way, and what body type would be the perfect frame for alt breasts. But part of me wonders 'what I would do' if I finally had a pair of them in my mouth/hands. Would I be able to 'perform' sexually? Just feel scared that once 'game day rolled around', I wouldn't really have a game plan.  Feeling like an electro era altbro the first time he convinced an entrylevel headband-wearing kute lil slut to 'go home with him' for the first time.

Part of me wonders if breasts are called 'fun bags' because you are supposed to take out your stress on them. Not sure if abusing women is still 'chill' in the post-Chris Brown world, but it seems like this pair of breasts 'really took a beating.' Bruises can help your alternative brand, because it makes you seem more intriguing as an alternative female. U sorta want 2 'get 2 know' about the troubled soul behind these breasts, and reverse-nurse/caress her back 2 health [via ice pack].

Wonder if the collarbone broke or anything more severe happened to bruise these sweet 'bags of love.'  Possibly something both emotionally and physically scarring.  Maybe something alt, like 'she was in an Aoki+Pashy Pit moshpit full of rabid 16 year olds.'  Could even be something mainstream like 'her family just went on vacay to Aspen and she fell a lot during ski lessons.'

Just need 2 know what 2 do with myself in case I ever actually encounter the perfect alternative breasts.

Maybe breasts are just a sweet surface from which to inhale lines of cocaine.

I am not sure if the ternative era is going to be about tits, ass, or blow. It might be about the popular alternative drug meow meow. Ultimately feeling lost in the ternative era. Floating around aimlessly in the blogosphere as tons of indie memes and newsbits fly every where.

Wish I had a teet 2 lay my head down upon.
Do u still feel 'hornie'/aroused by sexual + drug content, or do you just want to load some mp3s into your iPod?
Do bruises 'turn u on' [via rough sex]?
Does cocaine 'get u more effed up' if you snort it off a breast/vagina/relevant CD jewel case?
Should I 'do blow off my iPad nano'?

Will the iPad make the macbook/iPhone irrelevant?
Should I invest in Vintage Dell desktops?
If u had access to a pair of perfect alternative breasts, what would u do with them?

Previous Kute Alt Girls with Bruises

Cruisin with my titties out.

Photo via lastnightsparty

Cruising down the street
chilling on my pink Vespa
Saving money on gas, cab fare, subway paypal super pass metro card
& even saving the environment
Feeling free
Young, beautiful;;; in the city
Speeding towards a relevant party
Numerous alternative nightlife photographers in attendance
snapping international alt celebs
snapping photos
snapping me
This is my body

These are truly traffic stopping breasts
More than 'just a nude' photo
I represent youth/life/sex/string theory

Through these teets
my firstborn son will suckle
nourished with the rich milk of my life experiences
and he shall spit back into my nipple hole
everlasting youth.


( o ) ( o )

Were u breastfed?
Did it help u develop into a healthy human being?
Will u breastfeed ur future child, or will u make him/her drink Silk soy milk?
Whats ur fave kind of milk? 0%, 1%, 2%, choco, whole, strawb, soy, rice, milk of magnesia, or unpausterized?
What type of a fluid will an authentic alt mom produce in her breasts 2 nourish her alt spawn (lil alt)?

Previous Alt Nudity Coverage

Following up on the XX broad from Halloween.

Carles has received tons of feedback after posting a picture of this broad dressed as &#39;an X&#39;/&#39;the XX&#39; for Halloween. She seems free spirited and enigmatic, the kind of woman who you&#39;d love to &#39;own as a sexual object&#39; but potentially &#39;take her home to meet your mother.&#39; So many bros have sent me emails, tweets, and comments, asking &#39;Carles...whats her deal? I really wanna get to know her as a person.&#39; It seems like every bro wanted to be dryhumping bro.  Sorta like a male figure who &#39;she belonged to&#39;, both physically and emotionally. I decided to &#39;dig a little bit deeper&#39; [via journalism] and found a video of her &#39;nipslipping around&#39; on stage while the popular bloghouse banger DJ duo &#39;Crookers&#39; played. She seems fun, like an &#39;exhibitionist.&#39;


Really missing 2k6.5 right now. I feel like this woman is the last memory I will have of &#39;electro culture.&#39; She is sorta like the final &#39;candle in the wind&#39; of the spirit of electro. Really miss the days when it was authentic to &#39;flash ur titties all over the place.&#39; Miss u electro era. Feel like I wrote this post with the now defunct 2k7 Carles voice. Do yall miss the electro era? Will California always have a relevant electro scene? Have u ever seen titties flash at an AnCo show? Does the XX broad have the perfect alternative breasts? Do u think this woman is a &#39;safety hazard&#39; and could potentially be &#39;groped to death&#39; if the bangers were hard enough? R u an &#39;exhibitionist&#39;? Do u remember the search 4 the perfect alternative breasts?

Is Target the most authentic Everything-Store? (NSFW)

Photo via Chicago Looks

Have yall heard of stores called 'Everything Stores'? I think it is because u can walk in and 'literally buy everything u could possibly need.' This includes food, pseudo-trendy clothes, electronics, and even stuff 2 clean ur bathroom with. These mega-franchises capitalize on 'sweet ass operations efficiencies' and do a bad ass job of putting niche mom-and-pop stores + regional stores out of business. U can even get ur prescription drugs/back2school supplies there.

I happened to notice tons of alternative ppl hanging out in Target, such as the bro above. He seems like he is just chillin. If I had to guess, he was probably buying a Mach 3 Turbo razor in order to shave his burns, and possibly shopping for a functional jacket or sweater at a low price for his 'real life job.' He probably also bought some beer, 7up, and possibly some breakfast cereal.

I wonder why Target is becoming such an alt hangout. Maybe it's because most of their stores have Starbucks inside of them. [Related Post: Do Tweens Rlly drink coffee?]

Maybe it's because their in-store restaurant offers Pizza Hut.

From what I understand, Wal-Mart is for 'truly poor people', but Target's prices are a little bit higher, discouraging the 'poorest people' from shopping there, since their purpose in life is seeking out extreme savings. Target is a viable option for 'upper-middle class people' who don't want to 'be seen with the lowliest members of society.'

Seems like every1 'from our caste' shops at Target.

Here is a picture of your Aunt shopping at Target.

The Posh Spice Beckham shops at the Target.

Christina Agulieraeia shops at the Target Shop. (ain't no other man)

Star of the MTV Channel show 'Our Hills', Lauren Comrad shops at Targets. (Is Halloween Candy on sale yet yall?)

The Poor Man's Natalie Portman (Kirsten Dunst) shops at Target.

Even the host of Project Runway and the guy who sang 'Kiss From A Rose' shop at Target.

Most of the people who live in your gated community shop at the local Target. They seem to be looking for 'Tickle Me Elmo dolls'/'Wii's.'

It seems busy and innovative, as if they have an active 'slave trade' or something.

It seems like Target is a chill place to chill. Like you could go there to buy anything, and it will be quality, and you won't be surrounded by The Ppl of Walmart. I feel relieved that I don't have to shop at WalMart. Whenever I go there, it is usually past midnight to buy something stupid, and it makes me depressed because 'real people' are actually doing 'real shopping.' They have tons of kids running around barefoot, and I feel worried that their dirty feet are transporting diseases and the H1N1. Hand Sanitizer.

It seems like Target has become an authentic Alt Hangout. Sort of like a mix between a 'thrift store' and 'an electro dance club where n e thing can happen.'

Photo via thestyleshark

g2g shopping. Hope I see some perfect alt breasts.

Where do u shop?
Is Target a place where you can shop for your basic human needs without 'feeling too trapped in ur life'/poor?
What does Target's brand mean to u?
Do u fear for ur life when u go inside of a WalMart since there are so many poors?
Can u share any insights into the differences between the WalMart and Target brands?
Do u believe in 'Everything Stores'?

Previous EveryThingStore Coverage

Feeling both hornie and conceptual. (NSFW)

Photo via StreetBonersandTVCarnage

I am in a weird mood this weekend. I feel like seeing some avant garde art/music/performances, but at the same time, I feel like doing something that objectifies women, like going to a strip club or something.

Part of me really wants to discover a new underground buzzband that is more authentic than Animal Collective/Karen O
but another part of me just wants to see some alternative titties.

Part of me wants to go to a meaningful art space and enjoy a night where people challenge reality
but the other part of me feels like 'artists are bullshit people who want attention', similar to tweens on youtube.

Part of me wants to see Tom Morello with a bunch of sweet Effectz Pedals,
but a bigger part of me wants to see a woman on all-fours without a shirt on with sweet pedals.

Part of me wants huge titties in my face
but another part of me wants lil authentic titties in my face.

Part of me wants to experience the night sober
but another part of me wants to 'get mad fucked up.'

Part of me wants to 'get drunk' off miscellaneous beverages
but another part of me wants to detox with Rice Dream/ Silk / Soy Milk.

Part of me wants to see MGMT this weekend
but part of me wants to just see this broad this weekend, then send her a friend request 2 her weirdo myspace.

I am not sure which part of me will win. I am not sure who I am any more. I am not sure why I do anything any more.

What r u doing this weekend?

I feel like I need 2 get back 2 my roots, and search for the perfect alternative breasts

What is the most authentic body part 2 do blow off of?

Photo by Domestic Fine Arts

In the past, I have blogged about doing 'cocaine'/'the blow' off different inanimate objects like iPhones. However, I have never rlly thought about what is the optimal body part off of which 2 do blow. Just wanna 'get rlly fucked up.'

Sometimes I wonder what I'm looking for in a friend/'bff.' A lot of ppl say that a true friend would 'suck the venom out of ur butt' if u were bitten by a poisonous snake. However, I don't think I will ever be in the desert, so I think my ultimate friend would let me 'do blow' off any part of their body.

Does n e 1 know n e thing abt 'chemistry' and if there is a way to create synergy with 'a drug' and the 'context in which u do a drug'?

I want to do blow off my BFF's ____________.
a) face
b) eye ball
c) tibia
d) femur
e) gall bladder
f) butt crack
g) nip
h) medulla oblongata
i) wrist
j) 'penis'
k) 'vagina'
l) bro bone
m) Adam's Apple
n) toe nail
o) 'small of ur back'
p) lips
q) 'breasts'
r) 'six pack'
s) 'bloody knuckles'
t) any body part with a tattoo on it
u) a deformity
v) I took an anatomy class in high school cuz I was too dumb 2 take chemistry/physics
w) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Motorboating: The Most Authentic Form of Self-Expression in 2k9? (NSFW)

It's pretty interesting to think about 'dance.' It is not just a genre of music--it is actually an act which your body performs. It is an art. You express yourself and 'let it all out' when you dance. There are things inside of you which need 2 be let out. Music facilitates dance.
In 2k9, music will not be as 'dancey'--it will be more conceptual. This means we cannot dance, and we must find a way to let out our deeply embedded sexually repressed feelings & 'teen angst' [via m83+our parents getting divorced]. The only way to do this will be [via motorboating]. AltBros are growing up and electro music will no longer be blggbl. Altbros are ready. They are ready to do more than just 'grind into girls standing in front of them at concerts.'

Motorboating is a rite of passage.
Don't be afraid of growing up.
This is what it means to live in 2k9.



What do yall do when u see a shitter? Do yall 'get naked' or 'let turds fall out of u'?

[Photos by LastNightsParty]

Bangs + Mullet + Teet Sucklage = the Holy Grail of Party Pix?

-Carles in the year 2k9 writing in the HRO circa 2k8.1 tone

A lot of ppl tell me 'Carles--the party pic thing is s00 old. Find a new gimmick cuz ur just ripping off _______.' These people do not understand the deep level of sociocultural analysis that HIPSTER RUNOFF provides on a daily basis. I will be the first to admit that there is more to life than partying, perfect alternative breasts, and 'snark blogs'--however, every1 needs a gimmick.

Without a gimmick, life is a journey without a goal. (goals = personal gimmicks)

Life is not easy. 'Meaning' is not auto-assigned upon birth.
You have to find it. You have to seek it out. You cannot be afraid of failure.
Keep searching.
Because one day, you will walk into a bathroom and find a keut girl 'hangin out' waiting for u 2 swoon her/suckle on her meaning-filled teet.

This is a metaphor. There's more to photography than just taking digipix of keut/interesting/controversial nouns. What does this picture represent 2 u?
[Photos by LNP]

The Most Fascinating/Beautiful Alternative Personal Brands of 2k8

Every year, certain individuals set themselves apart from 'the crowd' with strong personal branding decisions. In our alternative word, you must be creative/talented/beautiful/sluttie/zany/good@self-promotion/have a gimmicky gimmick in order 2 b noticed. For the next couple of days until I lose interest in the gimmick, I will post about some of the strongest personal brands of 2k8.

(gonna miss 2k8)
/// The Year
/// The Neon Died


Dear Uffie and Alice,
Yall were really good 2 me this year. Not sure if I found yall talented, and not even sure if yall have albums from 2k8, but I just posted a lot abt yall. Sorry if yall feel 'objectified' or like I gave yall non-traditional coverage that entry level blggrs + fggt alt news sources give yall, but please appreciate me for giving u 'coverage.' Didn't mean to demean your 'art'/'vision' or whatever u wanna call it. Not gonna apologize for 'crossing the line' cuz I don't think I did, but I hope yall are able to 'stay sexie' in 2k9. This might require releasing a book where you post pictures of yalls selves' having sex with men, kind of like Madonna. Or maybe you can 'go krazie' like the Britney Spears band. Not gonna tell yall how 2 manage your careers, but just sayin...
Most importantly, don't let yalls alternative fame and sex appeal go 2 yalls heads. Don't 4get ur past, and don't turn into the ppl u h8. Sorry if I sound like yalls 'resentful dads' who don't understand ur careers because u don't have medical/dental/vision coverage, but do what u can 2 take care of urself. We don't even know if MP3s will still be legal in 2k9, so just take care of yalls selves.
Proud of yall for having a stronger personal brand than Ladyhawke/Lady Gaga/Little Boots/Lovefoxxx/etc. (U never know what could happen in 2k9, though).

Your blggr,

PS: "I still haven't found what I'm looking 4." -U2 about Uffie's alt breasts

Pupu Platter of Links
Uffie Grabfest // Uffie Audrey Hepburn Makeover // Uffie Pregnancy Rumors Uffie Grandparent///// Alice Glass Upskirt grab //// Some AltBro + Alice Glass /// Uffie nips foto shoppe /// Uffie Juicy nips // Uff Ribcage /// Alice Glass leggings

(besides 'Barry Obama')

WTF is a bathroom? (NSFW)

One of my biggest fears in life is losing my memory and motor skills. One of my closest relatives recently developed Alzheimer's Disease. She forgot her family, her name, and even how to perform basic human bodily functions. I fear getting old, not only for vanity reasons, but also because I am afraid of losing the ability to function. What if one day, I walked into a bathroom and didn't know what to do/where to poop/the difference between a sink+toilet? What if I didn't know the difference between a Nokia Razr and a Macbook? What if I forgot the name of my first alternative child & my first free spirited wife? What if I 4got the difference between 'alt' and 'mnstrm'? What if I forgot the difference between the Hipstar Ranoffs and the Pitchfork Television?

What if I 4got the difference between ________ and _________?

In 2k9, HRO will be less about 'alt' and more about 'blggng about fears inside of all of us--like mortality, heights, the poor side of town, and our parentz dying without them 'getting' us.'

[Photo by Last Nite's Bathroom]

/// What are yall afraid of?

Kinda bummed out (about titties in my face)

Ever since I was an entry level hypemachine mp3 blog, I wanted to 'make it' and look like 'a real' website that was 'an authentic content source' for 'tastemaking audiences' and miscellaneous 'trendsetters.'

Guess what I'm trying 2 say is that I wanted to get American Appy ads on my site. Having American Apparel banners mean that 'u have arrived.' U r 'real', 'valuable' and 'relevant.'
So I did that, and I'm feelin kind of empty. Now that my site is 'branded' as being 'legitimate' according 2 the casual internet viewer, I want more.

I'm bummed out.
I read that Am Appy is starting to run nude ads on select websites.

Click Here

I know yall probably think I should chill out. But I just want a nip or two on my website. I just want a few alt breasts to be peeping out at my readers saying, 'hey yall. come and buy some of our stuff, yall!'

I might just put some smut videos up on my sidebars to make HRO//NSFW.
Should I ban nudity on HRO?

Should I ban Ben & Jerry's on my weblog?

[Photo by lastnightsparty]

Are a pair of titties gonna make yall more likely 2 buy something?
When u see breasts aligning with a brand, does it make u want to cum with/on the brand and the pair of sweet, sweet juggs?
Do u still want 2 be an Am Appy model?

TWINS: what's ur favourite kind? (NSFW)

(sorry yall. I have 2 blog abt twins every chance I get. g2g. ttyl)

Do yall mind if I ask u a personal question and u answer 100% honestly without bullshitting me and being serious for once in ur goddamn life? Plz. Let's just talk...

Ok... here goes nothing...
Do yall like

Twins #1: dreamy pseudo-model twin bros?

Twins #2: concept-core incestual pseudo-twins who get hired to fuck eachother at events??

Twins #3: A post-strategic dual nip slip set of twin alt breasts

[Photos by LastnitesTwinfest]

Which set of twins would yall take to a desert island cuz u got stranded from society?
Which 5 iTunes albums would yall take 2 that island?

Luv asking yall personal questions. Just trying to 'get' u.

"Housekeeping." [Read this title in a derogatory Mexican voice.] (NSFW)

It's kinda unfair how some people are born in2 situations which they can't control. For instance, when these two people popped out of their mother's wombs, their lifepaths were already set. One was destined to be a housekeeper at a high end hotel. The other was destined to be a girl who took n00d photos and railed dudes. I'm not sure which life path I would want. While one is a little bit more priviledged and means I would have to work harder, the other life option might make life a little bit more meaningful. The harder you work, and the less that is handed 2 u [via silver platter], the more meaningful your life probably is.

(Wonder how my life woulda been different if I wasn't middleclass/uppermddleclss when I was a kid? Would my perspective of the world be ttly diff or the same? Or would I have a 'chip on my shouldr'?)

There's just s0 many ppl on Earth, yall. Kinda feel 'blessed' that I have an opportunity to be the only me on this planet. It's a privilege, and I respect the process of choosing my authentic career and forging a meaningful personal brand around it.

[Photo by LastnightsParty]

Should I start reading books abt how my life is special & how I can do whatever I want?

Should I start going 2 church in basketball arenas to be 'part of something bigger than myself'?

Should I become a party promoter/positive ChristianBro? Should I stop being a trivial electro producer and start dressing like a bagmainstreamer who srsly plays the acoustic guitar and wants to 'make it' as a Christian band?

Are you an individual, or r u part of the machine? (NSFW)

[Note: this picture is a metaphor.]

Sometimes I wonder if I am an individual, or if I am just part of some bullshit corporate America machine. I don't just want to be a product of marketing. I want to be a post-informed consumer. I want to make authentic decisions, and not be influenced by 'men in suits who just want to make money.' I am an artist. I do not want 2 b exploited.

I want to owe my existence 2 myself.
I am an individual. I am not the real-life embodiment of relevant themes from the movie THE MATRIX: Keanu's Bogus Journey.

This is a post about searching for the perfect alternative breasts.

xx BONUS singular tit xx

I am the lone breast//featured in the party pic//
I am the lone breast//not featured in the party pic//
My tit is more meaningful than the other tit.
[Photos by

We’re all proud 2 b an American now that Barry Obammy is Pressy (NSFW)

[Photo by lastnitesparty]

God Bless The HRO


(to the tune of "God Bless the USA")

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d kinda worked for all my life/went to design school 4.
And I had to start again, (transfer colleges)
with just my lil alt and my entry level alt GF.
I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the electro bolt flag still stands for altdom,
and mnstrms can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an Alt,
where at least I know my mind is free. (from corporate bullsht)
And I wont forget the electrowarsoldiers who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the Alt.S.A.

From the blogs on the hypemachine,
to the douchey clubs of LA.
Across the party pix HTML templates,
From meme to viral meme.

From Seattle down to Austin,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's authenticAlt in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I’m proud to be an AltBro/FGGT/authenticAlt/Altbag,
where at least I know I’m free (spirited/liberal).
And I wont forget the blipsters/AZNs who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to u and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the Alt.S.A.

And I’m proud to be and Alternative member of society,
where at least I know I’m differentiated.
And I wont forget the cool/aloof dads who died,
who gave that right to me (via inheritance).

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend my personal brand still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this blog,
God bless the HRO.


I remember when haute chicks used 2 tape Xes on their nips. (NSFW)

I remember in the past, alternative exhibitionists would tape Xes on their nips. These days, I guess your personal brand is stronger if you have the Xes AND find a way to show your beautiful nippies. It works for me.

Did yall know that udders on cows are the same thing as nipples on humans? Kinda weird how at the core of everything, we're just animals. Guess I nvr thought abt it that way... h8 science. Makes my alternative life feel less 'special'/'spesh.'

////afraid 2 die////

BUT SRSLY... do yall know if this is a Converse ad?
Do they have a new target market now that they have saturated the 'authentic suburban high schooler' demographic?

[Photos by LastNights Partie]

More n00ds after the jump <3 <3 <3

Last Night's Lil Tug (NSFW)

I was looking at for some 'krazie pix' to turn into a lackluster Halloween post. Fortunately, I found something better.

Breasts + peen + tugging-in-action. (+ bonus chest tat)
Does this picture make you hungry 4 a tug? Me 2, yall.

Sometimes it is hard to find [EXCLUSIVE]+[IN DEPTH] content for yall.
It's also hard to find people crying blood.
It's also hard to find blue blood
It's also hard 2 find head wounds.
It's also hard 2 find bros who got stabbed and are about to die.
It's also hard to find vomit.
It's also hard to find twins.
It's also (kinda) hard 2 find male nips slipz.
It's also hard 2 find ginger peens.
It's nearly impossible to find nut slips.

Which 1 is ur favourite rarity?

What are yall doin 2nite?

[Photo by TakeoverTokyo]
Are yall sexually repressed alts? Are you gonna play some TWISTER and 'accidentally' grab some titties/stick your ____ in another person's face? Or do u live in a liberal part of the country that allows u 2 do that n e where?

Twister is a universal game for sexually repressed people that does a great job of capturing the same essence of 'going away 2 college and being hornie'/'ur parents going out of town and being hornie.' U know what I mean, yall. U r free 2 do whatever u wunt/try somethin' new.

Sorry that this post is 'kinda weak'... I was searchin 4 some alt titties, but it seemed like most of them were off limits for sampling. :-(

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

The Electro War is Coming (NSFW)

[Photo by Laperolog]
yall...I am really scared of this arms race between the feuding parties in the upcoming electro wars. Every1 is trying to get the biggest, baddest weapons, even if they are tattooing them on their bodies. It's kind of like the Vietnam War--every one is your enemy whether they are a man, a woman, or a child. It's just like an American suburban neighborhood--u can't trust n e 1.

I feel like this image of bazooka boob broad is going to be transformed into a wartime propaganda poster that encourages women to join the fight.

Remember "Girl Power"? Is that still around? Did it die when the Spice Girls were in a fatal bus accident while traveling in the sub-Atlantic tunnel?


Does n e 1 know where I can buy some body armor and/or a magical electro umbrella?

The Search for the Perfect Alternative Breast Continues (NSFW)

Is this
a) the perfect alt breast?
b) the most unperfect-est alt-breast
c) I luv kuties
d) i luv em thick
e) p0st m0re mexis and less AZNz
f) I've nvr been in luv. Is this what it feels like?
g) Choose.Your.Own.Response
h) I saw those earrings at Urban Outfitters but I didn't get them bc I knew every1 would get them so I just bought some vintage ones.

[Photo by Out With]

What Would it Look Like if Electro Took over The World? (NSFW)

I have always wondered what would happen if electro took over the world. What if these sweet, heavy sounds took over our minds and bodies, and ended up enslaving us? It would turn our women into sex slaves & our force all men to work long hours in alternative retail outlets. How could we fight back?

This picture is an accurate portrayal of electro finding life through sound cables and enslaving a woman. Electro is more interested in finding the perfect pair of alternative breasts than even the horniest alternative bro. Electro will not let you escape from Her web of wires until you give yourself to Her.

Electro can manifest itself in many different formats. The song "Lights and Music" by Cut Copy is actually a song that describes how Electro can take over your life.

Should we be afraid of Electro taking over humans?
Are you more afraid of China, Iran, or Electro?
Maybe this will help learn to live with the electro recession.
Be careful with iPod earbuds, yall. Don't end up like this broad.

[Photo by LNPrty]

NSFW: Alt pornstar April O'Neil shows off her breasts at Coachella

April O’Neil is known as one of the alt-est porn stars. While Andy San Dimas has a rapegaze edge, O'Neil is known as having the 'geeky dork' brand. Both share a passion for the EDM and rave scene, particularly since they reside in Southern California. Recently at HARDFEST, O'Neil was spotted showing off her unique breasts. The two were spotted at Electric Daisy Carnival showing off their perfect alternative breasts. So, so perfect.

Now it's time to see what April O'Neil's breasts look like at Coachella!
april o'neil coachella
God Bless Her.

Just hangin with the gals!

Kewl. U met Daft Punk, bb?

Hit me up April, bb! I'll get u the VIP access that u deserve based on ur alt pornstar status. It should be you getting blogged about, not Paris Hilton! Ur willing to show off ur AMAZING cha-chis! If those breasteses don't deserve VIP, then I don't know what does....

Do u want more Alt Porn star coverage?
R u on #TeamAndy or #TeamApril?

Do u <3 the EDM porn darlings?
Did u see her at Coachella?

NSFW: Does Grimes get naked in her upcoming video? [MYSTERY]

Just yesterday, Grimes utilized her brand new Tumblr to preview stills of her upcoming video for "Be A Body." In the series of stills, we see some titties, some nipples, a bangin 6 pack, a ripped back, and Grimes herself.

The series of screen shots begs the question: Does Grimes get naked in her new music video?

Bangin6-pack + bra shot

Hot BACK shot

The body is certainly banging, and there is PREVIOUSLY EXISTING proof that Grimes does indeed have a BANGIN, TIGHT BOD. While we cannot confirm that this is Grimes nude, we can surely hope and dream.

Is this Grimes?
Does it look like her?
Does it match her predicted nipple + areola type?
R u glad Grimes knows that 'putting titties in a video' will increase the demand + view count?
Is Grimes 'playing' the blogosphere to 'get famous' with her social media strat + brand expansion?
Does Grimes/mystery woman have the perfect alternative breasts?


Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

Read more>>>>

NSFW: Grimes spotted sucking some other girl's titty

After Lana Del Rey, we weren't quite sure who would fill our void for content by an attractive female alt indie musician. However, Grimes has carried the load for the second half of March, and has turned into a top tier indie diva.... especially after these latest pics that were featured on Last Night's Party. The photographer behind the site, Merlin Bronques is a master at getting girls naked. He might have started an alt celeb sex scandal after these latest photos surfaced.

Editor's Note: This is our most 'TIPPED' story of all time.

At some art party in Montreal, Grimes mastermind Claire Boucher was spotted making out + sharing a sensual moment of breast suckling with an unidentified woman. It seems like Grimes is really appealing 2 the bro markets by 'being down 2 suck on a nip.'

Grimes going in 4 the kill. oh bb!

A tender moment between two zoners...

Grimes was recently rumored to be canoodling/dating/making out with buzz artist Pictureplane. [link]

Oh Grimey...

Is this good or bad 4 her career?
Do u wish more indie celebs would embrace sex, scandal, and alt celebrity to 'raise their profile' instead of just being a forgotten person who 'looks kewl' but has no substance?
Has she won over the hearts of indie consumers?
Will this make cool dad NPR listeners more or less likely 2 vibe 2 her?
R u down with any1 who is down 2 suckle on a teet / nipple?
Is Grimes too free of a spirit 2 tame?
Who is the 'other woman'?
Has the indiesphere's desire for content + personal knowledge of alt celebs 'ruined her life' or elevated her brand value?
Is Grimes 2 free 4 our alt society?
Has Grimes 'made it'?


Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

Read more>>>>

NSFW: The White Guy from Odd Future fondles some groupie titties

Whaddup yall? It's me! Lucas Vercetti, aka the White Guy from Odd Future!

Things are going SICKLY on tour, niggaaaaasssss. Me and Tyler just pulled the DOPEST prank off on Earl Sweatshirt! That nigga is wack, but what can I say, it's super fun to be the Merch manager on an Odd Future tour. I've basicall been getting a BEEJ in every city that we've stopped in. Shit is STRAIGHT DOPE.

I've been getting MAD PUSSIE, filming it GIRLS GONE WILD STYLE. So many of Odd Future's fans are white, and they don't really want to make out with any of the black members, so I'm just here REEMING in this PREMIUM PUSSIE. Don't get me wrong, tons of our fans are wigger skaters, but every now and then I'm the one who gets to conquer that white pussy.

After feeling these tittays, I understand what SWAG really means!

Anyways, I'm gonna go order a Supreme pizza, yall!

Smell ya Later! -The Lucasnator!


What it's like to be the white guy in Odd Future: The Lucas Vercetti Story

NSFW: Nude Tittie pix of the BUSTY red-headed broad from Mad Men emerge on internet! ( o )( o )

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

I love LOVE LOVE Mad Men! It totally reminds me of my old office because they treated women like SHIT and only slept with us. Well, no1 actually slept with me, but they did abuse me and make me do humiliating things every day. I wish I lived in the 1960s, but well, maybe not bc now I am a LIBERATED woman even though I am stuck doing the same thing, working as a secretary.

I really LOVE Mad Men because one time I carried a child that was fathered by my colleague, but then I secretly birthed it, then gave it away. WEll, I didn't actually give it away, I sent it down a river in a little basket.

I LOVE Christina Hendricks because she is BUSTY, THICK, and BEAUTAFUL. I honestly need 2 lose a little bit of weight, but I am CONFIDENT that one day I can achieve the same BANGIN body as her if I stay true to my Zumba class attendance, which is Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the local gym. She is my THINSPIRATION, not because she is thin, but bc REAL WOMEN have #curves. I wanna sign up to go to Curves!

Part of me is SAD that ur phone got hacked. But at the same time.. WOWEE MCZOWIE! Those are some BIG, PREMIUM cha-chas, bb! NOTHING 2 be ASHAMED of, in my book!

Honestly I can tell based on the shape and areola color that those are DEFANATELY hers, and not just some other big-tittied red head.

Wham, Bam, Thank U, Ma'am! Now THOSE are some golden globes :-)

Honestly Christina, I can DEFANTELY tell that those are ur boobies because I am good at that. Some ppl have gaydar, and I swear that I have b00b-dar. She has NOTHING 2 be ashamed of. These B00bs are #beautiful!

( o )( o )
Don Draper has gotta be happie abt these puppies! He's so mysterious! Just like my ex! #asshole

I hope my phone is never hacked, but I rlly only have 1 sext pic, and a lot of pics of the meals I eat at fast food restaurants. #foodie

NSFW: Ariel Pink spotted canoodling with naked, big tittied bitches

Ariel Pink is widely regarded as the leader of the modern lofi movement, inspiring tons of crappy bedroom musicians around the world to believe that one day they will become a famous indie star even though they don't have any real musical talents. Recently, Ariel Pink has some photoshoot with Terry Richardson, and they decided to use some hot ass big-tittied models. I have really bad depth perception, so I can't tell if they are real or not, but Ariel looks happy, with some nice, big ta-tas pressed all up in his face. U have to assume that Ariel and Terry 'tag teamed' those bitches after the shoot.

V-Magazine tweeted it out, claiming that it was 'too hot for FB'. Cannot confirm if it was 'too hot' for the pages of their magazine, but it certainly is HOT ENOUGH 2 be a solid internet meme where u can write 'big tittied bitches' in the headline. Please 'flag' the media on twitter so that it is removed if ur offended.

Ariel has it all, and his rock star status is clearly going to his head. Canoodling with hot bitches, living a models and bottles lifestyle. U have to wonder how his music will evolve now that he is one of the biggest rock stars in the indie game 2day.

Say what you will about Terry Richardson as a photographer, but any one who is a TIT MAN who loves cumming on big ol' titties is cool in my book!

R u glad 2 know that Ariel is a 'tit man'?
Can Ariel Pink end the buzz drought?
Are these bitches 'mad hot'?
Do u think u could 'Eiffel Tower' some bitches with Ariel?
Has Ariel 'gone mainstream', letting 'rock star status' get 2 his head?
R u addicted 2 'partying like an effing rockstar'?
Titty McTitTit?
R we still searching 4 the perfect alternative breasts?

Ariel Pink

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Ariel Pink is a 'lofi genius/wizard/mastermind' who has transitioned his brand to 'relevant indie buzzband status' in 2k10.

Read more>>>>
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