Dear President George W. Bush,
First and foremost, I just wanted to say 'miss u.' I really took u for granted. I remember when u were in office, I liked to pretend that I was 'outraged' about 'the way our nation was going.' I was 'pissed off about the war' (even though I would never have to go), and I thought that u were 'too strong armed and oppressive.' However, I realized that you were a lot like me. You were a chill bro. You were a dreamer.
In the future, I will learn from my mistakes. I will not be influenced by the mainstream liberal media who just want some Commy Red in office. I will value u. U ruled our nation during my most critical formative years. U r as significant as the time that my parents' marriage fell apart in early 2001. U r part of the 'perfect storm' that made ME.
We have a lot in common. We both like to do blow. We are both set in our ways. And we both found out about 9-11 while we were in a public school.
I'll never forget after 9-11. I was so afraid of the world. I felt fragile and vulnerable. I felt scared. And then u walked into Yankee Stadium and threw a strike while wearing a Bullet Proof vest. I thought I could do anything. I almost even joined the armed forces, but then realized I was upper middle class and didn't have to resort to such a drastic lower-class solution like that.
We're just a lot alike. U were kinda spoiled and entitled to a lot, and I'm kinda like u except on a smaller scale. I liked u. I feel like I wasted our glory years. U did what I would have done during ur lame duck term: chilled hard. It's also important 2 realize that most reasonable people h8 Al Gore. Glad u won. Not sure if I will ever vote again, unless a true bro emerges.
These next 4-8 years are gonna be sooo annoying. I might even not be able to watch my two favourite shows 'with my peen out' any more--The Colbert Report and the Daily Show. (I still think that Craig Kilborn was the best Daily Show host). Without u, they don't have a world to pretend is 'bad.' Just glad I realize that things were never really too bad with u. Kinda weird how when ur a citizen, u feel 'small' and can't ever really tell when things 'change.'
I'm just trying to say that before 2k8, I wasn't very progressive, and I thought 'being into politics' made me an individual. Then I realized that it's kind of a gimmick for 'people who want 2 seem interesting+concerned with global issues.' Now I feel kinda bad that I constructed my personal brand based on h8ing u 'with a passion.' I now realize that I was just an entry leveler looking for a gimmick--however, I realize now that I was only searching for my perfect vision of our world. I now realize that my utopian society will not be achieved through 'politics'--instead it will be achieved through the arts/self-expression/the internet/conceptual stuff.
miss u
wish we had 8 more years.
h8 when people call my blog 'sarcastic' or that I am trying to be 'satire' but this is what's actually what I'm feeling deep down inside of me. Just trying 2 b 'raw', yall.
President Bush
a true bro
We Miss U
Way more chill than your dad
and more vulnerable than Obama
if u were going 2 do a mountain of blow
with any President,
who would it be?
[photos via nytimes blog]
All I ever wanted was an authentic bro to run this nation.
In the future, cool dads will have an opinion on foreign Presidential elections, teaching their lil alts/lil kids about how important it is to vote. When the private elementary school teacher gives their son or daughter a homework assignment that takes incorporates the upcoming Presidential Election, the cool dad will do their child's homework, complete with progressive opinions on modern topics, such as healthcare reform, the War in ______, and the Financial Crisis. Cool Dads want the world to know that they are enlightened because they are 'smart bc they went 2 college', and bc they 'have a kid' which enables them to identify with 'the common man' a.k.a. 'Joseph the Plummer' a.k.a. 'Joe the Meme.'
Cool Dads will also be required by law to wear an 'expensive looking jacket', jeans, and Chuck Taylors/Converse All Stars/off brand shoes that look like Converses but were probably more expensive.
In other COOL DAD news, did yall hear Death Cab for CuteAZNs changed the name of their band? Can't wait for their new EP. Not sure if I will identify with it, though.
