HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by thecobrasnake

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still in this relationship. I don't even know what to do any more. It's like we've done every possible 'couple-based activity' available, and we ended up at this theme park, and now this bro is drawing a zany caricature portrait of us. I feel incredibly average. I feel like I have merged my brand with some one, and we have become a forgettable entity.

What are you supposed to do when you are in a relationship? What 'fun' things can you really do? Go out to eat? Go out to eat? Go out to eat? Go somewhere lame that other couples go 2? Go out to eat? Go out to eat? Run an errand with your significant other when you would rather be doing something else? Go out to eat? Go out to eat? Make dinner 'together.' Eat in silence. Watch TV. Go out to eat? See some movie? Grow old? Get fat? Go out to eat? Have kids? Go out to eat?

I think about the days at the beginning of our relationship. I'm not the most romantic person in the world. But I really felt alive. I really felt like I was 'in it 4 the right reasons.' I felt happy. I felt like I was with the right person. Now I don't know so much any more. Sure there are tons of cliched stories about 'the fire' leaving a relationship as you grow older, and how that may or may not be beautiful. But I'm scared. I'm scared that I will be attached 2 this person 4 the rest of my life.

I feel so much pressure in this relationship. I am supposed to be creating a meaningful experience with some1--but I feel like a complete failure. I'm not sure what 2 do any more. Should I 'stay loyal' 2 this person because we have bonded together, cried 2gether, gone out 2 eat a bunch of times together and 'experienced life 2gether', or can I pursue a meaningful existence without this person? Can I be happy 'alone'? Am I wasting my time & my life with this person? Do I deeply resent this person? Does my love for them override my deep resentment of them?

I don't just feel tired of the person I am in a relationship with. I feel tired of myself, not just 'myself' in the context of this relationship, but I feel tired of 'myself.' A coward--I say I am 'unhappy' but I don't have the balls/energy/etc to either 'end it' or 'make the situation better.'

What are couples supposed 2 'do'?
Is there such thing as a 'happy couple'?
Are you in a dead-end relationships?
Have u 'lost urself'?
Do u 'h8' ur partner?
Does the thought of 'growing old' with some1 seem 'appealing 2 u' in the twilight of ur 20something-years?
Were you in a 'dead end' relationship that u got out of. R u happier now, or sadder?
What is 'the point' of being in a relationship?
Do 2 ppl 'belong 2gether' or is every1 supposed 2 be alone?
Does every1 in a relationship turn in2 a lamestreamer mainstreamer, or can u stay interesting, alt, and authentic?

'This is life.'
-a human

Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes

I just saw this picture of a couple standing 'front row' at a relevant Toro Y Moi concert in Miami. While the chillwave movement is often associated with 'groups of bros' who 'just want to chill out', you have to remember that the 'live show experience' is not just an event for bro congregation, groups of friends to 'get trashed', and other tangible social networking opportunities. A live show/art show/music festival/public outdoor alt farmer's market event is an opportunity for an alternative couple to 'get off their asses' and 'go out in public', a monthly/yearly opportunity to feel like they are still a part of' the scene'.

Most couples end up sitting at home, growing to resent/hate one another after nights spent eating unhealthy meals, watching complete seasons of the Office on DVD, and arguing about 'whether or not the non-insecure member of the relationship' really wants to 'give up his or her social life' for the simple life of a relationship. Going out in public to a highly relevant event puts your relationship under tons of stress if both members of the couple aren't high level alts. Your personal brand is linked to your partner, so if you aren't both committed to 'looking good', 'having fun' and 'being alt', the intensity of the alternative environment can 'crack' your relationship.

Just wish I could be a Member of the Altest Couple on Earth [link]

Very few couples create alternative synergy, where both members of a couple have a personal brand that is elevated by existing in a relationship. If u find some1 like this, hold on 2 them forever, purchase a mixed loft/art space with them, and start a buzzband with them.

Problems with going out with ur partner if the relationship isn't on strong alternative ground:

• Having to see a crappy band if ur partner isn't authentic/up-to-speed on blog buzzbands
• Ur partner's wardrobe if they aren't as alt as u
• Not being able to 'upgrade' to a more authentic/attractive partner
• Dealing with ur partner 'getting drunk' + 'new emotions/feelings being expressed'
• Getting drunk and accidentally 'letting ur eye wander' in public
• Not being able to go to 'the after party' because ur partner is 'tired' and 'her feet hurt'/is 'dehydrated'/'light-headed from being in such a cramped space'/needing to go to Denny's to 'eat more food 4 energy.'

This photograph is a 'case study' on the pressures of being in a relationship while you are at a highly relevant event.

Are you ashamed of me?
No, I am standing close to you, with my hands around you, proving that you are mine. You are my property. Our brands are aligned.

Are other girls alt-er/hotter than me?
Once again, I have overcompensated with my physical affection for you, and even integrated 'being into the music' into 'being into you.' Let's dance/sway side-to-side together.

Are you trying to hide me because ur ashamed of me?
No, we are standing in the goddamn front row. We have been making eye contact with Chaz the whole time. He probably thinks we are an awesome couple.

I know you want to start a buzzband. If u went on tour, would u stay faithful, or bang other hotties like me all across the USA?
I would bring you on tour, babe. I would bring you on tour. No1 compares to you. I promise.

You never take me out.
I am just so tired of our group of friends. They don't understand what it's like to be in a committed relationship. I would rather just spend every night on the couch with you. Don't even care about bro time any more.

My feet hurt.
We're going to have to go to the mall tomorrow to get you a new pair of shoes. I know that TOMS match your purchase price with a donation to charity, but I just don't think they are very orthopedic.

I don't know who I am as a person. I don't feel alt. I don't feel mainstream. What am I doing with my life? Being around so many people makes me question who I am. I feel old. I don't have a tight, firm 17 year old body any more. should I go vegan.

I am overwhelmed. I don't know how to deal with the problems of a 20something mildly alternative female who is searching 4 her place in the world. But I would feel bad abandoning her. I am not sure what to do. I am the modern alternative bro. I used to attend relevant concerts with a few bros, getting fucked up, standing in the front of the stage. Now here I am, managing this relationship. I value the spirit of the relationship, but I wonder what I am missing out on. I feel like other girls have been checking me out, analyzing my brand, possibly devaluing me because of my 'old ball and chain.' Can life get any better? Can my life get any worse? Is the grass 'always alt-er' on the other side?

Hands on the hips of my girlfriend. 5-8 years ago, this would have seemed like my alternative heaven, but these days... I am having my doubts.

Here I am, watching another buzzband play live. I always thought that would have been me by now. My alternative life is passing me by.

I am 26 years old, and I haven't done one buzzworthy thing with my life.

**********
The alternative bro is growing up
entering relationships
still into buzzbands, still into 'being alt'
but the pressure to mainstreamify
and find a 'partner'
yet I still have my dreams
big dreams
of being relevant, buzzworthy, blogworthy
the ability to get a 'blow job'
from any entry-level skank across the globe.

Alt life passing me by
Not alt-famous
Not in a buzzband
don't have a high-trafficked alt blog
Not even part-owner of an authentic diy space/bakery

All I have to show that I am 'alive'
is a degree from design school
and a girlfriend
who represents everything I want to become/
everything I don't want 2 become

Do u think Chaz felt bad for that bro for being 'tied down' to a relationship?

Photo by IWitlen via Miami NewTimes

Sorta just hope life works itself out
and I end up being a relevant alternative celebrity
highly desirable
yet in a relationship with an equally desirable alternative relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that 'bottlenecked' ur personal brand?
Is being in an alt relationship about 'going mainstream and hiding indoors' or going out and being social?
Do u feel bad when u see a 'couple' at a relevant alt event when one of the members of the relaish is 'way more alt' than the other 1?
Is taking a mainstreamer partner to a relevant alt experience sorta like 'pushing ur child on their bike with training wheels?
Is it difficult to be 'growing older', 'looking alt' and managing ur progressive personal brand while trying to find an 'authentic partner?
Do u 'laugh' when u see a mainstreamer + alt trying to 'make their relationship work'?
What are some tips for 'finding an authentic partner' in our modern global scene?

I have not podcasted in a while. Then I got really vulnerable, and started thinking about relationships. Kinda weird how we're all humans, and we 'want love' and 'want to feel valuable 2 some1.'  Wonder if I will ever be able 2 'settle down with some1' or if I just want to 'cum with a bunch of ppl' b4 I die.

Just thought I'd explore LOVE. This is the most vulnerable podcast I have ever done.

Put this podcast on your iPod and listen to it with your significant other.

DOWNLOAD PODCAST NOW
[DOWNLOAD] zShare link

Have u ever been in love?
What's yalls fave love song?

Previous podcasts
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/c/podcast

Note: Photo NSFW if u work in an office environment that doesn't allow Off-Road Strollers through their porno filters.

Photo by facehunter

Is there a difference between a girl who u want '2 hook up with' versus a 'girl who u want to spend the rest of ur life with?' Feels kinda weird how I feel like some girls 'aren't worth' 'taking home 2 meet ur parents' because ur parents would be like 'who is that skank'/'who is that altbro?' I am not sure what type of relationship u have with ur parents. Maybe u like to 'shock them' by 'telling them that u r in love with pieces of garbage'?

Or do ur parents 'worry about u getting some1 pregnant'? Or do ur parents 'worry that u'll get married too young and end up getting divorced, just like them'? Do u 'take pride' in ur significant others? Do u feel like when u tell ur parents that u r 'dating some1' that they respect u 'more', and say 'my lil kid has grown up--what a beautiful soul'? Do u have parents who 'get' u, and 'love 2 bond' with ur significant others because they can stop focusing on their failed marriage and start bonding through you + your significant other?

Just trying 2 find the best qualities in a woman. Want some1 who wouldn't mind pushing a dual-core ergonomic stroller through a public space with me. Want some1 who will 'love me 4 me.' Want some1 who 'won't start 2 focus on the kids' after they are born, and keep the attention on me.

It's hard yall. Not even sure if I am 'looking 4 love' or just 'looking 2 cum.' Hard 2 know the difference between the two. Feel like most girls who I would meet aren't 'special' because they are usually just 'the last skanks standing' at a weekly alternative club event. H8 how some 'relationships' feel like ur just 'getting off' with some1 until both of u 'find some1 who is closer 2 what u actually want/what u think u deserve.'

Not sure if I am 'happy with myself' so I don't know if I would every think some1 else is good enough. Guess I just wanna have kids so that my 'perspective on life' will change completely. Just wanna be a cool dad and raise a kid in an upper-middle class alternative life.

What do u want out of a relationship?

Think I just want some1 who will 'sit on a laptop with me all night' and 'make snarky commentary about a hit television show/reality show' that people in our demographic are 'supposed 2 watch'.

XX BONUS 'lil ball of turd' fashion XX

'poop' humor: big on HRO in 2k9.5? Or will I just stick with 'racist post-post-satire' that 'goes 2 far'? [via fearing AZNs]

Falling in <3 is more difficult than people realize. I 'stayed in' this weekend 2 think abt 2k9, and where I want it 2 go. Who do I want 2 be? What do I want 2 discover about myself?

Ultimately, I guess I am asking myself

DO I WANT 2 BE WITH SOME1 WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME?

OR DO I WANT 2 BE WITH SOME1 WHO IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ME?

OR SHOULD I 'GET PREYED UPON' BY A CHILD PREDATOR?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GIRLS/NIGHT/OUT?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GNO?

OR SHOULD EVERY NITE BE GALS NITE OUTTE?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GURLZ'NITEOWT?

[Photos by We Made Out Once]

What would yall do if 'u were me' and u were 'single' headed in2 a new year?
Stay at home and 'tug alone' every nite, or is there 'something 2 be found out there'?

I wish I had a meaningful GF who would wear my Oxford shirts to run errands the day after she slept over at my studio apartment. These large button-up shirts are required to be XXL in order to function as a 'dress.' It seems that she is on her way into a Tailor/alterations shop in order to fix her bf's shirt, though. Hopefully she doesn't make any changes without his consent. Hate it when BFs/GFs do that!

The last girl who wore her BF's shirt wore leggings and didn't utilize a belt. I wonder which 1 is better for an on-the-go lifestyle.

[Photo from Style Scout]

Would it be offensive to buy ur alternative GF these as a Birthday Gift?

Maybe if u include a pair of leggings, she'll appreciate u for 'truly caring abt the way she looks.' Sit down with your partner and discuss how 'conveying your alt-ness with fashion choices' is an important element of life that both of you value. Don't just get her a Chili's giftcard--she already expects you to take her to Chili's on her BD. That's just part of 'being serious' with some1 special.
(Choose.Your.Own.Appetizer)