I saw this picture portraying a homeless man sleeping on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he had a pee pee accident as his dark yellow urine streamed down towards the star of a celebrity. I felt tons of emotions as my brain processed this digital image. Shame. Guilt. LOLability. Snarkfactor. Sadness. AmericanBeauty. Happiness. Loneliness. Fucksocietivity. Bloggy. Alive. Dead on the inside. Alone. Without a home. Metaphorical. This is the power of photography. A simple man who peed his pants in his sleep [via no home] can say so much about humanity, society, and the struggle 2 create a better life for urself.

The sad/beautiful image of the homeless man made me think of a recent post on the globally acclaimed streetfashion blog ‘the Sartorialist’ in which the photoblogger posted a picture of a coloured homeless man, then wrote an ‘inspiring blurb’.

Photo and blurb by the Sartorialist:

I don’t usually shoot homeless people. I don’t find it romantic or appealing like a lot of street photographers, and if you asked homeless people they are probably not to happy about their situation either. That’s why I was surprised to be so drawn to taking a picture of this gentleman.

I was being interviewed for an article in British Vogue; and while we walked down Bowery back in April I barely stopped walking when I took the shot. Fiona Golfar, the writer, asked why I took the photo. At that moment I couldn’t really explain – but I just had a feeling about the power and grace of how he was sitting there. It wasn’t until later that night when I was working on the image that I realized why I had noticed this man.

Usually people in this man’s position have given up hope. Maybe this gentleman has too, I don’t know, but he hasn’t given up his sense of self or his sense of expressing something about himself to the world. In my quick shot I had noticed his pale blue boots, what I hadn’t noticed at first were the matching blue socks, blue trimmed gloves, and blue framed glasses. This shot isn’t about fashion – but about someone who, while down on his luck, hasn’t lost his need to communicate and express himself through style.

Looking at him dressed like this makes me feel that in some way he hasn’t given in or given up.

Damn. The bloggerbro’s inspirational blurb is actually kinda true… It’s like even though you might be the poorest, most worthless, homeless guy in the world, it doesn’t mean that u can’t have a little bit of pride 2 make sure that your clothes match. Never give up. Every day, u have the opportunity to brand yourself–you have the opportunity to let the world know that you are a person, and within this person is a brand which the whole world can consume.

Homelessness is not a disease–homelessness is the product of a group of people who have no pride. A group of people who don’t play by society’s rules. A group of people living in some demented reality, no longer in touch with the availability of legitimate intrinsic rewards through the power of ‘creating.your.own.image.’ We must inspire the homeless so that they can inspire us to do more than to take artsy pix of them. It is easy for photographers to take pictures of homeless people because they usually look ‘insane’, ‘urban’, and as if society has shat upon them.

A lot of people say that homeless people should ‘get a fucking job’–now I firmly believe that they would get a job if they dressed nicely, and treated people with respect. It seems like they could some how get a job at an investment bank, or perhaps a McDonalds, similar to the plotline of the popular Will Smith joint ‘The Pursuit of Happyness.’

After reading that inspired blurb, it sort of makes me want to tell this guy to ‘get his shit together’, and ‘have a little bit of pride.’ U can’t go around pissing on urself and wearing lame ass clothes if you really want to turn ur life around.

It doesn’t matter if you can’t control your bladder, or if you are mentally challenged, or if you are having ‘terrible flashback dreams.’ Every day, you need to take pride in yourself. You need to realize that your personal brand is being interpreted by every1 who sees you. Do you want to depress your viewers? Or do you want to inspire them? Be a valuable person–not just to yourself, but also to society as a whole.

This is a blog post about hope.

I saw you walk by me. You pretended not to see me so that you didn’t have to talk to me. I understand. I hate having to deal with you, as well. Sometimes I half-heartedly make a pitch, attempting to sell you phone service/Direct TV/TimeWarnerCable/any other sort of service that you are not interested in. It fails 99% of the time. People run away from me. I am trying to sell you something. This is my job.

You are not interested in listening to me. I am just a bro, sitting at a table, wearing a polo shirt that is branded with my company. My job does not pay well. I am paid [via commission]. I have made 2 sales in 6 months.

Do u want to sign up? It’s really a great service. I could tell you all about it. Are you interested in listening to me? You are not interested in me, nor are you interested in the product I represent. You are already satisfied with your service.

Maybe if I look ‘pathetic’ enough, you will sign up, after feeling bad for me. I am not sure if members of the opposite sex find me to ‘not be very attractive’ since I look like a ‘tool.’ Just want you to feel guilty. You did not come to this location to sign up for my company’s service–you came for an entirely different reason. There is no way you will purchase this service from me.

I am a bro. I lurk around a table for my company, trying to increase sales + brand awareness. My regional manager sends me to the worst locations. She is always pressuring me to ‘talk to more people.’ She doesn’t understand. I will never make a sale at the places she sends me to. I am embarrassed. I hope that no1 I know sees me. Wearing this stupid polo shirt. I will pretend to ‘text’ the entire time I am here. I will look disinterested and unapproachable. Some1 will come up to me who already has our cable service, and ask us why their ESPN channel is ‘blurry.’ I will tell them to contact technical support. This is my only contribution to the company today.

I am an adult. It seems like I always thought I would have a better job than this when I grew up. I will convince myself that I am ’starting at ground 0′, and ‘moving up the corporate ladder.’

I am a bro.
Sitting at a table
making a difference
Representing a brand.

Do u want 2 sign up for Comcast/Time Warner/tMobile/Sprint/a credit card with a ‘generous’ ‘rewards program’?

I am sitting at a table.
This is my job.
I am going to send another text message.

This is me 2 hours later.

In 2 minutes I will close. I am about to close up for the day and go home. I will stop at Quizno’s and get a sandwich.

This is me tomorrow. I am sitting at a table. I carry around the branded table cloth in my car.

I am employed. This bro is me. Do you want to sign up? You will receive a seat cushion if you sign up.

How about if I just give you this informational handout and my business card, and you can call me if you’re interested.

Do you want to sign up?

Please do me a favor and just don’t make eye contact if you’re not interested in signing up.

I am a vessel of brand awareness. My personal brand has been outsourced.

Did yall have an authentic brand during High School, or were u just trying to ‘find urself’ utilizing the resources at your local mall? Do u think it is ‘bad parenting’ if ur parents let you ‘express yourself’ before the age of 18?

If u could only choose 1 brand to utilize during ur high school years, which 1 would it be?

Brand #1: The Zany Bro who wears bright stuff & tshirts that reference nostalgic tv shows/brands

Photos by Every1isFamous

or

Brand #2: The alone bro, thinking about important life issues.

I feel like both of these brands were strategies that non-alphabros would use to ‘get attention’ from females. It was often difficult for ZanyBro to make a girl find him to be ‘date-able.’ He was more of a ‘jester’/'joker’, and wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. By cultivating attention for himself by replicating the stereotypes associated with ‘bein all zany’, he made it impossible to create meaningful relationships with people. ZanyBro is sometimes fun 2 b around, but might not have the ability to ’shut off zany mode’, making it hard for him to find consistent bros. A life without consistent bros seems like a ‘desolate prison.’

The LonerDeepBro was able to forge connections with ppl, but you were often let down by how ’simple’ the lonerbro was. Girls would think that the has an understanding of beauty which no1 else could recognize, but then you talked to him, and he was just ‘a bro who had a really weird perspective of himself + the world.’ I think it might be more difficult to be an authentic ‘loneBro’ because of online social networks, but most lonebros will have a ‘minimal profile’ that just has some dumb quote on it, or maybe that his fave author is Edgar Allen Poe.

Both of these brands are searching 4 meaning, and are only temporary personal brands on the personal branding timeline of your life. However, it is important to understand that if you are a zanyBro, part of you will always be a zany bro, because people will remember ‘the real you’, even when you grow up and your brand matures. Not sure which 1 I would pick if I had to live my life all over again.

Which 1 would yall choose?
What is a good alternative brand to have during high school?
Some1 who is into ‘punk music’ like Green Day?
R u ashamed of the person u used 2 b?
Are u ‘relieved’ that u didn’t go to high school during the Napoleon Dynamite era?
Is Am Appy going to become a ‘parody brand’ when the tweens of this generation grow up, sorta like Old Navy?
What were u like in hi school and how did u change when u went away 2 (community) college?

I saw this bro attending a relevant music festival, wearing an NBA basketball player’s jersey. Most mainstream bros who wear jerseys are attempting to say ‘I am a bro. I like this sport. This player is good.’ However, when an alternative person wears a sports jersey, I think that they are just using it to ’stand out’ by saying ‘Hey yall… not wearing Am Appy… wearing this jersey I know nothing about.’

I think that it is irresponsible to wear the jersey of an athlete who you know nothing about. Much like any celebrity, there is a point where an athlete no longer ’stands for himself’ and solely represents an image/brand based on the trajectory of their career. It is easy to wear a Michael Jordan jersey because he represents ‘greatness’, or a Shaq jersey, because he represents ‘twitter’, but I am unsure about wearing a Grant Hill jersey, like the bro in the above picture.

In order to understand the bro in the picture, you must understand the career path of Grant Hill, #33 on from the Detroit Pistons.

Grant Hill was an ‘All American’ athlete who played at Duke. I think that black people who go to Duke are not regarded as ‘black people’, but more of ‘black people that white people can identify with.’ I think at this point in his career, he was talented both athletically and mentally.

Grant Hill was drafted by the Pistons, and was a solid professional and a very marketable player.

So marketable that the Pistons even ‘changed their uniform design’ to reBrand around the Grant Hill era.

Sprite also built ‘huge marketing campaigns’ around him

He started to experience ’serious ankle problems’, but still signed to a ‘huge contract’ with the Orlando Magic, since Shaquille O’Neal ‘fucked them over since he wanted to be a rapper in LA.’ Grant Hill was expected to be ‘amazing’ with fellow NBA player Tracy McGrady; however, both of them just turned out to be injured bros making $100 million.

So Grant Hill never really ‘lived up to his potential’ because of injuries. He got paid a ton of money, and ‘never really panned out.’ Eventually he got older+healthier, and signed to the Phoenix Suns. This was a part of his career where he felt like he ‘missed out on what made life meaningful’, and instead of ‘trying to be a superstar, he is just trying to be a ‘mediocre role player.’

Grant Hill represents failed expectations, much like the bro in the top picture. Perhaps his parents wanted him to ‘be something more’, but a series of external factors that he could not control led him to have to ’settle/accept the fact that he is just an average bro.’ Once he admitted that he was an average bro, he was able to ‘find happiness’ and not

Feel like we could all learn a lot from Grant Hill. Maybe life is just about ’settling for less’, ‘not living up 2 ur potential’, and ‘accepting who u r.’ Sorta wish more athletes represented something like that so that innercity kids could learn more abt ‘real life.’

Might just buy this Jersey, since it represents being ‘an authentic hip hop mogul.’ Think this is what many NBA players are attempting 2 b.

Always do ur research, and learn about what a brand means. It would be like wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I <3 cock’ even if ur not ghey. Yall know what I mean?

According to the Wikipedia Encyclopedia, Che Guevara was born in 1928. I feel bad for him, because there is no way that he could have effectively monetized his Communist Revolutionary brand correctly (facial image + kute lil miltary bro hat). I feel like there should be some sort of ‘licensing privileges’ for his family, because ppl freely use his image just to ’seem kewl’ when they go out 2 party. I know that Ralph Lauren gets paid when any1 wears ‘a lil polo bro’, but I am not sure if Che gets money when u wear one of his shirts. I am not sure what Che Guevara stands for–I think he was a commy/’red.’ Not sure if communism would save us right now even though we are in an economic crisis. It might be sweet because I recently went to a sweet art show in a public space held by ‘communist vegans.’

Feel bad for Obama. Not sure if his ‘image’ belongs to any one. When the HOPE meme was first made, I thought it was ‘just an internet meme’, but I can imagine African Americans wearing that shirt in 10-1000 years as some sort of metaphorical figure who was ‘kewler than MLK.’ Sorta like ‘the Michael Jackson of politics.’

I am not sure how to feel about memes, and images of people who apparently ’stand for more than just themselves.’ Feel like they need to be able to protect themselves.’

Hope that the now deceased singer ‘Michael Jackson’ was compensated appropriately when Crystal Castles used an image of her for their tshirt.

I am worried that when Che Guevara dies, no one who represents his estate will be able to capitalize off his image if places like Hot Topic start to sell pix of him on tshirts.

Just want every1 to get paid for the art that they make. Want people with extraordinary personal brands to be compensated appropriately when people piggyback on their personal brands to seem ‘way more authentic.’

I am not your standard bro.
I see the world with a different pair of glasses, which are not ‘rose coloured.’
I mix elements of Christianity and the Matrix in2 my personal brand.
I do not believe in concepts like ‘time’, ’space’, and ‘love.’
I do not find pleasure in any sensory activities.
I try to have ‘no aesthetic’ but unfortunately people try to call me ‘fashion forward.’
I walk down the street and people stare at me. They wonder ‘what is up with that bro.’ They would never be able to understand what is up with me.

“I” do not “exist.” I am just sort of here to ‘challenge’ people and their ‘realities.’ I make you uncomfortable because I do not exist for the same reason you exist. I am a conceptual bro. I want to make u ‘think’ about ‘the big picture.’ Want to make u ask ‘why?‘

I want to be noticed. I do not want to be noticed.

This is me.
These are my rings (collected while my family vacationed in Arizona and New Mexico).
This is my cross. This is my faith.
This is me underneath my dark hood.

I am sort of like a ‘fameball celeb’ who makes u wonder WHY/HOW ppl get famous.
I am a think piece.
I am more than just a human who is ‘alive.’
I exist for a reason that extends beyond ‘general humanity.’

Not sure if it would be possible to create a more authentic vehicle. Possibly a Sparks Prius, or something like that. Or maybe a ‘Scion Scion’ that travels the world sponsoring alternative events. Miss the days when people would travel to music festivals in altMobiles. Or the Crystal Castles Mobile.

Think this bicycle might be the alt version of Oscar Meyer’s Weiner mobile.

Or possibly a Red Bull MiniCooper

or a Best Buy Geek Squad car.

Or a NASCAR car

I just want to cruise in a branded vehicle. Might make a ‘macbook prius’ or a ‘blog hummer’ or a ‘Lil Miss Sunshine volkswagen.’ Can yall think of any other branded vehicles?

If you could die on a fixed gear bike [via no brakes] what brand would u want representing U?
Is the PBR fixie the most authentic vehicle on the planet?

Yall. I need a way to celebrate my culture/religion/heritage, but not turn my back on the neverending quest to take my personal brand to ’such great heights.’ Might just convert and become and altJew, then buy one of those ‘lil hats’ that they wear to prove that they really care about their heritage. I think they are called yamaka/Kippah/yarmulke. I am not sure if they are the new Palestinian scarves. Might need to find some more cultural fashion to make trendie.

Some times, u see a megaJew wearing a yamaka in public, and you are like ‘damn.’ Not sure if they ‘really believe’ or maybe they just have really intense parents. I feel like I’d want my kid to live a normal life, not having to answer questions about his faith/hat all of the time. Maybe I’m just scared of not believing in anything. I’m not exactly sure what Jewish people believe, but I think they are just like ‘Jesus is full of shit’ or something, and they are still waiting on some new bro to emerge as ‘@the_Real_God.’

I just need some structure in my life. I need a homeland. I need something to believe in. I need good and evil. Might also try ‘Christianity’ and possibly ‘Scientology.’ I think if I finally have a source for answers/truth, then maybe I won’t have such a negative attitude. Not even sure if the bro in the picture is Jewish, or if he is just wearing ‘a lil fabulous hat.’

Previous AltJew Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/altjews

I am very, very confused. I feel like writing something ‘funnie’ about the way that this bro looks. I think that his haircut makes him look like he is an individual. I can’t tell if he has a flat top, or if a mohawk, or if his hair intersects to create an x- and y- axis. Sort of wish I had more pictures so I could really see what his hair is all about.

Sometimes I wonder where people go to get their hair styled in a progressive manner. Do they have a friend who is in beauty school? Do they go to a generic hair cutting studio where some1 cuts ur hair for $5? Or do they go to a ‘barber shop’ where old black men sit around and talk about life, racial issues, sports, and Barry Obama?

Sort of want to spend more time in barber shops, learning about life, requesting zany haircuts. Still just trying to be an individual who forms authentic connections with people.

I am worried that I am ‘losing interest’ in creating a strong personal brand. Do u think it’s just me, or is it some sort of generational backlash?

I mite start a website that makes ’snarky commentary’ about ‘hipsters’ and the way that they look. Think I will call if ‘fuckindumbasshipguy.blogspot.com’ or possibly ‘making_funof-those-coolios.tumblr.com.’

Sometimes I see an artist on the internet/in pictures at relevant music festivals/in pictures of relevant shows at relevant venues in relevant cities, and I never really ‘actually listen’ to the music. I sort of just say ‘that bro looks interesting’ and try to figure out the gimmick, or I just sort of ‘write them off’ if they don’t seem like they’d align with my perception of ‘who i am.’

Sort of like with Dan Deacon, u just say ‘that is a hefty bro’ and ‘i’ll bet his gimmick is that his music isn’t good, but just trying 2 be artistic or something.’ Or with Girl Talk, u say ‘he looks like some1 that lived in my dorm freshman year, who grew a beard for the first time and started wearing hoodies’, so u kinda rally around him in order to ‘build a tribe’ that supports him [via white people]. Or u say ‘damn. TVOTR seem like the kind of black ppl who would be participating in my local scene.’ Or u say ‘damn. Feist seems pretty attainable. Wouldn’t mind settling down with her and having her birth my alternative child.’ We all just want 2 evaluate ppl/bands based on the way they look, because if we are able to ‘judge a book by itz cover’, we end up saving a lot of time and energy, especially in our modern era where we have s00 much information at our disposal.

After seeing a picture of this King Khan guy, what would u guess his music/gimmick is all about?
a) being zany
b) being a lofi artist
c) trying 2 appeal to the Gen-X Vice crew
d) singing in a foreign language
e) something about Slumdog
f) the male M.I.A.
g) ironic hiphop/rap
h) something where the band ‘gets naked’ in the name of punk
i) electro
j) post-Rapture dance thrash core
l) 90s tribute rock alt-country
m) something about Animal Collective
n) something that demonstrates my lack of knowledge of ‘people from Brown-er parts of the world.’
o) some sort of ‘inside joke’ that ‘only Pitchfork gets’
p) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Do u ‘actually listen 2 music’ n e more, or do u just judge artists by ’stupid pictures that blogs put up that are supposed 2 represent an artist’?
Worried that we are always misinterpreting brands.
Have yall ever misjudged an artist based on ‘what they looked like’ but found out that they are ‘chill’ after all? Or do u usually ‘think a band looks kewl’ but then u find out that they suck.