Yall. Feel worried/concerned abt what is happening in this photograph.

Do yall know what is happening in this pic?
a) some sort of alternative sacrificial human ceremony (if u kill 2 altbros, u will be rewarded with 1 buzzband (2.5 solid mp3s)
b) an episode of Real World-Road Rules ‘the Duel’ being filmed
c) filming of ‘Where the Wild Bros Are‘
d) Some sort of zany new gimmick at a music festival
e) a ‘circle jerk’
f) watching prostitutes have sex, kinda like at the end of ‘Requiem for a Dream’
g) filming a zany indie music video
h) a bro lost his wayfarers / klondike bar
i) a Dan Deacon concert ‘bein all zany’
j) something involving the outdated video meme ‘the hipster olympics’
k) ‘tryouts’ for a homosexual adult film startup
l) a zany challenge on the popular television show ‘Man Vs. Food’
m) people trying 2 win tickets to the GrizzBear+Anco vh1 ‘duets’ performance from a local radio station
n) overwhelmed + confused by this picture
o) nvr going 2 an indie concert again
p) pix from the latest HRO reader meetup in suburbia
q) the ‘initiation’ of a member into a ’street gang’
r) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Feeling very concerned about the health and well-being of the ppl in this picture.
Do yall know what is happening in that pic? Would srsly appreciate it if some1 explained.

Recommended Related HRO Post
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/save-america-end-obesity.html

Boxed wine, usually the brand FRANZIA, means a lot of different things 2 a lot of different people. To a lonely, abused wife in Ohio, it might be her only escape to the high class world of France (an escape from the bruises her husband gives her). To a French person, it might ‘taste like urine.’ To a group of tweens, it might be ‘the only way 2 get drunk’ [via aloof parents' refrigerator]. To a group of alts, it might be a cost effective way to get tons of bros hammered while chilling all day in a park. Seems like a universal drink, sorta like ‘Coca Cola.’

I don’t rlly know that much abt wine. U could probably give me some kool aid mixed with beer, and I would probably think it was wine. Not sure why it is good/what makes it good (I have never seen Sideways). It seems like Franzia is a meaningful brand, like every1 know what it is…sorta like the Bud Light/Miller Lite of wines. Might try it.

Might sit around and play ‘UNO’ with all of my bros in a public space under the natural lite of the sun. The area will not have wifi, so no1 will bring a lappy, but some1 might bring an iPod + speaker dock.

Might pretend I am a popular bloghouse DJ who pours Franzia into fans’ moufs.

Might make a joke that my ‘cock’ has morphed into the spout of a Franzia box. Might make a joke about homosexuality.

Might morph into a bro who is in college, looking to get attention at a party, and build a Franzia Box costume, and put a ‘glory hole’ in my costume.

What does Franzia mean to yall? Do yall think it is tasty? Ironic? Fun? Cost-effective? Better than Sparks? Better than beer? Pussy water?
Do yall ever have picnics in public parks where u r the only alt people around, and all of the mainstream families look at you like you are ‘a group of aliens’?
What’s ur fave way to get ‘drunk’/'fucked up’?
What does ‘Grey Goose Blood Vodka’ taste like? Seems hi class. Have only seen AltCelebs drinking it.

Is Franzia ‘the next big alt beverage’? [via sparks/PBR/miscellaneous music event alcohol sponsor]

I feel like I can identify with box wine bc it challenges existing design norms [via bottles].
Have heard that drinking Franzia is ‘basically like a homeless man drinking rubbing alcohol’ to get fucked up. Trying 2 get an internship as a sommelier after watching Top Chef.

What would u do if ur bro started 2 chill around town bare naked, except for a kute lil shuttershades necklace?
a) have an ‘intervention’ with him about his personal branding choices
b) take him on an am Appy shopping spree
c) take him to JC Penny’s so he can buy a chill bro blazer
d) encourage him to ‘become a mainstreamer’ so he can wear cargo shorts, Hollister shirts, Old Navy flag tees, etc.
e) distance yourself from ‘bro status’ with him
f) ‘roll with him’ so that u can get attention by ‘knowing him.’
g) craft a pair of shuttershades for ur peen head
h) tell him about a kewl new band called ‘the jousteeces.’
i) travel with him to the woods, listen to the Grizzly Animal Bear Collective, and spend a nite talking about existentialism/societal norms
j) Try to make a viral vid with him while he walks down a busy street naked in Paris, France.
k) become ‘bi’/'homosexual’
l) try to compare ‘cock sizes’
m) start a blog with pix of him and hope u ‘go viral’/'get a book deal’
n) get a job at McDonalds to get u more ‘in touch’ with ‘real ppl’
o) ‘murder’ him
p) Go up behind him, and yell ‘YALL GOT RUNOFF’D, mother effers!’
q) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Feel embarrassed about my current situation. Like my bro is ‘losing his f*cking mind.’ Think it might be part of ‘growing older’ or something, and wanting 2 stay young forever [via Peter Pan {subVia Michael Jacksons}]. Think he is trying to be innovative or something. Feel bad if his lil necklaces represent a minimemorial 4 a ‘fallen altbro’ or something.

Sorta miss the days when shuttershades were still ‘relevant’ and ‘only kewl people’ were wearing them. h8 tween proliferation.

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/shutter-shades

I might select an iconic staple from my youth, and try to utilize it in a way that helps me reconnect with my past. Probs gonna do this with the popular network of characters spawned by Nintendo’s classic game Super Mario Bros. Those bros have been there with me through everything. Sorta think that Super Mario Kart is pretty chill.

It would be chill to chil with Toad again / get a tugjob from Princess Toadstool.

Photos via VillageVoice

Might find a ghey version of Donkey/Diddy Kong who is some sort of sexie cage/gogo dancer.

Probs gonna chill with Wario or something.

Thinking about chilling down a pipe and never returning, ending up in some chill ass world where I can run free, jumping and collecting coins.

Miss the days when I could ‘escape’ and just play a video game. Can’t believe I am ‘grown up’ now and people are doing ‘fun shit’ like having Mario Partiez. Feels ‘not very real.’ I want 2 curl up in a ball and pretend that I am a child again. I am scared of life. I am scared of my retirement plan/real problems.

What type of ‘ironic’ vintage party would yall have 2 connect with ur past?

Yall. I know that most people who seem ‘arab’/'islam’/'muslim’/whatever generalized term for people from the Middle East-ish/India/Pakistan/Afghanny are NOT terrorists. But srsly…do yall feel like as Americans, u sort of ‘fear’ people who seem a lil bit too ethnic. Would u ever party with a bro who u racially profiled, or do u just try to party with people who are your colour + 1 blipster + 1 azn + 1 half-mexi? Do u think that ‘white people’ just manage to fit in the most?

Wonder if partying with ‘the enemy’ would land me in Guantanamo Bay [via Shawkshank/Harold and Kumar].

Wonder why I feel so obsessed with racial issues. I feel excessively paranoid, like I might be ‘racist’ deep down, and there is nothing I can do to ‘unteach’ myself.

Have u ever been boarding a flight, and u look around for the ‘bro who seems like the most likely to light his shoe-bomb on fire and take the plane down’? Feel like it is usually some sort of Arab person, or a bro who is dressed like he is from the Middle East, or a very suspicious normal looking bro who is probably some sort of medical student. I feel weird when they see u looking at them, and they are like ‘fuck u bro. I’m not a terrorist. My family is richer than urs and I have a better education than u.’ It makes me feel hella guilty.

Yall. is there something wrong with me? Or am I just ‘a stupid american’ who went 2 public school? Feel worried that I am not ‘globally aware’ enough even though I studied abroad in Europe/Boston.
Srsly though… would u partie with a terrorist? What would u do? Which terrorist would u partie with? Is George W. Bush still a terrorist, or is he a chill bro now?

Yall. Feeling confused. Not exactly sure what that white powder is in this picture. I have a key that I keep in my backpack to unlock the door with after school, but have never applied some sort of powder to it.

What is happening in that picture?
a) doing a key bump of coke
b) partying
c) getting ‘retarded’
d) bad life decisions
e) using ur student loan/scholarship on drugs
f) trying 2 take ur partying existence 2 the next level.
g) having a lock that will only open with some sort of magic powder
h) something about ‘weed’
i) party in the Midwest where people are addicted 2 meth
j) backstage in an altCeleb dressing room
k) battling depression with crushed up lexapro/xanny
l) worried about the underground economy/Obama’s broken promises abt not legalizing drugs
m) terrorist mailing some1 anthrax
n) some1 committing suicide with white powder that kills u
o) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Have yall ever done cocaine?
What does it ‘feel like’?

Previous drug coverage
[acid][marijuana][poppers][blow off iphone]

1 of life’s greatest mysteries is why AZN people ‘get red in the face’ after they ‘get sloshed.’ I don’t understand why that happens after they ‘get melvined.’ I don’t think that this bro is ‘hammered’, I think he just used fake tanner, but I’m just trying to make the point that AZNs get red after they ‘get johnsoned.’ Just feel like ‘getting justiced’ tonight.

I feel like it’s already enough 2 be disoriented after ur ‘fucking gone’, but it must be weird to also be red-faced after ur ‘chrisfarleyed.’ Feel ghey when people talk about ‘getting crunk’ or ‘getting retarded.’ Wish they called it something like ‘getting bellig(erent)’ or ‘getting fucked.’

Does n e 1 know a good/modern term for ‘getting drunk’?
Might start just substituting in the name of my fave alt celeb/ironic celeb. Like ‘I got really AliceGlassed’ or maybe ‘I got really TomHanksed.’

‘I got fucking pitchforked last nite, yall’ or maybe ‘I came last nite.’
What r u doing 2nite?
Does some1 have a scientific explanation for AZNs getting red in the face? Feel like it might be some sort of ‘natural selection’ type of thing.

I feel sad to be single and alone without knowing what girls <3 about men. Do they want money? Status? Looks? Do they want some1 to tell them that they are special? That they love them? That they want to be with them forever? That u want to do more than just ‘fuck’ them [via making love]? I feel jealous of this bro.

I just want to find out what it takes to be a charismatic bro, dedicated to his art and transcendent of society’s rigid norms, like ‘wearing clothes’, ‘being healthy’ and ‘covering up ur peen.’ I sort of want to be free, and have some1 <3 me 4 me. I just want to be confident with who I am. I just want to chill, be myself, and not worry about anything. I need to grow up and stop taking my anti-anxiety medication. I think I can be free.

Should I go on the popular TV show “America’s Biggest Loser”? s00 many inspirational stories. Wonder if they would help me start an electro band instead of ‘losing weight.’

Just want to be a bro
‘rocking out [via cock out]‘

I remember the time that Sparks died. It sort of made me think that ‘getting drunk’ would no longer be authentic/a good way to have fun. I don’t even really like ‘feeling fucked up from alcohol.’ I prefer the feeling of aligning my personal brand with an adult beverage. I think that’s why they advertise so much. Not sure if one beer tastes better than the other, and not even sure what makes a good beer.

Might watch the movie SidewaysBros to find out more about how to taste alcohol.

It’s kinda weird how all men kinda want the same thing. (even though I’m not sure abt the sexual preferences of the ppl in the pic).

Bros all want a broad who ‘puts out’, will ’shut up’ when told 2, and will get us a ‘cold beer’ after a long day at work. Also maybe ‘the opportunity 2 cum.’

Sometimes I ‘just want to chill out’ for not that much money, and forget about all of my problems. Does n e 1 have a good recommendation for a ‘chill out, but get pumped up’ type of substance that I can take on a regular basis?

Is n e 1 who reads this blog an alcoholic/deals with substance abuse?
How much ‘pot’ do u have to have in ur possession 2 get the death penalty?

Just wanna chill and feel kewl. Want 2 b free of inhibitions.

Previous pouring alcohol in people’s moufz
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/pouring-vodka-into-some-ones-mouth

I wonder what it’s like to be older, less connected to what is ‘culturally relevant’ in today’s alternative society, and be able to see women as ‘pieces of meat’ and only judging them ‘based on their bodies’ and ‘how likely they look 2 have sex with u. Wonder what it would be like to see clothing that is ‘obviously Am Appy’, but not really ‘get’ what Am Appy is all about and not be able to identify the brand. Wish I could only identify brands like Nike, Polo, Crombie, the lil Alligator, and Bananny Repubby.

Sort of just wish I could be an old bro, out of town on business. Accidentally stroll into the city’s alternative dive bar, and take part in a wild night filled with altQTs. Want to get ‘fucking hammered’ on ‘$1 well drinks’ and cheap beer. Want to ‘make passes’ at a lot of women, and not really care how creepy I look.

I wish I could reason to myself ‘She’s not that hot, and she’d probably go home with me’, even though she is considered ‘hella hot’ by alternative standards. I want to think that some1 young thinks that I am ‘hella hot’ because I make like $47K/year, and could theoretically ‘buy them anything they wanted’ for a few days.

Might cheat on my wife or something.

Just want to ‘have sex’ and ‘cum’ sometimes.
Makes me feel really human when I have these animalistic urges.
What do yall do when yall are ‘hornie’?

Do yall remember the ‘child predator‘ era of HRO? miss u