HIPSTER RUNOFF

PHOTOSET BY TIMEOUT NEW YORK

I have always wondered what it would be like to have a high-level alt job. Most days, I sit in my cubicle at my lamestream job in a business park, dreaming of what it would be like to have a COVETED job within the meaningful workspaces of one of the most important content farms ever created. I want to be able to be backstage in the VIP area of a relevant music-based event, and be able to say, "I write for Pitchfork. Ever heard of it?" Immediately, a hoard of PR agents and bloggers will do their best to 'get on my good side' because I am an influencer who can MAKE or BREAK their ultimately mediocre band's album. Girls will basically ess my dee, just based on my relevant alt job.

I feel happy to finally know what it looks like inside the walls of Pitchfork's Brooklyn offices.

Pitchfork.com was launched in 1996 by Ryan Schreiber when he had just graduated from high school and was working at a record store; these days, a rave review on the site can practically guarantee a band’s success. But while most would assume the atmosphere at the indie music bible is self-important and smug, it’s actually laid-back and celebratory. In 2005, the small company (made up of 30 employees in its Chicago and Brooklyn offices) curated its first music festival in Chicago and the following year branched out with its annual weekend-long Pitchfork Music Festival. Two years later, the company opened a Manhattan office, and a year after that came a second location—a two-floor loft in Greenpoint that’s just off the BQE. The casual vibe here is intentional, explains Schreiber, who sits among his local staff of about 15 . He favors “[constant] discussion about the music [everyone’s] into,” made easier with a massive, Pitchfork-exclusive server of unreleased tunes.

It seems like they are 'anti-cubicle' so that every1 has their own meaningful workspace. Every1 is vibing on laptops, no Dell desktop computers for these writers and content creators. U have 2 be able 2 create content ON-THE-GO.

Schreibro should definitely have a workstation 'in the back' so that every1 feels scared that he will see them wasting time on the net, and get back 2 work.

I need 2 work in a place where every1 listens 2 great music. My lamestream coworkers have THE RADIO playing all day on our city's worst rock and/or soft rock station. I h8 feeling like I'm at a dentist's office. I need an authentic vinyl-playing machine.

White boards are an authentic way 2 communicate and manage relevant projects. My company recently invested in multi-million dollar project & financial management software. If only they realized that we could get the majority of our work done 'within the cloud' using Google Docs, dropbox, and other web-based services that could really cut down on our overhead. At the end of the day, COMMUNICATION and ENGAGEMENT create a successful business.

The only person with dual monitors in my office is the guy who is programming our new Blackberry app.

Just want a place with kewl posters on the wall. I don't need 2 show off my irrelevant diploma/GED printed-out certificate.

The Pitchfork team occasionally hosts gigs and parties in its office, including two alcohol-brand-sponsored bashes shot for Pitchfork.tv last year featuring performances by Beach Fossils and Dom. “We clear out the space and kind of turn it into a venue,” says Schreiber.

I feel sad
Knowing that
My office space
could not be converted into a relevant venue

“It’s nice to have it not be completely quiet all the time,” says Fluck of Pitchfork’s chatty, play-tunes-at-your-desk atmosphere. “I’ve found that to be an eerie thing at other jobs, when you walk in and everyone [has] headphones [on].”

It seems like they still have a collection of relevant CDs from yesteryear within their offices, or maybe a relevant interior designer altered their zonespace bc digital tactile waste is 'hot' in the design-o-sphere [via mini-disc players]

This bro seems chill, like a bro who I could really stormbrain with, and bounce mad ideas off. I could truly be myself in our meetings, and we could forge the future of sponsored content, without compromising any of the brands involved.

This binder makes me sad bc it reminds me of my job. I want to work in a PDF-file based office.

It would be great to work for a relevant alternative media company one day. People on the internet reading my words. Watching my content. Being INFLUENCED by the influencer that is me. I could send my parents links to my content, and they can finally feel justified in my decision to major in English instead of Business. Pitchfork looks like heaven, and I dream of the day when I can change my 'employment info' on Facebook 2 state that I work somewhere relevant. Ppl will ask me what I do, and my response will cover topics including content creation, writing, video-scaping, brand management, advertiser relations mgmt, and VIP area quality control.

One day I will land my alt dream job.
I am smart, creative, and I have a passion for the arts AND the alts.
This is not just 'a job', this is my lifestyle.

What is the most alt company 2 work 4?
Does p4k seem like a chill place 2 work, or is Ryan Schreiber the slave driver of content farmers?
Do u dig their 'space' or should they do more to make their employees 'feel trapped' in their jobs?
What is ur workspace like?
What is ur alt dream job?

PREVIOUSLY
I want to be self-employed and work in a conceptual work space / modern cubicle.

NYTimes writes article abt how worthless 20-somethings can’t get jobs & try 2 stay young 4evr

My job/career does not align with my true personal brand. [Generation Y and the mainstream workplace]

Before I was born
into an authentic alt indie music maker
I heard an old legend / old wives tale
abt some 'cool dad' band called Wilco made an album
that received a 10.0 from Pitchfork

I was still incubating in an alternative womb
and wasn't able to appreciate 'the genius of Jeff Tweedy'
I still don't even know what Wilco sounds like (but I would probably find them 2 be boring)
so I didn't really have any sort of 'foundation' for what 'indie greatness' was

This means my modern life
Has been all about 'searching for that 10.0 buzzband'
Selecting 'unknown' bands before they even have an entire album to sample
Watch them grow
Watch them create new genres/memes/mp3s/mediocre music videos
Watch their debut album get a 8.0 - 8.7
Wait for their second album 2 disappoint/exceed expectations

I wanted 2 be there the whole way
Until a buzzband got a 10.0
Sort of like how u 'root for a sports team 2 win a championship'
It doesn't mean as much when u tune in to the final game
to celebrate as a 'bandwagon fan'
U want to be there opening day of the regular season
I wanted to be there the whole way
Watching a buzzband earn their alt-cred

Tons of bands picked 'the easy way out'
and just 'went mainstream'
instead of 'catering to authentic indie audiences'
Trying to get that 10.0

I guess it makes more sense from a 'financial perspective'
Because u have 2 make money in order 2 buy groceries

Just wish I was born 5 to 10 to 20 years earlier
and started a music website when the internet was 'first learning how 2 blog'
I feel like I have a unique perspective
that can be turned into an editorial site
offering news, reviews, and unique writings
on relevant musical themes

I feel like I could have had the chance to be 'Pepsi'
where p4k = Coca Cola
It seems like all blogs are just a bunch of
Mountain Dews

In a world where bloggers change their last name to the name of their blog
I wish I could be 'Carles Pitchfork'
and be 1 of the most relevant ppl of all time [link]

Back in the late 2k0s
mainstream media outlets wrote a bunch of articles about how
'a great Pitchfork rating can make or break ur career'
(not sure if that is still true or if Pitchfork ratings are just another internet meme/talking point 4 people who read 2 many blogs)

Felt like they had 'won' the indiesphere
Got 'tons of hits' + mainstream coverage abt how 'indie websites are relevant'
The rest of the internet online indie scene was/is an 'afterthought'
They banded 2gether as a unit 2 battle for relevancy

Tons of lil MP3 blogs began 2 pop up
(way 2 many, probably)
Hype Machine made them a lil more powerful as a unit
But then Hype Machine made them all seem kinda long-tail-y
Then a bunch of crappy lil alt snark blogs emerged that don't really offer that much value

And now we are in a stagnant phase of mp3 blog innovation
the niche exists
People know what they are getting
But maybe it is all 'stale' and 'boring'
now that the buzz + buzzband manufacturing process is so established

Who will offer a disruptive indie-blog experience
and 'take online music journalism'
and buzzing
2 the next level?

November 22, 2010
Kanye West's "My Dark Twisted Fantasy" receives a 10.0 from Pitchfork [link]
Review by some bro named "Ryan Dombal"

I googled the name Ryan Dombal
Because it seems like this is 'the defining moment of his journalistic bloggy life'
Even though I don't know anything abt him
And possibly will never know anything more abt him

It seems like he tweeted abt the reaction 2 his article
Wonder what it feels like
2 monitor twitter
knowing something that u wrote
'resonated' with hundreds/thousands/millions of ppl

Wonder what resonated more
the 'writing'
or 'the number'

"Life is all about numbers."
-probably some smart person / business person / mathematician

I never thought I'd live 2 see this day
a 10.0 on a new album
via the Pitchforks
(until Merriweather Post Pavillion is re-issued in 5-20 years)

But I feel 'a little bit effed'
Like there is 'no where to go' now that I have experienced perfection
It would be kinda like of God descended from Heaven
and was like 'Sup it's me--God.'
Then every1 would be like 'well, I guess we know who God is now.'
and there would be no more problems + drama
no more unanswered questions
no reason to keep searching 4 truth
Because God bro was like 'sup, I'm truth'

Perhaps this will lead to a 'reactionary sect'
creating 'even more backlash' [via hits] for the Pitchforks
But also
It might get 'rlly boring'
And no1 will even care any more

Maybe 'white man's indie' has been killed
and mainstream African American hip hop for white people will 'crowd out'
altbro internet market share
We live in a time where humans use tastemaking websites
2 construct their identity
Maybe alternative ppl will 'disconnect' from the internet
now that 'online perfection' has been experienced

We already know that in the 2k10s
only rappers can be 'brilliant' / produce perfection
so groups of 1-4 white dudes
can't make relevant albums any more

As a white skinned bro
Who used to think indie music made me 'unique'
I'm not sure why I am alive any more
I no longer believe that 1 day I will create the_perfect_buzzband

I sorta want to pull a 'reverse Michael Jackson'
and become black
not to play in the NBA/NFL,
but instead to write a relevant album

Somewhat confused about the decision to co-brand with Kanye West
Attaching ur credibility 2 Kanye West
unless u think he is gonna 'tragically die'
and then people will overrate him
and they can say 'we were on board b4 he died'

I thought that Kanye West = mainstream
And he didn't really make albums, he just gave outlandish interviews
and generating troll-wave memes
Waiting for a dude to implode/die/commit public sucide/overdose
I guess maybe he is 'more like Radiohead'
where every1 has to say they are 'amazing' whenever they release something

I thought Pitchfork was a place for white skinned people 2 chill
But I guess now they will probs start blogging about video hotties, sneakers, and the NBA
I respect them for going after 'the negro mainstream'
Kanye West represents an amazing land bridge
2 those 'random black avatars on twitter'
who are tweeting about mainstream stuff + trending topics

It takes a socially transcendent moment to remind us what makes life worth living [link]
But sometimes
It might make us think that life is worth giving up on
[via having 'no identity'/no reason to 'go on']

Really don't care abt Kanye West
This is 'just another meme'
in the Top 20 memes of his career
I still rank 'banging Amber Rose' ahead of getting a 10.0 from Pitchfork

"I'd rather pound an ass like that than a 10.0 from Pitchfork' -a bro

Today is not abt Kanye West
Today is about Pitchfork.com
An important day, a celebration of greatness

'making a bold decision'
'shaking up 2k10'
'shaking up the decade'
'shaking up indie'

Taking time 2 celebrate Pitchfork.com's blogzine career
Behind every blog/website is a spirit
and they were waiting for a 10.0
even longer/harder than u were

Back in the day
It used to take a 'revolutionary piece of journalism'
an interview where 'some1 famous said something controversial'
or a 'behind the scenes look at a public figure who is relatively secretive'
to make a splash

But today
It only took one number to transcend the modern state of music journalism
four characters 1 0 . 0
1 meme

(sorta wonder if they should get the rights to a 10.0 sponsored by a brand)

10.0 brought 2 u by Old Spice / Heineken / Bud Light Amber Wheat

10.0
My life is totally different
My life is totally the same
My online existence where I search for relevant bands, albums and mp3s is no longer a journey
I have reached my destination

Maybe Pitchfork
Should give themselves a 10.0
For winning the battle 4 hits]
The battle for relevant memes
The battle for editorial weight in a world where bloggyspots just post reactionary crap and forgettable mp3s on the reg
Transcending the long tail
and the bottlenecks of content generation
and 'making the leap'
to 'mainstream'
riding the human meme
that is Kanye West

Do u think this 10.0 will 'revitalize' Pitchfork's brand?
Does a 10.0 mean anything to people who already listen to Kanye West?
Is the new Kanye West album 'bold' and 'amazing'?
Do u wish u could be a journalist/blogger/online web presence?
What is the future of online music blogs?
Do u think Pitchfork will take away Wilco's 10.0 because they are white?

When an authentic black artist writes an authentic album, does it 'transcend race' or should it only resonate with 'fellow black ppl'?
R u proud of Pitchfork for 'doing something bold'?
Do u think P4k will ever give a modern buzzband a 10.0 now?
Can a 'crappy new white buzzband' get a 10.0, or does this introduce a theory where u first have to 'go mainstream', then make something that 'is bold/innovative' that makes u more relevant/10.0worthy?
Is Pitchfork 'done' with the Animal Collective brand?
Will ppl begin to associate P4k with Kanye West instead of AnCo?
Does this mean 'less Animal Collective = the face of indie' jokes will ultimately hurt the band?
What's next for mp3 blogs? Will they find a new 'indie darling'?
Is indie music dead?
Do u buy into any of the 'conspiracy theories' abt this 10.0? [link]
Does any1 even 'give a shit' abt p4k ratings any more?
Has pitchfork 'rebranded' and 'opened up a new era' in online journalism + the evolution of their reviews?
Is this the greatest moment in Pitchfork Reviews history?
If Pitchfork could rate ur life, what do u think they would give u?