HIPSTER RUNOFF

I recently watched this Public Service Announcement filmed by some Latina High School Reject. Apparently, 'bullying' is a huge problem in public and private high schools these days. I am not sure if this is a 'new problem', or possibly a problem that has 'been around for a long time.' According to the government 'bullying' is a bad thing, but in this blog post, Carles will controversially suggest that bullying is natural selection.

I feel like bullying 'might be natural' and we should let it run its course whenever it happens. I have read in science textbooks that all living organisms are 'naturally selecting' the strongest to survive. For some reason, humans believe that every human has the right to 'live life peacefully'/thrive/success/make money without 'going through tough times.' I feel like animals in the wild are 'bullies' too. They find a way to intimidate the weak, kill them off early and eat them 2 stay alive.

It seems like we might need to keep the bullied alive so that they can perform 'menial jobs' when they grow up. They learn how to 'take shit' so that they can prepare for being at the bottom of society when they are older/are trapped in their lives'.

According to this youtube video, 160,000 kids stay home from school every day to avoid being bullied. It seems like it is reasonable to conclude that all of these kids are 'fucking pussies' or possibly 'fucking fggts.' It seems like there has to be some sort of 'root cause' explaining why they are not willing to change, or perhaps they do not have parents who are wealthy/educated enough to 'make sure that their son/daughter has the tools to fit in.' Would be 'devastated' if I knew why my son/daughter didn't fit in, and there was nothing I could do about it. Like what if I also thought my son/daughter was a 'dork', and I sorta thought the school bully 'knew what was up.' Would I be a bully, too?

There's really a difference between 'simple bullying' (stealing lunches, typical actions+words that bring out the bully's insecurities) and 'socially acceptable bullying.' In a way, rich school districts 'bully' to ensure the 'wrong kind of kids' end up at their schools [via poors / coloureds / less fortunate]. You and your bff bully the entire world by not letting any1 else have a friendship like yallsz. Sometimes u need to embrace exclusivity to make sure relationships/social status 'means something.' If every1 had money/the same colour skin, the world would not be a better place--there would be way 2 many issues 2 deal with.

I saw this kewl graphic on the internet about 'bullying', and I feel like my internet website might be some sort of bully. Perhaps a 'cyber bully.' Maybe I should 'trademark' that term since the internet is about to get really popular so that I can 'make mad money' in case it becomes a catchy buzzword.

Seems like most of these words+phrases are 'natural defense mechanisms.' U need to protect ur tribe. U can't just accept 'any loser' into your tribe. Seems like sometimes u need to 'step on other people' to make sure ur brand is strong + authentic. Not every1 was meant to fit in.

Overall I feel confused about 'Public Service Announcements.' Who pays for these productions, and how can I build a career where I am consulted to 'make these ads seem raw and authentic.' I want to be on some sort of strategic team that ensures The PSA Brand has a sweet typeface that tweens can relate to. I want to be in charge of 'convincing a tween celeb that our cause is important.' I am not necessarily interested in 'making the world a better place', but I would like to work with a team of people who are in some sort of project where they get caught up in the spirit of 'thinking that they are making the world better' (I would only want this career for only 3-6 months.)

Seems like a 'loaded' graphic

R u a bully?
Is bullying 'natural'?
When u rate an indie band, are you bullying the band by not 'accepting them in2 ur iTunes library'?
When u steal an mp3, r u bullying a record company?
Do you have any sweet bullying stories where u know that you 'acted appropriately'?
Did u ever get bullied, and did it make u stronger?
Did u cry to ur mom about getting bullied, then she had to go 'scare the shit out of a pussy-type of bully'?
Did ur classmates ever make fun of you for 'not being as rich as them'?
Is it really cost/time effective to 'worry about EVERY1's feelings'?
Can we have an 'us' without a 'them'?
Do we live in a progressive society where it socially acceptable for making fun of home-schooled kids?

Photo by thecobrasnake

My daughter begged and begged for the opportunity to see one of her favourite indie bands. Of course, with a name like that, I certainly had never heard of them, nor had I heard their music...except for when she hijacks the car stereo... Colour me unimpressed with all of this modern rock and roll music. Hmph.... While I can clearly see through the consumerist aspects of the music and marketing machines, sometimes you need to just turn your head and let your kid be a kid.

Well, she's a good kid--one of the brightest in her class, and she made an A on her recent pre-Algebra test. I'm a big believer in giving your kids freedom--something my parents never did. Who knows what I could have been if some one had believed in me and gave me some room to grow and make a few mistakes. Let's be honest... I don't want to be the bad guy in my kids' lives'. I want them to feel love, and I want them to experience life and love and art and beauty. I want them to live rich, meaningful lives', which is why it is important to let them cherish music.

The truth is, I am very protective of my 2 sons and particularly my daughter. It's been so hard to watch them grow up. I live in constant fear--a dark fear that they will make the wrong decisions, spiraling into a less than mediocre life filled with drugs, unprotected sex, and jobs in the service industry.

Photo via our driveway

Anyways... we drove to the venue. Lemme tell ya... Don't forget to bring cash for parking... They'll think of any way to make money off you these days. Before the show, I took my daughter to the merchandise stand so that she could pick out a t-shirt. She had a really hard time, since the designs were so intricate. I think she picked a good one, though...nothing too loud.

The band started playing, and it was actually invigorating. It reminded me of when I was young, but as you know, trends are much, much different these days. Everything was going great, but then I looked to my left and my daughter wasn't there. I looked to my right, and I just saw some greasy tween boy with deep acne scars. I looked behind me. I saw my daughter floating over a crowd of hands, being groped and manhandled in every which way by hundreds of sweaty palms.

This was truly the darkest moment I had ever experienced as a father. The only thing darker would probably be 'getting a lap dance' from my daughter at a 'titty bar.' Perhaps I should not have let her attend this concert. Perhaps I should have just dropped her off. It hurt to see my angel fade away, looking both uncomfortable and pleasured as men and boys touched her in her 'nether-regions.'

My daughter had vanished into the sea of tweenage hands. I let her go. I accepted that she was no longer my little baby girl. She had grown up, and it was time to let her spread her wings to become a beautiful alternative butterfly. She would find happiness in life, and my metaphorical teet would no longer quench her thirst for a fulfilling life.

She was gone, but in the distance I saw another teen girl moving towards me, as if the Lord's hands were bringing her to me. I realized I was at a rock indie concert. I realized I needed to have fun and be myself. The girl floated closer and closer to me. Eventually, she was held up by nothing but my arms.

I moved my and groped her, feeling her all around, exploiting the situation even though I was 20 years above the average crowd age. The truth is, I never experienced 17 year old sex when I was 16-19.

For the first time in years, I felt young again. People looked at me like I was a predator, or a sicko--but if only they knew what it was like to grow old. If only they knew these were the best days of their young lives'. If only they knew...

I am glad I let my daughter have her freedom, but more importantly, I got my own freedom back. I never saw my daughter again, but I know that somewhere, she is happy because she chose her own life. Enabling your children to make their own decisions relieves the pressure on you. Let them make their own mistakes. Let them live.

Has ur mom/dad ever escorted u to a concert/show that u wanted 2 attend?

Did the experience bring u closer together, or was it 'hella ghey' since u couldn't be urself?

Do ur parents think that ur just a 'trendhopping fggt'?

What kind of car do ur parents drive? [link2funnie_post]


Previous Crowd Surfing Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/crowd-surf-gang-bang.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg

As you know, I have refrained from blogging about the Girl Talk live experience because of his increasing levels of inauthenticity. However, I noticed a lot of terrible things happening at his show that have to do with one of my biggest passions--'going green.' For those of you who don't know, the phrase 'going green' relates to 'doing shit that will help 2 save our environment and keep humans around 4ever.' As u can see, Girl Talk's show is not very 'green.' Not sure what the opposite of 'going green' is.

It seems like the Girl Talk is a 'celebration of waste', like they are just converting a local park into a 'huge fucking dumpster.'

Not sure if toilet paper shooting technology really enhances the live music experience. Most bands I have seen did not construct 'waste machines' that fling paper into the air--instead they focus on making authentic indie rock.

People even find a way to use the wasted toilet paper as 'temporary clothes', then they probs 'wiped their metaphorical asses' b4 throwing it on the ground.

Probably is some sort of 'status symbol' at Girl Talk shows, much like mainstream kids are 'proud of their Abercrombie', alts at GT shows are 'proud that the Lord delivered them some toilet paper'

Photos like this make me 100% certain that the ice caps will melt, and the oceans will flood 90% of the land on Earth during my lifetime.

If I had some tweenage kids, I probably wouldn't let them attend a Girl Talk show. Not only are there structural dangers when it comes to '200 kids crashing a temporary stage', but also it seems like a 'big ass' 'tweenage fuckfest.'

Seems really unchill. Worried that there are 'altbro predators' there.

Ultimately, I am enraged that Girl Talk promotes such waste. We are trying to save the environment, but it seems like his live show figures that if 'shit gets crazy', then it is worth it. The concept of 'toilet paper' is wasteful, as is the act of 'shooting that shit into the air on top of a sea of alts.'

Ultimately, I am sad that Jaime, the latino man who works as a foreman for the Parks and Recreation Department will have to clean up the mess.

Put litter in its place.
Support GREEN artists.
Save the Environment.
Save Jaime.

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg

Feeling sad in a celebration of waste.

Recently, my parents purchased a Dodge Dakota Sport (extended cab).

Photo via lookbook

I am embarrassed, even though the car was very economical, and made tons of sense for our four-person nuclear family. I make my parents drop me off a block away from school, just in case people 'judge me' based on the car that my parents' drive. It just doesn't make sense that some1 with my personal brand would come from the 'mediocrity' that my parents' car seems to represent. I wish I could have been 'consulted' a little bit more when they were making their decision. Feel like my needs are also important, and are usually 'neglected' due to budget constraints. Ugh. Wish my parents had jobs that paid more and meant that they'd travel a lot.

Just afraid that I will look 'too middle class' if people see me getting chauffeured around the city in that 'normal person' car. Wish they had something sportier, or possibly a car that made our family seem 'richer' than we actually are. I feel like it is important for other people to have an appearance of your life being 'a process of getting whatever you want', even though everything is a struggle at my house.

Also feel 'incredibly generic' since my mom wants to give me her boring Camry as my first car. Seriously would rather fucking 'walk every where.'

Photograph of my mom's Camry

I just want my 'colleagues' to believe that I am some1 incredibly interesting, who comes from a set of cool parents. Sorta wish ppl thought I got to school by subway, even though our suburban area is miles away from any public transportation system that has been branded as 'authentic.' We only have buses, and they are mainly ridden by the poors and coloureds.

Just wish my parents 'at least' had a Volvo/Volkswagen/Prius. Possibly some sort of ambiguous SUV. Tired of looking 'too middle class.' Might get a job next summer to buy a ______.

Don't want my parents to come across as people who are just 'struggling 2 make a living.'
Yall know what I mean, rite?

Are yall embarrassed of yalls parents, and do u wish they understood the importance of personal branding [via consumer decisions]?
R ur parents rich or middle class or poor?
What type of car did they drive?
'What was ur first car?' -people from the 50s/60s/70s

It's kinda weird when some thing becomes a 'phenomenon' and u don't even really 'realize it', kinda like how all of a sudden the Kings of Leon were the new Nickelback. Then u sort of have to 'do a lot of googling' to figure out how/why something became 'culturally relevant' within mainstream tween consumer society. Kinda like High School Musical/Jonas Brothers/SpongeBob Square Pants/Pogs/TickleMeElmo, etc. It's just like 'damn... who are the people consuming this stuff?' Feel most alive when I am trying to understand 'WHY' something is popular.

////////////
//////Carles will attempt
////// to 'understand' Twilight
//////////

From what I understand, Twilight was a 'book', but then became 'a movie series.' I think most successful books are not really '1 book', but a series of books. Not sure if that is because of Lord of the Rings, or Chronicles of Narnia, or for some other reason. Think that in our modern world, ppl want to 'connect with a series.' Don't just want a 'one and done' experience. Also think that books/movies in 'series format' are 'more marketable.' You can make 'mad bank' off a 3 part series, and keep building a franchise with what seems like 'natural' buzz.

Here are the book covers. The artwork 'seems very shitty' but also like something 'very branded.' Like something that you see 'every1 in ur local highschool' reading and talking about.

N e ways... Twilight was written by some broad named Stephenie Meyer. She is apparently Mormon. She looks like this.

As you can see, she is 'sorta chubby, yet confident.' This personal brand is critical in establishing Twilight's 'niche.' Twilight is apparently about some Vampire bro, or something, and this regular girl falls in love with him. I think it is supposed to be 'somewhat sexual', but also romantic. I think it is supposed to tap into 'the lonely teenage girl' demographic.' U must understand that the story of Twilight are the dreams/subconscious desires of this 'pleasantly plump, mildly pretty, sweet heart' of a woman.

It's weird to think that 'kids/teens actually read books' still. I feel like cliched 'good parents' have to encourage their kids to 'read' even though the modern 'literary landscape' is probably 'pretty terrible.' Don't have 'first hand knowledge', but I would just imagine that every is trying to become 'the next Harry Potter' or something, or possibly 'the next Devil Wears Prada.' Seems like books are probably 'fucking garbage', particularly in the teen/tween market.

I'm not sure how I feel about 'reading.' Feel like it is something to do when you are in elementary+middle+high school, but you can build a 'more rewarding intellectual life' build around social media + blogs + the internet + the NYTimes. Unless you are reading 'really good books' that are probably from a long time ago, seems 'not worth it' to even bother reading 'a NY Times best seller' or some other gimmick book. Feel like my brain can only really handle 'a wikipedia entry about a book' as opposed to 'actually reading the book.'

Just funnie to imagine a female whose parents 'don't let her date' and 'are pressuring her to go to a good, yet affordable university' finding some sort of 'dream world' within these books. One where love 'seems real', but is also 'just 4 fun' since it is with a Vampire bro, or something. Feel like while these parents are 'raising a good kid', they are also probably 'buttering them up' to be 'mediocre' and never really 'get' important 'global concepts.' Sort of like being 'lazy parents' when it comes to 'letting them fit in' but at the same time, emphasizing 'positive stuff' like reading, participation in 'the arts/community/team sports', and other 'stupid shit.'

Seems easier to raise a bro than some girl.

n e ways... think that Twilight is trying 2 tap into this 'lonely girl' zeitgeist. Think that lonely girls 'chill on the internet' but also have 'an internet curfew.'

I guess 'being a movie' is helpful in creating an opportunity where 'being a Twilight fan' is something that girls can 'be a part of.' Sorta like how bros are into sports, I think girls are eager to prove that they have 'something of their own' and often get 'too into it' or something.

Think it is also important that they have a 'hot bro' who is the main vampire. Not sure if he is 'hot.' Seems like a teenager who 'just started to learn how to use a hard cock', and has a face of 'being over eager to stick it into some tight lil teen pussy.'

I think the lead girl in the movie, Kristen Stewart, is supposed to be 'edgy.' Like sorta alt, but pretty mainstream. I think that she is the embodiment of how 'fat girls think that they look' when they put on a ton of makeup + eye liner + have a sexie gaze into the camera.

Think that this greasy teen bro is also in it. Not sure what he does/what the story line is, but he is possibly supposed to be a heart throb.

Twilight has also 'branded itself' with the type of music that the band PARAMORE makes. I feel like 'lonely girls' think that this type of music is the only art that can express their sense of darkness+hope. The lead singer is a female, and she also 'dyes her hair zany colors', so I think that is something that sheltered girls do to 'express themselves' while still 'promising to make all A's in school.'

Can't believe this book series is 'culturally relevant.' Think it is one of those things where it is an 'interesting topic' so you'll get 'mad hits' if you cover it, and before you know it, every outlet 'feels pressure' to cover it. I'll bet the book 'reads really easily' or something, so it doesn't isolate teens who have a low reading level. Guess it is just important to 'understand ur audience' so that u can write words + stories that they relate 2.

Maybe everything is the same. Maybe we're all the same.

Does n e 1 know if this book is good?
Are vampire bros capable of 'loving' or do they 'just wanna fuck'?
Should I read Harry Potter?
What book represents U?
When people read a 'popular book' and tell u it is 'actually really good', do u tell them that they need to 'grow the fuck up'?

Wonder if Twilight is the new Catcher in the Cradle (Fight Club--A Seppy Peace).

Photo via lookbook

My parents kicked me out of the house. I lived in a drug dealer's apartment for several weeks, until he expected me to pay him rent with sexual favors. I found a cozy nook underneath the Main Street bridge. Every night, I curl up on a piece of cardboard, and find myself doing something I haven't done since I became an atheist at 6 years old--I pray. I pray to any one who will listen: God, Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Allah, Osama Bin Laden, Barry Obama. I pray hard.

One morning I came downstairs expecting to pour myself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast crunch and eat it on the couch while watching reruns of Project Runway and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Both of my parents were waiting at the table for me. They had my pipe on the table, as well as 1 gram of dank, a lil bump of coke, a stack of pornographic DVDs, and a poster board of LSD. They said "What is this?"

I replied, "I'm sorry. I'm going through an experimental phase."
Mom: "Experiment my ass!"
Me: "It's not like you never did any experimenting during ur youth."
Dad: "We don't want you to make the same mistakes that we did."
Mom: "Your dad is right."
Me: "I don't even know why you're confronting me about this when u have problems of your own."
Mom: "I don't know what you're talking about. Your dad and I are doing well."
Me: "You know dad cheated on you with that waitress from Chili's. I can hear through the walls at night."
Dad: "That's enough!"
(mom starts sobbing uncontrollably, leaves the room...silence for 5 minutes)
Me: Well... are you done? I'm going to eat some CTC (cinna toast crunch).
Dad: Listen to me you little shit. I brought you into this world with my semen, and I can take you the fuck out. If you want to live under this roof, you need to get your shit together, and respect me.
Me: Why did you cheat on mom?
Dad: I didn't cheat on your mother....we're not getting into this. I left a cup that I need you to fill up with pee. Please go do that soon.
Me: Why do you need to drug test me if you know I am already on drugs?
Dad: Once again, this is about respect.
Me: I don't respect you.
Dad: Get the fuck out of my house.
Me: FINE.

I went to my room and put all of my favourite clothes into a bag. I had $60 to my name. I put my Macbook into my computer bag, and left the house through the backdoor. Eventually I found out that there are no wireless networks under bridges, and the ones that do show up require a password.

Every day I go to a local coffee shop to look for jobs, and stay relevant by reading alt websites. However, I am feeling like maybe 'being alt' doesn't even matter. Maybe now that I am on my own, I won't care about social subcultures any more. I just want to be able to feed myself every day. I'm never going back home again. Not to that fucked up family.

I think I'll make it on my own. Maybe I can get a job at Am Appy, and save up enough money to buy an efficiency. I think I'll make it. They say that the hard times are what really make u "you." Sorta like what Steve Carrell told Paul Dano in "Little Miss Sunshine" [via Proust]. These are hard times, but I think I'll get through them and my life will be more meaningful.

It's hard than ever to be the (proud) parent of a teen these days. iPhones, Myspace, facebook, text messages, and lolspeak are some of the things a modern parent might be exposed to on any given night. However, there's plenty that you can do to make sure you don't lose sign of your teen.

• TALK to you teen/tweenage son or daughter about their life. They want to tell you. Be a 'chill parent' and be accepting. You know--you used to experiment too!
• SPEND VALUABLE TIME with your teen. Plan weekend vacations, or even a special night of the week where they get to pick which restaurant to have a family pow-wow at.
• BUILD arts and crafts with your kids. Learn what they are doing. Spend time with them and create a myspace profile. You can be like them too. It's okay to be your child's best friend. Building arts and crafts means building a relationship with them.

Most importantly....

• NOURISH them. Feed them. Feed your tweens. Give them life.

Don't be afraid to let your teenagers have a little bit of fun. Your teen will make mistakes. You made mistakes, too.

If you are the owner of an AZN teen, understand that you only have to feed him once a week.

Your teen will experiment. They will wear zany clothes. They might even hit rock bottom. But U have 2 support them. Don't be afraid. They will fail. The test of your love will be when their 'friends' drop off his/her body in your front lawn. Your teen child will be unconscious. This is where you must love them.

[Photos by The cobrasnake]
Don't turn ur back on your teen/tween when they start experimenting.
Love them.
Try to understand them.
Don't push them away. Hug them. Be affectionate.
Even when they say 'ur a stupid bitch cunt. U don't GET me. My friends are the only people who understand me', you have to realize that their friends will abandon them, and u can be there for them 2 get vulnerable with.

This has been a post about teen & tween parenting.
(This was actually a post about popular night life DJs pouring vodka into the moufs of teens.)