8:00- Opening credits… fucking pumped.
8:02- omg. love this show. head gonna explode. wonder who will win this season.
8:05- yay. love Ryan Seacret. Think he might be ‘ghey’ though

8:06 – wonder if Ry Seacry had plastic surgery. Miss ‘metrosexuals.’ :::GAYDAR ALERT:::!!!
8:10- OMG! love this season’s cast! I can relate to a few of them s00 much! 1 is from my hometown and went to a high school close to mine!

8:11 – Commercial…. i mean cmon America… do we really need Tacos for 99 cents? LOL!!

8:14 – ugh. finally. New guy is singing. Think his name is Justin Guarini. He is singing a jazzy version of Maroon 5. He might be ‘ghey’, but also might just be ‘pumped to be famous for a month.’
8:16 – Simon is s0 mean!

8:17 – Love Paula!

8:18 – Some tween came up and sang Vanessa Carlton’s “1000 Miles.” Song always reminds me of the summer we went away 2 college, and I stayed in a long distance relaish.

8:19 – Commercial. OMG. Saw the scariest Volkswagen commercial. Need 2 get 1.
8:22 – Neil Diamond is the best! Great singer and great teacher! inspired.

8:23 – haha. Simon and Ryan goin at it. Those guys have great chemistry. Love their fashion.
8:25 – Just showed some rejects! some faggot dumb asian was such a fucking idiot! hahahaha! this guy sucks…. but he has a good heart… loves him

8:27 – OMG. Black woman got all mad! She seems like a real cunt! But I agree with the judges… all black people think that they are gifted at either music or sports… wish some1 would give them a reality check…

8:30 – Commercial. Yawn. Dorito break!
8:31 – Havin a craving… time to mash some peanut M&M’s into some Ben And Jerry’s… ugh… snacking will be the death of me… and my waistline! but 1 ‘junkfood day’ per week won’t be too bad.
8:34 – Finally…show back on…
8:34 – is it just me, or has Paula had some work done?

8:35 – Fat black guy singing. Think America gets behind fat ppl because they feel bad that they are gonna die so soon of Diabetes (aka The Sugar).
8:37 – Some twink is singing. Don’t think America will vote for his ‘fggt ass.’ especially cuz only ‘dumb people’ watch tv, and they are conservativez.

8:38 – some other gay guy is singing…. yawn… wish they could sexually screen these people. Need 2 write it into Prop 8….

8:41 – so gaytastic!!! transitioning into some bro who is trying to sound like Nickelback, I think.

8:43 – some old dad is singing. Time to get a 100 calorie pack! hehe
8:44 – taking the dog out to poop and pee
8:45 – have to take a shit
8:46 – Commercial. Ugh!!!!!! tired of seeing the same insurance commercial over and over!
8:50 – Hefty black girl singing. Think she might win so they can market her as ‘the next Aretha Franklin.’ Not sure if Beyonce will be willing 2 put on enough pounds to ‘fill that niche.’

8:51 – Random thought… Would Jessica Simpson/Ashlee Simpson’s career be better if they ‘won’ Ammy Idol?

8:53 – Kelly Clarkson singing ‘Since U Been Gone.’ she has ’star’ written all over her….
8:55 – Commercial. UGH!!! laptop running out of battery. Gonna make some popcorn for the announcement of the winner…. simon’s so mean! will dump Whoppers and Milk Duds into the popcorn to get some salty sweetness goin’ on…
8:56 – Nervous for all of the contestants.
8:57- OMG…just eliminated my favourite contestant…. feel sad 4 them. Sad that they go back home to their small town and will become alcoholics/ substance abusers.
8:58 – Time for the winner………after this commercial… UGH
8:59 – Calling in 1 last time to make sure my fave contestant wins. Gonna call from both my home phone and cell phone. hehe.
8:59 – OMG… here it comes…
8:59 – Ryan has envelope… opens it.
9:00 – THEY DID IT! They won… Think he/she is gonna be around this music industry or a long, long time.

9:00 – A Star Was Born
9:02 – Put in Freschetta pizza. Takes 25 minutes until crust golden brown. hungry

9:24 – Take out pizza from oven with oven mitt
9:25 – Burned the roof of my mouth with hot cheese…Shoulda let it cool off.
9:26 – Open up a 3 liter of root beer and pour it into a big cup
9:30 – put it on some soft porn while eating. Feel my penis get 36% erect
9:34 – finish entire pizza by myself 960 calories… ugh…
9:35 – penis fully erect, rubbing erect shaft with greasy palms. Lubricated. precum
9:39 – rubbing, waiting for a good sex scene to come up
9:43 – get restless, use my laptop to surf for a good porn scene
9:44 – rub butter on to my penis head and rub until is is ‘incredibly sensitive.’
9:58 – after waiting for a good scene, finally settle on one that is ‘kinda fucked up’ but also ‘very real.’ has a good cum shot
10:03 – about to cum
10:05 – make myself ejaculate at the same time that the porno guy cums on her face
10:06 – take dish to the sink. pile with rest of dishes.
10:08 – have really bad gas. Keep farting.
10:10 – farted and a runny log of shit accidentally came out. go to restroom to take off shit-stained underwear and drop log into the toilet
10:14 – spend 5 minutes looking at myself in the body. Holding my rolls of fat

10:45 – feeling worthless and disgusting
10:50 – write down a workout regiment for the next week…seriously cutting out bad foods.
10:52 – jerk myself off. cum, but it is clear and trickles out.
10:54 – examine myself for cancer
10:55 – worried i have cancer
11:04 – google ‘cancer symptoms’ and convince myself I have cancer
11:06 – eat a Hot Pocket

11:10 – get angry at myself. cut myself. long gash down my abdomen.
11:11 – bleeding into sink. getting light headed
11:14 – throw up hot pocket. Feel better
11:15 – call 3 friends. no one picks up
11:16 – call my dad to freak him out. Needing attention. haven’t talked to him in 5 years.
11:20 – tell him that I am going to ‘fucking kill myself.’
11:30 – crying on the bathroom floor. puddle of blood. Drinking a beer mixed with Nyquil and other downers
11:31 – get rifle out from underneath my bed
11:33 – sobbing uncontrollably. shit. Put rifle into my mouth
11:34 – think to myself ’seriously? Is this what I fucking want to do? Do you fucking know what you are doing? You can’t fucking do anything right. Fuck. You are too pussy. You can’t do anything right.’
11:36 – Check email one last time. Search twitter for something that would inspire me
11:38 – write a series of cryptic emails, facebook wall posts, myspace comments and tweets to people who I know well, and also to people who I don’t know.
11:39 – make an iTunes playlist with a mix of Linkin Park, Needle in the Hay, and “adam’s song” for people to find playing when they discover me. Also carve ‘please tell mom this is not her fault’ on my tummy with a steak knife.
11:40 – Check Perez Hilton for his reaction 2 2nite’s AI… feel the same way as him.
11:40 – Blow my brains out. Last words were ‘Goodnight moon.’


This has been a liveblog by Carles of the popular weblog HIPSTERRUNOFF.com. For more American Idol coverage, please visit hipsterrunoff.com/AmmyIdol.

Please comment with who u think will win next season.
What else should I liveblog, yall? Think it is ‘fun’ and makes me feel knnected 2 the rst of America. Do yall like 2 sit on ur lappy and watch TV, and talk about what is happening on the TV while ur connected 2 ppl on the internet?

when will HRO end?
should HRO have ended _ years ago?
When will all of the memes in the world be blogged?
What happens when the river of meme runs dry?
What happens when bloggers decided 2 unplug from the internet?
what happens if ur favourite blogger gets in a car crash 1 day, and u never hear from him/her again?

Everything dies–even humans
Every thing has a natural life.

Trends/fads/websites that are ‘kewl’ and ‘authentic’ can’t always stay what u think they are
u grow up. u turn into a different person who values different stuff
something that meant something 2 u at age 13 won’t mean as much 2 u at age 29, unless it is ‘Coca Cola’ or something like that

1 day, no1 will read pitchfork
1 day, no1 will read newspapers
1 day, no1 will eat red meat
1 day, no1 will be the same as they were 2day
1 day, Am Appy will be the official uniform provider of the NFL/poor people
1 day, ur parents will die, and u’ll feel ‘authentic sadness’ 4 the first time ever
1 day, HRO will not exist
u will still be alive. u will only read memes that are 140 characters or less
u will not feel a need 2 ‘get all social’ on the internet

Afraid of the world ending

Afraid. Afraid of losing everything.
Afraid of my site ‘dying.’
Afraid of losing sight of ‘what’s important in life.’
Scared of who I am finding out I am
Is the internet ‘my prison.’
Not sure if I have a healthy sense of self [via the internet]

1 day, we will go outside, and hold hands with our neighbors
and say ‘we finally did it,
we finally left Iraq
and got national health insurance
and fixed our educational system
and stopped honoring borders and turned the earth in2 1 chill-ass megacountry.’

Feel sad
when magazines died they got to ‘turn into websites’
but not even sure what ‘dying websites’
can turn into as a gimmick

We will be happy
‘Snark’ will be dead
Blogs will be dead
Advertisers will find a new medium to ‘overpay’ for advertising
No1 will have a computer larger than an iPhone
Twitter will have failed/been hacked and all personal memes will be erased

Good nite Moon
We had a good run.
‘The End.’ -a book

Best of luck,
Carles

We’ve come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should
-the fatboy slims, 2012 as the world ends

Sometimes I wish I had a beautiful angel
in my life
to take care of me
and tell me that every thing’s gonna be alright.

[Photo via Pregnant goldfish]
////SLEEP /// 4 /// EVER

Two of my biggest fears in life include:

• finding out my life was “just a meme”
• dying in a plane crash

The plane went down. I closed my eyes, and turned on my iPod. I started listening 2 the song “Young Folks” by Peter Bjorn and John to remind me of a time when ‘everything was okay.’ I was ready to leave the Earth.

I was calmed by the Scandinavian whistling as the plane shot towards God’s Earth. Down… Downer… Whistling… Downest. Splash. Whistling…. Crash. Boom. Whistles. Calm…. [the lyrics to Young Folks].

The descent was similar to the popular Disney ride SPLASH MOUNTAIN. We chilled in the river and the old people who booked the emergency exit seats ‘for more leg room’ were unable to open the doors. I was anxious because I wasn’t sitting near an exit and had 2 wait a long time 2 get out of the plane. Felt like I deserved to ‘live’ more than most of the other ppl on the plane.

We exited the plane in a chill fashion. The flight attendants gave us complimentary beverages and peanuts/pretzels for us to eat while we chilled on flotation devices/exit ramps. I also received a lifetime of free flights from US Airways to any where in the continental United States (I can no longer sue the airline upon receipt of this gift).

Immediately after the crash, I sent my parents a text message that said “I’m Okay.” They are very familiar with this text message, because I have sent it to them after numerous international tragedies. It is important to let people know that you are “safe” after any sort of tragedy happens. Even if u don’t live in the same city, it’s just good 2 communicate.

Let the world know that you are okay [via text message], [via twitter], and [via facebook status message]. Be proud to be alive. Be proud to b part of a worldwide social network that travels faster than mainstream journalists. It’s good 2 be alive,yall.

In the year 2k9, I renewed my lease on life. I will not ‘off myself’ in 2k9.
In 2k9, I will try to be ‘a lil bit more gonzo.’

As the year 2k8 winds down, we will take some time to celebrate the year behind us. We will help Carles to find out which of his posts made the biggest impact on the alternative eCommunity. While there is a sidebar full of ‘memorable posts’, only the readers know which posts are memorable. Help HIPSTER RUNOFF. Let HRO know which posts were memorable 2 u.

Foreward by Carles, CEO, CFO, COO, Online Editor of HIPSTER RUNOFF

What was ur favourite post of 2k8?
What was ur least favourite post of 2k8?
What does Carles need 2 change in 2k9?
Is HRO ‘too formulaic now’?
Should Carles post a suicide vlog on vimeo/youtube?
Will HRO die in 2k9?
What does HRO mean 2 u?

<3 u / h8 u / miss u

I want us to reach out to people from our past who we didn’t connect with, and even to our parents so that they can understand that we have found a better way to live life. We need more alts in the world, and we need to let them know that they can be a part of the family.

I was particularly touched by an email from an HRO reader who is trying her best to make the world a little bit more alt. She made her mother an authentic Birthday Card.


What can u do 2 make the world a better place?
R u going to make ur family a slideshow in Keynote for Xmas?
R u going to promise 2 make ur mom 1 bloghouse mixtape per month?
Are you going to go around town and hang up meaningful signs typed in Helvetty?
Now that Barry Obammy is Pressy, we have to do more to make sure that we r making the world a better place. If a black man can become President, then I believe every mainstreamer can become alt.

We need more Arts N Crafts funding in our suburban communities 2 fight depression + suicide.

I might start a t-shirt business and make sillie, colourful shirts.

Or maybe I’ll be a street artist who makes art inspired by popular songs.

Maybe I’ll try to win a couple of gold medals at the special olympics/hipster olympics/altOlympics. Mikey Phelps was rlly inspiring, yall.

I might spend the rest of my life trying to find creative ways to implement body art that makes girls feel like they can be my BFF and/or BF by ‘tugging me off’

[Photo by Icanteach u how 2 do it]

If I didn’t blog, maybe I would have time to find out what Scientology was truly about, as opposed to just thinking it suxxx bc DJ Mom Jeans is the #1 Scientologist in the World (right in front of Thom Cruise’s child)

Should I spend the rest of my life trying to find out what a meme is?
Should I stop blogging for 6 months to work on the HRO EP in order to change the way people view BlogHaus for the rest time (a.k.a. until the world ends in 2012)?
Am I not over Alice Glass?
Am I not over Uffie?

Am I just worried because all ElectroWar Officers are kinda fruity?

[Photo by Dublin Streets]

Should I stop blggng?
Am I altDepressed?

Are AZNs LOSING THEIR FCKNG MINDS?

SHOULD I spend the rest of my life hanging around my apartment in protective electroWar gear because I am afraid of finding out ‘what death feelz lyke’?

Should Carles just start blogging for Obama/the preggers girl’s mom and/or social change?

Should I determine how much HRO is worth by putting it on eBay?
Should I make it an auction, or have a BUY IT NOW price?
Should I bring back myspacers worth blogging about?
Should I marry a myspacer worth blogging about after we apply for positions at Chili’s, eventually working our way up to store manager after 5 years of being a bartender & hooking up my friends with 2-for-1 Mexican Martinis?

Should I do more for the Blipster Rights Movement?

[Photo by SharkVsBear]

Should I send in my resume to Pitchfork even though I only have a GED and 5 incomplete semesters at an Arts College Institute Thingy?

Should I stop drinking and start only chilling on ReddiWhipz?

What should I do yall? I’m a blog. I get confused sometimes. What’s life all about?
Is there more to life in post-2k8 than just ‘consuming/creating/forgetting memes’?
Can I even appreciate music n e m0re?
What happens if blogs die? Will Blog House die, too?
I’m scared, yall.

XX BONUS ORIGINAL POEM XX

help
chewing on glass candy on a vampirey weekend///
free me from these shackles
society is bullshit
gibbard.cuomo.father.son
wish I was a cool dad
able to speak my mind at
political rallies against McCain
and play rocknroll
without knowing what bloghouse is
make me a bird
so i can fly–far, far
//away ))
driving in deathcabs for postal srvc
If hypemachine dies
will I die–too?
u can’t cut copy ur life
CTRL + C // APPLE + V
if I learn how 2 love
will I find an altDiva
2 love me 4evr?
life// happens//in between
party // pix
help me(me)
I am the bloodiest beetroot.
Liberty, and Jousteece for all

a poem by
runoff carles runoff

Life is worth living, yall. Even if you haven’t moved to NYC/LA/Chicago/London/Montreal/Portland/Sydney/Moscow/Scandinavia/Estonia/any other authentic major metropolitan/remote area yet, there is still the promise of another day. Your personal brand can be all that it can be with the purchase of the right accessories & a few solid social decisions.

Never give up. Buy a Macbook. Buy a copy of Ableton. Get a close group of friends. Get buzzed with them. Open up and find urself. Find out what it means 2 b alive b4 u find out what “bein’ dead” feels like.

Never give up. WWJD. (What Would the Jousteeces Do?)

[Photo by LastNitesParty]

<3 reality when it is sillie <3

XX BONUS SUICIDAL AZN XX

I think that’s kinda a tasteless move. There have been previous Asians in history with guns to their head which bring up bad memories about how the world used to be bad/miscellaneous dark moments in humanity.


Asians pointing a gun to their head to make a statement kind of reminds me of when athletes ’slit their throat’ to indicate that they metaphorically killed their opponent.


HIPSTER RUNOFF: BLOGGING 4 SOCIAL CHANGE.

xx WEEKEND EDITION BONUS xx
Just an extra lil Tragic McTragTrag AZN.

Wonder how he got so inherently tragic…Musta gone through a lot of hardships that I wouldn’t understand. :-(

I’d give anything to be able to understand the plight of Tragic McTragTrag Alts.

i used to check your blog every day.
sometimes twice a day.
now it sucks. i’ll go days without thinking bout chu.
HRO fell off.
give me myspacers or give me death.

Should I stop blogging?
Should I kill myself in real life?
Should I post more myspacers?
Should I post more music?
Should I p0st p0re AZN on AZN?
Should I p0st m0re GHEY ON GHEY?
Should I fulfill broken promises like the advice column or the still-being-researched Partie Pixxx Power Rankings?
Should I just have my BFF strangle me with a scarf?

Would u like this blog more if I wore a mask while I blggd?

Would u like this blog more if there were more Andy Sandberg spottings?

Should I just start dealing drugs to kids?

Should I just get a tattoo that’s a metaphor about life, love, & beauty?

[Pix by Every1 is Gheymous]

Sometimes I just don’t know who I am, why I’m on this planet… Am I here to post [HIGHLY REC'CD] BLOGGABLE hits? Did G-d put me here to blog about myspacers?

Who am I? What do I believe in? Help.
I feel kind of like this guy, except without the Elliott Smith playing: