HIPSTER RUNOFF

[via lookbook]
Sometimes I wish I could go 2 sleep
and never wake up
This doesn't exactly mean I want to end my life
but I just want to be at peace
I want to lug my twin mattress
out to a meaningful public space
and take a lil nappy.

There is so much pressure in my life
Parents, Going away 2 college, expectations from others
The pressure to stay modern/current/relevant
Overcoming my insecurities

Sometimes I wish I could just 'let my hair down' [metaphor]
and be myself [metaphor]
free of the concept of 'mainstream vs alt' [metaphor]
because if u really think about it
there's no such thing as 'normal' [metaphor]
and if u really think about it even more
there's no such thing as money

so while I keep hearing things about the economie
being 'in the shitter' [metaphor]
I realize that we just have to pretend that 'gold' is valuable
but in all reality
that's just corporate bullshit
made up by companies like Coca Cola and Dell Computers

Kinda wish we had a new Che Guevara / Joan of Arc /Tyler Durden
in the modern world
who would challenge society
and take us to a whole new level
where I wouldn't just want to
metaphorically close my eyes
and metaphorically sleep 4ever.

Not sure if I'll ever pay back my student loans
Not sure if I'll ever own a home
Not sure if I'll ever make more than $33K/year
Not sure if I'll ever find what I'm looking for
Not sure if I'm even the type of bro who can handle a 9-5 job

Sometimes I wish I had a beautiful angel
in my life
to take care of me
and tell me that every thing's gonna be alright.

[Photo via Pregnant goldfish]
////SLEEP /// 4 /// EVER

Name That Unidentified Puddle is a new HRO gimmick where ur supposed to name the unidentified puddle lurking underneath the pictured indie-core bro.

[Photo by Pregnant Goldfish]

The puddle is probably
a) pee
b) period
c) Sparks
d) coffee
e) PBR
f) 5- Hour Energy
g) Coke Zero
h) Gatorade
i) Sinus drippage
j) miscarriage sauce
k) Love Juice (Moulinex Remix)
l) Chik Fil A dipping sauce
m) Grey Poupon
n) p00p
o) "Dookie" an album by the Green Days
p) Fiji Water
q) homeless man sauce
r) homeless woman drainage
s) runoff
t) melted CDs
u) trail of tears
v) cum
w) Windex/Lysol (he is a bus boi)
x) the blood of Ronald Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson [via O.J.]
y) vomit
z) choose.your.own.response

A lot of ppl are apparently afraid of clowns. I think that's a sillie thing 2 b afraid of. If ur parents truly loved u, then they took you to the circus at least once a year. The truth is, there are more important things 2 b afraid of. U must confront these fears. U r not ready 4 'the real world' until u confront important stuff.

Things that u should be afraid of

• death
• STDs
• the hypemachine shutting down
• HRO shutting down
• falling in love
• high cholesterol
• diabetes
• alcoholism
• French People
• Aussie AltBro armies
• the economy
• the tugjob economy
• Radiohead releasing another album
• the sun exploding
• Your local altbag party promoter getting into a Vespa accident
• Hurricanes
• Poor People
• Angsty Privileged people
• ugly ppl
• uggo ppl
• not eating a healthy breakfast
• discoloured cum
• hardXcore ppl
• the guy from There Will Be Blood/No Country for Brold Men
• Barry Obammy's failed re-election campaign
• Chinese ppl
• Motivated AZNs
• ur parents dying
• ur parents not paying ur rent
• 'the real world'
• the third world
• the Eastern World
• ur boss
• the RIAA
• Iran
• Nucular Weapons
• ur failing nuclear family
• ur bff
• major media companies purchasing controlling interest in the meme economy
• people with active youtube channels
• tweens
• depressed  ppl
• Steven Jobs
• Billy G8s
• the guy who invented Sparks (Jeff Sparks)
• end of the year 'best of 2k_ lists'
• brobags

XX BONUS UNDERWORLD/DARKHEARTED ALT XX

I am a bro.
I am cold.
Or I am from an underworld.
Full of authenticity
and devoid of electronic instruments.
Wish I could find
a simple man who works in an airport
to shine my scuffed shoes .

[Photos by Pregs Goldfish]

Yall, remember when HRO used to be about finding the kutest bangs in the world, instead of alt-breasts?

[Photo by Preggers Goldfish]

This trio of banged triplets reminds me that life isn't all about finding the perfect alt breasts. Even though you see kute bangs every day if you live in an authentic setting, we often take them for granted. We always want what we can't have--alt breasts in our moufs.

Anyways, I really want to 'get back to my roots' with HRO 2.0.

Remember the twins with bangs?

Remember when I wondered which female AltCeleb had the best bangs?

Finding authenticity = coming to terms with ur past.  Love all yall for supporting me & my quest for self awareness + the perfect alternative _______.

Yall, I'm trying to be a better blogger, and gain a very wide audience so that people feel like they can come to HRO instead of going to CNN.com, the HuffingtonP0st, Gizmodbro, your RSS reader, or even your local newspaper's poorly configured site.

In order to bring u more content, I am introducing more tecktonicology coverage so that u can stay in touch with the latest gadgets that appeal to ur altLifestyle. Whether it's an iPhone, gPhone, or Dell desktop, technology helps u take ur personal brand to the next level. TCHNLGY also makes our lifeses' better cuz we can use the internet more to consume information, products, and services almost every minute of the day.

I'm usually used to blogging about music+trends+altdom+teen issues, so I would appreciate ur feedback, and maybe some interesting technological products/services that I can blg abt.

///////////////////
////HRO PRESENTS///
///////////////////

I just bought a new GooglePhone, but I kinda regret it. Even though most technological improvements are based around getting smaller, faster, and more portable, this new phone seems like it is trying to tap into some sort of 'authenticity factor' by being bulky and wired.

[Photo by Pregnant Goldfish]
Should I buy this HUMAN PHONE? It would be hard for me to go back to a phone with a cord. I'm not sure if the phone-human would match my personal brand either. Maybe if it came with a lot of customization options, and it could perform daily tasks like 'balancing my checkbook/debit card' and 'buying stuff @ my local organic food market.' It has to come with the game "SNAKE" or else I would not be interested at all. I'm not sure if I would want an AZN model or maybe a girl-with-gladiator-shoes+kute-bangs model would be fine. Only after that would I consider giving up my blackBerry, and switching to the Human Phone.

Since I'm p00r, I would also appreciate if they had a pay-as-you-go option.
Do yall know what u do with the human when u r done with using it as a phone?
Technology is great, but it does have it's downsides, yall. Gotta think about 'the big picture' if u wanna get into a Top 20 university/Top 50 Art College.

xx BONUS unReleased Product Images xx

Can't tell yall where I got these, but these are what the next iPhones are gonna look like. They look kinda 'retro.'

[Photo by PregnantGoldfish]
I know that female nip slips really make guys/lezbos go crazie. It makes u wonder 'Will I ever get to see her complete breast/teet?' In a way, it might be sexier than an entire breast, because u have 2 use ur imagination. Imagination can turn some people on, kind of like when an older couple has to save their marriage by 'gettin creative' in the bedroom.

I know guys usually have NUT SLIPS, but this keut ErlendOye-ish alt makes u wonder, "will I ever make twink love 2 him?"

Do u know n e boys who mimic Erlend Oye's personal brand/style/big glasses & earnest look?

Sexiness isn't just about being cliched 'sexie' and direct. Sometimes u need to use ur imagination, take ur time, and make 'love' 2 ur partner.

What do U find sexie?
Is sexiness 'physical' or 'emotional' or 'mental' or 'Teen Angst'?

(m83 humor)

Sometimes when I am wearing clothes that incorporate miscellaneous animals or creatures, the creatures inside of my clothes get hungry, and I have to stop at Petco/Chili's to satisfy the hunger of my clothes. This kute AZN is wearing a polar bear hoodie, and that means her life is dramatically altered when she sports this kute Arctic garment.

Wearing a polar bear hoodie means:
-ur diet consists of seals
-u like cold weather
-sometimes they put u in zoos and make u chill on concrete even though u usually live on ice
-u wish u were a Panda Bear bc they are s00 in right now

POLAR BEARS: THE NEW PANDA BEARS?

[Polar bear by Preggers GoldBear]

XX BONUS [IN DEPTH] ANALYSIS XX
Seen any impossible-to-take-seriously-bc-they-are-from-the-future-and-past-at-the-same-time-alts recently?

They have a deep quirkiness 2 them that made it impossible not to bl0g abt them, particularly future-bro with inverted feet on the right. He's prbbbly in a rockNroll/post-Rapture-thrash-dance-core/core-core/no-wave band.
[Dam Style]

Always remember to choose a unique personal brand.
When the rest of the world wears American Appy solids, wear American Appy stripes.
When the rest of the world wears American Appy stripes, wear a Where's Waldo tanktop.
When the rest of the world wears a Where's Waldo tank top, buy a matching Where's Waldo doll.

Accessories [Via Doll]: Big in 2k9?

[Photograph by the PRGNNT GLDFSH]

I gotta go squeeze one out to the topless lady in that one Where's Waldo book. <3 <3 b00bz <3 <3

TTYL yall...

While we can't wear our winter coats any more, at least we get to bring back swim wear.

(Sidenote: Gatorade Fruit Punch--The New Sparks?)

[TIPPED OFF BY PREGGERS GOLDFISH]