Do yall think this mask might work? Do u think the moustache can filter out all of the bad germs?

Or should I actually buy a protective mask from Am Appy? Not sure which colour I want.

screenshot via the Am Appy Store

Can’t believe Am Appy is actually selling protective gear. Feel like I might actually ’start taking the swine flu’ more seriously.

Just want to protect myself without compromising my fashion sense. Might just buy a ‘pakistani scarf’ to cover my mask.

Does n e 1 have any tips for avoiding swine flu?
Does n e 1 know any other signature Am Appy / Urban Outfitters / H&M styles that might help 2 protect me from catching ‘pig fever’ without ‘looking like a poor mainstreamer?

Should I get some sort of ‘kewl looking sling’ that brands me with my babie?

Meme via babygadget

Might get worried about my wife’s back if she wears it for more than 10 hours per day.

Glad it comes with a ‘male template’ so that I can still chill in my aviators.

Might just get naked in an edgy movie about bros starting FIGHT CLUBS, and then become a mom and buy a free-spirited bicycle that is meant for hauling humans around. Want my kids to never have to suffer by riding in a car.

Photo via Jezebel

(Might also start a late night business with this contraption.

I will participate in quirky art projects that bring me closer 2 my wife during her pregnancy.

We will show this video to our son/daughter instead of ‘explaining how sex works.’

Yall… I’m nervous… does n e 1 have n e parenting tips, ideas, products, or literature that will make my life easier?

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
-The Creeds

Think I need to buy this new keyboard, to remind me of the city/graveyards/death. I think this is supposed 2 remind u about how the whole world is built on computers [via data entry on keyboards], or something like that. ‘and then we all end up 6 feet underground.’

Paul Chan meme

Might get this Photoshop tie. Need it 2 prove that I ‘get’ design. Need people to know that these icons are the tools through which I can make anything happen.

Might get this shirt that is ‘a clever take’ on that line from the Sixth Sense, and talks about how I feel like I am superior to most people who I encounter during the day.

Might get this shirt that also lets people know that I have a higher state of consciousness/self-awareness than they do. Want them to know not to try to have some dumb conversation with me–I don’t have time for that shit.

Might ‘brand myself’ as some creepy, foreign douchebag who probably ‘has too much confidence around women’ and ‘at his job’, and decide to buy a new computer. Will talk about how I am so informed, and in touch with my own needs, then buy a sillie Dell computer

Maybe I’ll just ‘get blazed’ and go 2 IHOP. Eat some pancakes.

Not sure if I am even interested in ‘buying shit’, but probably more interested in convincing people 2 buy shit. Might start an ad agency, and organize a cult’s mass-suicide as a viral marketing campaign for Nike/the company of ur choice.

Will build a shoe inspired by the event, and have Kobe Bryant/ LeBron James wear the shoes at the Olympics in China.

This will be part of a global plan/brainwashing scheme to ‘take down the Chinese’ and take back control of being ‘the most relevant country on the Earth.’

Need investors. Ideas take money, whether it is buying something 4 urself, or executing a creative project.

Worried that I don’t have much money left in my bank account. Might have to fly 2 France so that I can ‘pretend I am rioting in the name of change’, but actually just ‘try to steal some cash from an ATM.’ Might have to alter my physical appearance to make me seem like a ‘bro with no will to live’ who would actually ‘do something THAT crazie.’

Have yall seen n e thing kewl 2 buy lately?
Have any ideas for projects that u’d like 2 do that would impact the world/ur local community?

Sometimes it is hard for me to evaluate what I truly value, and how much I value it. Do I value ‘friends’/'family’? Do I value ‘life experiences’ like ’studying abroad’? Do I value having new products in my possession? Do I value ’shit like Apple products’/'cell phones’/'the right to say that I was one of the first people to see an adventure action movie that is part of a trilogy’?

I saw these bros sitting outside of an urban boutique waiting to purchase the Kanye West sneakers, which I have previously reviewed. I wonder ‘what is so important’ about a shoe? Is there some sort of ‘technology’ that will make their lives’ better, or do they just want the right to the experience/right to purchase the shoe for $1000, or the right to sell the shoe on eBay to the ‘highest bidder’?

Wonder if I could ‘bond’ with the people who wait in line for new products, since we basically value the same stuff. Feels weird when ‘everything feels like a toy’, but there are still these adults who ‘really want to buy a kewl new toy that will make people think they are kewler.’

Always kinda weird when there is a higher demand than supply, and when people ‘wait overnight’ for the right to buy something. Kinda like a Nintendo Wii / Jonas Brothers tickets. Sort of reminds me of ’spoiled kids’ from my childhood, whose parents were ‘kinda bad and lazy’, just sort of letting their son/daughter ‘run away with the concept of COOL.’ Still angry that my parents weren’t like that.

Felt sad when I had to wait in line at an AT&T store for the new iPhone. Wish I lived in NYC/ a city with an Apple store so I didn’t feel like ’such a loser’ and I could actually bond with ‘kewl people’ who were part of the same ‘product tribe’ as me.

So what do yall value? Have yall ever ’sacrificed’ ur time 2 ‘wait for the right’ to ‘buy something fuckin awesome’? How does it feel when u have the product in ur hand, then spend several hundred dollars 2 purchase it? How does it feel the first time u use it?

Trying 2 be happy, and establish a hierarchy of wants and needs. Not sure if it means that a ‘lifestyle brand‘ has too much control over my life if I am willing to wait outdoors for more than 3 hours for it.

I think that products unify people. Some products last forever, staying relevant with each new generation. For example, most ‘normal people’ have eaten at McDonalds during their lifetime. I am trying to identify products which unify the alternative community. One product that I think most ppl have owned and built their brand around is the Chuck Taylor All Star. Not sure if ‘high tops’ were for every1, but I think most people who have wanted to build an alternative personal brand sometime in their lives’ invested $20-40 in this simple show that isn’t as comfy as people pretend it is.

Can’t believe they played basketball in these shoes back b4 I was alive. Probs resulted in a lot of shin splints/stress fractures. But I don’t think ‘black people’ were ‘flying above the rim’ back when these shoes were ‘athletic’ so maybe it was more manageable.

Just glad that this timeless, humble, unisex shoe is there for all of us. Any time I want to look like a humble, approachable alt who isn’t ‘too intimidating’ and is probably open to any sort of experience or genre of music, I put my lowtop Chuck Taylor All stars on. Think it’s kinda keut when girls wear them. Think it’s keut when mainstream tweens who are experimenting with altness wear a pair of these shoes.

Can yall think of any other products that unify the alternative population? We just have a lot in common sometimes with all genres of alt, like ‘black t-shirts’, or ‘blank CD-Rs’ or even ‘Macbooks.’ We all kinda just want the same thing, and we all have the same tools to achieve our social goals [via mall in suburbia].

“We’re all kinda the same, if u put all of the purchases during our lifetime into a big Excel spreadsheet.” – Jesus

Previous Shoe Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/which-shoe-company-represents-u.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/product-review-kanye-wests-new-zany-shoe.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/should-i-be-nike-4-halloween.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/kute-azn-of-the-day-snkr-edition.html

Kanye West is one of the most brilliant minds of the past 200 years. He is a master of the arts, and he can ‘do anything that he puts his mind to.’ This is why I was surprised when my Kanye West shoes were so terrible.

s00 uncomfortable. They gave me calluses and I think I might have to get my feet amputated like I have diabetes aka ‘the sugar.’

Also the design is a litle bit too zany. I am ‘not sure how to fasten it 2 my foot.’ There multiple laces, straps, latches, chains, fasteners, knots, and velcro apparatuses that I can’t figure out. Kinda makes me wish that I was ‘a special needs human’ who only had 2 worry about 2 velco straps on my shoe.

Not sure if I should return the shoe, but I already wore it to the Presidential inauguration.

Might buy this zany shoe instead.

Might ride around on Katie Couric’s back instead

Might cut out my eyes and replace my hands/feet with paws instead.

[Photo by EZ Fashion]

Also, a group of blipster gang members who were transitioning into the modern thug brand [via Louis Vuitton] mugged me and stole my shoes. Here is a picture of them but I am not sure if I can accurately describe them cuz they were s0 fresh.

Can yall understand this guy, or is he ‘just full of babble’?

n e ways…
not sure what I should do about my shoe situation.
I kinda regret ‘having idols’ who make shoes. Ever since I was a little kid, I always had to buy a shoe that an athlete made. Now I don’t know what 2 do. What can I do if I can’t trust the celebs who I love?

Will probz just have to get a new pair of my MSTRKRFT Pumas.

or maybe just the SoMe + Busy P Nikes.

//// HELP
////2 many / not enough choices
//// consumer identity is s00 lost. :-(
(Should I become a Kanye West + ANCO only blog?)

Or these Daft Punk Dolls?

Or the Busy P + SoMe sneaker?

Don’t u h8 FRENCH PEOPLE BANTER in English?

Should I buy the Ed Banger ED PHONES?

Should I buy this FEADZ Mighty Kids Meal // Happy Meal?

Or should I get the Uffie McFlurry maker?

Or should I just ‘cum’ with an an androgynous McDonalds character? <3 Grimace <3

[Photo by GVB at Grimace's DJ Set @ Pitchfork Music Festival (2015)]

Or should I be Justice in a Palestinian scarf for Halloween?

[Shoes via Sean Ahern Tumblr]
[FGGT Dolls by Daily Swarm]

Or should I just buy a pack of Sharpies and huff them until my brain starts leaking out of my nose?

What are yall gonna buy?

I just want to accurately represent my personal brand based on solid consumer choices. I want to make sure people know that I am tech-savvy, but I can still appreciate ‘the small, quirky stuff about life.’ S0 tough to be a consumer in our modern world with s0 many choices, yall…

Should I buy this mp3 player that is shaped kinda like that Chinese Sports Arena Stadium called ‘the place where the birds live’?

Architecture is so zany these days, yall. R.I.P. Frank Lloyd Wright (miss u s0 bad)

I need a new computer since I have over 1,000,000 GB of mp3s of underground electro/fidget-core/meaningful-core/Iranian-Power-Pop and traditional French House music.

Whenever u buy a computer, it’s important to assess your basic computing needs. My basic needs for my computer are as follows:

• wireless internet anywhere in the world
• ability to use facebook/myspace
• ability to upload pix to fb and myspace
• ability to take pix of myself while I am on the computer & put zany effects on the pic
• ability to watch youtubes
• ability to spend late night hours having meaningful chat convos with close friends
• has to look kinda kute

Should I buy this new Dell that appeals to mainstream free spirited alts that are ‘afraid of having to learn how 2 use a Mac’?

Or should I buy the new Mac that is supposed to be better than the iPhone.

Is it alt to buy a desktop computer and pretend it is portable, so when u go into a coffee shop, u can just plug it in and pretend that u r a normal bro.

I kinda wanted to buy a DVD…
should I buy a movie that helps me deal with teen issues regarding faith, society, organized religion, ‘fitting in’, being disabled, and teen pregnancy?

“I’m smart. I see the real world. I h8 mainstreamers who go 2 a weekly Teen Bible Study that incorporates current day teen issues.” – a teen atheist

I love the genre of movies that are written by old people who have the mindset of a progressive high schooler. (the JUNO theory?)

Does Zach Braff have the mindset of a Progressive High Schooler? How did Progressive High Schoolers take over the mainstream ‘authenticity’ perception market from 2k0-2k6? I feel like the ‘respected’ Hollywood celebs are always those who have the mindset/outlook of a Progressive High Schooler

(I know what yall are asking…is Macaulay Culkin alt? I don’t know the answers to everything, yall)

Should I buy an alternative watch without numbers to show how quirky I am?

I’ve always wanted to leave my home in suburbia and live a free-spirited intellectual lifestyle in France. Should I just buy a Dell Desktop computer and get this keyboard baguette wrist cushion instead?

I read in a wikipedia entry that in France, they don’t use traditional ‘money’, they just exchange liberal ideas & musings on life+society. (sounds like a terrible place 2 me)

n e ways…
I have always wondered what it would be like to be a Father-Who-Doesn’t-Have-An-Authentic-Connection-With-His-Son. It seems like the only bond they know how to share without getting vulnerable is sports.

If I were a Father who ‘didn’t know how to show my son the love I had for him but just ended up talking about sports all of the time’, I would consider getting him this memorable box of cereal.

If you were Michael Phelps and turned down Wheaties, you would have picked the following cereal:
a) Cinnamon toast Crunch
b) Cookie Crisp
c) Rice Krispies
d) Cocoa Krisps
e) Fruity Pebbies
f) LIFE
g) Golden Grahams
h) Corn Pops
i) Smacks
j) Kashi Go Lean Crunch
k) Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup cereal
l) The cereal in bags for poor people/minorities/white trash
m) Clusters
n) Honey Bunches of Oats
o) Cocoa Pebbliers
p) Honey Comb
q) Apple Jacks
r) Raisin Bran Crunch
s) Cheerios
t) Chex
u) Crispix
v) Doesn’t eat cereal–only pop tarts
w) parents didn’t love me so I never had breakfast–i had acne and ate hotpockets
x) McGriddles
y) Chili’s Breakfast
z) Alphabits
aa) I have diabetes from eating cereal every day of my life
bb) KIX
cc) TRIX
dd) CHOOSE . YOUR. OWN. RESPONSE

S0 MANY CHOICES….

what’s ur fave cereal?
Remember the mid90s marketing campaign to try to convince people that cereal in bags didn’t taste like cardboard?

[birdnest via idolator]
[watch & baguette via swissmiss]

I think it’s fair to say that NIKE will always be the best ‘lifestyle brand’ for both mainstreamers and alts. They have a dual identity. While the probably have well-developed research facilities to develop cutting edge products for the top athletes & the best ‘kids who play a sport and have parents who love them too much’, most of the alternative branding is done with ‘old products that aren’t incredibly comfortable, but people enjoy how they are perceived by others when they wear the product.’ AKA ‘The Convese All Star Theory’.

Sneakers/shoes/footwear are a HUGE representation of ‘who u r’, so I figured I should breakdown what popular shoes mean about U.

Good examples are:

The Samba - I wonder what would happen if people who owned Sambas were required to register for an indoor soccer league. Overall, a ‘humble yet alt’ look that I would compare to a modern take on the Converse All Stars.

Nike Air Force 1s - They are for both black and white people. For people who have advanced beyond having a desire for owning the shoes that belong to a popular athlete.

Generally, Air Force 1s are colourful, and these colors can be used by generic altbros to differentiate from ‘the pack.’ People think they are supposed to be interested in interesting colors on shoes.

Nike Dunks - Are these the same as AirForce1s? I can’t rlly tell.

New Balance 991s - A shoe made for mainstreamers/frat bros/girls who wear athletic shorts+a university t-shirt. These shoes are built for comfort. I wonder if they selected a comfy shoe on purpose, or if it was an arbitrary decision.

Reebok PUMPS - Worn by some one who is probably a VERY dedicated alt or a self-proclaimed ’sneaker freak’ who wants to stand out more than Nikes would allow him to. When it comes to ‘form’, I don’t see why any one would prefer a Reebok design over a Nike design. However, the guy who ‘is wearing pumps’ really wants your attention.

Vans - You might be an entry level ’scenester’ if you wear Vans.

Checkered Vans - You might be a future FGGT/GHEY/future-failed-alt who gets too involved with marijuana and being quirky


The awkward Nike shoe that looks like an indoor soccer shoe/Van – what kind of ass hole would wear this? Probably a failed cool dad.


Adidas Gazelles - If you want an Adidas indoor soccer shoe, you should buy a Samba. Gazelles are kind of like alt-Vans (that’s a bad thing).

Steve Madden Men’s Shoes - It’s probably ‘business casual day’ if u r wearing these shoes.

Keds - You are REALLY being an ass hole if you wear KEDS. You are probably a ‘kid who thinks he/she is smart even though you go to community college and only wear Earth tones/pastels and actually still have Wes Anderson posters up in your room.’


Doc Marten Sandals - Ur probably taking a bath in Abercrombie cologne and shaving your 14 year old pubes in preparation for your ‘first sexual experience’ if you wear these.

Asics - these are for people who are still trying to find themselves/are trying too hard to differentiate.

LA Lights - The type of person who wears these would also like to have a conversation about shows that were on Nickelodeon when you were a kid. ‘Remember Pete&Pete?’


Regular Converse -a classic look that often justifies itself/leaves much to be desired at the same time. It sort of says ‘I am a humble person’ but still lets people know that you are either 10-25% alt or 100% post-alt.

Quirky coloured converse - You were probably in a ska band in high school and are attached to your image as ‘the smart kid who was also artistic and also had a quirky side that his teachers absolutely loved!’

Interesting print Converse - The weekend shoes of mainstreamers.


Converse All Star Xtra High - If u wear these, u do not contribute anything positive to society. Your legs should be removed from the knees-down, and your legs should be used to keep kids in Africa warm.

Awkard Puma soccer/turf shoe - You should have bought some Sambas instead of being a weirdo.


Womens Reebok Freetyle Hi - I have yet to meet a girl who would actually wear this.

Why is Reebok trying to trick French people who like tecktonic into thinking their shoes make them dance better?

Yelle is more important to Reebok than Michael Jordan is to Nike.

Have u seen this Funny YELLE product placement commercial for Reebok?

On the subject of alt-celebrities promoting shoes…
I still can’t believe Converse hired the guy from the Strokes, the black guy from The Pharrell, and Santogold to write a song to promote Converse. This quirky video that forced music blogs to sound excited about an MP3 from multiple artists from different target audiences was one of the biggest hoaxes of the modern bloghouseosphere era.

The song is pretty funny. I feel like sneaker companies forget t
hat ‘normal people’ wear shoes. It’s not just people who ‘think their shoes make them look cool.’ This song is the type of song that ‘people who think that listening to certain new/buzzworthy artists makes them cool’ would listen to on their way to the mall.

I feel like music blogs have a bad reputation because up to this point because of this type of content. A lot of ‘d-bags who think the are supposed to find a collaboration like this interesting’ are the main proponents of mp3 blogs as a news/culture source. So while bloggers feel pressured to ‘blog about this new [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE] content’, the marketers/companies gain promotion but subtract from the authenticity of their message & the authenticity of the targeted blog as a tastemaking source. Advertising to ‘alts who are too cool for anything, but still kind of impressionable’ is difficult, and companies must hire better marketing teams in order to reach the new ALT MARKET, as opposed to advertising to the circa 2002 HIPSTER MARKET.

BUT SRSLY…
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO PROMOTE THE CONVERSE ALL STAR? If I were the CEO of Converse, I would stop making every non-AllStar shoe and cancel their initiatives with high-profile athletes like Dwayne Wade.

Converse should just start distributing through thrift stores and be happy with ‘letting people pay what they want’ for their shoes. It worked for Radiohead’s “In Rainbows” and I think this product is similar.

Overall, I think Nike is the powerhouse with all of the history to make the best marketing campaigns. They realize that alts buy their products, but they don’t dedicate that much direct marketing towards them. They let ’sneaker designing boutiques’ and popular athletic figures who every1 liked as a kid to keep the brand’s presence strong with the alts.

This commercial appeals to both mainstreamers and alts with powerful imagery/iconography that we can all associate with. In addition, it utilizes that anthem by the Killers about having soul but not being a soldier (this song theoretically appeals to every1/sounds like the kind of song that mainstreamers-who-are-unaware-of-new-bands will go out and buy, then have conversations about ‘hearing this awesome song in a Nike commecial and the CD is actually really amazing.’)

[HIGHLY RECCD ENDING WITH A SPRINTER WITH NO LEGS]

I don’t think Nike’s alternative advertising is very heavy-handed. They keep their mainstream markets as a top priority as opposed to trying to ‘take over the alts.’ For example, this Nike Soccer commercial was directed by Guy Richie, who is theoretically an indie director (who banged Madonna), so every one can feel comfortable liking it.

N e ways…What kind of shoes do you wear?
Which lifestyle brand do u trust?
Which business is the best?
What shoes will be big in 2k9?
Do u feel like u r way 2 valued as a ‘hipster’ consumer by d-bags who have brainstorming sessions where they try to identify ‘what makes a hipster’?
What is a ‘hipster’?
What is an ‘alt’?
What is a ’scenester’?
Should I buy shoes only based on comfort?
Should I buy shoes that are made by lil AZN kids/women who are being underpaid?
Does being a ‘responsible consumer’ make the world a better place?
Remember hippie kids who ‘didn’t wear shoes’?

<3 <3 <3 <3
N E WAYS…. here’s some stuff I’ve been ‘online window shopping’ 4.
<3 <3 <3 <4 <5

Should I buy these headphones by Ed Banger & WeSC? I’ve always wanted a pair of ED PHONES. They will probably make the music sound better out of my iPod/ableton.

These look like something that come with a Fisher Price toy and have shitty audio quality. The only people I can see buying these are 13 year old tween alts, or ‘Euro Electro House D-bag FGGTs.’
Do u think it will hurt Justice’s image when they are contractually obligated to wear these sillie lookin things?
[Freshness]

Is it time that Ed Banger starts to look for a new aesthetic just for the sake of keeping things fresh? Time 2 Fire SoMe?

**************
Should I buy this moustache necklace thingy?

Do u think it will make me look as authentically quirky alt (NappyDynamite) as the girl in the pic? Is her life meaningful?
[SwissMiss]
************************
Should I buy these leggings made by MEMBERS ONLY? They are made out of rubber. I wonder if that will feel better than American Appy Leggings or LindZay Lohan’s “Tired of Leggings Starting” Leggings Fashion Line.

SRSLY tho… Members Only should stick to making jackets. That would be kind of like McDonalds turning into a record label/blog hybrid business model.
[Style Bay Area]
***********
Should I buy this zany t-shirt?

It represents me for me (except it’s not in Arial/Helvety).