HIPSTER RUNOFF

I spend a lot of time and energy h8ing suburbia, wanting to break free from my past, shaking my fist at the mold that created me. However... as I enter the twilight of my twenty-something prime, and look ahead, I can't help but wonder if suburbia is actually some sort of 'utopia' where everything is pretty easy. U can drive a huge car, park in a huge parking lot, and unload the groceries via the garage in2 ur big ass house with a big ass TV. Even though right now, that process sounds lamestream and authentic, maybe it's a good way of life.

What if u were hungry, and u could drive less than 2 miles to a series of relevant franchise chain restaurants, all at varying price points, offering you the opportunity 2 dine on cuisine from 'around the world'? Is that really a bad thing?

As u know, most chain restaurants work in 'combos' 2 maximize operational efficiencies. I'm sure yall have vibed out at Pizza Hut / Taco Bell / KFC.

And maybe eaten at Chili's / On the Border of Mexico / Maggiano's Lil Italie.

But what if I told u that the new 'it' combo restaurant was the combination Red Lobster + Olive Garden. Seems rlly convenient, like this is the type of innovation that we need to 'save' suburbia. More restaurant mashups, more convenience, offer more opportunities 4 consumers 2 have more power than evr.

Sorta wonder if complimentary cheddar biscuits are going 2 become the new 'SXSWestern eggrolls.'

Or if 'free salad and breadsticks' will become the official relevant appetizer of the 2k20s.

I am rlly excited. Have had so many great memories at Red Lobster/Olive Garden.

Feels like we were transported 2 'Little Italy', eating rustic concept food.

Celebrating 'girls night out' with a bottle of wine @ the olive garden

Celebrating my 21st birthday with some lobster, some free cake, and some of my best friends.

Red Lobster: A great place 2 get some fried_wave shrimp/seafood + creamy sauce
Olive Garden: A great place 2 get some noodles & ketchup / creamy alfredo
Combo: A great place 2 bring ur family 2 share good times.

Really feels like Red Lobster + Olive Garden 'hybrid' restaurants might be what makes suburbia 'relevant.' Really hope that the 2k10s become known as the years when franchise restaurants were really down 2 'collab' and 'remix' one another. It feels like with this type of 'collab', we should no longer 'fear the suburbs', but instead 'buy property and build a factory home' in the suburbs. Maybe Win Butler was wrong all along...

I'll see you guys at Olive Garden / Red Lobster.

Which restaurant collabs do u want 2 see?
McDonalds + Chipotle?
Whataburger + In&Out?
Taco Bell + Panda Express?
Panda Express + Pei Wei?
Subway + Wendy's?
Chili's + Applebees + TGIFriday's?
IHOP + Denny's?
Panera Bread + Quizno's?
Golden Corral + Golden Corral?
Outback + Ruby Tuesday?
Is combination Olive Garden+Red Lobster 'the new Chili's?
How would u rate the dining experience at Olive Garden/Red Lobster?
Should I get a waitressing internship at Red Lobster/Olive Garden since I am only taking 6 hours at my suburban community college this year?
Do franchise chain restaurants make u feel 'trapped in suburbia/society'?
If u had a family of four that you had 2 feed for a low price, where would u take ur family 2 eat?

It makes me sad
When the suburbs expand
and old sections of 1st wave suburbia
are no longer relevant
no long sustainable

The architecture becomes outdated
Consumers want 'trendier' parts of the city 2 drive their cars 2
Franchise locations can no longer attract
Shops/stores/restaurants/everything closes down

Sometimes my life feels like an empty 1980s mall
in the 2010s
Wishing I could be an upscale modern outdoor gimmicky mall
in the relevant area of suburbia

But I am stuck in 'the ass crack' of the suburbs
2 many apartments, 2 many minorities in the area now
Everything has gone 2 shit

Where have all the Chili's gone?
Where have all the Chili's gone?

I remember when I was young
This area used to be different
It was a 'trendy' part of the suburbs
I was proud 2 call it home

But now, all of the local businesses are rlly shitty
and I have to drive another 5 miles to get to the relevant areas of suburbia

Where have all the southwestern egg rolls gone?

Even my favourite Johnny Carino's closed down

This used 2 be where I would buy groceries,
but now some new wave Christian church turned it in2 a church

This vacant shopping center was turned in2 a charter school
4 gifted and talented kids
(who want to go 2 school in an old super market)

Where have all the Chili's gone?

Sometimes I feel sad that I can't be a part of the 'new development'
Cutting edge movie theatres
New franchise restaurants
Huge outdoor stores
Lowe's and Home Depots 2 serve as 'refueling stations' for contractors
doing work on new regions of suburbia

Makes me sad
Living on the inskirts of suburbia
Development has moved beyond us
Wishing I could be a rich tween who took immense pride in living in the most relevant part of suburbia
Basking in the riches of the uppermiddle class lifestyle

The Chili's by my house relocated to a newer part of suburbia
and I'm not sure how 2 handle it

Where have all the The Suburbs gone?
there's more than this
There's more than this
Fuddruckers, Arby's, Panera Bread
Chili's, Bennigans, TGIFriday's
Red Robin, Ruby Tuesday, Boston Market
I want u 2 be close 2 me
so I don't have 2 cook healthy food 4 my family
Where have all the Chili's gone?

Sometimes u just want more
than 31 flavors
so u go 2 a place with a cold stone marble slab
where they mix in ur toppings

-the Arcade Fire

Do u feel sad when u drive thru outdated parts of suburbia?
Are there any vacant lots in ur suburban area that have been taken over by weird businesses/entities/religious groups?
Is suburbia 'expanding' 2 much?
Should we demolish the 'dead' parts of suburbia before continuing 2 expand?
If you were an impressionable consumer-wave tween, would u rather live in 'the ass crack' of suburbia or 'the relevant, new part of suburbia', 'right next to the mall/movie theatres'?
Have 'apartments' ruined suburbia [via low cost housing for drug users, minorities, and other ppl who are stressing the natural order of franchise restaurants]?

Photo by lookbook

It makes me sad
That all humans in the developed world
must go to the grocery store / an 'everything store'
in order to stay alive

Wish things were more natural
and we had to hunt and gather
instead of 'gathering money' [via job]
and then 'bargain hunting' [via coupons/manufacturer's discount]
and stuff like that which makes u realize
just how 'middle-class' ur parents are

I go out to Target / Wal Mart
Trader Joe's / Whole Foods /
Local low-end grocery store
and I buy 'groceries'
Makes me feel less unique
because I see every one there
rich or poor

But the poor usually buy stuff that's 'bad 4 u'
and I am fortunate enough to buy
stuff that's 'better 4 u'

Feel like a 'fish out of water'
when running the errands that are necessary 2 staying alive
because I have built my personal brand around
'seeming like I have nothing 2 do with ppl
who have 2 perform trivial tasks 2 stay alive'

I want to be some1 who seems 'young'
and 'out of touch' with 'real life' and 'real errands.'
and the modern 'struggle' 2 stay alive and build a 'happy family'

h8 'shopping' for stuff that 'isn't cool'
would rather go 2 the mall / online shopping
prefer 2 buy stuff that u have 2 buy with a credit card
instead of stuff that 'fits in2 ur budget.'

Image via Lookbook

h8 living in suburbia.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
want something more.
than this life that my parents have forced me into.

Sometimes I feel happy
when I make a good grade in AP English
and I know that I will eventually go to Columbia/NYU/Yale
but it sucks to be here
at a public high school
knowing that all of these ass holes
just want to go to a state university
attend business school
and get married

Wish that high schools had more than just 'honors' courses
because even dumb ppl are in honors courses just to raise their GPA
wish they talked 2 us
and found out about what we wanted 2 do
h8 standardized testing
and how it has limited my educational growth

If only they had some sort of class
that taught us how to blog
and taught us how to screen print on tshirts
and taught us how to start an eCommerce store
and taught us how to crochet
and taught us how to twitter
and taught us how to photoshop
and taught us how to make blog/tumblr layouts
and taught us how to make party fliers
and taught us about everything in between
like human2human interactions

I want to start an online site that isn't a blog
since blogs are dead
but I want the site to be more 'fun' and 'less linear'
and I want my fan base to be authentic
looking for something else out of their online life

But here I am
trapped in suburbia
a teen
Alone in my room

I attempt to make my space as meaningful as possible
this attic
full of records, picture books, and asbestos
The good times are killing me
The bad times are killing me
The asbestos may or may not be killing me

[Img via lookbook]
Lately, I have been in a rut.
Feeling down
about architecture
cuz space changes ur daily life
more than u even realize.

This is me. Trapped In SuburbiaBro.
That's my dog--Hugh
named after the famous Actor Hugh Grant
we named him when Hugh was on top of the world
with romcoms (romantic comedies) like Four Weddings and A Funeral

N e ways...
Feelin' stuck
Feelin' down
Feelin' overwhelmed
Feelin' teen angst
Feelin' feelings is what I do best

My parents made me
join Student Council
but I would skip meetings
and smoke ciggies
and drink soda
at America's Drive In--Sonic

Getting introspective
in my room
alone
like that Beach Boys song

I go outside to take a walk
but realize
that my parents' property
isn't that big
so I can't get 'lost'
and metaphorically get lose in my own thoughts.

I think I will move to the city
and come home
and reunite with high school friends
and really brand myself
as having become an authentic part of this city
that I moved away to
Like my eyes are open
and I will purchase a meaningful t-shirt
of my newfound home

Or maybe I will buy an AZN
who will represent my connection to my new home

Or maybe
I will just get a tattoo of
the great alt state of Minnesota

Do yall feel 'trapped'?
Where r yall gonna move 2?
Is San Francisco more authentic than Brooklyn?
Or is Minnesota the new Brooklyn?
Or is Minnesota the new Australia?

Previous encounters with trapped in suburbiaBRo
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/checking-in-with-trapped-in-suburbiabro.html

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/trapped-in-suburbia-bro-fake-crystal-castles-fan-club-t-shirt.html

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/02/reflections-on-suburbia-via-being-trapped.html

[Photo via lookbook]
This is my life
And I am not happy
With this setting of mine
I deserve more than this.

I walk around
and see the houses which
look a lot like mine
I want to move to the city and be with people
but other days
I want 2 move 2 the wilderness and live alone.

The school bus
motors by
and I see pollution come out of its tail pipe
I wouldn't mind emissions so much
if I lived in the city.

I am trapped in this life
where my parents have control
over what I do and who I am
I need to be free
because my parents
are guided by
society's norms

I used to play JV soccer
this is a team sport
however I grew apart from my team
and h8ed 'conforming'
to this concept
of a group of unified people
with one common goal

I don't have a problem
with being part of something
bigger than urself
but I think that ur goals
should be ones that make the world
a better/more authentic place

One day, I will start a nonprofit organization
that aggregates the world's most critically acclaimed music
and delivers pre-loaded iPods to children
in at-risk mainstream neighborhoods
(kind of like Meals-On-Wheels, except with indie-core music)

I have a vision
of a perfect world
I will not turn my back on suburbia
One day I will return
and 'save' the Collective Soul of the suburban people.

I want to make the world a more authentic place
One day
An army will march through suburbia
and set this place
on fire. (this is a metaphor)

[Photo by Cobrasnake]

My entire life has been focused on 'moving to the city.' I hear a lot of songs about 'the city' and see a lot of meaningful pictures of culture/daily life from 'the city.' Within 'the city' is a network of creative people and a thriving public transportation system. In the context of the city, doing even the most trivial things like 'going to the store to buy groceries to prepare a meal' is more meaningful than the exact same process in suburbia. (less fossil fuels)

The concept of 'the city' might be dead. Authentic Alts are 'raging against the city' because s0 many mainstreamers are 'moving in' (also a high cost of living). I am not sure what will be a more authentic place to live in the future: 'the wilderness' or 'suburbia.'

The Wilderness seems like you could 'really chill out' and listen to some AnCo. You can 'be alone with your thoughts' and just get kind of raw, unwired, and uncut.

But I feel like I could really tap into a lot of creative angst if I 'lived in a place like suburbia.' I could really reflect on the human experience, and how so many people will never 'achieve happiness' because they don't 'get' how space/architecture has a direct impact on their lives'. There are just so many people around u 'living the same life as u' that u 'get kinda down' and feel 'a lil bit meaningless.'

Where do yall think yall are going to move to?
Do yall know n e 1 who will take over my lease?

In a previous entry, we discovered TrappedInSuburbiaBro. Today we will check in with him 2 see how 'life is going' before he moves away 2 design skewl.

[Photo via lookbook]

SUBURBIA: A CONCEPT POEM (Part 2)
So tired of Mom's Spaghetti
No more meat in my diet
Tofu Balls instead of Meat Balls

When I move away
I will be in control
of my present and my future
Will always h8 the past

Parents just don't understand
What I am trying to do
My master plan

Asked for a Macbook for xmas
Will probably only get the white one
not enough memory to run the Adobe Creative Suite

My white Macbook
is major constraint/bottleneck
on my ability to self-express
kinda like suburbia

Previous Concept Poem
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/suburbia-a-concept-poem-by-hipster-runoff.html

Is Trapped in Suburbia Bro the new RCRD HEAD?

miss ur personal branding choices s0 bad. :-(

Can u relate 2 TrappedInSubBro?

[Photo by Lookbook.nu]
Suburbia
I am one bro // standing in the backyard
Which my parents built
They raised me--and gave me space to play
I chose to stay indoors.
I chose to express myself.
I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas.
My dad gave me an XBox 360.
I h8 this home and these parents and these norms.

The internet is the place where I find the pictures
of the places where I want 2 b
and the people who I want 2 b.
Senior year ending--early acceptance to Design School.

I will return home for Thanksgiving Break
and shat down upon this lawn
and shat down upon areas without public transportation
and shat down upon the people from my high school who didn't 'get' me
and they still do not 'get' me bc they have not seen what I have seen.

This picture is me.
This bro is me.
Alternatively enlightened
yet
Stuck

// I will pull myself up from my bootstraps.