HIPSTER RUNOFF

I don't really know the difference between the Black Keys and the Black Lips and the Black Dice and the Key Keys and the Key Blacks and the Lip Keys and the Bloop Blaps and the Meep Mrps and the Cars and the Indians and the Neon Indians and the Castles and the Neon Trees and the Tree Keys and the Black Trees and the Key Collective and Skrillex, but it is good to know that the indie darlings called 'The Black Keys' are finally on the cover of Rolling Stone, putting the indie genre on the map.

Do yall know what this band sounds like?
Are they some sort of cool dad band?
Is it 'about time'?
Has indie gone mnstrm?
Has garage rock 'left the garage'?
Is this indie's 'big moment' 2 'go mainstream'?
Does n e 1 know who this band is and what they are all abt?

Jose Mourinho is widely known as 'the alt-est' and the most authentic soccer coach in the world. It seems as though soccer has 'finally arrived' in America now that he is on the cover of Rolling Stone. Mourinho is widely referred to as 'The Special One', having coached Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milian, and Real Madrid to championship upon championship, becoming both the Arcade Fire and the Kanye West of soccer. Mourinho is better than every coaching great, from Vince Lombardi to Phil Jackson to Joe Paterno to Coach K to Greg Popovich to Jim Boheim to Herm Edwards to Tiger Woods old caddie.

Jose Mourinho was named the Rock Star of the year. I am not sure if he launched a buzzband or if he just embodies the rockstar lifestyle.

Oh wait, this is from Rolling Stone Spain [via Espana].

Is Jose Mourinho the alt-est/greatest coach ever?
What was Jose Mourinho's greatest coaching job ever?
Should Jose Mourinho coach the US National team?
Has the Klinsmann experiment 'gone down the shitter'?
Did David Beckham 'save' soccer in America?
Who will win the 2014 World Cup?
Do u read spanishwave magazines?

Aziz Ansari is an alt comedian who every1 is all like 'he's the next big thing', except he kinda already had his 'breakout year', but then he never really capitalized on it, and he is sort of stuck being 'niche famous' with the rest of the unfunny ppl in the NBC Thursday Night comedy club. Anyways, he has been waiting for his moment to become 'the greatest standup comedian' in the world, but I'm not sure if that ever really gained any traction. He's gonna be stuck settling for 'making ppl who watch Hulu' giggle in front of the glow of their laptops.

Anyways, he is 'on the cover' of Rolling Stone Magazine. Except he's not actually on THE REAL COVER, this is some sort of 'insert', or like the secret backpage cover. He 'looks cool', but I think he should have 'held out' for the real cover. Unless his agent got confirmation that he will never be on the cover of the magazine for the next 5 years, this was probably a bad idea that diluted his brand with the editors, and will potentially send his career into a downward spiral where he ends up on a sitcom that gets cancelled, airing on The CW.

Donald Glover's name is on this 'comedy issue.' I'm sure Donald Glover's PR agent found out about this cover opportunity and 'punched thru the wall', but then felt comforted with the thought of getting Childish Gambino 'the real cover' for being a rapper. Say what you will about Aziz Ansari as a comic, but at the end of the day, he's not trying to be a rapper, instead he just mocks black comedians for being so black, and you have to respect that.

Do u prefer Donny Glover or Aziz Ansari?
Can Aziz Ansari get his career back on track, recapturing the buzz of the RAAAANDY era?
Should he launch a rap career like Donald Glover?
Is he still alt relevant?
Can he get mainstream relevant?
Will he ever be more famous than Chris Tucker/Chris Rock/Dane Cook?
Will he just end up like Louis CK, overvalued at the end of his career?
Does Aziz Ansari still go to buzzband shows?
Was this a 'legit' Rolling Stone cover?
Did he agent/PR team 'score him a massive cover' or was this a 'desperate' move 4 a sinking career?
Should he stop trying to be so alt/relevant as a comedian, and just ride some fattie Mike-and-Molly waves all the way 2 the bank [via CBS sitcom]?

Aziz Ansari

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Aziz Ansari is an indie comic who is often associated wit the hit show 'Parks and Recreation' or the now defunct MTV show 'Human Giant.'

Lists: MTV, television stars, comedians, actors in indie bands

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Zach Galifianakis is the tubby guy in The Hangover. He basically just poops out of his mouth, and embodies modern comic relief, except it is way sadder, because I am pretty sure 'bro humor' just needs to be relieved from existing. Put I guess he's in The Hangover, and he says zany funnie stuff in his comedy, so 'this is his moment.' Comedians on the cover of Rolling Stone is apparently 'a big deal', but magazine covers aren't really a 'big deal' any more so I guess he got on the cover before it folds in _ years.

Do yall think this guy is funny? I feel like he is just 'sillie' to mainstreamers who don't follow internet humor, but at the same time, he is like the ultimate human meme for people who are 'way too into internet humor'.

I guess u have to give him props for tricking mainstreamers into thinking he is both 'funnie' and 'edgie.'

U just wonder 'who is on the inside?' of that bro. What's he all abt? Does he h8 himself? What does he want? Does he sleep with women? Does he ever feel like he can't lose weight or else he won't be typecasted any more? Seems like a really dark existence.

IS this a TOTALLY AMAZING magazine cover?
Is Zack Gallaphanackus totally funnie?
Have u and ur bros gone 2 see the HangBrover?
Was Zach G 'cutting edge' in the 90s?
Is his delivery + content 'overrated'?
Has he 'made it' [via Rolling Stone cover]?
Do u <3 him or h8 him?

From what I understand, the magazine industry is dying, and magazine covers mainly exist as a .jpg file for blogs to blog about but no1 buys magazines because they would rather read stuff 4 free on blogs. At this point, magazines sorta have to put bands and humans that appeal to tweens and mainstreamers on their cover so that they can sell copies. The popular New Jersey native Snooki is on the new cover of Rolling Stone, making it pretty obvious that the magazine industry is in trouble. Snooki is known for being a 'mini whore' who loves to make love to as many men as possible after getting as buzzed as possible. I don't know if she has anything innovative to say, or if there is some sort of 'real Snooki' that the journalist tried 2 uncover.

I sorta wonder if ppl are still 'into' Jersey Shore or if the meme of it has died. I guess ppl will always love Snooki because u sorta have to 'watch over her' like your mentally handicapped little sister, except she knows how 2 party and doesn't mind blowing dudes on the reg.

Is Rolling Stone 'more relevant' than ever?
Are we all just trying to get hits/sell our brand/expose our brand 2 as many ppl as possible?
Does Rolling Stone still produce 'quality content with a high level editorial voice'? (I have nvr read it)
Who is yalls fave Jersey Shore member?
Have yall ever had the dream where u r motorboating JWoww and then she makes love to u with a strap on?

Every1 says that the magazine industry is dying and that blogs are replacing magazines...but what if I told you that concept restaurants were replacing both blogs and magazines? It makes sense, because at the end of the day, u need to eat food more than u need 2 discover buzzbands/mp3s. Anyways, it seems like Rolling Stone is apparently launching a themed restaurant, sorta like the Hard Rock Cafe / Planet Hollywood.

The Hard Rock Cafe has a new competitor in Rolling Stone. With a restaurant on the way and a new deal signed with IMG, the magazine plans to extend its licensing business into new categories, including electronics and gaming and fashion-based products that are inspired by the magazine’s rock ’n’ roll roots.

R u looking forward to being able 2 purchase 'kewl graphic tees, coffee mugs, and _____' with the Rolling Stone logo on them at the RS Gift Shop or can u already get those [FREE] with a subscription?

Wonder if the CEO of Hard Rock Cafe is 'hella pissed' at this news, like "We were the #1 rock n roll themed restaurant except 4 Rock N Roll McDonalds [via Wesley Willis]. This is bullshit."

Do u think the food at Roling Stone Restaurant is gonna be 'hella crappy'?
Will it be like Chili's, except the wall paper will be unread Rolling Stone Magazine pages?
Will Hard Rock Cafe 'go under'?
Will Rolling Stone be saved by this new concept restaurant?
Do u think the journalists from their magazine will get 2 eat free food there?
Should I take my family 2 Planet Hollywood in my Midwestern suburban city because we can't afford a real vacation 2 California?

Ultimately, no1 cares abt eating $20 burgers at a restaurant about music.
Only good thing abt this meme is the typical Los Angeles Hollywood industry 'outsiders' who think that working at this kewl grill & bar will give them 'A-List status.' Feel like I shoulda gone 2 bartending school and moved out to LA in order 2 start my 'acting career.'

Here are some ppl begging 4 jobs on the RSLA Facebook wall.

'When are yall hiring?'
'I'd love 2 join the_team.'
'I'm a DJ. I play a lot of the music that yall write abt.'

Have yall ever begged 4 a job on a brand's facebook wall?
Are yall gonna apply 4 a job at Rolling Stone Cafe?

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a popular weblog that is known for creating the popular kewl genre 'chillwave', which took the indiesphere 'by storm' in 2k9, but then it died in late 2k10. Many people said to Carles, the blogger from HIPSTER RUNOFF, "Chillwave was the prime of ur blog. It's over, bro. Hang it up. Hang it up. No more relevant genres will be invented on the internet."

Boy, were they wrong. The Gods of Music, AKA Rolling Stone Magazine have named 'SLUTWAVE' to be the genre of the year.

This is truly a great moment for the slutwave genre, 'going mainstream', letting ppl who read mainstream magazines instead of blogs that artists like Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Ke$ha are all riding slutwaves bc they care more abt getting naked than they do abt writing good mp3s.

Recently, the Alt Report published a story that 'questioned the relevance' of Rolling Stone Magazine. [link]

However, now that they have honored the slutwave genre as a relevant mainstream trend, it seems like Rolling Stone is now a relevant magazine that just likes 2 sit at home and jerk off to titties just as much as the next bro.

Who will be next to honor the slutwave genre?
a) SPIN Magazine
b) The New york Times
c) NME
d) The Guardian
e) MTV
f) FUSE
g) Lopez Hilton Celeb Blogs
h) The Wall Street Journal
i) Choose ur own relevant media publisher

Will u ride the slutwave b4 it is too late?

Is SLUTWAVE a relevant genre?
Is SLUTWAVE mnstrm?
Who is the #1 slutwave artist?
Do yall still think that Ke$ha's pix covered in cum were the #1 moment in slutwave history?

Has slutwave gone 'more mainstream' than chillwave?
Are there more opportunities for emerging genres in 2k11?
Is slutwave chill bc is it just abt 'shaking titties' and 'looking fine'?
Is this a 'great moment' in HIPSTER RUNOFF history, or just another meme?
Will Carles 'invent' another relevant genre in 2k11, or is his streak 'in jeopardy'?

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

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From what I understand, SPIN Magazine and Rolling Stone Magazine are rock n roll magazines that also write abt life, rap, kewl shit, and journalism. I don't even rlly know bc I only read blogs. I don't even 'jack off' to 'nudie magazines' because I would rather watch streaming video of 'bitches getting railed' on the internet 4 free instead of staring at a piece of paper in a magazine. Sorta goes the same way for the music discovery process 4 me.

Anyways, SPIN and Rolling Stone made their 'end of year' 'best albums of the year' 'check out these kewl bands and our kewl magazine' lists. Feels like they are just trying to manage 'mainstream hits [via selling magazines]' vs 'whats kewl with the kids in the blogosphere bc it is relevant':

SPIN's list:
Link: http://www.spin.com/gallery/40-best-albums-2010
20 MGMT – Congratulations -totally a lame pick. cmon
19 No Age – Everything In Between - nvr listened 2 this but I'll bet ppl say it is 'good'
18 Superchunk – Majesty Shredding - sounds like a 90s band
17 Beach House – Team Dream - 'we are too mainstream to honor indie authentic bands'
16 Drake – Thank Me Later - we have to 'cover' the blacks too
15 Titus Andronicus – The Monitor -no idea. jesus
14 Best Coast – Crazy For You - have u heard of this fuzzy buzzy band?
13 Big Boi – Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Song Of Chico Dusty -guess this means they picked Kanye ovr Big Boi
12 Yeasayer – Odd Blood - think they got buzz for like 1 song
11 Vampire Weekend – Contra - good mix of a mainstream + alt pick. Readers feel safe
10 Robyn – Body Talk Pt. 1 -heard 'gays' and 'bitches' loved this album
9 Kid Cudi – Man On The Moon II: The Legend Of Mr. Rager - Probs woulda gone with Drake bc Drake is more famous.
8 M.I.A. – Maya - Rlly trrbl. jesus Christ. Maybe she still sells magazines/gets hits?
7 Grinderman – Grinderman 2 - Isn't this a horror film?
6 Janelle Monae – The Archandroid - such a trendy 2k10 pick. Gonna get s00 much annoying hype on her next album
5 Jamey Johnson – The Guitar Song - who the eff is this?
4 LCD Soundsystem – This Is Happening - every1 forgot abt this album. Really bad year 4 them, but maybe a good year bc they placed well on these lists
3 Arcade Fire – The Suburbs - a more mainstream Vampy Weeks-like selection. Readers feel like they 'get' relevant white ppl music
2 Deerhunter – Halcyon Digest - Weird indie pick. No way they ever let Brad Cox on the cover of their magazine so probs a bad pick/wasted prime real estate on him. More of a 10-20 pick
1 Kanye West- My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy -"This was srsly rlly good" -dude who writes for a magazine/regular human who reads media abt music

Does n e 1 know why ppl like Kanye West so much?

***************
Rolling Stone's List:

20 Neil Young – Le Noise - wasn't he more famous this year 4 Jimmy Fallon doing impressions of him?
19 M.I.A. – Maya - pick for girls, and non-black+mexi minorities & ppl who like shitty music
18 Kings of Leon – Come Around Sundown - Pick 4 honky white ppl
17 Beach House – Teen Dream - pick for ppl who read blogs
16 Kid Rock – Born Free - pick for people who still believe in the 'rap-rock' genre
15 The National – High Violet - pick for ppl who like dudes with deep voices
14 Robyn – Body Talk - pick for gay ppl + 'ppl who love pop music'
13 Taylor Swift – Speak Now - pick for Walmart core readers & Christians who are allowed 2 listen to pop radio
12 John Mellencamp – No Better Than This - Pick for people who think that one little ditty abt Jack and Diane just came out less than 2 years ago
11 The Dead Weather – Sea of Cowards -pick for ppl who think anything Jack White does is authentic.
10 LCD Soundsystem – This Is Happening - pick for NYC-based ppl that like kewl old dudes
9 Eminem – Recovery - pick for wiggers
8 Robert Plant – Band Of Joy - pick for old ppl
7 Drake – Thank Me Later - pick for black ppl
6 Vampire Weekend – Contra -pick for smart, white indie ppl
5 Jamey Johnson – The Guitar Song -pick for _____ people [via nvr heard of them]
4 Arcade Fire – The Suburbs - pick for white ass indie ppl
3 Elton John and Leon Russell – The Union - pick for ppl who really liked that Princess Diana tribute song
2 The Black Keys – Brothers -pick for people who want 'new bands' to be 'throwbacks' to 'old bands'
1 Kanye West – My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - pick for white people who shop at Walmart that want to be blacker, but also black ppl that want to be white and relevant and transcend the generic rap game

*******
Do u think these magazines 'know what the eff they are talking abt?
Do u think they are just trying to 'brand' their magazine with their readers as being 'kewl'?
Do u think they h8 indie buzzbands because they are forced to think they are 'good' but they don't really drive as much traffic as mainstream bands?
Should Walmart start a relevant music mag that 'cuts the indie bullshit' and just writes about mainstream ass bands?
Are magazines still relevant?
Who will create 'the perfect' 'best albums of the year list'?

Not sure what the eff Barry Obama is doing. He's the g-d President, but he is still pursuing his dream of becoming a 'buzzband' or something. That's rlly the only way I can explain him being on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine besides them paying him tons of money for exclusive nudes 2 help them sell magazines [via the Playboy biz model]. Unsure if magazines still make money. Feel like if Barry Obama really wanted to 'send out a message' he could just take over every national TV network for like 3 hours and just 'riff' and let every1 know what is on his mind, sort of like a teen vlogging on youtube or something.

Not sure what his deal is. Is Barack Obama a 'President' or a 'buzzband'? Should he be focusing on jobs / the War in Iraq / Osama bin Laden / gay rights instead of talking abt 'What's on his iPod' with some journalist?

Feel like this is a difficult question for Barry because he probably likes white honky James Taylor-y/Michael McDonald yacht rock music, but also has to pretend that he loves 'black culture' and 'black artists.'

What music have you been listening to lately? What have you discovered, what speaks to you these days?

My iPod now has about 2,000 songs, and it is a source of great pleasure to me. I am probably still more heavily weighted toward the music of my childhood than I am the new stuff. There's still a lot of Stevie Wonder, a lot of Bob Dylan, a lot of Rolling Stones, a lot of R&B, a lot of Miles Davis and John Coltrane. Those are the old standards.
A lot of classical music. I'm not a big opera buff in terms of going to opera, but there are days where Maria Callas is exactly what I need.
Thanks to Reggie [Love, the president's personal aide], my rap palate has greatly improved. Jay-Z used to be sort of what predominated, but now I've got a little Nas and a little Lil Wayne and some other stuff, but I would not claim to be an expert. Malia and Sasha are now getting old enough to where they start hipping me to things. Music is still a great source of joy and occasional solace in the midst of what can be some difficult days.

Might have to send the White House a preloaded iPod shuffle with tons of relevant buzzbands on it. Feel like Sash and Malia might get 'alt' as the get older.

Does some1 need to send Barry a memo like "Dude, ur in office. U got elected already dude. Stop worrying abt how many people like ur brand and just be a President"?
Is Obama failing as a President?
Do u think hiphop magazines are pissed that he didn't give them an interview?
Are magazines 'dying' or are they the last place where 'real journalism' takes place?
If u were going to introduce Barry 2 an indie buzzband, which gateway band would u propose 2 him?
Is Barack Obama failure as a President?
Is Barry going to lose his next election to a racist Tea Partier whose campaign slogan will revolve around 'getting blacks out of the white house'?

From what I understand, the magazine industry is 'tanking' and the only way to sell copies is to put tween sensations on the cover, or to put 'hot, half naked skanks with big titties.' Fortunately for magazines, the slutwave movement is stronger than ever and u can fill up most of ur issue covers with a half naked woman trying to look 'sexy' and 'artsy' at the same time. Usually female pop stars just 'get naked' in an artsy way, like they'll put a lil ribbon over their vajeng and breasteses, or maybe they will do something controversial on the cover, like pee on an American flag while stabbing an African-American with a cross.

It seems like Katy Perry is on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine, just showin off ur big ol bosoms. Feel like they have really helped her take her career to the next lev. Do u dig her vibe?

Wonder if they also filmed a 'hardcore porn beach scene' during this photo shoot. Seems like her vagina is accessible, ready to get sand + peen in it.

Do yall know where I can buy a denim bra to push up my titties?

Does the slutwave movement 'turn u on'?
Are yall on #team_Slutwave or #team_lilith_fair?
Is Katy Perry 'the hottest piece of ass' in the slutwave movement [via bigger breasts than Lady Gaga + Ke$ha]?
Do yall know any indie females who should 'crossover' and ride the slutwave?
Do u prefer the pasty, lofi version of Katy Perry without any airbrushing / makeup?

Do u think Katy Perry has an 'All-American' look, or does she remind u too much of a suburban alt Middle American?

Magazine covers are sorta like printed internet memes that companies are still trying to sell even though the business model is 'quickly dying.' Seems like it is still a chill way for 'authentic photographers' to get paid + showcase their art in hi-res format, but seems like blogs/websites are a better way to consume music news + opinions, since u can stream mp3s from websites and not via paper.

Rolling Stone, the Pitchfork of the 1960s and 1970s, seems to have put Lady Gaga on the cover of their magazine. She is known as the leader of the modern slutwave movement, taking over for previous slutwave pop legends like BritBrat Spears, Madonna, and the women of the Lilith Fair. On the cover, she is posing 'bare assed' with some machine gun bras. Not even sure what her vibe is supposed to be about. Maybe like 'i am a slut. i will metaphorically fuck u then kill u.' Sorta not even 'getting hard' 4 her.

Feel like you 'get' the essence of the magazine just by viewing the cover, but u can always just look at the cover in .jpg format, instead of actually going to your local news stand and purchasing the magazine. Who will buy this magazine? Lonely females? Hornie teens? Will some store like WalMart 'refuse to stock it' because it is too sexual and give the issue 'more press'? Is Larry Gaggy 'trying 2 hard'?

'Sex sells. Violence sells.'
- the makers of the popular video game Grand Theft Auto/snuff films

Wonder what Lady Gaga's plan to stay relevant is going to be. Feel like her body is just gonna get old, but she will stay the same. Worried about her. Wonder if Jay-Z would be more successful if he 'got naked' more often and showed off penis + his muscular frame. Seems more chill to be a bro in music instead of a female in music.

Is Lady Gaga a 'pop' genius?
Is Lady Gaga an 'artistic genius'?
Is Lady Gaga the modern Andy Warhol?
IS Lady Gaga original?
Are magazines dying?

Should Lady Gaga have used more bubbles to make a bubble nudity meme?

Did Christina Mexiluera have the most authentic 'slut' phase?

Is Brittney still #1 in ur slut power rankings?

Do naked bros sell magazine covers?

Should I start a magazine and have the first issue be a 'cock pic'?

While this original Terry Richardson picture seems 'sweet' and 'alt', as if Shaun White doesn't care about the fake sport of snowboarding, it was disappointing to find out that it was actually the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. This picture seems like it is trying to take Shaun White's extreme alt brand 'to the masses.' Many people think that Terry Richardson is a 'shitty' photographer, but this photograph perfectly captures the the public perception of xtreme sports.

Unfortunately, the magazine industry is 'in the shitter', and Rolling Stone played it safe by having this Olympic hero pose for the magazine after the Winter Olympics.

Do u think this magazine cover was 'bundled' with a massive Target campaign?

Conspiracy theorists claim that Shaun White is going to 'take roids' not just to ensure he wins the Winter X Games, but also to take on Carrot Top as the 'buff-est' red head in the history of modern pop culture.

Is Shaun White the Tiger Woods of snowboarding, or does he have to 'bang' more strippers?
Is Shaun White a 'corporate sellout'?
R yall happy that the Winter Olympics are over so we don't have to simulate 'caring' about snow-based sports?
Should I buy a subscription to Rolling Stone, or just DL free mp3s from blogspots?
Does cold weather make yall sad?

Music Magazines continue to 'die off' because of the rise of Pitchfork, Hype Machine, streaming websites and the mp3 blogosphere. There is no budget left to pay 'music writers' who believe they still have an authentic skill.

RollingStone.com is the popular website of the magazine Rolling Stone. It seems like their site has 'gone under' and was replaced by a generic web hosting home page.  This might mean the 'death' of one of the most authentic magazines in the history of the pre-internet music landscape.

We can only assume that RollingStone.com makes the same amount of money per year as an entry level mp3 blog.  Other theories have an member of the IT staff making a huge mistake that will cost him his job. Extreme conspiracy theorists say that Pitchfork IT staff 'hacked' the rolling stone site in order to steal some of their readers.

Have yall ever read the magazine ROLLING STONE or has it just been idealized as some sort of source of authenticity via the 'Almost Famous' glorification of music journalism?

Just trying 2 sell magazines to poors, tweens, and blacks.

Has 1 of your fave websites ever crashed / been hacked?
Are music magazines officially dead?