I have haven’t really listened to Heartsrevolution very extensively, but I think they are probably one of the most [highly documented] bands not named “JUSTICE” in party pics over the past 6 months. People who seem to know a lot about electronic music are pretty high on the remixes of their songs.

1. Which do u like more, hoodies, or masks?

Hearts Revolution might have given up the mask thing, or only used it for promo pix. However, Crystal Castles have somehow managed to transition from the ‘angsty, dark teenager’ hoodie aesthetic, over to the ‘we are in a touring electro-band’ aesthetic.

When will GAP make a hoodie ad-campaign and utilize Crystal Castles?
EDGE: CRYSTAL CASTLES

2. Who has better t-shirts/design visuals?
There’s no way Crystal Castles can win this category after coming under so much scrutiny for ’stealing’ the Chanel logo and their Madonna artwork.

The Choosing Your Own Adventure vision test t-shirt may or may not be one of the most memorable t-shirt metaphors of 2008.
EDGE: HEARTS REVOLUTION

3. Which female singer does a better job of applying eye makeup?

Alice from CC applies a heavy coat of black eyeliner, but the pink mask effect might put the HEARTSREV broad over the edge. Do yall think Alice was a Graveyard Girl in HS?

[image by SharkVsBear]
Edge: Hearts Revolution

4. Which band is more cryptic without being too annoying?
Do you know any one that actually knows the lyrics to Crystal Castles songs, and sings along while they drive their Volkswagon? I think it’s pretty interesting how CC managed to make songs that ’sound interesting’ enough to distract people from having lyrical expectations. It’s like they have three or four ‘distinct synths’ that they just stuck to using.
On the other hand, one of the most memorable lines of HEARTSREVOLUTION’s proudest song is
‘foxes and bunnes/fire and snow/we are all just lost/don’t which way to go.’ Maybe I’d like it more if it was 10x more distorted, and I couldn’t quite understand what they were saying.

HUGE EDGE: Crystal Castles

5. Which male member of the band does a better job of pretending to do something while playing live?

I’ve read on a lot of internet message board blog rumormills that Ethan from Crystal Castles is great at chilling on stage. The secret is that your body needs to crouch over your gear so that your body forms an angle that is smaller than 135 degrees. The closer to 90 degrees, the better.

Here’s the Heartsrevolution guy

I don’t really have an issue with people who ‘don’t play instruments live.’ We can’t all be as charming as Dan Deacon.
Edge: TOSS UP

6. Which band is more likely to have a song featuring Cory Kennedy?
Oh. HEARTSREVOLUTION already did that? Cory Kennedy can do everything!

HUGE EDGE: Heartsrevolush

7. Which is more likely to be driving an ice cream truck in 2 years after the implosion of the ‘blog house’ genre, and every one is into lofi and acoustic post-existential music?

Since Heartsrevolution is apparently more of a ‘lifestyle brand’ than a band, and they already have job experience driving ice cream trucks, we can assume that they have a head start on getting back into the truck again. However, Crystal Castles could always be the creepy van-with-no-windows that drives around your neighborhood selling only ice cream sandwiches and push pops.
SLIGHT EDGE: Hearts Revolution

8. Which 1 is better?
It’s tough to really say. Every1 prefers different stuff. We’re all different, so maybe we should just all unite, and have a good time, and be friends with every one. Let’s build a scene that’s all about positivity, and stuff like having fun and partying and stuff like that.
EDGE: It depends on what ur in2

[MP3s]
HEARTSREVOLUTION Prism Effect (feat. Cory Kennedy)
HEARTSREVOLUTION C.Y.O.A.
Crystal Castles Vs. Health Crimewave

Was “Crimewave” the first Health song that u ever heard?

Myspaces
http://www.myspace.com/crystalcastles
http://www.myspace.com/HEARTSREVOLUTION

Panda Bear is sort of like the Spice Girls back during their prime. It’s the kind of thing that every one listens to, and we all have a reason to justify why we enjoy it, even if we feel like a fag for knowing the lyrics to “Wannabe.” Whether you are a stoner who likes ‘trippy’ music, an aspiring lofi musician, or a musicphile who enjoys music that makes his life more meaningful, Panda Bear is a demographically transcendant artist.

So should I like El Guincho just because he sounds kind of like Panda Bear, and even uses the same sampler? What should I do to carve out an authentic niche in which I could authentically appreciate El Guincho without always thinking “I am only listen to this because it sounds like Panda Bear, except this is in Spanish.”

Here is an MP3 from each artist, if you are not already familiar with their sounds. Feel free to sample as you read through the head2head matchup of Panda Bear and El Guincho.

[MP3]
El Guincho Antillas
Panda Bear Comfy in Nautica

Panda Bear Vs. El Guincho: Head-to-Head Matchup

1. Who is more attractive?

El Guincho kind of just burst into America, and he kind of looks like a guy who recently discovered the simplicity of the American Apparel aesthetic. His foreign scruffiness might have you thinking that he’s a Brazilian, but he is actually from Spain.

Panda Bear is sort of like a clean cut boy. Luckily he is a concept music star, or else he might be the substitute teacher who had no control of his class. However, if you had to take one home to meet your mom, it would definitely be Panda Bear.

EDGE: Panda Bear

2. Which one is Dirtier?

El Guincho looks like a guy from ‘the wrong side of the tracks,’ even before it became cool and affordable to live there. Actually, maybe he did move there when it became cool.
Edge: El Guincho

3. Which one is crazier?
I think it’s easier for self-aware people to identify with many themes with Panda Bear’s music, which probably makes him pretty crazy. However, the thing that makes Panda Bear the craziest is this short film that he stars in called “Fecal Matters,” made before his rise to fame. You can see some early allusions to themes that would become prevalent in Animal Collective+Panda Bear songs when it comes to questioning concepts like ‘fitting in’ and ‘normalcy.’

This is actually one of the best short/art films that I’ve ever been exposed to.
Huge Edge: Panda Bear

4. Which one has crappier music videos?
El Guincho’s “Kalise”

Panda Bear’s “Comfy in Nautica”

Both videos are pretty terrible. They were probably put together by a friend of each artist who smokes too much weed, and has aspirations of being a filmmaker.
Edge: EVEN

5. Which probably has a more enjoyable live shows?
Check out this video of El Guincho live. It seems like he has the opportunity to brand his live experience as GirlTalk+PandaBear=ElGuincho. There are a lot of people on-stage dancing passionately to his music. On the other hand, Panda Bear live seems like it might be one of those concerts that you can’t really enjoy because there are way too many douchebags in the crowd. And you’re not 16 any more, so ‘being in the front’ of the show isn’t your highest priority any more. (Panda Bear live video here.)
Edge: EVEN

6. Which has more forced-fans?
El Guincho is relatively new, I sort of roll my eyes when people [HIGHLY REC] him to me. I have slowly come to terms with people I hate putting Panda Bear in their profile interests. Even though you’re probably tired of people saying that Panda Bear sounds sooo much like Brian Wilson, I think Animal Collective Superfans are usually pretty easy to tune out. People who rave about El Guincho are more than likely people who are intent on being heard.
Slight Edge: El Guincho

7. Which has done more drugs/Is Obsessed with Youth?
“Person Pitch” Cover Art = Best Self-Aware Photoshop Aesthetic of all time?

Edge: Panda Bear

8. Who is more likely to be in a supergroup with a song in a Crayola commercial?

Can we undervalue the power of Animal Collective? Do you like Geologist more than you like El Guincho?
Advantage: Panda Bear

9. Who is better to namedrop in conversation?
If you hang out in a group of alternative bros who enjoy liking new things in packs, I’d say El Guincho is a safe pick, particularly if you spent most of 2007 listening to “Person Pitch” and “Strawberry Jam.” However, if you are trying to inspire a mainstreamer to feel genuinely alternative by appreciating music that “doesn’t sound like anything he or she has ever heard before,” then Panda Bear is for you. Panda Bear is definitely 100x more worthy of being included on your ‘desert island’ iPod playlist.

Edge: It Depends

10. Which 1 is better?
I guess it just depends on what u value… every1’s different, yall.
Edge: Only God Has Answers to Important Questions

So what do you think? Are these two artists worth comparing?
Did this analysis get us anywhere?
Which 1 is better? Which 1 is more meaningful?
Are comparisons fair in any context?
If we don’t compare similar products, how can we find truth?
What is art, n e ways?

While we may not be able to agree on which artists we like more, we can all agree that both are great for sales of the SP-404 sampler.

Myspaces
http://www.myspace.com/elguincho
www.myspace.com/rippityrippity

XX BONUS PANDA BEAR SHORT FILM XX

[HIGHLY RECCD 400 Blows Ending]

I know every one always wants new music, because ‘that’s the point of a music blog’ apparently, but I want to make an effort to re-open conversations about bands after their initial BUZZ ends and the audience auto-approval mechanisms terminate. Isn’t it weird how blogs can sometimes be more sustainable than startup bands, because it’s just a process of blurbing about something once, then never mentioning them again?

So I’m trying to look for ways to write more about music that I enjoy beyond the usual “DL this HOT TRACK” blurb, and an excuse to re-blog about bands+songs that I [HIGHLY or MODERATELY REC]. Or maybe I’m just trying to bait more angry comments about misinformation.

**********************************
So now that every one knows about GLASS CANDY and CHROMATICS, I guess we can finally tackle the question: WHICH 1 IS BETTER? WHO DO YALL LIKE MORE? WHICH 1 REPRESENTS U MORE?

Sure, you like both GlassCandy & Chromatics a lot, because you are an interesting person who reads music blogs and alternative magazines, but which one of these bands do you like more? It’s an important question that you should spend some time debating.

Hey look, it’s Johnny Jewel, the guy who produces both of these acts. He’s a disco genius, right? When is that guy going to produce for Madonna?

Before you start to compare their tracks, you should confront the question of which female lead singer is the KUTEST?

The girl from CHROMATICS

or the girl from GLASS CANDY (Ida No)

Which one would you rather be in a long term relationship with? While I enjoy vulnerable, dark nights with Chromatics, sometimes I want the heavy, fun sounds of Glass Candy. I wonder which one represents the REAL ‘me’ the most… If I had to drop one of these bands off a cliff, I’m just not sure which one it would be.

This might be a personal question: Did you feel like you couldn’t like Glass Candy as much when you found out they were going to be opening for Architecture in Helsinki? I mean, you know how those Arch in Helsinki fans can be…

When it comes to arpeggios, which we must use to evaluate the strength of every band, I’d say Glass Candy’s “Etheric Device” is probably the best ’song based around a super intense arpeggio’ in the past decade. However, the guitar arpeggio in the Chromatics’ “I’m On Fire” is pretty refreshing after listening to too many electro-arpeggios.

WHICH 1 IS BETTER?
IF U HAD 2 SHOVE 1 OFF A CLIFF, WHICH 1 WOULD IT BE?
IF U HAD 2 DATE 1 FOR 4 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE, WHICH 1 WOULD IT BE, & WHY WOULD U BREAK UP?

[MP3s]
CHROMATICS I’m On Fire [Get Vulnerable With This Song]
GLASS CANDY Etheric Device [BEST ARPEGGIOS OF THE PAST DECADE]

Myspaces
www.myspace.com/glasscandy
www.myspace.com/chromaticsmusics