HIPSTER RUNOFF

Out of nowhere, Zooey Deschanel tweeted BREAKING indie news out of nowhere. She has a sister! We cannot confirm why Zooey didn't u tell us sooner. Was she hidden in a basement or something? Was Emily the 'bad kid' who got sent away 2 reform school / tween rehab? All we know is that we can celebrate the creation of a new Deschanel. We can only hope that Emma (EmEm) soon launches an indie music, film, content farm, and lifestyle branding career.

Emily BB! U look banging! When r u gonna launch an indie film career, following in the tread of the path that ur little sister ZoZo has carved?

It's gotta be hard for Emily Deschanel 2 know that her little sister is WAY more successful & rich than her, but do u think that Emily is 'prettier' / BANGIN-er than ZoZo? There's prob ALWAYS been a lot of competish between them, which is why Zooey has alternawhimsical taste.

Emily Deschanel is apparently on some TV Show called "Bones." I am not sure if that is a pornographic film, indicating that she has fallen upon hard times while Zooey's network TV superstardom has her 'makin mad bank'.

R u on #TeamEmma or #TeamZoZo Deschanny?
Where did this sister come from?
Do u have any brothers or sisters that u've never heard of?
Did ur parents hide any of ur bros or sisses bc they were 'a disappointment'?
Do u wish u had the Deschanel bloodline?

Emily Deschanel

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Emily Deschanel is sisters with famous indie Renaissance woman Zooey Deschanel.

Lists: bangs, sisters

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Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Zooey Deschanel recently broke off her marriage with Ben Gibbard, which means she is searching for ways to make him jealous by anonymously sending him her own press clippings. Seems as if she has the 'ultimate EFF YOU' now that she has been named the MOST DESIRABLE WOMAN on an entire island of the United Kingdom township. U have to give ZoZo MAD PROPS for scheduling her meteoric rise to mainstream fame to peak right after she dumped 'the old ball and chain.'

It seems like this is probably the 'biggest moment in her career', except for when she wins an Oscar/Grammy in _ years.

'U've got it all ZooeyBB!' -some magazine for lamestreamers

WHY IS ZOOEY DESCHANEL NO. 1?
Just recently, Zooey celebrated her 32nd birthday by proudly tweeting a picture of a letter she’d received from Barack and Michelle Obama offering their best wishes and thanks for her dedication to supporting young American women. Now, topping our hallowed Top 99 is a very different accolade to personal correspondence with the President, but a momentous one nevertheless (we may be slightly bias).
The living, breathing, all-singing, all-dancing incarnation of that cool, quirky girl at school you were obsessed with, Zooey’s currently friday night TV’s guilty pleasure. In New Girl, Zooey plays the photo negative of her indie boy favourite in (500) Days of Summer, an impossibly cheery, unselfconscious, loser in love. Who sings an awful lot (no surprise considering Zooey’s extra-curricular activities in Grammy winning alt-country duo She & Him).
Despite fears New Girl could be aimed squarely at your other half, it’s impossible not to fall for our Zooey. As proved by your voting.
A beautiful, intelligent, multi-talented and (Obama-endorsed) genuinely nice person, we’re thrilled to endorse Zooey as British males’ choice as World’s Most Desirable Woman.

Is Ben gonna be 'pissed'?
Do u think Ben is still pissed at ZoZo bc she sexted with BroBama?
if ur from the UK, r u #hornie4ZoZo?
Is ZoZo 'going international'?
Do ppl from the UK understand whimsy-core US sex icons?
Does this just prove that the UK is always abt 5-10 years late 2 any trend, including 'thinking Zooey Deschanel is indie hot'?
Is she THE SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Zooey Deschanel is a recently-single indie superstar, and EVERYONE is trying to get their hands on her now that she is no longer married 2 Ben Gibbard. But guess who she was recently spotted SEXTING with pvia snail mail]? PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA! It seems like even the President has gone GA-GA for #ZO_ZO. With those AMAZING bangs, blue eyes, indie frog voice, and a new hit TV show on fox, u HAVE To think that Barry is tired of his wife, and looking to move on to some1 younger, fresher, and with a BANGIN indie body!

Is ZoZo on UR radar now that she is single?

"New Girl" star Zooey Deschanel is apparently on President Obama's radar. The actress/singer received a letter from the president for her 32nd birthday on Tuesday wishing her "good health and happiness in the year ahead."

Deschanel's blog that she started with her two friends, "Hellogiggles," tweeted out a picture of the birthday message.

Good 4 u, Barry! U work hard, bb! Good job an Osama!

The truth is, it doesn't matter WHO ZoZo ends up with next, we just want her to be happie. Let's hope that soon, she is canoodling in the White House after this STEAMY #SEXY from President Obama!

Artist's rendering of Zooey Deschanel and President Obama on their first date

Will ZoZo and Barry end up together?
Will she be a Jackie-O level first lady?
Is this the PERFECT guy 4 her after Ben?
Do u think Ben will end up voting for a Republican if they end up d8ing?
Do u think Zooey Deschanel is ultimately too obsessed with Middle American Red State appeal to ever publicly endorse a Presidential candidate in the heat of an election?
Will we ever see an Obama + ZoZo canoodling pic any time soon?
R u excited abt the new Zoobama era? [via relationship name mashups]

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Zooey...
How much is 2 much?
4 the sake
of whimsical fashion?

Is this really ur personal brand?
Hollowing out bunnies
and vibing to them
as purses?

Stuffing them full
of ur cosmetics
U and ur goddamned bunny bag

O, BunnyBro

I hope u set urself free one day
Hopping away
2 freedom
It doesn't have 2 be this way
U can make it on ur own, Rabbit_bro

Hop
Hop
Hippity Hop away
Even though u are weighed down by iPads, Kindle Fires, and Android Tablets

I believe that u can 1 day fill urself
with what truly represents u
and not what represents the star of
#NEWGIRL ON #FOX

Bless u, Sweet BunnyBag
May u set ur rabbit self free 1 day
U r more than just a bag
And u deserve to be happy...

Will PETA intervene on this Bunny Bag?
Do u think Zooey Deschanel hollowed it out herself?
R u worried abt BunnyBro?
Can BunnyBro launch a spinoff band/brand/tv show?
Is ZoZo the most fashionable BB in the entire world?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

Zooey BB! U look AMAZING on the Red Carpet of the 2012 Golden Globes! This is truly ur year! U released a hit Xmas album, star in a hit show "NEW GAL" on FOX, and u even set urself free from ur emotional BF. I mean, I know it can be hard 2 babysit some1 else's feelings all the time. I am happy that u set urself free.

You have to assume that this year's Golden Globes were an absolute delight without Ben Gibbard. ZoZo looks happy that she doesn't have to have an argument with him about whether or not he is going because he wants to go, but she doesn't want him to go not because she doesn't love him but because he is just super needy, but then she has to invite him, but then he says NO because he wants her to beg for him to go, but then she is like "FINE NEITHER OF US ARE GOING" and he is like, "No, let's both go. Please. I love you." and she is all like "UGH WHATEVER LETS JUST GO UR RUINING MY LIFE." Super stressful.

I swear 2 effing God I can see thru this dress if I use the zoomy tool in Microsoft PhotoPaint! I am not sure if I see a nip or if she bought an expensive pair of full body shanks to make sure that she stayed skin-tone underneath. The truth is that she looks BANGIN and her blue eyes POP out of this dress like a skanky teen's high school year book photo with sexy kitten eyes.

Turn! Look here! Zooey!

That's the MONEY $HOT, bb!

Can u see thru this 'bad boy' Prada dress?
Or is it one of those fake see-thrus?
R u sad Ben isn't there with her?
Does she look BANGIN?
Will she ever release BANGIN BIKINI BOD photos?
Will ZoZo win a Golden Globe 4 something?
Does any1 know what Golden Globes even are 4? Are they like basketball awards or something?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Just this weekend, Zooey Deschanel tweeted this picture of another woman holding her. For the first time in what seems like forever, I feel like I'm looking at a picture of Zooey where she looks like she is at peace, comforted by the embrace of another human. I don't mean 2 fuel 'zooey deschanel lesbian rumors', but I rlly just want her 2 be happy. I don't believe in 'gender' or any sort of assigned sexuality [via societal standards]. I want Ben to be happy too... One day, Ben and Zooey will both find happiness, even if it is not together. Who is this mystery woman?

After doing some internet research, I learned that the woman is actually named Whitney Cummings. She stars on some NBC comedy sitcom called 'Whitney', which tells the tale of a white woman in a whimsical world. I guess it is basically NBC's version of 'New Girl', so it makes sense that ZoZo and WhiWhi understand one another perfectly. They are the same person, except just on different networks....

Do u think Ben is jeally?
Is she just having 'girl time', creating internet content to improve her profile?
What's the difference between bronoodling and canoodling?
Does ZoZo 'finally look happy'?
Would ZoZo ever 'go lez' to 'pull an Anne Heche' into the hearts of mainstreamers?
Should she d8 Ellen?
Have u ever watched 'New Girl' or 'Whitney'?
Does Whitney look like she has a 'bangin' Chelsea-Handler like body?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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We are witnessing the most controversial indie separation in the history of indie. After filing for divorce from Ben Gibbard, Zooey Deschanel's lawyer attached her income and expense declaration. According to legal experts, she is trying to keep Ben from taking too much of her money, and is probably attempting to defer earnings until the divorce is finalized so she 'doesnt' have to share shit with his broke ass.

Her statement of income might be a 'protective' measure, but she also might be 'bragging' to the indie and mainstream world to prove that she 'has it all', and has 'totally made it 2 the big time.

-- Zooey -- who stars in "New Girl" -- makes an average of $95,000 a month
-- Her expenses average $22,550 a month
-- She has 3 credit cards ... AmEx, Visa and Mastercard, all of which have a 0 balance.
-- She has $1,578,000 in the bank
-- Zooey has an additional $1,645,000 in stocks, bonds, etc.
-- Zooey has real and personal property valued at $693,300

As for what she spends a month, Zooey says she drops $1,000 on groceries and household supplies, $500 eating out (really?), $800 on utilities, $300 for her various phones and email accounts, $600 in laundry and cleaning, $2,000 for clothes.

She also donates $1,500 a month to charity.

Feeling s00 jeal of her 'mad bank.'

I wonder where her money from She & Him comes from. I wonder where her money from her crappy comedy show comes from... It seems like she truly has it all...

I wish I was saving for my future. :-(

I wish I could give 2 the poors and the coloreds on the regs...

I wish I didn't have massive credit card debts... :-(

It seems like EVERYTHING is COMING UP ZoZo!

Is ZoZo 'mad rich'?
Does she make 'way more bank' than Ben Gibbard?
Is Ben Gibbard 'going after her $$$$'?
Did he give her the stability to achieve success?
Which of Zooey Deschanel's financial stats is most impressive?
Do u ever think u will become a lucrative 'it girl'?
Is she 'no longer indie' bc she is s00oo0o rich?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

It was officially announced on December 27 that Zooey Deschanel 'officially filed for divorce' from Ben Gibbard. This basically means that she didn't want to ruin his Christmas or Thanksgiving by filing for divorce, even though they separated a while ago... now she is gonna 'go after half of what he earns.' Zooey Deschanel has been attempting to build a megalifestyle brand out of cotton products, so it is not surprising that she is gonna try to 'take him 2 the cleaners.' If they had a child, u would assume that she would also try to prevent Ben from seeing it. This is going to get messy, and we will likely have one of the biggest indie divorce disputes in the history of time. Let's hope their imaginary kids know that it isn't their fault...

While Golden Globe nominee Zooey Deschanel's career has hit a high note, her personal life is a bit more bittersweet.

The New Girl actress, 31, filed for divorce on Dec. 27 from Death Cab for Cutie front man Ben Gibbard, 35, according to court documents.

The papers list their date of separation as Oct. 31 – Halloween – and cite irreconcilable differences.

Must have been an extra spooky Halloween... I wonder if Ben Gibbard is raging hard at a bro pad, buying strippers, bangin bitches, and drinkin brew dogs. He deserves it. U have to assume that Deschanel has a 'high priced Hollywood lawyer' who will treat this like the OJ Simpson case and not rest until Zooey's black ass has been emancipated.

Recently, Ben Gibbard was profiled by some running magazine, but it is clear that he is still depressed. [link]

'Let's hope that both parties can be happy and just keep making great music. We love yall both!'
-some blogspot that wants to milk this dumb story for headlines but still pretend like they have a strong editorial voice that isn't 'above' abusing slam dunk stories for hits

Whose side r u on?
Is Zooey gonna leave Ben 'poor'?
Will Ben GIbbard have 2 do more touring?
Which 1 of them is richer?
Was there a prenup?
Will Ben 'get rich' off Zooey's TV show?
Do u feel sad abt this divorce?
Will Alex Frankel and Chloe Sevigny be indie's next hot couple? [link]
Do u think this means Ben gets 1/4 of sales of the crappy She & Him holiday album?
Should they televise their divorce proceedings live on Ustream/pitchfork.tv?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

Ben Gibbard

Alternative Celebrity

Ben Gibbard is the lead singer of the Death Cabs and the now defunct Postal Service. Zooey Deschanel married him to be more indie.

Lists: indie hunks, glasses, lost a lot of weight

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Zooey Deschanel & Joseph Gordin-Levitt were costars in some movie called 'I can't Get U Outta My Head, ZoZo--Ur Soo Unique and Pretty and I Fall Asleep Every Night Tugging OFf to the Image of Banging U for 500 Days' or something. It seems like they have 'rekindled the fire' on New Year's Ever to get their smooch on when 'the ball drops.' Their chemistry is undeniable, begging the question, "Was Zooey Deschanel cheating on Ben Gibbard this whole time?"

Ever since their divorce, every1 just wants 2 know why... Now it seems like ZoZo is out 'playin da field', but maybe she had been 'playin da field' for a long time. Ben's gone on the road. Then she goes on the road. Then she makes emotional connections with her on-screen lovers... As Radiohead would say, "2 + 2 = 5." It all just adds up...

Do u think they look happy together?
Does #JGL have the face of some1 who 'just had fulfilling sex'?
Is #JGL the poor poor man's Ryan Gosling/James Franco?
Do u feel Bad for Ben Gibbs?
Why did Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard breakup?
Do u think he is still in mourning?
Do u think ZoZo needs a 'more famous' BF than #JGL in order to advance her career to Natalie Portman levels so she can be nominated for an Oscar 4 losing weight?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

If you have a lamestream band, you play the Ellen show, which is why Zooey Deschanel took her backing band to play some really lame Xmas carol on her show. I have honestly seen better performance of the same song at the old folks home where we sent my grandma to die/be systematically murdered by inept care, but they had an annual talent show around Christmas and an old lady named Martha did just about as good as Zoeey. Maybe Ol' Martha could launch a buzzband and market herself as a crafty-wave whimsy artist. She was not keut and did not have bangs. She did have backup dancers that wore sillie Xmas dresses.

She & Him's lame Xmas album might be 'the best selling album in indie' this year. As usual Ellen looked 'effing hot' on TV. Sorta wonder why some lezbos think it is 'hot' to look like a 17 year old boy dressing like he is going to a high school dance to fingerbang chicks. I guess 2 fingerbang chicks. Makes sense now.

Does She & Him 'kill it'?
Does ZoZo need 2 'go solo' and stop splitting $$$ with M. Ward?
Is Ellen 'the hottest lezbo dude in the game'?
Do u miss Oprah?
Do u just wanna d.a.n.c.e. with Ellen?
Is She & Him's Christmas album 'the worst gimmick evr'?
Does this song sound like some1 is pooing on an Xmas tree then wiping their butt with stockings?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

She & Him

Buzzband

The Shims are Zooey Deschanel's buzzband. Even though they are terrible, they sell a lot of records.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie)

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Zooey Deschanel is the lead singer of She & Him, which basically means that she found a dude at a coffee shop/open mic night who could decently play guitar, and she sings with her frog-wave voice over the music and whimsy-ass girls are all like 'she's an indie icon!' Anyways, this is not a song from the Muppet Movie, instead it is a song off She & Him's mainstream Xmas album. Unfortunately, they 'had their asses handed to them' by Michael Buble, but the band did go on Leno.</embed>

U have to feel proud of ZoZo 4 going on Leno despite her recent divorce from Ben Gibbard. The holidays are always a tough time after a breakup. But if u have an xmas album 2 promote, u better put on a dorky Xmas dress, shake ur ass, trim ur bangs, and sing ur <3 out.

Does Zooey Deschanel 'have a good voice'? It seems like she has a bad/mediocre voice, but she is at that point where a bad singer 'has confidence' so she just keeps singing bc all her friends told her she is talented, but every1 who doesn't know her is like 'ugh. not really vibing' but then at the same time, they are like 'well...she seems keut and attainable, so i guess i'll watch so i can gaze into her blue eyes and wonder what she is like in bed.'

Does she look good?
R u gonna buy a plaid-wave Xmas dress? Not sure if it is 'cute', 'whimsical', or some sort of kinky Xmas fetish dress...

Does she sound good?
Should she replace M-Ward with an iPod/CD that just plays acoustic guitar so she doesn't have to share money with him?
Does she look strong or meek without the <3 of Ben Gibbard, or is she all like 'ugh. 1 less baby i have 2 worry abt'?
Can Zooey Deschanel survive in a Lana Del Rey world?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

She & Him

Buzzband

The Shims are Zooey Deschanel's buzzband. Even though they are terrible, they sell a lot of records.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie)

Read more>>>>

If there's one thing we know about Zooey Deschanel, it's that she's one of the worst singers on the planet. Some how, record label executives found a way to market her froggy voices to girls who only care that female singers look like fashion icons. She has a new show on FOX, which is also the home of the World Series. Because I am under the age of 40, I had to use wikipedia to find out what 'The World Series' was, and it apparently is a baseball game or something. Zooey went 2 sing the national anthem. Of course, she completely tanked, disgracing our great nation.

This is truly a dark day 4 America... It seems like Zooey made a 'complete mockery' of our great nation, even 'making fun of' patriotism by wearing a keut red dress.

She sounds even worse than Roseanne Barr's rendition of the same song.

Is Zooey Deschanel 'addicted 2 fame'?
Does she care abt our country, or just becoming famous and making mad $$$$?
Do u watch baseball?
Is baseball 'so lamestream' that it might be alt? or just b0ring?
Is baseball 'the James Blake of sports' [via being boring]?
Who is going 2 win the World Series?
Did she 'kill it' or 'tank'?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

Let's face it. Zooey Deschanel will do anything for money. Music. Movies. TV. Sponsored commercial jingles. Launching blogs. Launching perfumes. Shoe lines. Vintage dresses. Seasonal boxed chocolates. Massage chairs at Sharper Image. Exclusive flesh lights.

Obviously, her band She & Him are trying to get in on the Christmas market to have some 'killer' holiday album sales. The guy in her band clearly 'has no spine' OR he just likes making easy money off his indie maiden with bangs. Make some crappy songs, have her sing with her whimsical frog voice over it, then u make $$$. Probably actually his best career choice.

It's a shame that they still market themselves as a 'boy-girl' duo who are making 'totally legit' authentic songs. Zooey should just 'go solo', except that means hire a bunch of producers and she gets to keep more of the $$$ without having to split it with that dude.

If u asked me, she does NOT look sexi enough on this album cover. Plus that bro ruins the vibe, too. I wish she was wearing a sexi Santa bikini. Hopefully she takes on a role that requires 'full frontal' soon, because she will probably go into the cliched 'i want 2 be taken seriously as an actress' phase that results in misguided nudity.

R u gonna buy this Xmas album?
Do u think she looks good?
Should ZoZo go solo?
Are xmas albums gimmicky?
Is Zooey Deschanny 'obsessed' with $$$$$?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

She & Him

Buzzband

The Shims are Zooey Deschanel's buzzband. Even though they are terrible, they sell a lot of records.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie)

Read more>>>>

Zooey Deschanel is trying to become a mainstream human megrabrand. I don't even know if she really even knows who she is, or if she likes what she does, but her alleged identity is very marketable to the emerging generation of whimsical, internet addicted tweens, so she is just trying to 'bring home the bacon' because Death Cab for Cutie will be playing Chili CookOffs in the next 5 years, meaning Ben Gibbard won't be the 'man of the house.' Putting aside their inevitable divorce, it's safe to say that ZoZo has a BANGIN BOD [via 360 degree view].

The Emmys were on Fox, so ZoZo was showcased hard so that ppl will tune into her show "Da New Girl." I'm sure it isn't funny, but Zooey is very appealing to 'lamestreamers who want to think that they are alt bc they are watching some1 with bangs.'

Sorta wish she 'stood 4 women' and didn't subject herself to this objectified, sponsored camera experience. As a bro, I am happie that she showed off her bangin bod, but I wish her dress was 'more form fitting' so I could get a better vibe on her body as opposed 2 hiding behind poofy dressness like some Middle American Chili-waver going 2 prom.

Here she is canoodling on stage with Will Arnett. I think if she never did the fake music thing, she probably would have ended up with a B-rate actor.

Are yall into Will Arnett? Isn't his gimmick just playing his Arrested Development character over & over again? I feel bad 4 him 4 being married to Amy Poehler. He has to pretend she is 'funny and innovative' every day of the year. Shoulda just married Tina Fey instead of the C-rate Tina Fey.

Does ZoZo look good, bb?
Have u seen her new show?
Is she officially 'mainstream'? Should indie blogs stop pretending that she is 'indie'?
Does her bod look BANGIN?
Will she win an Emmy?
Has Zooey Deschanel 'spread herself so thin' attempting to acquire mainstream fame that she has lost her charm?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

Zooey Deschanel is considered 2 be a Renaissance Woman of Maltstream Stuff. She stars in indie movies, writes mediocre vintage pop songs, and even started her own female content farm that is purely '4 whimsical bitches by whimsical ass bitches.' Anyways, she recently showed up at some sort of premiere with those beautiful blue eyes of hers... but u can't help but wonder, is she using PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS to achieve her long eyelashes?

U can't help but wonder if she is some sort of brand ambassador for the popular eyelash growth drug Latisse.

It's so hard 2 be a woman these days. So much pressure to be beautiful, have a flat tummie, big breasts, a nice round and firm ass, shaven armpits, no sideburns, acne-less skin, perfectly sculpted/groomed pubic hair... Now girls have to worry "Are my eyelashes long enough?"

Shame on Zooey Deschanel and her baby doll eyelashes. We can't all be perfect.

Do u think ZoZo looks prettie?
Is is hard 2 be a woman?
R u eyelashes long enough/alt enough?
Have u ever used performance enhancing drugs 2 increase ur altness/prettiness?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

Zooey Deschanel is a Renaissance Woman/Jack of All Trades, bc she is just a creative spirit who wants to spread her whimsically keut brand 2 be as thin as possible or something. She has some zany new TV series coming out called "The New Girl", and she got nude in the trailer [link]. The show is on FOX, and the Teen Choice Awards are on Fox, so Fox probably made Zooey show up 2 present 'best dry humping tween sesh' or the 'keutest vampire wolf or witch' awards. Obviously, they are fake awards shows, but I guess Zooey is just part of the mainstream media machine, and has 2 play by their rules.

I wonder what Zooey's ultimate goal in life is? It seems like she is trying to be like some sort of 'white indie Oprah', where her outlook on the world becomes some sort of universal female zeitgeist/lifestyle. I sorta just wish she'd chill out and just be a QT blue eyes with bangs, staring into the camera and doing some saucy Am APpy style photo shoots.

But here she is. At the goddamned Tween Choice Awards. I'm sure every1 who saw her was just like 'where is Selena Gommy and JBeeBee?'
Does Zooey Deschanel look good?
Is she trying 2 hard 2 be mnstrm?
Why didn't she bring cool dad GIbbard along?
Can she conquer the tween scene?
Will her show on Fox 'crush it' or 'tank'?
Do u wish it was on HBO/Showtime so she'd get naked?
Say what u will abt Zooey... but I rlly <3 her krazie coke eyes...

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Zooey Deschanel's new show "NEW GIRL" got 'greenlighted' by FOX, so we get to see her 'attempt comedy acting.' I don't know if she really has any value, except for staring into the camera with blue eyes and 'looking indie' and having a froggy voice, so unless she strips nude and 'gets her fuck on' [via HBO/Showtime], I don't think this comedy is going to last. Seems to be trying to be a 'bro comedy.' It's always sunny in the office parks and rec Bronteourage.

Anyways, she 'kinda gets naked' in this trailer, offering her body to her ex-mate. Really wish she would get NUDE on camera. Really want to know 'what kind of nips' that she has.

U can't help but wonder... Do the curtains match the sheets?

Do the eyes match the ________? [via blue eyes]

Here is some interview where she says that her new show is 'the modern Mary Tyler Moore'
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Do u think Zooey Deschanel even really cares abt this show, or is she just hoping that it stays around long enough to get syndicated so that she can make $$$ forever?
I wonder if Ben Gibbard and Zooey Deschanel's impending breakup is going to be 'ordinary'

Does this show look 'funnie' or is it destined 2 fail?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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Zooey Deschanel used to be an insecure teen. However, she eventually evolved into a premium 'piece of indie a$$' and her personal brand has been effectively monetized via movies, music, and mid-market clothing brands. While you are likely to just get older, uglier, and fatter, Zooey Deschanel has won 'the genetic lottery'. So it is 'totes ironic' that she wrote this letter 2 Vogue when she was 17 years old, telling them how effed up they are for making girls feel like they have 2 be skinny.

Sometimes I strip naked look at myself in the mirror and think, "I wish I was Zooey."

Zooey Gibbard married her husband Ben when he was 'thick', so maybe she doesn't care abt hefty/skinny, or ugly/pretty. Or maybe 'hefty Ben Gibbard' is 'what she thinks she deserves.'

Is Zooey Deschanel 'full of shit'?
Has she 'always been pretty'?
Do u wish u got to make a 17 year old Zooey D 'feel like the only girl in the world'?
Did u ever write letters 2 magazines?
Is 'commenting on blogs' the modern equivalent of 'writing letters 2 magazines'?
I really miss her crazy coke eyes/extreme skininess

Is Zooey Deschanel ur alt thinspiration?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>

It seems like women are always trying to 'understand one another', understand their emotions, and learn how to be a productive member of society, overcoming their insecurities and doubts to contribute something to a relationship, a family, a husband, or a society. Apparently, Zooey Deschanel is 'launching' a new website 4 women called "Hello Giggles".

I think this is just what all 'famous women' who have tribes of authentic women who probably like to bake and craft in a high-end kind of way do. They launch blogs 2 try 2 cnnct with other women. Sorta like how Gwyneth Paltrow has GOOP, and Jay-Z launched some blog.

Do u trust 'famous ppl' 2 really 'get' ur needs? Do u trust them as 'authentic content farms'?

Founded by actress/musician ZOOEY DESCHANEL, producer SOPHIA ROSSI and blogger/web personality MOLLY MCALEER, HelloGiggles.com is the ultimate entertainment destination for smart, independent and creative females. Everything hosted on the site will be lady-friendly, so visitors need not worry about finding the standard Boys Club content that makes many entertainment sites unappealing to so many of us.

It seems like a solid opportunity 2 help women 2 connect with one another on the internet, and a great way to geotarget meaningful ads + create meaningful content for brands looking 2 reach a high-end niche of women.

Here is some 'content' that they churned out, something about being a mom. I'm not a woman, so this doesn't appeal to me, but some women might find this 'humanizing'.

Hello///Giggles///

Will this website be 'more authentic' than GOOP?
Are u a woman who has been searching 4 an authentic website that 'understands' u?
Is this a solid brand strategy for Zooey Deschanel, or will we look back at 'the era when every1 who was famous attempted 2 launch a lifestyle blog'?
Is Molls the #1 Molly on the internet?

Can Zooey Deschanel 'pull off' this website, or will she lose interest after she goes to film 'Black Swan 2: You Got Served'?
Do u hope she posts youtube vlog makeup tutorials, recipes for homemade LUNA Bars, and an infographic abt 'How to Deal with a Heavy Period"? [via authentic female needs]?

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

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I didn't see 'Your Highness' because I don't really watch lamestream bro stoner comedies, but it did a good job of marketing itself by casting Natalie Portman and 'the poor man's Natalie Portman' (Zooey Deschanel) as the 2 female stars of the film. I was looking at this picture of Zooey Deschanel in the movie, and her bosom looks 'massive', and 'full.' After seeing her two photoshop jobs on magazine covers, I am concerned. Concerned that Zooey Deschanel got 'mainstream breast implants.'

Do u think her breasts look 'fuller' or 'more siliconey'? Or is this just a simple 'push-up bra'?

in this still, her cleavage seems 'standard'...

We can only keep hoping and praying that Zooey Deschanel is still the 'natural indie beauty' that we fell in love with, and she hasn't been tempted by the Evils of Mainstream Hollywood...

At the end of the day, Benjamin Gibbard might be the only 1 with the answers 2 these important questions...

PREVIOUS ZOOEY DECHANEL BEAUTY SCANDALS

Case #1: Flaunt Magazine

Case #2: Mrs Potato Head Lip Gate

Was 'Your Highness' funnie or just a brostreamer dank comedy?
Is Danny McBride the #1 comedian in comedies?
Is James Franco's stock 'in the pooper' because of the Oscars?
Do u think it was difficult for Zooey 2 be in the same movie as Natalie Portman?
Will Zooey Deschanel ever win an Oscar?

Do Zooey Deschanel's perfect alternative breasts no longer exist? [via mnstrm implants]

Zooey Deschanel

Alternative Celebrity, Actor

Zooey Deschanel is an actress turned indie songstress in the mediocre buzzband She & Him.

Lists: QTs, mainstreamer, it girls, indie songstresses, bangs, actors in indie bands

Read more>>>>