I am not sure how to feel about this video. Sorta is like some sort of time machine, or a vessel to the past. You watch it and remember ‘how the electro blog scene used to be.’ U sorta want to move to L.A. and try to become internet friends with altCelebs. I think this song is like from 4 years ago. From what I understand, Uffie’s appeal was to be some sort of ‘lolita’ type of figure since she was a [BARELY LEGAL] teen when she ‘first came on the scene.’ Now it seems like her brand is ‘cougar.’ Not sure if her product/brand will be able to ‘penetrate’ as deep as it once could have now that electro sorta died and ppl want ‘conceptual shit.’ Miss when Uffie used to ‘chill out’ with her nipples hanging out all the time.

I feel like even the market for female raunchy slutty crappy myspacey rap acts bubble ‘burst’ a while ago. I’m not sure if alternative girls still want to ‘be like that.’ I think they have new aspirations, and don’t want to hear skanky girls rapping about getting drunk and letting men put their erect peepees into them.

(This music might still be popular with Californian females.)

I am not sure how long the ’shelf life’ of an aesthetic/genre/band is supposed to last. Once you have a ‘fan’, will that fan buy something from you for the rest of his or her life? I wonder if a chillwave band will ‘release’ a video/single for one of their 2k9 songs in 2k13. Really ‘baffled’ that Ed Banger is ‘back on the scene.’ I think it is generally a ‘good thing’ for music websites to have a 6 month turnover on a genre, so that ‘we’ can appear to always be on the lookout for something totally new and different. I just wish more blogs and music site zines would be willing to ‘throw artists under the bus’ and ‘act like certain artists never existed.’ It’s okay to be ashamed of who u used to be. Distancing urself from bands that u used to like is ‘just part of growing up’ in the modern world.

Just because u were ‘relevant’ once doesn’t mean u earn the right to be relevant 4evr. I wonder if modern indie bands ‘want to last forever.’ It seems difficult, like the forces that helped u become a buzzworthy band would be the same forces that tore u apart/made the world 4get abt u.

Speaking of Ed Banger products, I also feel ‘very confused’ by this video for Justice’s remix of Lenny Kravitz. Sorta just ’skimmed’ through it and saw a lot of confusing parts and heard a lot of Justicey sounding music. Seems like a gimmicky conceptual music video that I ‘don’t really have time’ to try to watch in order to ‘get’ the concept. S0 many memes, not enough time.

Wonder if an older version of me would have thought this was ‘kewl’ and ‘blggbl.’ Or if I would have been proud that ‘bloghouse had finally made it.’

I wonder if ‘bloghouse’ and ‘bangers’ will come back after the chillwave era. Seems like we are still searching for ‘what is next’ for the winter months.

If there was some sort of alternative stock market, would u invest in bloghouse? Would u buy shares in Uffie/Ed Banger?
How much would AnCo stock be worth?
What would the ‘google’ of alternative stocks?
Would Am Appy stock be worth more in ‘the real stock market’ or ‘the alt stock market’?
Is now the time to buy stock in Horchata Core?

‘WTF is horchata?’

I was looking at pictures of hot alt tween chicks, and I noticed that this altbroad looked a lot like one of my favourite alternative celebrities. Can yall guess who she looks like?

Hints:

• She is famous 4 wearing top hats
• She sings the song “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked it, Yall.”
• She was in the hit reality show The Osbournes.
• It may or may not be “The Uffie.”
• She sings the song “Just Dance.”
• It might be Alice Glass as a blonde, but I’m not sure.
• She was on the show The Simple Life

WHO DO YALL THINK IT IS?

I remember back in 2k7/k8, Uffie would always ‘show off her nips‘ and it would be s000 bloggable. Kinda ashamed of who I was back then. I thought it was funnie that I kept blggng about her, even though she has only really made like 2.5 songs. It was a ‘funnie joke’ since she just kinda parties and pretends 2 be a musician. but now I actually hold my altcelebs and musicians accountable for progressive our art economy.

In 2k9, now that we are closer to bringing authentic art/artists to the mainstream, I will no longer honor memes like this. It’s time to ‘grow up’ and put Ed Banger behind us, yall. U have 2 realize that when u go to a Justice concert, u r perpetuating consumerist bullshit. It’s just the next trend that pokemones/mexicAlts are going to worship. (not sure if ppl already stopped following Ed Banger memes+artists in 2k5)

Yall need to worship that it is ‘okay to like music’ for any reason, but it is also ‘okay to resent music that u used 2 allegedly like and shun that era of ur life, completely invalidating who U were during that time.’

We need to grow up.
We need to come up with a global rubric for what constitutes ‘art.’
We need international blogging guidelines for ‘what memes are bloggable.’
We need viral containment standards.
We need to look in the mirror
and realize that we will not last forever (our lives’)
and do more to chill hard
without thinking about
why we like what we like
and follow what we follow.

(do yall know what female artists will be big in 2k9? Maybe that girl who wrote that song about how she’s not gonna write u a love song (u say I only hear what I want 2)?)
What should HRO be about in 2k9? what gimmicks can yall see emerging?

Yall, I was on my daily tween content hunt, and I stumbled across this girl who looks s00 much like one of my favourite alt celebs from 2k8. Kinda weird how those days of 2k7/k8 are long gone, and in about 2 months, I probably won’t even recognize this broad.

Hints:

• It’s a broad.
• She got pregnant 1 time, except it was just a lie started by a magazine blog ‘to get ad money.’
• She has bangs
• Sometimes her hair is brown. Sometimes it is blonde.
• She is known as ‘the Britney Spears of the electro world.’
• She is known as ‘the Alice Glass of bangers.’
• She luvz 2 show off her nipz.
• She left America as a tween to ‘find herself’ in Europe.

Who do yall think it is?

The person who correctly identifies the lookalike will win dinner for 2 at Chili’s, a twitter account, and the opportunity to star in a music video by a bloghouse band that will be uploaded 2 vimeo.

(gonna miss 2k8)
/// The Year
/// The Neon Died

FASCINATING/BEAUTIFUL PERSONAL BRANDS
BLOG BITCHES: UFFIE & ALICE GLASS

Dear Uffie and Alice,
Yall were really good 2 me this year. Not sure if I found yall talented, and not even sure if yall have albums from 2k8, but I just posted a lot abt yall. Sorry if yall feel ‘objectified’ or like I gave yall non-traditional coverage that entry level blggrs + fggt alt news sources give yall, but please appreciate me for giving u ‘coverage.’ Didn’t mean to demean your ‘art’/'vision’ or whatever u wanna call it. Not gonna apologize for ‘crossing the line’ cuz I don’t think I did, but I hope yall are able to ’stay sexie’ in 2k9. This might require releasing a book where you post pictures of yalls selves’ having sex with men, kind of like Madonna. Or maybe you can ‘go krazie’ like the Britney Spears band. Not gonna tell yall how 2 manage your careers, but just sayin…
Most importantly, don’t let yalls alternative fame and sex appeal go 2 yalls heads. Don’t 4get ur past, and don’t turn into the ppl u h8. Sorry if I sound like yalls ‘resentful dads’ who don’t understand ur careers because u don’t have medical/dental/vision coverage, but do what u can 2 take care of urself. We don’t even know if MP3s will still be legal in 2k9, so just take care of yalls selves.
Proud of yall for having a stronger personal brand than Ladyhawke/Lady Gaga/Little Boots/Lovefoxxx/etc. (U never know what could happen in 2k9, though).

Your blggr,
Carles

PS: “I still haven’t found what I’m looking 4.” -U2 about Uffie’s alt breasts

Pupu Platter of Links
Uffie Grabfest // Uffie Audrey Hepburn Makeover // Uffie Pregnancy Rumors Uffie Grandparent///// Alice Glass Upskirt grab //// Some AltBro + Alice Glass /// Uffie nips foto shoppe /// Uffie Juicy nips // Uff Ribcage /// Alice Glass leggings

WHO ELSE SHOULD BE ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL/INTERESTING PERSONAL BRANDS OF 2K8?
(besides ‘Barry Obama’)

Or these Daft Punk Dolls?

Or the Busy P + SoMe sneaker?

Don’t u h8 FRENCH PEOPLE BANTER in English?

Should I buy the Ed Banger ED PHONES?

Should I buy this FEADZ Mighty Kids Meal // Happy Meal?

Or should I get the Uffie McFlurry maker?

Or should I just ‘cum’ with an an androgynous McDonalds character? <3 Grimace <3

[Photo by GVB at Grimace's DJ Set @ Pitchfork Music Festival (2015)]

Or should I be Justice in a Palestinian scarf for Halloween?

[Shoes via Sean Ahern Tumblr]
[FGGT Dolls by Daily Swarm]

Or should I just buy a pack of Sharpies and huff them until my brain starts leaking out of my nose?

What are yall gonna buy?

It’s difficult for any male to resist the temptation of ’sticking a finger or two’ up some one’s ‘_____.’ This is why there are s0 many bros with ’shit eating grins’ in the kute pic of Uffie above. If u were a girl, would u crowd surf?

[Photo by The Cobrasnake]

Previous memorable crowd surfing moments on HRO
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/crowd-surf-gang-bang.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/alice-glass-upskirt-grab.html

BUT SRSLY…
is there a point when crowd surfing is no longer authentic? Or is the act of ‘crowd surfing’ something that marketing firms invented to add ‘meaningful emotional value’ to your live show?

My name is Stephen. Not my birthname, but my Americanized stage name. This is my story.

Life in the electroPrisonCamp was difficult. We were given one meal a day, which consisted of a SXSWSTRN eggroll and an 8 oz mini can of Bud Light. We were tortured every day. They forced us to give up secrets, particularly about the technology we used to make bangers, and what popular beat matching software existed in our part of the world. They also demanded to know how we ‘learned how to make filters that sounded eggzackly like Daft Punk’s.’

We quickly learned that the Australian ElectroJihaadists were planning a terrorist attack on a weekly party in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There was no way of letting them know that the worst was yet to come [via hiptop/sent from my iPhone/sent from my AT&T wireless device]. They confiscated our mobile devices and laptops, which were sent to labs to extract data from.

I’ll never forget the my best friends in Prison. There was a set of masked DJs and an electroDiva who was prone to nipslips. We did our best to make it from day to day, being held in underwater cages. We were even forced to play Russian roulette against one another. One time one of them died. Was kinda sad, but was kinda happy that it wasn’t me.

N e ways, years after the War ended, we were released from the Prison Camp. The people who ran the prison camp were actually not affiliated with the Australian ElectroForces, and just kept their prison camp alive to maintain some form of ‘control’ over their lives’ and others. Kinda sad, but what any trivial ElectroProducer would probably do.

Now we are left 2 find out who we are in a p0st-electroWar world. I am a veteran now. I question the whole direction of my life, and wonder how the horrors of war have changed my outlook on life. I will make a movie about adjusting to post-ElectroWar Life starring Tom Cruise as me.

(I am also in a wheel chair and will grow a CrazyDisgruntledVeteranBeard and become an anti-Electro Music Activist).

[Prison photo by The Prison Photo Snake]

XX BONUS PICTURE XX
Here is how the photo will look after it is run through an aging filter to make it look more authentic/’representative of pain & suffering that is associated with old photos from War.’

All we ever wanted was 4 her to re-capture the magic of when bloghaus was still young, and a larger percentage of people considered Ed Banger 2 be an authentic lifestyle brand (b4 the entry-level alts ‘discovered’ bangers).

Is Uffie back, yall?  If you were a personal branding consultant, what sort of strategy session/intervention would u have with Uffie?  Is Uffie another example of a child star going through a rough time as she ‘becomes a woman’ bc she didn’t have an ‘ordinary childhood’ and ‘is in the public eye’ even though she ‘does the same stuff other girls her age are doing’?

********
BUT SRSLY. Should I dress up as Justice for Halloween and carry around an Uffie blowup doll by her neck? (Realistic props make costumes more authentic.)

[Photos by the cobrasnake]

Does this trailer for “A Cross the Universe” make u want 2 b Justice more or less?

Hopefully this DVD comes with the altTitties featured in the trailer/has atleast 30-to-1 ratio of TIT SCENES to ‘meaningful driving scenes.’

Yall, I don’t even remember what Uffie sounds like. 2k7 basically never happened, yall. :-( Kinda sad, but maybe kinda a blessing in disguise.

Does the new Uffie look like Audrey Hepburn?

Is it authentic for entry level alt girls to ‘idolize’ Audrey Hepburn? Would that be kind of like a kid who was born today idolizing Jessica Alba in 18 years? Never seen Hepburn in a movie since I only watch mockumentaries, so maybe I ‘don’t get it’, but is Audrey Hepburn the female version of CheGuevara/Bob Marley in terms of cliched poster sales on college campuses?

Should I buy this Bob Marley poster since I am a mainstreamBro who has successfully integrated ‘I SMOKE POT, YALL’ into my personal brand?