HIPSTER RUNOFF

We've seen tween singers, dancers, actors, and other internet tweens get famous by appealing to emerging markets of tween-centric audiences. What if I told you that there was an up-and-coming tween DJ? His name is Aiden Chance, and he is from somewhere in Utah. We have not confirmed whether or not he is Mormon or how many brothers and sisters he has, but we CAN confirm that he is a fun loving electro dubstep house lover who is here to do big thangs in 2k12.

Can Aiden Chance become the world's first tween DJ?

He has 'DJ-style' press photos where he looks like he is playing the VIP section of heaven.

[RIP Chris Benoit]

Is this the era of the tween DJ?
Is this the year that Aiden Chance become the next big dubstep DJ?
Will Aiden Chance become the Rebecca Black of DJing or the Justin Bieber of DJing?
Can tweens do anything?

Is Aiden Chance as swag as it gets?

As you can see, Aiden Chance has all the right DJing moves. He can work the knob board emotionally, raise his hands to tell people to 'get the eff up', and most importantly, drop the bass.

The Tweens are Truly going crazy 4 Aiden Chance. Who knows what festivals, clubs, and sponsored events he will headline in 2k12.

There is truly no stopping Aiden Chance in 2k12. Filling up limited capacity clubs on the reg, it is clear to see the youthful enthusiasm that DJ Chance brings 2 the crowd, proving that the art of DJing is not just about the music you play, but about the true energy and passion behind it.

Will Aiden Chance take over the world in 2k12?
Will we see more Tween DJs now that electro/dubstep/DJ culture is so prevalent?
Can Tween DJs become more successful than topless DJs and/or masked DJs?

Will Tween DJs become a 'must book' act at festivals, clubs, and high-priced sponsored events?

Wanna Come 2 My DJ nite? [via Fred Armisen-wave Portlandia-level cultural commentary]

Do u ever wish u had more supportive parents who knew how to help u perform/DJ at music festivals?
Is Aiden Chance a buzz human 2 watch in 2k12?

This has been Buzz Humans 2 Watch presented by HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Check out Aiden Chance at this year's Bamboozle.

'Wuddup?' -a tween bro

Aiden Chance

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Aiden Chance is the world's first tween DJ.

Lists: tweens, People from Utah

Read more>>>>

It seems like 2k10 has been all about 'Bieber fever.' Every1 knows who that lil tween bro is just because he sings makes tween girls' pussies wet and transitioned into a bloggable internet meme. Social media tweeting tweens with iTunes gift cards have kept him 'mad internet famous' and probably pretty well monetized. Feel like his career is sort of an 'inside joke' or something that no1 else really minds following. I wonder if he will 'pull a Justin Timberlake' and become a 'bad boy' who 'wants 2 fuck u' soon. I remember when Justin Timberlake shaved off his curly golden white boy fro and got a buzz + some tattoos + muscles just to let u know he was 'bad/hornie.' Bieber really needs to start 'banging bitches' if he wants to make his career last more than _ years, because the Jonas Brothers proved that the whole 'purity angle' makes you boring. All tweens eventually want to lose their virginity, whether it is in the back of a car or the back of a movie theatre. Even Miley Cyrus has decided to 'ride the slutwave' with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Lindsay Spears.

My fave part of the music industry is 'aesthetic replication', but I think that applies to all parts of life/business. Whether it is a great business model, a totally unique artist, or 'the way a new buzzband sounds', every1 is trying to copy every1 else who has been successful before them. This inspires 'discussion' on whether or not the new product is a 'rip off', which is good for buzz. I feel like I have really been enjoying all of the slutwave artists 'getting conceptual' after Lady Gaga got conceptual + generated blog buzz.

It is exciting to see the new genre of post-Bieber-lil-bros.

I feel like this new bro "Cody Simpson" might be a new tween meme that I might ride. It will be sort of like 'finding a new indie buzzband' to talk about with all of my friends, except he is in the wigger tween genre. Really digging this song hard. Sorta wanna cruise around bikes with my bros again, and talk about our penises getting hard 4 the first time.

From what I understand, he is an Australian tween who was harvested from youtube (just like JBieb). He also has a hair swoop, but his foreign accent 'makes him dreamy.' Sort of seems like a chill California style bro, but I guess that's how most Australian bros are.

Feel like if I had a 2nd life/opportunity to pursue a new career, I would be a 'tween sensation stylist.' I would give the Jonas Bros 'lil vests' and hoodies to wigger tween rapper singers.

He seems pretty chill. Might follow him on twitter.

Wonder if u get 'unlimited blowjobs' if ur a tween sensation.

He seems 'self-aware' when talking about the Bieber Rivalry. He seems soo 'wise beyond his years.'

Do u believe in the Cody Simpson brand?
Will Cody Simpson 'become a meme' just like Justin Bieber?
Will this post just become a 'sad memorial' of a bro who tried to 'rip off' Justin Bieber to sell albums once both of these bros end up like 'the Two Coreys'?
Do u feel bad for kids' whose lives' are ruined because record industry executives 'used' them to try to sell records?
Was 'social media' built for tweens?
Will tweens ever 'go indie' or will they stay brand loyal to tweens forever?
Do u wanna chill with CodyBro?
Do u h8 Australians?

Is tween coverage 'more interesting' than boring ass buzzband coverage?
What buzzbands have ripped off other buzzbands' sounds?
If you are an indie buzzband, does it just make sense to create ur own weird sound so that no1 can directly rip it off?
Will Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga have 'long, fruitful, fulfilling careers' or are they just the 2 artists who have done the best job of 'exploiting' social media and will eventually become 'even bigger jokes than they are now'?

I was reading that popular tween sensation Miley Cyrus deactivated her twitter account. It will go down in history as the 'most tragic' internet suicide of all time, since she had over 2 million followers. She has fame and internet fame that the majority of the world will never achieve. She didn't just have 'mad hits', she had a tribe of tweens who 'genuinely cared about her and looked up to her as a tastemaker.' I just want to understand 'why' she did it. Why she would 'throw it all away'?

I am so confused. When Miley first came on the indie scene, she had a lyric that said, 'She's just being Miley.' It's kinda weird how that cryptic statement is the only way to describe her enigmatic personality. It's like one day she is tweeting a bunch, then the next day she just says 'fuck it yall.' She truly is 'just being Miley.'

I have read 'doomsday articles' that say this is 'the end of twitter', since tweeple now have role models who were 'strong enough' to quit twitter. Instead of mimicking role models who are 'twitter addicts', tweens will now be more independent and mimmick role models who are 'twitter quitters.'

Miley Cyrus made a 'youtube rap video' explaining why she deactivated her twitter.

This video demonstrates the tween's desire for 'something more.' A lifestream of text filled with 140 character statements just doesn't give U enough room to BE U. It seems like Miley needed to do something that required a lot more bandwidth to 'get her message across.' Choosing to make a 'yewtewb viddy' was probably the optimal choice to break free from a limited twitter format. It seems like during this video, we watch a tween 'break out of her cocoon' and become a beautiful butterfly. She totally 'shits on' the identity that she created for herself [via pix, song quotes, musings] and moves forward with her life--a life that belongs 2 her and no1 else.

Miley Cyrus didn't have a traditional childhood. She was not able to experience social media in a micro-context. It seems like maybe she turned to 'social media' to try to replicate human relationships+interactions+socialspheres, but it was just this weird experience of 'people looking at her.' It's a shame that she used twitter as a 'lifestream' instead of a 'marketing tool.' Seems like she could have tinyurled a shitload of tweens to a link to buy her shit in the iTunes.


"I stopped living for moments and started living for people." -Miley Cyrus, 2009

I wonder what the general existential crisis of the modern tween is. What do tweens truly want out of life? I feel like most tweens would be happy with '200-500 twitter followers/fb friends' and feeling 'important' in their local high school scene (a $500/month allowance would also make them 'hella rich'). The perfect tween life probably involves 'being hella famous', being a 'musician', starring in movies+tv, and having over 1 million followers. I am not sure if the modern tween thinks about 'life after tweenhood' or if they will just continue to 'act like tweens' well into their 20s, still accidentally identifying with Disney family brands. It's really a shame that Miley gave up a perfect life on the internet. Hope that she doesn't 'isolate' her fans.

I think that Miley Cyrus wants to 'appear to be normal.' She wants to be a tween. I think that tweens want to be Miley Cyrus. It seems like these two entities need 1 another to have an individual identity, but for some reason, both will 'die trying' to be the other. Seems tragic. Almost as traggy as 'giving up' 2 million followers. I feel like she should have at least 'auctioned off her account' since tons of companies would value the opportunity to tap into her fan base. Maybe an energy company, or possibly the entire marketing budget of a pay-as-you-go phone service could have used her account to spam out coupons/etc.

Maybe we all want our moments to seem 'more meaningful.' Maybe we all need some sort of social tool that is a visual representation of the extent to which we 'fit in' with the world. Maybe we need a social tool to document our lives'. Seems like the modern existence is s000 frustrating, since we all have a creative side that needs 2 be unleashed, but we are only given social networks with limited fields to express ourselves. JPG is more meaningful than text. Embedded videos are more meaningful than JPGs. Will Google Wave be the most meaningful communication tool in the history of the world?

(WTF is Google Wave? Have heard mad hype about it. Seems like I should want it, kinda like a Wii/iPhone/etc. Not sure what it is, but I have read it will 'change the way the internet works'. Does n e 1 know if Miley is on GoogWave?)

Need 2 express myself on my own terms, on and off the internet.

Just want to be the 'ultimate artist.' Just want to 'seem interesting' to people. Want to feel 'transcendent.' Want my life 2 belong 2 me, but also want my life to make other people feel jealous/bored with their own existences. Does n e 1 know how I can accomplish all of this? Will deactivating my twitter/facebook help me accomplish this, or will it make it more difficult for me to experience a meaningful life?

Just want to be an individual
and let the world know that I am an individual
(I am me)
(I am me)
But don't want to let the world know too much
and dilute the meaningfulness of my life

Just want to 'be a kid'
Just want to 'be a tween girl'
experiment with boys, feelings, and padded bras
want my tits to look 'huge' but also maintain my social and sexual innocence

Want to tweet
Want to vlog
Want to blog
Want to be a 'musician' and write lyrics that appeal 2 a universal zeitgeist
Maybe there's a lil bit of tween inside of all of us.

Should I 'off myself' on the internet?
Do people who deactivate internet profiles always 'just come back' cuz they are lonely and tortured?
R u kewler on the internet or in real life?
Should I stop blogging and start vlogging rap songs?
Will tweens 'sit on their asses and tweet all day'?
Will tweens revolt against the internet when they turn 18 and make a more significant contribution to mankind than Generation Y?

Previous 'Celebs on Twitter' Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/04/in-pursuit-of-being-the-ultimate-bro-the-life-goal-of-ashton-kutcher.html

Lately I have been attending numerous live concerts after 'going on a break' from 'going to shows' since the audiences got too tweeny. I have been going through a very concertially existential crisis, and really thinking about 'why am I here?' 'Why did I make the extra effort to see this band?' 'Am I trying to connect with a group of like-minded people?' 'Do I really 'get something' out of seeing a band's music performed live?' 'Should I just listen to things on headphones while staring at a computer screen?' 'Do I not like going to concerts because of people who have a personal brand that says I<3music, but don't really 'get' what it means to be alive in the modern world?'

As I have grown older, I have started to see 'the larger picture' about 'the concertgoing experience.' The truth is that concerts are 'always the same' but the only thing changing about the concert is U. You are growing older, moving from demographic-to-demographic. The way you feel about 'life' is constantly changing, and based upon the version of 'loneliness'/'fulfillment' that you feel, you will interpret any experience differently--concerts are an essential part of the modern human experience.

These are the general age demographics who 'attend concerts' and a synopsis of 'their general conscious experience.'

Ages 12-17: The era of idealizing 'the modern indie concert experience.'

You don't really understand what 'indie rock'/etc. usually is, and experiences like Warped Tour, Coachella, and Regional music festivals are 'lumped into a category.' You see music as something that brings people with similar interests together. You are going to graduate from high school soon, and after that, who knows what might happen? Maybe u'll be able to go to famous clubs, see famous bands, meet internet-famous people, and live the idealized life that is somewhere between 'Almost Famous' and 'Gossip Girl' or some other tv show/movie.

This is just an era of 'being naive' and 'not knowing the correct websites to view' in order to stay relevant.

I recently saw two music videos for two songs that I thought were 'really ghey.' They kinda gave me a panic attack because I think this is what kids/tweens are interpreting as 'cool' these days. Back when I was a tween, I think I was searching for meaning in music, but these days I think kids/tweens just want 2 hear music that has vocals that are autotuned and sing about some 'stupid relationship' and/or 'romanticized ideas' that kids have about 'love.'

I think these songs are what impressionable tweens from suburbia, mainstream girls trying 2 be alt, and ppl from California listen 2.

Kinda scared of the overgrown entrylevel altbros in these videos. Feel like they will 'never grow up' and probably just 'wear bright hoodies' 4 the rest of their lives'.

3Oh!3 - Don't Trust Me

This song is kinda like 'a pile of poop' wearing shuttershades.' Not sure if ppl are supposed to identify with it, 'enjoy it', or if it is one of those 'terrible videos that was made 2 go viral.' But from what I understand, they are a popular band with tweens. It's kinda weird how modern pop music has to be delivered [via rapping] because that is what kids think is 'cool.'

The Secret Handshake - Summer of 98

This song is like a ballad about being a tween in suburbia during the late 90s and falling in love. I think it is a reference to a Ryan Adams/Bryan Adams song "The Summer of 69." The thick bro in this vid misses the past, and wanted to write some 'ghey song' about 'how bad ass things used to be.' I think they hired people who do 'commercials for MTV' to make this video since all of the aesthetics are s000 played out.

I guess the thing that kinda bothers me about these 2 videos is how these bros are probably somewhere between ages 20-28. Kinda think they need to 'grow up' and 'stop writing songs that are about their emotions and trials during their tween years.' Sometimes I wonder if people ever grow up, or if they are just the same person they were when they were a tween.

srsly don't even know what 2 say sometimes. Sometimes my posts are 'trying 2 b funnie' but I think this 1 is more like 'wtf, yall?' and letting the videos 'speak 4 themselves.' Glad I'm not a tween in 2k9. Hopefully I woulda listened to something authentic.

<3
Have yall heard any 'ghey ass' music lately?

Previous 'hella ghey' music: Brokencyde
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/the-crowning-achievement-of-mexicaltsaltinos.html

Photo by Lookbook

Yall, I was tweenhunting on lookbook, and I came across this beautiful young woman with some sort of gadget by her face. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to tell if this is some sort of 'retro gadget' or if it is like a cutting edge new wave gadget. H8 the modern world, and how I can't even stay 'up to date' with new consumer technology blogs.

Is this gadget
a) a vision test machine
b) an iPod shuffle
c) Oakleys with an MP3 player built in
d) a digi camera
e) an iPhone
f) an iPhone shuffle
g) a mixtape player
h) a muxtape player
i) peeping tom binoculars
j) an RSS reader
k) Am Appy X-Ray goggles
l) the new Macbook Lite
m) a smart car
n) Wayfarers
o) shuttershades
p) slanties
q) Wall-E's decapitated head
r) a tamagachi
s) a polaroid camera
t) a lomography camera
u) Choose.Your.Own.Response

??????

Just trying 2 stay modern. Might use a Best Buy Gift Certificate 2 buy 1 of them if it turns out 2 be the 'must-have' item of 2k9.5.

Image via Mouthpiece Sports

Sometimes I see images that are constructed for mainstreamers that they are probably supposed to think 'looks cool', but since I am so design-aware, I can't help but think it looks tacky and uninspired. So while a person over the age of 35 will think 'whoa--how did they get all of those players on that magazine cover? Totes looks like they are going after 1 ball...' I think it is stupid because they just created a bunch of layers in Adobe Photoshop. Not very impressive, yall. coulda made that cover as the project for my first class at college--Photoshop 101: for design majors and non majors.

I kinda h8 how my design school education makes me enjoy stuff that is 'supposed to look cool' a lot less. Every time I see a flyer, an advertisement, a webpage, or a commercial, I know exactly how it is made since I am skilled at every Adobe Design Suite Program. So while images might 'look interesting', the process behind them seems so EZ 2 replicate that I am just way above it. Sometimes I feel like I need 2 'ditch technology' and only design authentic things by manually cutting and pasting things together, but I am 0% skilled and kraftwerk.

It's like u see a video of a kid AZN who can make all of these 'amazing effects' and then u realize that this standardized technology has gimmicked us 2 think that we are able to better express ourselves' because the bottleneck of creativity has widened just cuz we have more tools, but still kinda just express the same shittie concept/topics + implement lamer aesthetics.

h8 creative azns. Isn't it kinda funnie how teachers in high school are probably making poorly informed decisions to encourage kids who can 'make laser fight videos' to pursue a career in the arts/film, when there is actually a supersaturated market of 'tweens who have an inaccurate self-concept in which they tell themselves that they are unique and creative because their parents bought them a high-end computer'?
(h8 tweens who brand themselves as 'creative' so that they don't have to take Calculus/physics/math/science/etc)

Is Adobe + Apple bad for kids? Should ppl only be allowed to 'make art' after they are done with college because their ideas 'probably suck' b4 then, and u should save them the humiliation of displaying their naivety in a piece of work that will last 4ever?

<3/h8 Adobe Creative Suite

Adobe gives creativity 'a new life.'
Without the Adobe Creative Suite, I would not be able to make art/design/memes.
Without the internet, I wouldn't get the feedback from my 'art' which would give me the positive reinforcement that is necessary to 'keep going.'

Dear Lord,
Thank u 4 Adobe. I will use u. But when I create 'art', I will make sure to not make it so obvious that I utilized ur functionality, and try 2 have my 'art' exist in its own space to be evaluated. I value ur product, but I don't want ppl to evaluate my technical skills in the final product.
Best,
Carles
Parsons / Pratt Class of 2011

Chasing her up the hill
She turned around and I thought she looked beautiful
& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me
& that moment was captured forever
& it's the only memory of her that remains

[Img via lookbook]

& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me

A Short Story by Carles (based on real events)

////////////////////////////////////////////////
It was the summer that I lost my virginity. We went away to the coast for 2 months, my parents forcing me to leave my desktop computer at home. Back then, we didn't have laptops and wireless internet--just dialup. But still, that made it even more meaningful since I was a tween, and I used America Online--not just the instant messenger client [via iChat]. It was the longest I had ever gone without using the internet since I was born.

Her name was Sarah. Her family was staying in a condo down the beach--a little bit nicer than the condo that me & and my parents were going to be in. It took us 2 weeks before we said hello to one another. Playing hide and seek in the hills, chasing one another around the sand dunes. It was the last days of our youth, and we were about to become man and woman. They say you haven't lived life until you have love. And some even say until you have loved AND lost.

One night we snuck out and built a campfire along the shorelines. I brought a boombox and played Incubus and Sigur Ros's hit album "()". We talked about who we wanted to be and what we wanted to do--I wanted to be in an a band and she wanted to make short films. The night seemed to last forever--we had stolen a bottle of Boone's Farm Wine, and eventually got so buzzed that there was no distinction between what was 'meaningful' and what was 'idealistic tween banter.'

We went back to her room. She took off her clothes. I looked at her. I loved her. I felt her. I loved her. I felt her. She took off my clothes. I felt like I was in a French film about misfits who are 'coming of age.' She was beautiful. She made me feel beautiful. This was making love. This was not just two horny teens losing their virginity. This was my summer without AOL. We made love. We held one another. We cried and laughed. We came and we grew. We came and we knew. If I had a camera, I would have snapped her photo because her face was warm with love.

The sun started to come up. I told her that I loved her. Sunrise on her eyes glaring against her skin beautiful she was mine forever in that moment with the sea mist in the air with our aroma of love and teenjuice.

I snuck back into my condo. I fell asleep feeling complete for the first and only time in my life. I woke up 1 hour later since it was time for breakfast.

The next day, she was gone. I found a note on her window that was for me. Her dad had to go back to the city because of an emergency at his company. She left her phone number at the bottom of a Polaroid picture that she took, but the number had been smudged. All I had left was this memory on film.

& I took a picture of u & U took a picture of me
& if we had known that this was going to be our lasting memory
We would have done it all the same
We would have done it all differently

To this day, I use the internet to try to find her. Match.com, facebook.com, twitter.com, google.com--whatever sites have people on them and allow you to search for people. One day I will find her. Her name was Sarah. She was my princess. She was my queen. She was my first. To this day, she is my definition of 'perfect love' and I have never treated a woman with such respect because no woman compares to my romanticized recollection of that summer.

& I Took a Picture of U & U Took a Picture of Me

This has been an excerpt from Carles' upcoming novel The Tween Chronicles--A Search for Meaning. Please let Carles know if you have more story suggestions for the upcoming compilation book Chicken Soup for the Alternative Soul.

I read on wikipedia that Michael Jackson was 'the coolest guy ever' before he turned into a plastic man/went krazie/loved kidz 2 much. From what I understand, every1 wanted 2 be him, and he started a lot of trends without even knowing it. He invented aesthetics that he didn't even know were so popular.

I've read in some pop culture gossip magazines that Kanye is trying 2 'be the Michael Jackson of this generation.' Not sure if he can do it, cuz things are s000 different now. There wasn't really any sort of intranet/internet for things to go viral on, and 'design' was so different back then. We all just had such different expectations of cutting edge culture, and we weren't as reflective. MJ was 'a genius' back then, but kinda wish he was in his prime now so that our 'society' could basically 'execute him' [via pressure that he couldn't handle/grasp/cope with].

I feel like inside of Kanye and MJ are people who are 'kinda the same' but there's probably 1 core difference that I'm trying 2 identify. Do yall know what it is?

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When u think about it, I think 'being cool' is just trying 2 b a tastemaker for people who still 'honor the concept of 'cool'.' (this means u r trying to be a white tween tastemaker).

Do yall think that if BLIPSTERDOM existed when MJ was an adolescent, he would have found a personal brand that would have prevented him from being a weirdo child preddy? Is Kanye West 'a ghey' or just 'too cultured' for other rappers to 'get'?

A lot of people tell me 'Carles. u need 2 do more with ur platform. Use it 4 good. Don't just be a troll/cyberbully.' I am thinking about launching a nonprofit community organization for kids all over the world. Tell me if this is a good idea.

HRO PRESENTS
THE BIKES 4 TWEENZ
PROGRAM

[via lookbook]
Did u know that if every tween in the world had a lil bike, tween obesity would fall 300%?
Did u know that tweens with bikes are 40% less likely to try drugs?
Did u know that tweens with bikes are 70% more likely to 'fit in' with a social group?
Did u know that 40% of tweens die in car+pedestrian accidents?
Did u know that 80% of divorce-casualties commit suicide?
Did u know that 70% of tweens with single parents are rlly spoiled?
Did u know that 70% of tweens boys with long hair are 'lil ass holes'?
Did u know that 60% of tween girls are 'depressed without even knowing it'?
Did u know that bicycles are often more productive than standard anti-depressants?
Did u know that riding a bicycle will lower your cholesterol by 60%?

BIKES4TWEENS will solve 50-80% of tween issues.

BIKES 4 TWEENS

How u can contribute

• send a bicycle to carleser [at] gmail.com
• the bike is cleaned and prepared for the gifting process
• an 'at-risk' tween is given a bicycle
• the tween has 30 days to prove that the bicycle makes his life more meaningful.

Do u have a communications degree? Bikes4Tweens needs a Public Relations team. We need a team to go out to local area high schools to recruit tweens and promote Tween Health Issue awareness. We need a team that is willing to make 1-to-1 connections with parents, and give them strategies for dealing with tweens in the modern world.

Every tween has the right to happiness.

Can yall think of any community programs/acronyms that will make our world a better place?
Should we donate other stuff, like canned goods/HoneyBakedHams for poor ppl?
Should we recruit a major celebrity like Zachary Efron to promote Tween Awareness?
Should HRO focus more on tween issues, or just post-bloghaus?
Do yall know any entrepreneurs who would be interested in investing in a TWEEN CENTRE full of cool stuff to do after school?
Can we really trust tweens with the world's future, or are they 'too consumery'?

I wish I could be a tween again
Filled with spirit, a love for modern music,
a will to joy, and a desire to dance like no1 is watching

Record my dances on my Macbook
to upload videos to youtube
so that I can dance like some1 is watching.

Late night on youtube
spent in an endless vortex of RELATED VIDEOS
until I stumble upon (tm) tweens
who are dancing to a rap song
that is not very serious
but still very catchy and popular
because it is so approachable

Alone in my room on the internet
I look behind me
to ensure that Chris Hansen
from MSNBC's To Catch a Predator
is not behind me
watching me watch these tweens
dance like no1 is watching

I wish I could be a tween again
and have fun with my bff
and record a video
dance around my pink room
is my lounge wear
that is comfy/sporty--yet 'sexie'

I learned these dance moves
from watching television/rap videos on youtube
I kind of do them ironically
but there is something within me that wants to be sexy
(I don't know if I realize this yet)

I'm not a tween
Not yet a teen
Not yet a woman

This is a related video.

Borderline Porn [via youtube]: big in 2k9?
Child Predding without the glasses--big in 2k10?
Getting lost in mazes of RELATED VIDEOS: the story of ur internet life?
Do u wish u had a Macbook when u were a tween?
Do u think these tweens are keuter than the previous showcased tweens?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/i-wish-they-had-macbooks-when-i-was-a-tween-new-hro-gimmick.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/i-wish-they-had-macbooks-when-i-was-a-tween-and-my-parents-took-me-on-road-trips-with-my-bff.html

R yall gonna buy ur daughter a macbook for her 12th Birthday?

Do yall ever feel 'alone'--like there's no1 else out there who 'gets' u?

Kinda worried about life. It's my last year of high school, and I'm not sure if I'm going 2 go 2 prom. I know it is sort of the mainstream thing to do, so that makes me not want to go. However, something deep inside of me really wants to go. Maybe I can do something to make myself less 'mainstream' about it, like wearing a tuxedo t-shirt or even Converse All-Star loafers instead of formal shoes.

It's tough to find some1 special yall. Just want to go 2 prom, and kinda 'fit in' at my local high school. I am glad that girls value 'personality' more now, so there is more room to be a ConsumerCoreAlt who can also get the same rewards+benefits of being a mainstreamer. Just want to be friends with pretty, rich people and not the uggos/poors. U know how it goes, yall.

This could be the best nite of our lives'.

h8 my mom & dad. do yall ever feel 'too middle-class'?

Should i give up my "Big V"?

This is a post about relationships in social contexts.
Should I go 2 prom?
Or should I have an alternative party?
All of yall who already went 2 high school tell me if it is worth it.

///////
BUT SRSLY....

will u b my Valentine?

It's hard than ever to be the (proud) parent of a teen these days. iPhones, Myspace, facebook, text messages, and lolspeak are some of the things a modern parent might be exposed to on any given night. However, there's plenty that you can do to make sure you don't lose sign of your teen.

• TALK to you teen/tweenage son or daughter about their life. They want to tell you. Be a 'chill parent' and be accepting. You know--you used to experiment too!
• SPEND VALUABLE TIME with your teen. Plan weekend vacations, or even a special night of the week where they get to pick which restaurant to have a family pow-wow at.
• BUILD arts and crafts with your kids. Learn what they are doing. Spend time with them and create a myspace profile. You can be like them too. It's okay to be your child's best friend. Building arts and crafts means building a relationship with them.

Most importantly....

• NOURISH them. Feed them. Feed your tweens. Give them life.

Don't be afraid to let your teenagers have a little bit of fun. Your teen will make mistakes. You made mistakes, too.

If you are the owner of an AZN teen, understand that you only have to feed him once a week.

Your teen will experiment. They will wear zany clothes. They might even hit rock bottom. But U have 2 support them. Don't be afraid. They will fail. The test of your love will be when their 'friends' drop off his/her body in your front lawn. Your teen child will be unconscious. This is where you must love them.

[Photos by The cobrasnake]
Don't turn ur back on your teen/tween when they start experimenting.
Love them.
Try to understand them.
Don't push them away. Hug them. Be affectionate.
Even when they say 'ur a stupid bitch cunt. U don't GET me. My friends are the only people who understand me', you have to realize that their friends will abandon them, and u can be there for them 2 get vulnerable with.

This has been a post about teen & tween parenting.
(This was actually a post about popular night life DJs pouring vodka into the moufs of teens.)

I recently saw a life changing public service announcement. It made me question 'who I am as a blog.'

I just realized that my blog might be a 'cyber bully', yall! Not sure if I should stop blogging, or maybe just focus on blogging about crappy mp3s + mediocre altNews bits. Sometimes I see people on the internet, and I think 'omg... they are s00 zany. I need 2 blog about them so that we can understand the modern state of altCulture.' However, maybe I am 'being a lil bit 2 harsh'... Maybe I am a cyber bully

I did a mini-research paper for my community college psychology & teacher certification course, and came up with this power point slide. Do yall 'get' what it means to be a bully in cyber space? Do yall realize how it's apparently 'cowardly' 2 be a cyber bully? Do yall realize that cyberbullying is responsible for 60% of tween tragedies [via school shootings and suicides]?

People on the internet are REAL, and whether or not their personal brands are authentic or not is none of my business. The internet shouldn't be a place where 'u come under fire 4 being urself'--it should be a safe haven, where any 1 can post a picture without having 2 fear 'being made fun of.' Just because ur 'hiding' 'behind a screen' doesn't make it any different than 'real life.' Why would u say something mean abt some1 on the net that u wouldn't say 2 their face? Internet feelings are the same as 'real life' feelings, yall. Do u agree? Am I making sense?

Wonder how I will raise my kids. Might not let them have the internet until they go away 2 college. Will probably print out the entire wikipedia for them instead of buying a set of Encyclopedias. Will let them have graphing calculators 2 play games on. Just don't want their lives' 2 fall apart b4 they even start. If I walked in on my 12 year old son/daughter vlogging, I would punish them swiftly (physically and emotionally). There is no reason 2 let ur kid have a computer before the age of 16--just sayin... be careful yall. There's more 2 raising a kid than 'feeding it' and 'changing diapers.'

N e ways... should I ban cyber bullying on HRO?
Is HRO an altCyberBully?
Am I a cyber bully if I talk about people without internet, like 'poor'/'3rd world' people?
Is Pitchfork a 'cyber bully' of musicians?
Are 'gossip blogs' a 'cyber bully' to celebs?
Is 'the newspaper' a 'paper bully' to events?
Am I a cyber bully 2 myspacers worth blogging about?
Are rich tweens cyber bullies 2 poor/coloured/fat tweens?
Is hotornot.com a cyberbully 2 ugly ppl?

Just trying 2 'get my head around' cyberbullying. What does it mean 2 u?

I just want
people to like me
both
in real life
& on the internet

If ur ever feeling 'alone' or 'bullied' on the internet, come to HRO as a safe haven, yall. We 'accept' every1. Kinda like an interracial church.