HIPSTER RUNOFF

I have heard rumblings that there is a MASSIVE LAW that is being talked about in some sort of branch of the government that is trying to make websites and blogs and the majority of the content on the internet COMPLETELY ILLEGAL. I was reading up about SOPA, trying to exactly who it would impact. Here are the hard facts on SOPA, how it works, and how your life will be forever changed in the SOPA world.

ALL MUSIC BLOGS WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Did u know that 100% of music blogs are 'hella illegal'? They are just as illegal as they were when they were 'innovative', but now every1 just got used to it. This would mean the bloggers behind your favorite blogs would go to jail. Many would be placed in isolation chambers, and they would not have internet access. This means Pitchfork writers, ad salesmen, dudes who start Tumblrs, and any one who has ever downloaded an illegal leak. Some critics say that this would actually be a good thing for the blog-centric indie world because it would force the creation of music in 'real scenes' instead of losers on the internet getting famous then tanking when they perform live.

ALL INDIE BUZZBANDS WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Believe it or not, any band trying to get buzz could be sentenced to at least 3 months in prison. Any band planning on releasing an album in 2k12 better 're-think' their strategies. It seems like we will move back to a taped-bootlegging era. Instead of doing a formal release that is uploaded to the internet to be sold, bands will have to sell CDs and minidiscs at live shows. Any band caught releasing an MP3 file, or if their fans make MP3s, the entire band will be executed live on FOX TV. The first round of executions will debut after the Super Bowl.

YOU WILL LOSE YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNT AND YOUR TWITTER AND FACEBOOK WILL BE SEIZED BY THE GOVERNMENT
Remember the days when u could fire off an email? Over. Thanks a lot, SOPA. There will be no way to connect with other people on the internet. Classmates.com has a few lobbyists making HUGE moves in Wershington, and they might be the last social network standing when it's all said and done.

YOU WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW BY READING 'COMMIE GARBAGE' ON THE INTERNET AND SHARING IT TO A SOCIAL NETWORK
Let's face it, the majority of internet content is all 'communist garbage', written by, consumed by, and shared by a Network of Reds. In order to get America back to on track, riding capitalistic vibes, eliminating Commie propaganda is 100% necessary to the old white-hairs in the House of Congressentatives. No longer will u be allowed to read words on the internet unless they are approved by the government. It will be a lot like a parental control filter. There will be no more Browsers, everything will look like America Online 3.0.

ANY1 WHO DOES ONLINE SHOPPING WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Sites like Groupon, Amazon Gold Box, and SexSlaveCoupon.biz will be illegal, because the government finally realizes that 'online deals' have hurt the economie. Instead of allowing retailers to charge markups, so many outlets have driven prices down, hurting our economy because u can't waste money, and businesses can't make money. Events like Black Friday will be outlawed, and if you buy stereo speakers from some dude driving around a parking lot, you will have your hand chopped off. Stores like iTunes will be illegal, and it will be illegal to download MP3s AND buy MP3s.

ANY1 WHO BEATS OFF 2 PORN ON THE INTERNET WILL AUTOMATICALLY GO 2 CYBERJAIL
Some say that pornography takes up over 95% of all internet bandwidth. In order to decrease the bandwidth shortage of 2k12, providers want ppl to 'beat off' less. Instead, dating sites and 'fuck meetups' like Grindr will be given government grants & subsidies in order to allow members to join free, encouraging them to not beat off in privacy, but to go out into the world and find some1 to procreate with.

ANY1 WHO USES WIKIPEDIA WILL GET THE ELECTRIC CHAIR
One of the main reasons SOPA exists is to finally 'delete' the terrible website known as Wikipedia.org. It is a little known fact that lobbyists for CD-based Encyclopedias such as Encarta and World Book are throwing HUGE bribes at congressmen to revive their business. Let's be honest, every one knows that Wikipedia is filled with lies based on internet lies. In order to prevent kids from using Wikipedia for term papers, the Electric Chair will be brought back 2 really scare the kids.

ANY ARTIST WHO TANKS ON SNL WILL BE GIVEN THE DEATH PENALTY
Apparently, after the Lana Del Rey tank job on SNL, congressmen, senators, and even Barrack 'Ole Blue Eyes' Obama decided to write this into #SOPA. They just want to protect us from another buzz market collapse like last week, when the Buzz Jones Industrial and BUZDAQ both PLUMMETED. Right now, we're dealing with a record high un-buzzployment rate, and seeing buzz rates fall across the board. Right now, natural resources and precious metals are the only thing with value. Insiders say that SOPA will pass because lawmakers want to protect us on this issue. Thanks a lot, LDR!

INTERNET MEME HUMOR WILL BE ENSLAVED
I'm not sure how they are planning to do this, but there is talk that some of the most classic viral memes on the internet will be enslaved in order to 'make examples' out of them. Studies have shown that American tweens are more interested in generating viral content than they are in math and science studies. The fear of eternal enslavement is the only way to 'get their asses in line'.

R u scared of SOPA?
Will it change the internet forever?
Should the internet be regulated?
Will mp3s still be legal?
Will SOPA ruin the internet?
Is the internet 'over'?
Does n e 1 know how SOPA works?
Will my blog be shut down bc of SOPA?
What happens when SOPA is legalized?
Is SOPA losing support?
Will SOPA ruin or save indie?
What does SOPA stand 4?

Apple recently came out with a new iPhone that has a webcam / HD video camera on it, so u can vlog and video chat with other people instead of using the phone in a generic manner. The new ads 'highlighting' this feature seem like they are really trying to demonstrate how technology can enhance opportunities for authentic human connections. Sorta feel like they portrayed tons of mainstream, Middle American ideas of 'family', 'love', and 'relationships', trying to make the Apple brand 'essential' in Middle America.

Honestly feel kinda bummed because I thought I was progressive 4 using Apple products.
Guess now that there is an Apple Store at every suburban mall, I should stop kidding myself
Apples are for streamers
Dells are fore streamers
GPS devices are for suburban streamers
All technology has 'gone mainstream' [via relatively affordable price points/in-store credit opportunities]

Every1 loves 2 love technology
An opportunity to stay connected
Every new product--website, software, or hardware device
gives us an opportunity to take 'humanity' to the next level
Making us more relevant than any generation before us
the ability to do more great things

So pumped to use the lil camera on my iPhone 4
Gonna livevlog so hard
No longer waiting til I get home to upload my vlogs to my youtube/vimeo account
my tribe of followers are gonna be soo connected to my web brand

Gonna tell my boyfriend that he finally planted a load of semen in my vagina

Livevlogging via Apple will change everything
Feel like it will be just as fulfilling as hanging out with some1 in person
Won't even really have 2 leave the house
or buy a cell phone plan--probs just a data plan
with the skype/iChat app

Can't wait to break up with my GF using iPhone video chat technology
Or to tell her that she 'looks like shit' and needs to put on something
more flattering/forgiving for our date

Might also tell her that I have an STD
Or 'threaten 2 kill her' [via Mel Gibson / OJ Simpson]

I always feel creeped out
and uncomfortable when old people use technology

I feel like they deserve to live their lives' without it
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don't really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don't wanna have a family
Don't wanna have a kid
Don't want to 'take care' of my parents after they get old
Gonna stick them in a homeless community without wifi, and limited TV access
Might just ship them 2 North Korea

But maybe when I am a dad,
I will buy my daughter a cell phone so that we don't fall out of touch
I can use technology to relate to her on her own level
send her positive texts
maybe even 'get hornie' and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic

She is soo spoiled
Paid for braces
Data plan
Private School
Horse Riding Lessons
and she can't even vlog with me?

'spoiled ass bitch' -Gen Y dad after raising a terrible kid

Even if I'm in the military
and my wife gives birth
U can jam an iPhone up her pussy
and 'live vlog' that shit
Kinda sad I won't be able to start off being a 'deadbeat dad' on the right foot.

Even if u can't 'talk' on ur phone, u can utilize sign language
to vlog hard

I miss the days when Apple would just put a cutesy indie song in their commercials
harvesting buzzbands to the mainstream
like the Feists
or other 'shitty alt rock songs'
like that one by the band JET

I remember when I was the only alt in my elementary / middle school / high school / college dorm to have a Mac
Before it was even 'maltstream trendy'
Really just fit in with my lifestyle
Not even trying '2 be kewl'

But now every1 has an apple product
iPhones
iPods
iShuffles
iMacs
iPads
iTweens

So many opportunities
to help Middle Americans and mainstreamers
utilize technology in tacky ways
How much is 2 much?

I remember when technology used to just be for people who lived in relevant cities
but I guess suburban families are kinda rich
and have tons of money 2 blow
at Apple Store outlets

How do u feel about Apple's new Middle American brand?
Is Apple 'swirling down the shitter' or are they like a buzzband that is morphing into U2?
Are Apple's products 'perfect' or is AT&T 'fucking bullshit'?
Should I start using Android for pure Google integration?
Do u h8 living in the vlog era?
What meaningful moments of ur life do you think you will livevlog with your friends and families?
Do these commercials make u want to throw up?
Do u wish you could be a semi-professional actor who got the chance to star as a 'generic American' in an iPhone commercial?
Are humans 'too connected' via technology?

Went 2 buy an iPad at my local Apple Store. At first I thought 'that is stupid, I already have an iPhone and a Macbook Pro', but then I realized I could be part of something special if I purchased an iPad.

Waited in line over night. Had 2 make sure I got 1. Brought my Macbook so I could watch youtube videos all nite. really bonded with these techbros, like I finally met people who lived in the same world that I live in.

Apple Store employees were super helpful. Kinda were 'ass holes' since Apple products are so intuitive + easy to use, so they were kinda condescending when I asked how stuff worked.

There was so much buzz in the store.

So easy, even a granny can use it. 'There's an app 4 menopause.'

So easy, even a tween can use it.

Wish I could go back in time and be the 'ass hole kid' who tried to tell my teacher that using an iPad was better than using a piece of paper. Then I would distract every1 since I would watch youtube videos all day, and my iPad would be banned from the class room.

(feel sad that schools are telling kids they can't use laptops + computers in class any more)

Such a long line. Glad I waited overnight. I even brought my son, and he rode his tricycle into the store.

Apple Store employees are the best. They don't just 'know' the product--they truly love it. (A lot of people work there since they can't get jobs with their worthless degrees, and their parents think it is a real job, not just the same as 'working retail.')

Feel relieved that I went to a real Apple Store to really experience the excitement of the iPad launch, instead of going to the Apple station in a Best Buy. Those 'ass hole Geek Squadders' don't know shit about how to preserve the Apple brand. They don't know how 2 make me feel special about what I am buying.

Me feeling special. Miss the days when my white wayfarers matched my white iBook.

Driving home in my BMW, browsing the internet, checking iPad friendly websites

I know u think this picture makes it seem like I have too many Apple products because I only browse the internet, but u don't understand how these integrate into my on-the-go lifestyle. We live in a world where we must stay connected.

Wonder if it is still alt / functional to have a Macbook Air. Wonder the iPad makes it 'the most irrelevant Apple Laptop in the history of Steve Jobs.'

This bro is me. This bro with an iPad.

One day, I will show my kids my wedding photos. I will show them my college + high school graduation photos. I will show them photos on the day that they shot out of their mother's womb. I will show them photographs of the first day I got my Apple products--the day the iPad came out of the womb of a factory in an AZN country.

Is the iPad the second coming of God / Jesus Christ?
Are iPads for ass holes?
Are iPads 'a huge ripoff'?
If u were stuck on a desert island, would u rather have a Macbook Pro, an iPhone, or an iPad?
Should I put my Macbook Air on eBay?
Are Apple Store employees 'ass holes', 'helpful' or 'self-righteous, disgruntled liberal arts grads'?
If u work at an Apple Store, r u an important part of society, or are they the modern Best Buy / Circuit City employee?
Will the iPad change ur life?
will the iPad save humanity by helping us 2 connect?
Has Apple 'jumped the shark' or have they made a beautiful product?
Do u wish u had an iPad when u were a tween?

As yall know if u follow my twitter profile, I had been having a lot of trouble fitting in at my high school. There are tons of minorities, and most of the white people at my school are really into hiphop or sk8r punk culture. No one really 'gets' me, therefore, they make fun of me. It has been a really difficult time, since I end up eating lunch alone, and even had my Scion keyed in the parking lot. It's really hard to be a MiSUnDeRsToOd teenager. :-( ...but srsly...

N e ways, I was fortunate enough to be accepted to my local community's magnet school for science, engineering, the performing arts, design, technology, social science & the arts. Basically, I have the opportunity to be in the presence of some of the most free-spirited, inspiring teenagers who are dedicated to the art of learning. Our high school really understands what it takes to turn a young person into a thriving member of society, some1 who will contribute more than just becoming some 'dead-end-fuckface in a deskjob', slaving away at his cubicle, working for some bullshit company that does nothing to make the world a better place.

I'm excited that they provided us with Macbooks, the ultimate tool that true artists use to change the world. Whether it is Photoshop, Ableton, Adobe Premiere, or even Microsoft Office (Macintosh Edition), Macbooks truly give you an opportunity that mainstream computers can't. I honestly believe that if you ever find yourself sitting in front of a Dell Desktop, you should look into 'offing yourself.' You are probably trapped in some situation where you aren't helping the world, and working for some one who wanted mad discounts on tons of computers ordered in the bulk.

It feels good to be in a new school. It feels good to be surrounded with an infrastructure that will truly enable me to do great things with my life. This high school will enable me to get into basically any college that I want to attend. It feels good to attend a learning institution that understands they can get some sweet PR if they invest in trendy technology for their students, instead of running lame commercials like community+technical colleges usually do.

Do yall own a Dell Desktop?
Does ur employer provide u with Dell Desktop workstations?
Did yall go to some sort of 'magnet school'/'school for the arts'/hi-level private school/prep school?
Did u go to some sort of mnstrm big-ass public high school?
How did it make u the person that u r today?
Are laptops still 'alt' or it is better to have a desktop?
Is Windows 7 the new iPhone?
what were u like in hi school?

Photo by thecobrasnake

I saw some alt with a mural of the cast of The Simpsons on his skin, in the art form of tattooification. It seemed like a bold statement, because your skin is an accessory that will be with you forever. The decision to let people know 'I chill in front of the TV' might not be a good one, since we don't know if 'the TV' will even be around in 5-10 years. Now that sites like youtube, hulu, funnieanddying.com, and collegehumorbrovideos.edu exist, many content creators exist on the internet, creating viral videos that no longer allow us to grow/live/love/learn with a cast of fictional characters.

I wonder what cast would be the altest skin mural to get. Maybe 'Family Guys', or perhaps 'The Office Staff (Ft Jim & Pam & the 40 Year old Virg).' Possibly a tattoo of Tim Allen from 'Home Improvement' or the Banks family from Fresh Prince of BelAir. Worried that too many 'dumb ppl pretending 2 be smart' are into SouthPark/the Daily Colbert Show franchise. Really need a skin mural so that I can finish my tat sleeve.

What was 'the best television show of 2k9'? Are there 'new shows', or are people just into glorifying old franchises? Wonder if tv shows have to 'get better' or if tv watching is such a loafcentric process that consumers don't really demand that much from TV. We sorta just need a 'cast of characters' that we can find identifiable for a 2 year gateway period, then we can sort of 'lean on them' to be there for us over time, even if the show just perpetuates existing gimmicks + 1dimensional characters. Wish we expected as much out of TV as we do out of bands.

What were the buzzworthy television shows in 2k9?

How about that Office spinoff show that 'failed/tanked'? Probs had to do with the fact that they selected a terrible female lead, born from the over-adoration of 80% of modern post-SaturdayNightLive personalities.

Wonder if 'SNL' is still relevant? Seems like a lot of ppl still watch it/talk about it on the internet. Not sure if that is directly related to a 'better product.'

Not sure if alternative demographics have a TV show to turn to. What is the deal with 'Gossip Girl'? I have heard it portrays alt kids/rich kids, and sometimes they use soft porn 2 get viewers.

Does n e 1 know what the deal with the show 'The Mad Men' is? From what I understand, it is some sort of reality show set in the 1960s, tying in real events with a quirky cast. Have heard that 'critics/bloggers' 'absolutely love' the show. Wonder if it is legitimately good, or just internet-hype 'good'/overrated.

'The Sun is Always Shining in Philadelphia' also seems to have a rabid fan base of ppl who buy complete seasons of DVDs. Not really into Danny DeVito as a comedic actor.

Miss being a kid/tween, back when there were shows that directly appealed to me.

Maybe I should focus on watching shows that are meant to showcase a fascinating/sad segment of humans. Wonder if MTV's 'Jersey Shore' is the future of television [via the National+Natural obsession with Guidos].


Need a cast of characters
That I can grow with
enjoying their lives'
until the show ends
and I feel dissatisfied with the conclusion of the show
(Will I feel just as dissatisfied with the conclusion of my own life

Ross & Rachel getting married/having a baby
Vincent Chase and his bros masturbating on Entourage
Bart Simpson/cartoon character 'getting in2 troub & learning abt life'
Will Smith fighting aliens in The Fresh Prince

TV seems fun & comfortable
learning abt life
while staring at the screen
instead of chilling on social networks
living life, interacting and chatting
while staring at the screen

Wonder if TV on the Radio
will rename their band
'Internet on the TV'

Not sure if 'Television' is a sustainable industry
Might just start a company that produces viral vids
and gets paid per millions of views

What is ur fave TV show?
Do u buy complete seasons of shows on DVD, or just stream them on ur compie?
Is the best TV Show better than the best movie?
Is the best blog better than the best TV show?
Do u wish the internet didn't exist?

Previous Related Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/aligning-your-personal-brand-with-the-simpsons.html

Analysis of Bro Comedy
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/02/bro-comedy-in-2009.html

Photos via the cobrasnake

I remember when digital cameras first came out. Every one was 'pumped', thinking things like 'I don't have to take my disposable camera to get developed any more.' The advent of an affordable digital camera was almost as liberating as when God invented 'the mp3' and we didn't have to buy music any more. We all thought 'we can capture as many moments as we want, snap all of our friends, and never forget anything for the rest of our lives, and we get to do this by saving money on bullshit like film and going 2 the grocery store to get the film developed.' (Ppl get rlly excited when they think that their lives' are becoming 'better' while they are 'saving money.')

Unfortunately, the digital camera experience is no longer authentic. U r just '1 of many ppl trying 2 capture life with a camera.' Ultimately feel like it is a bad thing that so many ppl have the capability of 'capturing moments 4evr.'

It is sad that the digital camera experience is no longer an 'authentic one' because too many people have them. Because too many people have cameras, too many digital images exist. Because so many digital images exist, posted in places like facebooks, blogs, twitpics, and flickrs, all images became less meaningful. This falls in line with the Theory of Authenticity.

(this theory also applies 2 'so many ppl ruining social networks', and 'so many fans ruining bands')

Because so many digital images exist, there is no point in even taking a picture. Whether it is a picture of your friends, family, an artistic shot on your trip to NYC, or an image out the window of the airplane while you are flying, your images are less meaningful. You should stop trying to take pictures. Also feel sad that it's sooo EZ 2 jam a camera into a phone. Seems less meaningful when you turn a technological item into a 'combo', sorta like those DVD player + VHS player 'combos' that old people got bc they wanted to make sure that their VHS movies were still 'useful.'

I honestly feel superior to mainstream point-and-shoot camera owners. Totes h8 'mainstream bitches' who take pix in bars, and then will crop their friends out of the picture just so that they can have a sweet facebook user pic. Also the 'bros who take pix at concerts and then post them 2 their facebook 2 show how close 2 the band they were.' Digital Cameras just became 'too mainstream' when they became 'affordable' for parents to buy for their tween kids as a 'solid birthday/xmas gift.' Seems like something that 'frugal, manipulative' parents would buy for their kids now, wanting their kids to think that they 'spent a lot of money on them, and really sacrificed 4 their happiness.'

S000 tired of ppl thinking 'making fun of myspace style pix' is revolutionary comedy.

From what I understand myspace is now a 'digital graveyard', and only the blacks, latino gheys, and white tweens who live in rural areas and haven't received the message that ppl use 'twitbook' now.

I seriously think I'm going to 'destroy' my point-and-shoot camera [via putting it on ebay] and using money to buy 'marijuana cigarettes' and 'cocaine bumps.'

Really miss the 'thrill' of consumer technology when ur on the forefront of it. Like the first time u went to 'youtube.com' and searched for something zany and random, and thought 2 urself 'this is gonna be the start of something...and I'm definitely 1 of the first ppl 2 find out abt it. I'd better tell a bunch of ppl abt it so that they know that they learned it from me.'

Just need 2 admit that I don't use technology bc it makes my life better--I used it bc it seems to make me 'kewler' if I have it 1st.

Photo via TeensBlog

Sometimes I wonder
what the world was like
before God invented digital projection technology
and 'enhanced' the shows of some of my favourite bands

Can't believe there was a time
when bros didn't have access to digital cameras
video editing software, The Adobe Creative Suite, and miscellaneous ways to make 'trippy visuals' that may or may not
'fit' with the band's music.

Feel 'massively relieved' that bands can 'perform in the dark'
with accompanying 'visuals'
that add to my 'concert going experience.'
Wonder if Anco would 'be as good' without 'sillie visuals'
wonder if u could still 'blaze' and go to a 'pink floyd laser show'
without technologie.

Can't believe I am 'living in the future'
in a place where people can 'read my thoughts'
almost instantaneously
while I am any where in the world [via twitter]

Wonder how old concerts were
back when it was just 'dumb dudes playing guitar'
now we don't have to focus on bros
and can focus on 'a 3d experience'

Damn.
'the future is now'

Do yall think technologie makes life/art/music better?
Or does it 'cover up' the flaws in some of ur favourite experiences?

Yall. As yall know I freelance as a techblogger at TechnicalCrunch and Valleybro sometimes, giving product reviews of some of the most influential gadgets in the history of our modern society. Today I want to blog about the new Amazon Kindle DX.

This is the Amazon Kindle DX. I think it is handheld and has a touch screen instead of a keyboard. Picture taken at the Apple keynote seminar web conference.

From what I understand, it is a computer that gives you only the things that you need--email, google searches, facebook, myspace, twitter, pdf reader, and iTunes. Instant messenger is a $25 monthly fee. You never actually have to 'buy the computer', u just rent it on a month-to-month basis. This is the new pricing model for laptops in the future.

I think that his is going to be marketed to college students and tweens, sort of like facebook. They will use it 'on the go' to find out movie times and stuff like that. They will listen to podcasts.

I think the point of this new gadget is that you get to 'doodle' on it, or something. Similar to the EtchaSketch.

I am not sure if I will get the $50 a month cell phone plan that it can be used with because I already have an iPhone contract. The USB adapter that is require to turn on the cell phone satellite is bulk, and often causes the system to overheat and shut down. This can be annoying in coffee shops where I use my lappy to look busy/scan facebook.

I think it will be important for the Kindle to develop 'apps.' In the future, the Kindle will also come out in a series of warm colours, so that u can show off ur personality better. Unfortunately, the Kindle does not load blogs or any site with an RSS feed, since it is intended to only showcase 'books' and 'pdf files.'

According to industry insiders and experts, Apple has already panicked, and this is what the next Macbook will look like. (Photos exclusive to hipsterrunoff.com. please do not repost--link to this page.)

as u can see, in the future, computers will not have physical keyboards. Keyboards actually have a high carbon footprint, and people don't buy things with high carby footies any more, sort of like how Hummer is 'going under.' The user actually has 'a more meaningful' experience on this 'mega iPhone netbook' which is actually an 18 inch flat screen that u carry around.

I feel overwhelmed by the future of technology. I don't really ever know what to buy because things are moving so fast. I just got a white Macbook and I feel like 'a fucking poor loser.' I feel 'addicted' to touch screen technology, and sometimes I touch the screen of my desktop to click on a hyperlink, but nothing happens. I am not sure who I am any more, and I don't know if technology makes my life better.

This is a post about wanting to live in nature with an iPod shuffle pre-loaded with early Animal Collective songs.

Just traded in my Razr for an iPhone. My 2 year plan finally expired. My parents wouldn't let me break out 'family plan' contract since I used up all of our minutes + text messages + data.

N e ways...Been trying to research iPhone applications 2 download.

APP #1: Mad Decent App
Saw this DJ app by the popular subsidiary of Down Town Records, MAD DECENT.
The popular DJ bro 'Diplo' smokes 'a blunt' and 'explains how the app works. I think it just takes zany sounds that they sample, and allows you to make 'sick beats.'

I think this is how Diplo produced the popular song 'Paper Planes (ft M.I.A.)". He basically just took tons of zany sounds and 'made them big.' Think this might be a new electro model for the startup myspace DJ duo that me and my bro are starting out. I think they call it 'the Mario Paint Musical Composer' style of producing beats.

Wish Nintendo would turn this in2 some sort of 'iPhone app'/sell it for the Wii/Nintendo DS.

APP #2: Cocaine App
I also saw this really kewl iPhone application that allows me to do blow off my iPhone. Not sure if the cocaine is real, or if the app lets me network with local drug dealers to 'get the best price' on a kilo.

Can't believe my dream finally came true. [see previous memorable post]

I heard that in our modern world, bands no longer need to 'make albums/songs.' All they really need to do is create iPhone apps. Scared that we will only need iPhones/iPods to run applications/musical programs in the future. Think the future of the computer is 'somewhere between lappy and iPhone gadget.'

Just want to build the perfect 'app' that is 'fun' AND 'useful', kind of like an iPhone.

Does n e 1 know what 'apps' is short for?
What kind of phone do yall have, and do u have any kewl apps/games on it like 'Snake'?

sent from my iPhone

Should I get a Macbook preloaded with GarageBand??

Or should I get a disco studio?

Photo via intergalactic.fm

Should I illegally download a copy of the popular DJing + music production program ABLETON?

Or should I convert my bachelor pad into an authentic studio with an authentic synthesizer collection?

Photo via intergalactic.fm

Should I spend a lot of money on instruments instead of a computer/sending my kids to college in order to make 'the greatest italo-tribute record ever produced'?

Photo via intergalactic.fm

Or should I buy a vintage Windows 3.1 computer, play Ski Free all day, 'jerk off' to JPGs of nude women on floppy discs, and then 'off myself'?

Or should I just say 'Carles. U had a good life. Let's have 1 last meal at Chili's' then end my natural life in the parking lot of a local Chili's, and ascend into electro heaven, where every1 has access to every 'bad ass' instrument and computer program ever created?

Yall. Feel sad that I don't have a collection of authentic synthesizers. Will I be able to make authentic music without it? Are my podcasts 'good' even though I am not producing them authentically?

Not sure if I have much money left 2 buy instruments. Need to cut back on my 'lifestyle budget' that I use 2 see shows, buy drugs, eat at restaurants, and 'buy alcohol.' Need 2 save up some $$$$. Might have 2 get a part time job.

Photo by Lookbook

Yall, I was tweenhunting on lookbook, and I came across this beautiful young woman with some sort of gadget by her face. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tell if this is some sort of 'retro gadget' or if it is like a cutting edge new wave gadget. H8 the modern world, and how I can't even stay 'up to date' with new consumer technology blogs.

Is this gadget
a) a vision test machine
b) an iPod shuffle
c) Oakleys with an MP3 player built in
d) a digi camera
e) an iPhone
f) an iPhone shuffle
g) a mixtape player
h) a muxtape player
i) peeping tom binoculars
j) an RSS reader
k) Am Appy X-Ray goggles
l) the new Macbook Lite
m) a smart car
n) Wayfarers
o) shuttershades
p) slanties
q) Wall-E's decapitated head
r) a tamagachi
s) a polaroid camera
t) a lomography camera
u) Choose.Your.Own.Response

??????

Just trying 2 stay modern. Might use a Best Buy Gift Certificate 2 buy 1 of them if it turns out 2 be the 'must-have' item of 2k9.5.

I fly away from the city
to another relevant city
to a relevant conference
filled with relevant people
and positive ideas
that will help me take my personal existence
and my web business' existence
to such great heights

The conference will be informative and inspiring
the local cuisine will be amazing
the music with be live and authentic
and the people will facilitate meaningful and relevant conversations
and I will do my best to let every one know
that I am at this utopia [via twitter]

The people one the sidelines of the internet
will be 'jealous and sad' that they are not at SXSW
hanging with industry insiders
and people who glorify their careers where they kinda 'just chill on the internet too much.'

For every 1 influential web visionary at this conference
there will be 100 'people who read a bunch of blogs and constructed a sillie sense of reality'
and think that one day they will invent a revolutionary web service
or start an influencial web media network

The conference is a place for dreams.
The city will be filled with hope.
We will drink free alcohol
provided by sponsors looking to reach web-savvy alternative markets
and for this 1 week
we will be brothers (I.R.L.)
and follow one another for the rest of our lives'

I will introduce myself to people who are my internet role models
because they are relevant, important, and have built a relative fortune off their web ideas
and they will be 'kinda annoyed' because I am one of many
users of their product who 'tried 2 give them my URL/resume'
and connect with them on an authentic level
because I 'get' their product like no other user on the planet

U wish u were here
hanging out with me
and being surrounded by beautiful ideas
buzzed conversations about dreams of 'making millions'
from a simple idea that catches on
and improves the online lives' of millions of people
but more importantly 'makes me a lot of money'

I never want 2 go home
I never want 2 return 2 my desk job
I want to feel important
I want to feel talented
I want to contribute 2 society by building technology
But also appreciate artsy things like film and music
This will be the most meaningful week of my middle-aged life.
I spent the last week RSVPing to over 400 events

I will dine on SXSWestern Egg rolls.

SXSW

Alternative Event, Company

SXSW (South By Southwest) is a relevant music, technology and film conference/festival that takes place in Austin, TX.

Lists: Texans, music festivals

Read more>>>>

Kinda sad about the new iPod shuffle.
I just got an iPhone.
But now I have 2 buy a new shuff-phone

In an effort to stay modern and current, I will start reviewing more gizmos and gadgets. It's just part of the modern world, yall. If u want 2 be interesting, u have to 'want' new 'communication devices' and stuff like that. Having a phone with web browsing capabilities may or may not be more important than owning Merriweather Post Pavillion. This is a post about technology cuz we are living in the modern world where people start to want gadgets that they read about at tech rumor blogs.

Product Name: iPhone Raw Nano
Manufacturer: Apple
Lead Designer: Steve Jobs, an JAPANAZN bro, and a swiss coolhunting blogger
Photograph:

Overall grade: 4 out of 5 AZN sweatshop tweens
Review: The iPhone Raw is Steve Jobs'es answer to the Google Blackberry phone. As opposed to focusing on what Google does better, it tried to appeal to an older audience, focusing on the 'book reading' aspects of the iPhone, stripping away features like the actual telephone and the vibrant application market. In addition, there is no longer storage for mp3s or windows media files.

However, the new iPhone is a lot like a book. U can download books, and read them. In order to be a 'greener' product, the new iPhone does not have a colour display, nor does it have a multitouch or single-touch screen. In order to challenge existing design constructs and get us back to our glory days, there are a lot of buttons, and an entire keyboard. There is no facebook access on this device, but they are working on a Twitter fixpack.

I can see this new iPhone appealing to a lot of authentic tech heads who understand design and 'want to get back to basics.' U might also want 2 get one for ur parents as they grow older and still love to read books. Kinda confused about what I would do with it, but I'm sure it comes with some cool games like Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, Jezzball, Snake, Ski Fri, or Battle Chess.

Apple has once again mastered design and identified a need that we didn't even know we wanted. Kinda like when the iPhone came out and I waited in line for 30 days to make sure I got one. Then I took a poop and used my phone while feces dropped out of my body. It was a metaphor.

___________________________
Carles is a Tech Beat Writer for HIPSTERRUNOFF.com and a contributor to TechBros Magazine.

//////////////////
Are yall gonna get an iPhone?
OR do u think ur gonna have some1 put a desktop computer in2 ur tummie?

Yesterday, I was involved in a 'sillie situation.' I was in a plane, and it 'went down' to 'chill in the Hudson River.' I thought my life was going to be over, and I thought after 17 years of life on Earth, I was only going 2 be a news meme.

Two of my biggest fears in life include:

• finding out my life was "just a meme"
• dying in a plane crash

The plane went down. I closed my eyes, and turned on my iPod. I started listening 2 the song "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John to remind me of a time when 'everything was okay.' I was ready to leave the Earth.

I was calmed by the Scandinavian whistling as the plane shot towards God's Earth. Down... Downer... Whistling... Downest. Splash. Whistling.... Crash. Boom. Whistles. Calm.... [the lyrics to Young Folks].

The descent was similar to the popular Disney ride SPLASH MOUNTAIN. We chilled in the river and the old people who booked the emergency exit seats 'for more leg room' were unable to open the doors. I was anxious because I wasn't sitting near an exit and had 2 wait a long time 2 get out of the plane. Felt like I deserved to 'live' more than most of the other ppl on the plane.

We exited the plane in a chill fashion. The flight attendants gave us complimentary beverages and peanuts/pretzels for us to eat while we chilled on flotation devices/exit ramps. I also received a lifetime of free flights from US Airways to any where in the continental United States (I can no longer sue the airline upon receipt of this gift).

Immediately after the crash, I sent my parents a text message that said "I'm Okay." They are very familiar with this text message, because I have sent it to them after numerous international tragedies. It is important to let people know that you are "safe" after any sort of tragedy happens. Even if u don't live in the same city, it's just good 2 communicate.

Let the world know that you are okay [via text message], [via twitter], and [via facebook status message]. Be proud to be alive. Be proud to b part of a worldwide social network that travels faster than mainstream journalists. It's good 2 be alive,yall.

In the year 2k9, I renewed my lease on life. I will not 'off myself' in 2k9.
In 2k9, I will try to be 'a lil bit more gonzo.'

[meme hijack via tumblrdore]

This is a list of countries that I would want to live/study abroad in. U can learn a lot about 'the world' based on how many computers every1 has.

More computers = more wifi
More computers = more bros on social networks
More computers = less poors (at least for now while good computers are >$999)
More computers = more 'culture'
More computers = more 'educated people' to have relevant conversations with
More computers = more coffee shops
More computers = more people who go out in public with the hope of 'being street fashion blggd abt'
More computers = more people 'being productive' with their time
More computers = more tolerance
More computers = more people who voted for Obama at change.gov
More computers = less people watching the local news.
More computers = less 'h8 crimes'
More computers = less 'brown-ish ppl'?
More computers = more jobs for the coffee shop economy
More computers = more digi cams 2 'capture life'
More computers = a thriving economy
More computers = a thriving meme economy

Are these assumptions true? Can yall think of n e more? (Just using logic. srry if u don't 'get' why I think that, but I am positive that all of these are true.)

Before I move to a new country, I will make sure that I am aware of the computer-to-ppl ratio, and the wifi network-per-100ppl ratio. It's important 2 do research b4 u go somewhere. Even if you are just booking a hotel. Make sure you call the hotel to ask if their internet solution is stable enough to meet your day-to-day needs.

Kinda weird how Israel is #1 on that chart. Kinda makes u think 2k9 might be the year of the JewAlt/AltJew. Just don't want 2 live in any country with less than 100 computers per 100 ppl. Am I being unreasonable? (h8 u Japan, USA, 3rd World, Brown countries, the Land of the Poors, etc)

Should I plan a pilgrimage to 'chill at the home of Jesus', and smoke a bowl/do a line with him [off my iPhone nano] while we chill on our Macbooks and have the TV on in the background?

Needless 2 say, I am NOT looking forward 2 the Third World getting computers for free on the cheap. I always see commercials about how I need 2 give my hard earned paycheck [via wasting time on the internet at work] to African kids to give them a handful of rice/mush/ cream-of-wheat/gritz/porridge/go-gurt/ecto-coolers so that they can stay nourished. Now yall r telling me that they need social networks + Microsoft Word + Solitaire?

I had to 'grow' into my laptop, spending most of my childhood on a desktop (without portability)...kinda wish they had 2 go through the same 'trials and tribulations' that defined my childhood.

This is a post about computers/technology/the internet/U.
This is a poem about technology/consumerism written by the pop rock band The Daft Punks

Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
trash it, change it, melt - upgrade it,
charge it, pawn it, zoom it, press it,
snap it, work it, quick - erase it,
write it, get it, paste it, save it,
load it, check it, quick - rewrite it,
plug it, play it, burn it, rip it,
drag and drop it, zip - unzip it,
lock it, fill it, curl it, find it,
view it, curl it, jam - unlock it,
surf it, scroll it, pose it, click it,
cross it, crack it, twitch - update it,
name it, read it, tune it, print it,
scan it, send it, fax - rename it,
touch it, bring it, obey it, watch it,
turn it, leave it, stop - format it.

Take some time 2 think about what exactly that means b4 yall go2 bed 2nite. There's more 2 it than 'just being a dancey song.' This is a post about trying to get yall to 'reach a higher thinking level' and be able to pick up on stuff like this without going 2 a blog every day that teaches u how 2 look at the world. Sometimes I feel like a progressive History/English Teacher who is challenging my students' perception of reality by using 'deep' Literature and discussing a lot of societal injustices+transgressions. One day, I will release yall like a 'mother bird' knocking it's babies out of the next so that they learn 2 fly [via the foo fighters song].

n e ways... kinda just wrote this post bc I have a 'technical question' and maybe some1 will know.

Does n e 1 know the universal password 2 crack locked wireless networks?
a) god
b) sex
c) pussy
d) dragon
e) pussydragon69
f) fggt
g) 123456
h) Obama
i) SteveJobs69
j) BillGatesBro
k) DialUpInternet3rdWorldBros
l) MacbookHax0r
m) theMovieHackers
n) JenAnistonBrangelina
o) brosb4skanks
p) cumonmyface69
q) BrokencydeFreaxxx
r) blog
s) linksys
t) googlebros
u) siliconvalleyyall
v) SetMemeOn
w) cd/passwordbro
x) Select * from passwords where password_user like "stephen_aoki" or "crystal_castles" or "the_Justices" or "HRO_2k8_go2_gimmicks"
y) carlesrunoff2k24suicide
z) Choose.Your.Own.Response

For future reference:

A lot of entry level producers spend most of their time wondering what type of equipment/setup that their favourite electroProducers use.  For example, if Daft Punk uses a MicroKorg and AbletonLite, purchasing these products will enable u 2 take ur electro career to the next level.

I was reading Created Digital music, and I saw the setup that Jousteece uses.  Should I buy all of this stuff, yall?  Is it expensive?

//WHAT TYPE OF EQUIPMENT DOES JUSTICE USE ?? ///

• 3 x Jazzmutant Lemur 
• 2 x MacBook Pro 
• 1 x Korg MicroKorg 
• 1 x Korg ZERO8 Live Control 
• 1 x Pioneer DJM800 
• Software: Ableton Live

Should I spend my Tax Return money on some of this stuff?  Will it automatically transform me into an amazing producer?  Do I have to 'come up with a gimmick' because my skills+technology won't put me over the top by myself?  Do I have to make a myspace profile or will it be authentic if I am just some type of 'Mysterious Producer'?

Do yall really believe that Justice uses GarageBand?

Yall, I'm trying to be a better blogger, and gain a very wide audience so that people feel like they can come to HRO instead of going to CNN.com, the HuffingtonP0st, Gizmodbro, your RSS reader, or even your local newspaper's poorly configured site.

In order to bring u more content, I am introducing more tecktonicology coverage so that u can stay in touch with the latest gadgets that appeal to ur altLifestyle. Whether it's an iPhone, gPhone, or Dell desktop, technology helps u take ur personal brand to the next level. TCHNLGY also makes our lifeses' better cuz we can use the internet more to consume information, products, and services almost every minute of the day.

I'm usually used to blogging about music+trends+altdom+teen issues, so I would appreciate ur feedback, and maybe some interesting technological products/services that I can blg abt.

///////////////////
////HRO PRESENTS///
///////////////////

I just bought a new GooglePhone, but I kinda regret it. Even though most technological improvements are based around getting smaller, faster, and more portable, this new phone seems like it is trying to tap into some sort of 'authenticity factor' by being bulky and wired.

[Photo by Pregnant Goldfish]
Should I buy this HUMAN PHONE? It would be hard for me to go back to a phone with a cord. I'm not sure if the phone-human would match my personal brand either. Maybe if it came with a lot of customization options, and it could perform daily tasks like 'balancing my checkbook/debit card' and 'buying stuff @ my local organic food market.' It has to come with the game "SNAKE" or else I would not be interested at all. I'm not sure if I would want an AZN model or maybe a girl-with-gladiator-shoes+kute-bangs model would be fine. Only after that would I consider giving up my blackBerry, and switching to the Human Phone.

Since I'm p00r, I would also appreciate if they had a pay-as-you-go option.
Do yall know what u do with the human when u r done with using it as a phone?
Technology is great, but it does have it's downsides, yall. Gotta think about 'the big picture' if u wanna get into a Top 20 university/Top 50 Art College.

xx BONUS unReleased Product Images xx

Can't tell yall where I got these, but these are what the next iPhones are gonna look like. They look kinda 'retro.'

You may remember Angelica Houston (also known as 'the Poor Man's Meryll Streep') from hit movies like The Royal Tenenbaums and Addam's Family Values.

She's really talented, and probably a free-spirited mom who has great creative relationships with her children.

But SRSLY tho...what is she doing with this gift on her head.

Is this a threat to the RECORD HAT?
What about the disco ball hat?
Remember when Justin Timberlake and that SNL frat bro guy made that VIRAL VIDEO called 'Special Gift in a Box'?
I hate living in our new world with all of these inventions and technology stuff. I miss living in 2k8.1 back when I felt secure to have my Macbook Air. Now I feel kinda like a mainstreamer for having one.

[Photo by SP:00]

SRSLY though...
Should Angelica Houston have fallen in love with the guy from Lethal Weapon IV in The Royal Tenennybaumies? I think she should have stayed with Royal, but maybe it's a 'black-white' type of issue...

THERE USED TO BE A KUTE PARTY PIC HERE, BUT THEN SOME GIRL EMAILED ME AND TOLD ME TO TAKE IT DOWN. SORRY YALL! PLEASE ENJOY THE COMMENTARY ON TECHNOLOGY WITHOUT ANY SORT OF CONTEXT.

I have had a cell phone for so long, that I would be TOTALLY confused and lost if I had to use a payphone again. Do pay phones have custom ringtones/text messaging now? It's kind of weird how I am so good at new, cutting-edge technology, but I can't really regress to old technology. For example, I forgot how to use Windows since I am such a baller Mac user (just set up hot corners and my dashboard wigets).

Seen n e kute coin slots lately?
Seen n e possibly AZN QTs who accidentally sharted themselves, lost their iPhone, and had to call their stepDad for a ride home in just one tragic night?

See any good songs in this DJ's set?

We live in a world where you don't need turn tables to DJ any more. It's great. All you have to do is load your favourite MP3s into Ableton, make sure the beat is normalized, and you are ready 2 partie.

...but some people think technology is ruining the partie.

Is Ableton Live bad for music?
Do too many ass holes think they can make music?
Do even more ass holes think they can DJ now?
Should DJs be required to own at least 50 vinyls?
Should DJs just be allowed to DJ out of Winamp and iTunes?

I'm just glad that Ableton Live is a difficult program to pirate, so that decreases the amount of bedroom producers by about 80%.

[Image by LastNightsPartie]

I saw this photograph of Simian Mobile Disco playing live. It made me wonder if technology is ruining music. Both the way it is made and the way it is performed live. I know technology can be cool when it comes to stuff like blogs, digital pets, and iPhones, but it might be ruining music and the way that we buy CDs.

I am worried that former switchboard operators will have the upperhand in the future of music, as opposed to the people who truly care about making innovative music and other genres of intelligent-core electronic dance & trance-house music.

Most days, I'll just rely on making sillie comments about sillie people, but I'm going to do my best to provide more exclusive opinions, and new ways to think about issues that people haven't thought of yet.

[Photo by Half Alive Photos]

Remember the dancing bloghouse skank that loved SMD a lot?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/03/lately-ive-been-really-into-girls-who.html

What will be big in 2007?

What city will be the next big city in 2007? Santa Fe, NM
Next big phrase? "Bang it Out"
Next big television network? Lifetime
Next big web-based service? Mobile AMBER Alerts
Next big sports figure? Gilbert Arenas & Vince Young (tie)
Next President of the United States of America? Richard Cheney
Next big gaming system? Game Gear (The Blue Model)
Next big soft drink? RC Cola
Next popular city full of young professionals? (tie) San Diego, CA and Nashville, TN
Next cell phone? WII Mobile
Next social network? eBay Friend! Pages

I encourage every one on the internet to sign up for Wireless AMBER Alerts.
Get AMBER Alerts delivered to you via text message.
Every one needs to know if you are driving next to a Dodge Durango with an abducted child. Do your part to be a true citizen.

Songs:

The Microphones - The Pull
The Microphones are way better than Mount Eerie. This song is deep.

Ryan Adams - This House Is Not For Sale
This is a song about the movie BEETLE JUICE starring Michael Keaton. You might know him as the first Batman (star of Multiplicity). Or maybe you saw WHITE NOISE.

Lisa Lisa (ft. Full Force)- I Wonder If I Take You Home
This is a ballad which fueled the Women's Movement in the 1980s. It also represents the direction of music 2007. Kobe Bryant may or may not have listened to this song before he scored 81 points against the Raptors last season.

Sufjan Stevens - Sister Winter
Sufjan wrote the deepest Christmas song since the Peanuts Christmas music. Many fathers have driven away from their homes during the holiday season, leaving behind their wife and kids, listening to a song with this much substance. Congrats to Sufjan for writing the Best Christmas Song of the past 49 years.

God Bless America

New Year's Resolutions:
1. Search for meaning.
2. Be a better blogger
3. Take life seriously enough to blog about.
4. Embrace the power of the blogosphere
5. Convince others to back up their hard drives

Songs of the day:

Party Time 2000 - Miss New Booty (Party Time 2000 Remix)
This is a song about searching for meaning.

Renewal Plan vs Party Time 2000 - Elizabethtown
This is a song about douche bags who shop at Whole Foods while searching for meaning. Please feel free to comment: Do you prefer Patagonia or North Face? This was also the last song that Saddam Hussein listened to before he died. Does any one know what Saddam's last meal was? Timothy McVeigh had an all-dessert last meal.

Hot Chip - So Glad To See You
Hot Chip's songs are deeper than the Postal Service and Dntel combined. In 'So Glad To See You', Hot Chip effectively honors Generation Y's desire to find love that matches the intensity of the connection between Zach Braff and Natalie Portman in 1999's Hit Movie 'Garden State.'

Read more about Timothy McVeigh's last moments of life here.