HIPSTER RUNOFF

We've seen tween singers, dancers, actors, and other internet tweens get famous by appealing to emerging markets of tween-centric audiences. What if I told you that there was an up-and-coming tween DJ? His name is Aiden Chance, and he is from somewhere in Utah. We have not confirmed whether or not he is Mormon or how many brothers and sisters he has, but we CAN confirm that he is a fun loving electro dubstep house lover who is here to do big thangs in 2k12.

Can Aiden Chance become the world's first tween DJ?

He has 'DJ-style' press photos where he looks like he is playing the VIP section of heaven.

[RIP Chris Benoit]

Is this the era of the tween DJ?
Is this the year that Aiden Chance become the next big dubstep DJ?
Will Aiden Chance become the Rebecca Black of DJing or the Justin Bieber of DJing?
Can tweens do anything?

Is Aiden Chance as swag as it gets?

As you can see, Aiden Chance has all the right DJing moves. He can work the knob board emotionally, raise his hands to tell people to 'get the eff up', and most importantly, drop the bass.

The Tweens are Truly going crazy 4 Aiden Chance. Who knows what festivals, clubs, and sponsored events he will headline in 2k12.

There is truly no stopping Aiden Chance in 2k12. Filling up limited capacity clubs on the reg, it is clear to see the youthful enthusiasm that DJ Chance brings 2 the crowd, proving that the art of DJing is not just about the music you play, but about the true energy and passion behind it.

Will Aiden Chance take over the world in 2k12?
Will we see more Tween DJs now that electro/dubstep/DJ culture is so prevalent?
Can Tween DJs become more successful than topless DJs and/or masked DJs?

Will Tween DJs become a 'must book' act at festivals, clubs, and high-priced sponsored events?

Wanna Come 2 My DJ nite? [via Fred Armisen-wave Portlandia-level cultural commentary]

Do u ever wish u had more supportive parents who knew how to help u perform/DJ at music festivals?
Is Aiden Chance a buzz human 2 watch in 2k12?

This has been Buzz Humans 2 Watch presented by HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Check out Aiden Chance at this year's Bamboozle.

'Wuddup?' -a tween bro

Aiden Chance

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Aiden Chance is the world's first tween DJ.

Lists: tweens, People from Utah

Read more>>>>

This week, we are celebrating some of the most relevant mp3s and videos that have rescued us from the buzz drought. Enjoy, bb!

Rejoice!
The buzz drought is over!
God bless u, Tabby.
God bless u, and ur curvaceous alt tween bod.

I want 2 live in ur parents' house with u
Let's vlog 2gthr

U could light up a Hot Topic with ur smile/photoshop filters + effects

Peace 4eae

Such a bangin bikini bod, bb!

Totes hipster glasses

I want a keut alt pet!

Peace + <3 = a better 2mrrw #itgetsbetter

I will take u on a Hollister/local suburban mall shopping spree, bb!

Do u <3 Tabby?
Did she singlehandedly end the buzz drought?
Do u want 2 dance in ur Cowboy boots?

This week, we are celebrating the end of the buzz drought with tons of relevant songs and videos that have saved us from the greatest buzz drought of our lives'.

It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
Oh Oh.
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
tween emo bro
It was always u...It was always u...
It was always u...It was always u...
The buzz is within u!
The buzz is within me!
The buzz has been inside us all along!
Let us rejoice!
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
purple vnecks
pokemon haircuts
plugz
It was always u...
It was always u...

Oh, Oh
It was always u...

It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...It was always u...
It was always u...
It was always u...

Was it always u?

Photo by The Cobrasnake

I have always been perplexed by the brand of Ke$ha. Apparently she sold the most digital singles in 2k10, but she doesn't seem 'as famous' as Lady Gaga. She can't sell out entire arenas and plays smaller clubs, but her music must appeal to some1 [via weird mainstream demographics]. I feel like there are more 'weird Middle Americans' who are searching 4 an authentic identity [via sexuality] than we realize.

Have u ever been 2 a Ke$ha concert/do u know any1 who is an 'ardent member' of Ke$ha's 'tribe'?

Her concert is 'a lot like a Blue Man Group concert' except it is more ghey/conceptual [via glittery].

(Side Note: I brought my daughter. She's a princess and her GPA was above 3.25. Happy Graduation, Sugar!)

Female pop artists really help me 2 discover my innter-alt twink.

What is more authentic: buying a t-shirt of ur fave human...

or making a tshirt of ur fave human?

Dressed up like 'effing hipsters' 2 go to a Ke$ha concert.

Sometiems I wonder if being a relevant GHEY VIP is a more fruitful lifestyle than being a relevant alt VIP

Purgatory alts

R u Ke$ha, bb?

Yes, our parents dropped us off. Yes. We have fauxhawks..

Yes. We are still on Myspace. It is the only social network that has a thriving 'slutty electro pop scene.'

Disabled ppl automatically get portable/mobile VIP status.

I <3 the Rolling Stones and bros who look like Mick Jagger

It's not a real concert unless there is a dancing peen on stage.

Who picked the smartest snack?

I like ur outfit. I like ur nip slip.

'we got here 24 hours before the show so that we could be front + center.'

Sometimes I wish I could be young again so that I can remember what it feels like to be 'loved' because ur parents didn't let you get corrupted by mainstream evils.

It was actually a very liberating concert. I learned that I was not just a skinny teen who wasn't sure about his sexuality. I had finally become an official twink.

Future Girls Night Out Association of America

God Bless Us. Every1 who is a fan of something.

U R WHAT U 'LIKE'
[via facebook]

////
What kind of human/alt/consumer listens to Ke$ha?

I was looking at pictures of Miley Cyrus' lil sister, and she looked familiar. She seemed to have an alternative vibe that I look for when I am searching for 'prey' at a relevant concert or meaningful dive bar. Sort of turned on by her entry-level vibe. But if you look closely into her face, she also looks sort of like a 27 year old altbaguette who stopped eating and sort of degenerated into a rich tween looking human--the MaryKateAshOlsen Vibe.

It is always helpful to have parents who cultivate and encourage your alternative spirit. Doin stuff like buying you iPods, trendy clothes, and vlogging equipment.  Wonder if I would have been more alt if I had grown up with a dad with a soul patch.

But at the same time, parents shouldn't let you become one of those kids who had sex for the first time when they were 6 years old [via hearing that people had sex before their sexual organs could even 'cum'].  Worried abt the lil slut/cunt personal brand.

I just feel really scared of tweens. This decade we will see them grow up, and Gen Y might lose their tastemaking role in the cultural economy.  Not sure if trends will still 'start with us' in 2k16.  What if we lose control of 'authenticity'?  What if Pitchfork has to fire their whole staff?

Sorta wish I could build an Avatar, and live in the body of a tween. I would become a tween sensation, and try to inspire the consumer trust of tween audiences.

I would try to sabotage their civilization after learning about their culture from the inside. It would be an experience that would require the best of me. But I might get in trouble if I fall in love with the tween spirit, and accidentally become physically intimate with another tween, since we would both be 'legal.'

After falling in love with the tween race, I would opt to become one of them. I would live within their culture, and finally feel free. Feel young again. Feel in control. Feel like I still had the opportunity to be 'alternative' to something.

//////searching 4 something beyond 'alt.' Maybe I'll just get married or something and create kids of my own. Maybe that's the only battle I can fight.

If u could be an avatar of anything/any1, what would u be?
a) an alt celeb
b) a pitchfork staff member
c) a twitter celeb with over 1,000,000 followers
d) a rich, yet unfamous person
e) an NBA/NFL player
f) Zach Braff in Garden State
g) a pornographic actor/actress who takes/gives tons of penises
h) a blog
i) a tween
j) a sext message
k) a formative altceleb in a buzzband that is 'tearing it up'
l) an old person
m) the CEO of facebook.com
n) the CEO of friendster.com
o) the CEO of HRO
p) the CFO of Citibank
q) Michael Jordan
r) Tiger Woods
s) Steven Jobs
t) the internet
u) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Letter from an HRO reader:

I was a mainstream mainstreamer with migraines before dr. cohen prescribed me MaxAlt. Now i could be Steve Aoki's twin. I'm so alt that I forgot 2 blog about it!
Thanks Max Alt!

Don't just put unknown substances in your body to feel better abt urself/escape from 'reality.' Live life. Be yourself.

SIDE EFFECTS: Drowsiness, dizziness, dry mouth, nausea, or headache may occur. If these effects persist or worsen, notify your doctor promptly. Unlikely but report promptly: mental/mood changes, chest pain, neck/jaw discomfort. U myte go through a phase where u think bangers r kewl. Very unlikely but report promptly: irregular or fast heartbeat, unusual weakness, vision changes, cold/tingling/numb hands or feet, stomach pain, bloody diarrhea, fainting or unsteadiness. Affinity towards authentic disco. An allergic reaction to this drug is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Urine/skin might turn neon. Symptoms of an allergic reaction include: rash, itching, swelling, severe dizziness, trouble breathing. You will have the runs kind of like after u eat a gallon of Pink Berry. Eye soreness from reading 2 many FGGT blogs. If you notice other effects not listed above, contact your doctor or pharmacist. Loss of free will (cannot choose.your.own.adventure).

I wonder if there r n e side FX that mainstream doctors can't even identify bc they don't know what 'blog house' is.

ne ways..
G2G buy some MAXALT to sell to the booming mainstream alt tween market in Southern California. I heard they are replacing the 'pretending to be surfer' tween demographic.

I wish I could be a lil alt/tween alt again. I feel like when you are younger, you have better ears, which allow you to appreciate music that it would be impossible for you to appreciate when ur older. For example, I don't 'get' the distorted electro-shriek sound of Hearts Revolution. If I could b a tween again, things might be different. I would be more open minded/free-spirited/impressionable.

I wish I could Choose My Own Adventure. Is the Hearts Revolution lifestyle brand only for kidz under the age of 15? Is that why they sell iced cream & other fun snacks?

SRSLY THO... this song cracks me up.

I love the genre of music that it 'would be impossible to believe that people could enjoy in any context, particularly normal ones like going 2 the grocery store or walking to my Psych 101 class on my college campus.'

SRSLY THO...
CHOOSE UR OWN ADVENTY, YALL.
No matter how old u r, u can choose 2 be alt.
Being Alt is an all-ages experience. U don't have to like the Jonas brothers just bc all of the other kids like them.

[TheCobrabro]